CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
As the cab let Sebastian out on the sidewalk in front of Nicky’s building in Manhattan, Sebastian’s stomach flipped anxiously.
When he’d texted Nicky about coming to visit, Nicky had invited him to stay in his condo. Sebastian had sublet his place in New York to a lesbian couple before he moved to Boston and they’d take over the lease once it was up next fall.
So it was either Nicky’s place or a hotel.
Sebastian had agreed to stay with Nicky but now he was beginning to regret it. What if this conversation went badly? What if Nicky couldn’t forgive him for dating Luke?
But it wasn’t the thought of having to find a hotel that had his palms sweating as he briefly checked in with the concierge, then took an elevator up to Nicky’s floor.
It was the thought of losing his friend.
The one person other than Brie who had always been there for him.
Who had stood by him during the toughest times in his life.
By the time Nicky opened the door to the condo, a cold sweat trickled down Sebastian’s back.
“Hey!” Nicky said, reaching out to hug him, all smiles. “Great to see you! Come in.”
They spoke about Sebastian’s flight and his plans for the week as Nicky wheeled Sebastian’s suitcase in. He showed him to the guest room, then gave him a tour of his condo.
He’d moved recently, so Sebastian hadn’t been to the new place. He was surprised when he got to the open living area and the heavy curtains were all drawn, the room dimly lit.
Sebastian turned to look at Nicky. “Uhh, hey, are you okay?”
Nicky stared blankly at him. “What do you mean?”
Sebastian waved in the direction of the windows. “The room-darkening curtains? I thought you were done with that shit now that the migraines are under control.”
Nicky winced. “Sorry, habit.” He picked up a remote, hit a button, and they quietly whirred open.
“Oooh. Fancy,” Sebastian teased.
Nicky laughed. “I know, right? Came in handy when I could hardly stand upright from the pain though, that’s for damn sure.”
“I bet. You are feeling better now though, right?”
Nicky hesitated.
“Nic …” Sebastian warned, his stomach twisting uneasily. “It’s me you’re talking to. Don’t you dare to lie to me.”
Nicky sighed. “Come have a seat. You want anything to drink?”
Sebastian plopped onto the stylish sectional. “Coffee?”
The grimace on Nicky’s face told Sebastian everything he needed to know.
“Uhh shit. I don’t have any on hand. I had to cut it all out when I was trying to figure out the migraine triggers, and I didn’t even think about the fact that you’d want some.”
“No worries.”
“I could order one and have it delivered—”
“Oh my God, no. Absolutely not. Just give me some water.”
“I have herbal tea?”
“Eww, no,” Sebastian said with a laugh. “Just water. Please.”
When Nicky returned with two waters, he took a seat on the sectional near Sebastian. “So the truth is, the migraines aren’t one-hundred-percent under control. They’re better, but sometimes …”
Sebastian lifted an eyebrow at him. “Sometimes they’re still kicking your ass?”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“Are they impacting your playing again?”
“Not yet.” Nicky sighed. “Hopefully they won’t. It’s just … disheartening, you know? I’ve worked so damn hard to get back here and the thought of hockey being taken away again—”
Nicky’s swallow was audible.
“Hey, I get that,” Sebastian said. “It feels like such a fucking platitude to say that I hope you’re able to get this figured out but …”
“No, I get it. Thanks, man. I appreciate it.” Nicky shook his head, then pasted a smile on his face. “What about you? What’s new with you?”
Sebastian knew a deflection when he heard one, but he went along with it. For now.
“Uhh. Well, the Boston shop is starting to take off. I hired an in-house event planner that I’m really excited to work with.”
He and Krista had just nailed down the details and finalized her contract a couple of days ago.
“That’s not something you have in New York, is it?” Nicky asked.
“Not yet,” Sebastian admitted. “Once I see how it does in Boston, I may consider it though.”
“How’d you find the designer? I know you were having trouble with hiring for a while there.”
“Honestly, the whole thing kinda fell in my lap,” Sebastian hedged. “She’s a … mutual acquaintance.”
Nicky raised an eyebrow. “Why do I feel like there’s more to it than you’re letting on?”
“Because you know me too fucking well,” Sebastian said drily. “It’s … she’s the wife of one of the Harriers.”
Nicky made a face.
“Hey, she’s great,” Sebastian protested. “And her husband is too. Honestly, the whole team was fantastic with Harper.”
And they’d been nothing short of amazing to Brie. By the time Harper was released from the hospital, there were meals ready and an entire roster of people who could watch Harper or arrange play dates with their own kids, whenever Brie needed it.
There had also been talk of helping Brie fix up more of her place—though that would likely happen in the off-season.
“How’s she doing? Harper, I mean.”
“Overall? Good. She had to have surgery last week though, because she was rejecting her pacemaker. Brie was out with a friend that night and when I was babysitting, Harper collapsed. Scared me shitless.”
“I bet.”
“She’s recovering well though. She’s home and back to her usual self. It’s just hard on her and Brie, and …”
“On you?”
“Yeah, of course. It’s been scary. I don’t know how I would have made it through the whole thing without …”
“Without?” Nicky’s face lit up and he reached out and whacked Sebastian on the upper arm. “Oh shit, you’re dating someone. What the fuck dude? Why didn’t you tell me before now?”
“Uhh, well …” Sebastian stared at the faint smudged thumbprint he’d left on the water glass. “Because you’re not going to like who it is.”
Nicky was silent and Sebastian glanced up to see a confused look cross his face. “Who could you possibly be dating that I would dislike? Unless … are you back together with that asshole you were dating last year?”
“Oh God no,” Sebastian said. “I am so over Max. Not the issue.”
“Then why would I give a shit about who he is?”
“He’s uh, with the Harriers.”
“Oh.” Nicky rolled his eyes. “Well, I can’t say I’m thrilled with that idea, but I get it. The dude needs a job somewhere, right? Did you meet during Harper’s day with the team? What does he do? Social media or something?”
“Uhh, no.” Sebastian cleared his throat. “He’s a player.”
Nicky stared at him, mouth hanging open. “You’re fucking dating a guy on the Harriers roster. Who? I mean, I think the only other out guy who I know of on the team is Tanner Clayton. Isn’t he kinda young for you?”
“I’m definitely not dating Tanner Clayton,” Sebastian said, laughing despite the tightness in his throat. “But I am dating his D-partner. You might, uh, know him.”
When Nicky stared at him, expressionless, Sebastian sighed. “Luke Crawford, okay? I’m fucking dating Luke Crawford.”
“No fucking way,” Nicky said. “You—this has got to be some kind of stupid prank.”
“It’s not.” Sebastian set down the water glass on the coffee table before he dropped it. “I sort of wish it was? Well, not really because I care about him and this is—this is something good, Nic.”
Nicky scowled. “I—what the fuck, Seb? You hate the guy. Or has all that been a lie too?”
Sebastian winced at the hurt in Nicky’s voice. God, he’d been afraid of that.
“I absolutely hated him,” Sebastian explained. “God, I really fucking hated him for what he did to you. I hated his style of play and everything about him but …”
“But what?” Nicky said, standing up. “He was nice to Harper for a day and that made it all go away?”
The bitterness in his tone made Sebastian wince.
“No! Of course not. It’s more complicated than that.”
“So tell me. Explain it to me. Because right now, I don’t fucking get it. I know you have shitty taste in men, but this is a new low, even for you.”
“Dude,” Sebastian said. “I get it. You don’t like him. But Luke is nothing like Max.”
“Yeah, okay. And you said Max was nothing like the guy before him,” Nicky spat.
“Look, I get that you have a personal vendetta against Luke,” Sebastian said. “And I don’t blame you. It was a dirty hit. But he said he texted you to apologize.”
A sudden wave of fear hit Sebastian. What if Luke had been lying? He didn’t want to believe that but … “He did text you, right?”
“Yeah.” Nicky’s tone was grudging. “Yeah, he did. And after it was announced that I’d be out for a while, he sent me another message.”
“Okay,” Sebastian said slowly.
“Look, was I pissed about the hit at first? Yeah. But, it’s fucking hockey, man. Shit happens.”
Sebastian nodded.
“That’s not why I’m worried about you dating him. I’m worried he’s going to break your fucking heart.”
“Oh.” Sebastian let out a sigh of relief.
“Because Crawford fucking looks and acts like an absolute closeted asshole—”
“He’s not!” Sebastian protested. “I get that it’s what it seems like but—”
“Yeah, okay,” Nicky said with a snort. “Isn’t that what people always say when they’re defending the asshole they’re dating?”
Sebastian winced. “I hear you,” he said. “And I’m not going to claim that Luke can’t be a little … rough around the edges. I thought all those things too when we started hooking up. But there’s a lot more to him than people realize.”
Nicky pursed his lips, clearly not buying it, but he listened as Sebastian went through it all, from their first hookup to the terror-filled trip to the hospital with Harper.
Throughout the story Nicky’s expression changed from anger to confusion to stunned disbelief.
“He didn’t have a single thought for his reputation or if someone would find out we were together,” Sebastian pointed out. “Just taking care of me and Harper.”
“That’s something,” Nicky said, his tone a little grudging.
“His team knows about us too,” Sebastian said. “They sort of threw us a party recently.”
“Hmm,” Nicky said, clearly not convinced yet. “Great. So he can manage the bare minimum.”
“Look, I appreciate you being protective of me,” Sebastian said. “But Luke is … he’s good for me.”
“This time around, getting your heart broken could fuck up a lot more than it did last time though,” Nicky said. “I mean, you were a mess when you and Max were struggling.”
“Sure,” Sebastian agreed. “But that was also when Harper was having a rough time and I was stretched too thin trying to go back and forth between New York and Boston and Max was acting pissy because I wasn’t making enough time for him.
I’ve got … I’ve got a partner now. Someone who wants to help me.
I have a fucking community now. Brie and I both do. ”
“With the Harriers.” Nicky’s tone was a little snide.
“Yeah, with the Harriers,” Sebastian agreed. “Look, when it comes to cheering for a team, my loyalties are always going to be to the Rockets. And you will always be my best friend. But I’m making a life for myself in Boston. I’m happy there. And I’d like it if you could be happy for me.”
Nicky winced. “I want to be happy for you.”
“So maybe trust that I know my own mind?” Sebastian said. “Look, I know you and Lee set the bar pretty high with your perfect relationship and everything, but …”
Nicky winced. Sebastian tilted his head and studied his friend’s face. “Where is Lee, by the way? And why did you guys decide to move anyway?”
“Uhh, about that.” Nicky rubbed the back of his neck. “We broke up. That’s—that’s why I moved to the new building. I needed a fresh start.”
“What the fuck?” Sebastian said. “But you’ve been together forever.”
“Yeah, well …” Nicky gave a helpless shrug.
“What happened? You seemed so happy.”
“Turns out, it’s not much fun being with a guy who has persistent post-concussion symptoms,” Nicky said bitterly.
“Lee dumped you because you weren’t fun?” Sebastian asked, stunned. He had always seemed like such a good guy. So supportive of Nicky.
Nicky sighed. “That was part of it, but not all of it. We just … he was getting antsy about being more public. Couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t ready to come out.”
“Uhh, your parents?” Sebastian said, because he knew exactly what the Calhouns were like. Sebastian had only gone to the prep school because his mom had worked as an art teacher there. Nicky’s family was old money, third-generation alumni.
And conservative as fuck. The Calhouns hadn’t liked Sebastian much.
“You get it.” Nicky threw him a grateful look.
“Yeah, but why didn’t he?” Sebastian said.
“I don’t fucking know.” Nicky suddenly looked tired. “It started turning into fights about why I was even trying to go back to playing. Why I wouldn’t just quit hockey.”
Sebastian nodded.
“And then we were fighting about the doctors I was seeing and the healers …”
Sebastian winced. Nicky had gotten into some alternative healing stuff in his desperate attempt to find a cure. Sebastian had been worried about that too.
“By the end we were just fighting all the time and I felt like shit. Eventually, I just fucking gave up on even trying to fix the relationship. We were too different. I guess—I guess that’s why I worry about you and Crawford, you know? You guys are fucking polar opposites.
“I get that,” Sebastian said. And he finally did. Nicky’s worry about him made a ton of sense now. Fresh off a breakup, he was probably pretty wary of relationships.
“Look, I’m not gonna pretend like I get what you see in Crawford,” Nicky said with a sigh. “I think he’s kind of a pig and well, he’s why I ended up losing years of my fucking career.”
There was a trace of bitterness in Nicky’s tone that made Sebastian wince, glancing down at his hands. “I know.”
“But if you love him …”
Sebastian’s head snapped up. “Love?” he said hoarsely.
Nicky looked steadily back at him. “Well, isn’t that what it is?”
“I … it’s complicated,” Sebastian said hesitantly. “We’re still figuring things out, you know?”
“So you came here just to tell me about some guy you’re banging?”
“No,” Sebastian admitted. “Of course not. I care about him. Just … love?”
Despite the thoughts he’d had about Luke at the hospital, he hadn’t thought he was there yet. He’d thought of it in the future, not the here and now. Not already.
Nicky snickered. “God. You always were bad with feelings.”
“Fuck.” Sebastian swallowed hard.
Could it be? Was he really in love with … Luke Crawford?