Cheater

51. Chloe

I’ve ascertained he left extra early today by looking at the alarm app and seeing the garage and gate opened and closed before six o’clock. And I’ve been left with the babysitter again. Ken’s blue SUV is inside the gates now alongside a van with the logo of a security company. Unsure of what this might mean, I start coffee.

It doesn’t take long to realize external surveillance systems are being installed. What I don’t know is if they plan to come inside or not. My thoughts are that either everything is being upgraded or maybe there’s no internal surveillance yet. Is that about to change?

After drinking a third coffee by the fireplace while watching more leaves fall, I’m feeling jittery. I start spending my pent-up energy by getting to work on vacuuming with the new-looking fancy vacuum I find in the hall closet. Not far into mopping the kitchen floor, I hear the doorbell.

I’m thinking security techs are about to come in, but instead, it’s Grace Steele. Ken is behind her with garment bags. There’s no security van outside now.

“Good morning,” she greets, looking at me with what feels like scrutiny. I’m not sure if it’s because of how I look or if it’s got to do with her brother’s current feelings about me, which I’m assuming are just… disdain?

I step aside for Ken who walks into the dining room and sets the garment bags on the table. He gives me a nod and backs out, closing the door behind Grace.

She’s dressed in a pretty blue pantsuit, face full of makeup, jewelry, her blonde curly hair loose and flowing down her back.

I’m wearing shorts and a tank top. My hair is in a top knot, my face is makeup free. I’ve got bags under my eyes due to three nights of very little sleep.

“Derek’s not here,” I tell her.

“I came to see you,” she advises. “And bring you some options for the party tomorrow.” She gestures to the garment bag stack.

The party tomorrow. Shit. Shit.

“I’m not sure that I’ll be coming tomorrow,” I tell her.

She shakes her head curtly. “It’s mandatory. Even Sabrina is coming. Do I smell coffee?”

I gesture down the hallway and start walking. She follows me to the kitchen.

“So, this is the house, then. This is adorable, Chloe,” she says, looking around. “Can I have a tour? Then we’ll have coffee and go through the clothes.”

“I mean, sure you can have a wander if you want. I’ll make a fresh pot for you. I’m already juiced past my usual max, and this is old.”

I go to the kitchen and fetch the carafe, then pour the remnants into the sink. Grace moseys around, looking out windows, then disappears from my view.

A party for about four-hundred people to celebrate Derek’s parents fortieth anniversary is the last thing I want to attend. The idea of coping with that makes my stomach churn unpleasantly. I’m not sure Derek would even bring me, considering we haven’t spoken.

My phone chimes with an incoming text so I pull it out of my back pocket.

Mom: Hope everything is well with you. Just wanted to say hello and ask if you and Derek would like to come over for dinner. I know his parents’ party is this Saturday so this Sunday you’ll likely be tired but I was thinking maybe next Sunday. Or even Saturday? If Saturday we could have game night and you two could sleep over if you like.

I need to put my phone down because my hands are trembling. I’m about to burst into tears. I take a few deep breaths, my sinuses burning.

I read the text message again.

We haven’t had a game night since Bryan got really sick. It was a Turner tradition most Saturday nights. We would pull out board games and order pizza or pick up fast food. Make sundaes. When we were small, we’d play Snakes and Ladders. Trouble. CandyLand. Sometimes we’d play Pictionary. Sometimes we’d play cards. Or Monopoly or The Game of Life once we got a little older. None of us has even suggested a game night since Bryan died. Because it was one of his favorite things.

I’m not going to cry. I’m not I’m not I’m not.

“You okay?” I hear.

Grace has walked back in, seeing me braced with both hands on the counter, taking breath after breath. I shake it off and straighten up.

“How do you take your coffee?”

“Black with stevia is good if you have it, but… the coffee isn’t on yet, so… are you sure you’re okay?”

The coffee pot is sitting in the sink overflowing with the still-running water.

I turn the tap off.

I’ll answer my mother in a bit. Once I peel my jaw off the floor, I guess.

“Forget coffee. Let’s sit.” She takes my hand and tugs a little. I let her lead me to the couch on the other side of the kitchen island.

“Talk to me,” she requests once we’re sitting down.

“No offence, Grace, but I don’t even know you.”

“I’m your sister-in-law. We’re family now. I care about my family.”

I shake my head. “Your brother blackmailed me into an ongoing sexual relationship after manipulating me into bed with him and that quickly turned into me being blackmailed into marrying him. Into entering a sacred contract not only in the eyes of the church but also in the eyes of your family, evidently, because divorce is not an option. So… that doesn’t make us family. I’m not trying to be mean. Maybe under different circumstances we could be genuine friends, but–”

“We can be friends anyway,” Grace says. “Just because things are complicated with you and my brother doesn’t mean they have to be with you and me.”

I’m not sure how to respond.

“You need someone to talk to, to ask questions, to get history or Steele insight? I’m your girl.”

She gives me a loaded look.

Is she expecting me to ask questions? To pick her brain for information? I don’t want information. What difference will that make?

“Okay, so you don’t take hints,” she says with humor.

And I’m not in the mood for this, so I rub my eyes, exasperated.

“Chloe, Derek is a complex individual. Nobody gets close. I’m probably the closest, only because I don’t typically respect boundaries.”

I give her a pointed look. She shrugs, looking amused.

My shoulders jiggle with silent laughter.

“You’re sworn to secrecy here as part of this family, okay?”

“I’m not making promises, Grace. Please don’t tell me anybody’s secrets. I can’t deal with that kind of thing right now. I’m on absolute overload, I have been for weeks and-”

“Derek is who he is mostly due to trauma response,” she states, cutting me off, letting me see just how little respect she has for boundaries. “He was kidnapped by someone he trusted. He saw our chauffeur murdered and was taken for ransom. When the time ran out and the kidnapper was getting twitchy, Derek got the kidnapper’s gun and shot him in the head. Just like he’d seen the kidnapper do to our chauffeur. He was eleven, Chloe.”

My throat goes dry. She’s not done talking.

“The child psychologist was already treating him for some severe behavioral issues. He was already a problem child. And I think part of that was because our mom attempted suicide and Derek found her. He tried to help her and was covered in her blood so our Thad blamed Derek for it. He kept saying Derek did something to Mom. But that wasn’t true. Dad sat Thad down and told him Derek had nothing to do with Mom being hurt and going away for a while to get better, but Thad got even more nasty and hard on Derek. Thad was… a lot. And he was a couple of years older than Derek, a lot bigger at that point. When Derek was about ten, he finally snapped and put Thad in the hospital with broken teeth, a concussion, broken ribs. It was extreme. That’s when Derek went into counseling with the child psychologist.”

“Oh boy,” I mutter.

“On two more different occasions that I know of in their teens, Derek came very close to killing Thad. Their relationship was beyond contentious. Thad was in therapy most of his life. Lots of different therapists. It didn’t do anything for him. I think Derek equates therapy with negativity because it didn’t help Thad and certainly didn’t help him.”

“I guess I can see why he’d draw that conclusion,” I say.

“He’s always been distant. Only comes around the family when our father or mother pretty much mandates it. He never wants to let Mom down, though his relationship with Dad has always been strained. Anyway, I wanted to sort of explain some of Derek’s history because I had a feeling you didn’t know and thought it might help you understand him.”

“Thank you for taking the time to tell me, but I don’t think it’ll help in any way. Derek reeled me in and then pulled the rug out from under me. My fiancé lost use of his legs and we weren’t intimate. Adam pushed me to seek that intimacy elsewhere. I didn’t want to do it. Derek overheard me talking about it with Alannah and went on a quest to get me to use my hall pass on him. You kind of know the rest, so… our entire relationship is based on manipulation and blackmail. It’s not a real relationship and I don’t think it can be.”

She grabs my hand and squeezes it. “I know you didn’t sign up for this, but I think you’re so, so good for him. He’s the most human I’ve ever seen him. He’s… he’s seen something in you that has made him reach for some sort of normal life, a normal relationship. Marriage, Chloe! I didn’t think it would ever happen. He wants you. He could be willing to work on his issues in order to have that. Thad’s also gone now and maybe that has something to do with Derek wanting to find normalcy in his life. To move forward in a healthier way.”

“Or he could just spiral further and further away from reality, Grace. And he’s threatened people I love. He’s also done some frankly unforgivable things.”

“He courted you in a fucked up way, I don’t deny that. But you could help him.”

“He's hurt people I care about. He’s… he’s done some heinous things to me. I know you care about your brother’s happiness but so much has happened. I don’t know what sort of miracle it would take for me to be able to wipe the slate clean, Grace, but I can’t fathom it.”

“So what’s the alternative, Chloe? Living your life being miserable?”

“Finding a way to get my life back. I’m thirty years old. What am I going to do? Just start getting drunk at breakfast in order to cope and decide I’m done fighting for what I want in life?”

She gives me a sad smile. “I hope not. I like you. I hope you and Derek find a way forward. Somehow.”

I sigh. “Things are even worse now than they were just a few days ago. I tried to fight back and crossed the line in his books, even though he has respected zero lines in my books, and now he’s not even speaking to me. I don’t know where he and I can possibly go from here. He might not even bring me with him tomorrow.”

“He will. I told him last night I’d be over today to bring you some dresses. He said he wouldn’t be here, but that I should come over.”

I shrug. “Maybe he’s letting you bring them so he can avoid the conversation with you but has no intention of me coming tomorrow.”

“That’s something he would do, yes. But my parents would lose their shit if he showed without you, and he knows that. They’re still in New York, but Mom was messaging me this morning about some party details she wants me to check on and said herself that everyone, even Sabrina, would attend. With the press about you, the media will expect you to be there. The PR team wouldn’t want speculation about why you’re not there. It’d make you look weak.”

I shrug, unsure of what else I can say.

“So, should we have a look at the dresses then? All Steele women are dressing in ruby red. All Steele men will have ruby swatches and ties or probably shoelaces in Ash’s case. All guests have been instructed not to wear anything red since that’s the family theme.”

“Sounds like your mom is very particular.”

“You have no idea. Yet. You’re about to, though.” She smiles. “It’ll be nice having another female family member who’s local. Nay stays away a lot. She and Ash have… issues and he’s here in Columbus these days, so she only shows when she has to.”

We go upstairs, each with an armful of red dresses for me to try on, and before getting to the master, Grace wanders in the other direction and looks into each room.

“What’s going on here?” she asks, poking her head into the last room at the end of the hall.

“Derek has slept in here the last two nights.”

The bed is unmade, there are now two bourbon bottles on the nightstand, one empty, one half-empty. And there’s laundry on the floor.

“But it’s a mess.”

I shrug.

“Derek never leaves a mess. He’s meticulous for a man. Meticulous in general.”

“So that wasn’t just an act for my benefit?”

“He’s a neat freak. When he was found with his kidnapper’s body, the guy was a hoarder. We all think that’s why Derek is so neat. The place was piled high with newspapers, books, all sorts of rubbish. This… this does look like some sort of spiral. How bad was your fight?”

“Bad,” I say.

She looks very concerned.

“The master is this way,” I gesture.

“Ow! My eyes!” she complains when she’s inside the master bathroom.

“When I fell in love with this house I knew I’d want to change the color this and the closet,” I say.

“It’s loud in here. It hurts my brain.”

I laugh. She sets the stack of red dresses in her arms down. I do the same.

“Most of these look kind of like prom dresses,” I say.

“Mom told Nicola the styles she wanted for you, Sabrina, and me. She sent a dress to Nay directly since Nay doesn’t generally do flashy and Mom does.” She shrugs. “Nay isn’t happy. She already texted me. These are all pretty, though. Nicola wouldn’t saddle us with hideous dresses.”

“What’s the story with Elijah and Sabrina?” I ask before I can stop myself. I quickly add, “And Naomi and Asher?”

She sighs, looking frustrated. “Eli and Sabrina? Those two have a rather combustible relationship. Really passionate. She thinks he stepped out and I asked but she won’t say why she thinks that. He swears he didn’t. She doesn’t believe him. You’ll like her. She’s great. I mean, she might not be all that great tomorrow if she’s been summoned against her wishes, so don’t hold it against her if she’s bitchy.”

“Seems like you haven’t held it against me, so…” I let that hang.

She smiles warmly.

“And Asher interfered in Naomi’s love life once. Pulled the brother card when one of his friends tried to date her. She wouldn’t forgive him for it.”

“That’s it?” I ask.

“It was a guy that meant a lot to her. And Ash did some very not-nice things to get the guy out of Nay’s life. That’s all I can reveal. Sisterly vault. You can trust me with the vault, too. Like I said to Sabrina, it applies to sisters by blood and by marriage to my blood.”

We decide together on an off-the-shoulder trumpet style lace applique dress that touches the floor. She tells me she hasn’t decided on her own dress yet but we’re the same dress size, so she figured she’d choose hers with me. I sit back as she tries all of them on and we both agree that she looks amazing in a tulle dress with a sweetheart neckline and a ruffled high-low hem.

“Your Mom’s not worried about other women showing her up with these princess dresses?” I ask.

She shakes her head. “Nope. One of her best qualities is that she never feels threatened by other women. My mother is very comfortable with her own level of beauty.”

“She’s a beautiful woman,” I say. “She has every right to feel confident.”

“Dad always makes sure she feels beautiful. She might be a bit of a high maintenance diva, but she wants everyone else to feel beautiful at all times, too. Wanna go for lunch? I’m hungry.”

“I can make us some lunch,” I offer.

“If you’re not busy…”

“I was only planning to clean today.”

“Derek hasn’t hired a housekeeper for you yet? I’ll get on him for you.”

“No, don’t. I don’t mind cleaning. It’d be weird to have someone here when I’ve got nothing to do.”

“Are you going back to work? Or are you going to take some time off? You don’t strike me as a lady of leisure.”

“I don’t know what I’ll do. He bought the company I work for and says it’s mine now. It’ll be weird going back. I might find something else.”

She laughs. “He’s going out of his way to give you things that’ll make you happy. Tell me that’s not attractive. This house that he said you wanted. The company you worked for. Does he try to give you other things you want, too?”

I blow out a long breath. “Everything from my job, to clothes, to food I like, to books I like, to knowing what I like on my pizza because he stalked all my social media profiles. It’s extreme.”

“And you’re not sopping it up like a dry sponge? Not letting him treat you like a princess? Do you want to get kicked out of the sisterhood?”

I lower my voice, maybe because there might be surveillance. “Before I met my ex I used to write an anonymous sex fantasy blog. He’s even trying to deliver on all of that. Or… he was until we had a big fight and I finally fought back. Oh shit, sorry… you don’t want to hear that about your own brother.” My face flames.

She waves her hand. “If I don’t respect other peoples’ boundaries, I can’t exactly draw my own with those people, can I?”

I laugh nervously. “Still. He’s your brother.”

“Yeah, and every friend I’ve ever brought around him has developed an instant crush on him. I have had more than one friend hook up with him, too, and drive me nuts afterwards with talk of how good he is in bed, so I’ve had no choice but to become immune.”

She looks at me and smiles big. “Is that a little bit of jealousy I see on your face at the idea of your husband hooking up with my friends?”

“No, not at all,” I say, but I might not be being entirely honest. I can’t let my brain even ponder this notion for a minute, so I keep talking. “You do have a very good-looking family. But looks aren’t everything. Neither are sex skills.”

“No, not everything but they do count, don’t they?”

I’m about to protest when she waves her hand, “I know, and it’s not my business. But I wanted to share some insight and hope it’d help. If it doesn’t, I tried.”

“Something tells me you’re the type to keep on trying.”

“And that tells me either Derek warned you about me, you’re intuitive, or both.”

“What are you doing?” I ask.

She has my phone in her hand.

“Programming myself in your phone. I’m your favorite sister-in-law. Not Nay. Okay?”

I tip my head and smile. “Let’s go find something for lunch.”