Cheater

54. Chloe

I wake up touching someone and startle, moving away.

It’s Derek and I’ve been snuggled into his back. I reach over to the bedside table and touch my phone. Two o’clock in the morning.

I stare at the back of him for a solid minute before a familiar unpleasant, lonely twinge twists in me.

“How’s your dad?” I ask softly, not sure how long he’s been here or if he’s even awake.

“Alive,” he answers.

I sit up and take a long drink of my water. He keeps his back to me.

If everything that has happened between us hadn’t happened, I could try to comfort him right now, offer an ear so he could talk out his emotions.

But that’s not where we are. It’s nowhere I can fathom getting to.

I lie down again and blink into the darkness, listening for his breathing to even out. I drift off before it happens.

I try to move but I’m sort of trapped. And uncomfortable. By the faint light peeking in through the blinds, it must be near dawn. I’ve got Derek wrapped around me. Tight.

As my eyes adjust I realize he’s awake. Staring into space. But the grip he has on me feels like he thinks he needs to hold on otherwise I’d float away.

“I have to pee,” I whisper.

His grip loosens and he moves away just enough for me to get up.

When I come back and climb in, he’s looking at me. It’s still kind of dim in here, but it looks like he’s staring at me with surprise. Maybe he’s surprised I’ve gotten back into bed.

“Did you sleep much?” I ask.

He stares at me with his brows knitted. “Not much.”

“What time did you get back?” I ask. Not like it matters. I guess I’m making conversation. Seeing if he wants to talk.

“Back?”

“From New York.”

“I got back from New York on Sunday night.”

It’s now Thursday morning. I frown.

“I stayed at the apartment,” he explains, obviously reading my confusion.

“Is Grace back, too?”

“She’s at their Manhattan apartment.”

“Anybody else back?”

He shrugs.

So he was there by himself for the last few days. And this means he’s been half an hour away for three days.

“You’re upset with me for that?” he asks.

I try to clear my expression.

I’ve got a lot to be angry with Derek for, but I shouldn’t be upset about being left here. He lost his mother. But he does have me under guard, doesn’t he? Has he been watching me? I don’t bother to ask. Instead, I ask, “Do you… wanna talk about it?”

The frown lines on his forehead deepen.

He finally says, “No.”

“Okay,” I whisper, about to turn back over to see if I can find sleep again.

“Could you…” he starts but doesn’t finish.

“Could I?” I repeat, letting it hang.

I wait.

“Never mind.”

I wait anyway, eyes on him.

He clears his throat. “When Carson called with the news, you… rubbed my back.”

I nod a little.

He doesn’t say anything else, but the pain in his features intensifies.

“Do you… want me to do that now?”

He swallows without answering, but his eyes say it all. He needs comforting; it’s why he’s here. He’s been alone, probably, with his grief for the past few days and now he wants comforting.

“I have no right to ask you for that,” he adds, looking sad.

“Come here,” I invite.

He scooches over and puts his head on my chest, looking up at me with an almost boyish expression.

I reach around and run both hands up and down the warm skin of his back.

He’s lying still, tense though, and it’s not entirely comfortable for me with his weight on me like this, but I keep running my hands up and down his back. He wraps an arm around my waist and twists us so that we’re face-to face on our sides. So I keep one hand moving up and down his back.

It goes on for what feels like a long time, me trying not to look at his face, his gaze pointed at me like usual.

Why did I agree to do this for him after all his sins? I think he senses my desire to retreat. My hand halts and drops.

“Thank you,” he says.

“If you decide you want to try to talk about it, you can,” I say. “With me, I mean.”

He doesn’t answer. But warmth floods his expression as he lifts up onto one elbow and puts his free hand to my jaw.

His mouth lowers and his lips are just about to mine when his phone rings.

He looks annoyed, but folds away from me and fishes his phone out of the pants on the chair beside the bed.

I’m relieved. Because although I know he wouldn’t care, it would be predatory for him to kiss me when I know he’s grieving and upset. Does he realize I wouldn’t have stopped him? I might not have participated, but I wouldn’t have stopped him because he’s upset, and I don’t want him to feel worse. And I’d feel bad about myself for it. This isn’t the first time I’ve wished I was selfish and could treat him how he deserves based on his actions instead of based on empathy for him losing his mother. Even though he felt next to nothing about Adam’s grandmother.

I get up and put my robe on over my pajamas, then slip out so I can get some coffee into me. And get some distance.

I notice a text message on my phone.

Frank: I was planning to reach out today to say I hope you’re enjoying your honeymoon and to let you know all is running smoothly with work so you wouldn’t worry. But I’m now reaching out to say I’m very sorry to hear about the loss of Mr. Steele’s mother. Everything here is smooth-sailing, but as you’re the new owner and payroll needs to go in today to be processed I was going to ask for some guidance on your salary. It’s being processed at the usual amount unless you advise otherwise. Everything else can wait until you’re ready to discuss. Thanks.

After I get a few sips of coffee into myself, I decide to rip the bandage off by phoning Frank.

“Hello Chloe,” he greets.

“Hi Frank.”

“My condolences. And my congratulations, too. I don’t know what the etiquette is for a conversation like this.”

“Same. And thank you. It’s been a whirlwind. I… um… everything right now can run as usual if that’s okay. I’m going to need to take a bit of time to figure out exactly how things will work for me going forward.”

“I was wondering if I should update my resume, expecting that you’d likely have all sorts of plans I might not fit with. Or wait for you to decide. I don’t mean to pressure you; I won’t pressure you, but a clue would… help.”

“Of course you have every right to wonder, Frank. I didn’t mean to leave you feeling like you’re in limbo.”

“It’s all right, Chloe. I can keep things running while you deal with your family matters there and then we can talk when you’re ready.”

“I had no idea I was getting married and certainly had no idea my husband would give me the company. To say all this has been a shock is the understatement of the century.”

“Okay?”

And I fill the awkwardness with more words. “I’m not sure what I want to do about any of that. It all sort of blindsided me. Would it be okay if things run as usual for the time being? If you’re not down with lack of security and that’s why you thought about looking for something else, I’d just like to say I would love if you’d stay. If you have more responsibilities because you now technically report to me and I don’t know what owning the company entails as of yet, I am happy to increase your salary. Can you handle the running of things for now?”

“Well-”

I cut him off, “If it’s too much, I’d give you approval to hire someone to replace me so you’re not covering me. Hire an assistant if you need to, or promote within if you think someone else on the team is capable of helping you run things. I don’t know what the company’s financials are like but I’m sure Derek wouldn’t have bought it if the company was in trouble, so… you’ve got my approval to do what you need to do for the good of the company until we can talk about the direction and what involvement I might have. You’ve been a wonderful mentor and very, very accommodating with these last tumultuous months of my life.” I take a big breath and finish with, “I wasn’t sure if the owners had anything to do with that or if it was all you, but either way I’d love if you’d stay and keep doing exactly what you already do as well as looking after things until I can figure out what my role could be.”

“I would be happy to stay, Chloe. Happy to keep mentoring you. I have a lot of ideas and our previous owners were rather resistant to change. And all the accommodations for you were all me. Because you’re smart, talented, and a good worker, so of course we wouldn’t have abandoned you when things got tough.”

I smile.

He takes a big breath and keeps going. “When you’re ready I’d love to talk about my ideas and a role for both of us that would likely work very well and would give you flexibility if you’d like to focus on other things while still being involved. I’m a signing officer so I can handle everything until you’re ready to talk further.”

“That’s a huge relief, Frank. Huge. Thank you very, very much.”

“My pleasure, Chloe.”

“Okay, so like I said there’s a lot happening here with my husband’s family, so I’d appreciate it if you could keep things running and I’ll be in touch if and when I’m ready to jump back in. I’m just… not ready to make any big decisions right now.”

“You could decide to boost my salary by, say, twenty per cent, and know that I’ll take very good care of your company. Though I’d do that anyway, Chloe. Financials are good so you can afford to give me this raise. And we can talk performance bonuses when you’re ready. ”

I smile. “How about thirty per cent?”

“I like the way you think. I’ve always liked the way you think.”

I laugh.

“Take care, Chloe. Please send your husband my condolences. I hope his father makes a full recovery.”

“Thanks, Frank. I’ll talk to you soon.” I hang up.

“Your husband,” I hear.

Derek is in the doorway of the kitchen.

Our eyes meet. He stands there in a pair of gray sweatpants. Nothing else.

“There’s a lot happening here with your husband’s family, you said. I loved hearing you use that word for me. Love hearing it come from your lips. Love hearing you talk. You don’t talk to me.”

“I made you a cup of coffee.” I gesture to the counter.

He’s looking at me like he wants to eat me alive.

“Frank sends his condolences,” I add.

And Derek’s expression drops, but he reaches for the cup.

“That conversation sounded like it went well,” he says. “Sounds like you and Frank make a good team.”

His phone rings. He sets the mug on the counter and pulls it from his sweatpants pocket, looks at the screen and answers it.

“Eli,” he greets, leans over and kisses the top of my head, then walks away.

I spend the morning in the office upstairs, scanning articles online about Derek’s family. They all talk about Shannon Steele’s extensive modeling career, the few TV sitcoms she was on, and her involvement in charity.

There’s talk of Michael Steele’s success and some history about his family along with each article mentioning a paragraph about Thaddeus Steele being gunned down a while back. All the articles I read from local sources seem like they’ve been approved by the Steele family. Nothing salacious or gossipy, though there is speculation on one article from a New York paper about whether or not the accident was really an accident and pondering about whether or not it’s connected with Thaddeus Steele’s murder.

I decide to send a text message to Grace. I see she sent herself a message from me with my name on it the other day, so I know I’m in her phone and probably don’t need to sign the text with my name.

I’m so, so sorry about your mom. If you need anything, please reach out.

I send a group text message to Maddie and Cor and include Alannah just because we usually don’t leave one another out of the loop when it’s a group text. Though I’m already aware from Lan that they have had some group texts about me lately.

Hi Coraline and Maddie. Sorry I’ve been out of touch. Life has been beyond crazy as I’m sure you can imagine from the various headlines. Never imagined anything related to my life would make headlines unless it was that I died trying to win a taco-eating contest, but I promise we’ll catch up as soon as possible. Love you guys.

When Alannah stayed over, she told me they were asking questions. She told me she told them the truth. And this horrified me. She didn’t give them a lot of detail, only that Derek Steele had set his sights on me and essentially stolen me from my life, had seduced me and become extremely possessive. But she said as far as she knew it was all mostly very swoony. She’s also kept Jeff in the loop but with only the truth, which has me a bit nervous. I message him next.

Hey Jeffy. Sorry I’ve been out of touch. I just wanted to send my love and tell you I appreciate you. Hope everything is good.

Jeff writes back right away.

Hey Chlo. I’m now employed by the Steele family. They just recruited* me into their legal team.

Recruited? With an asterisk?

I pick up the phone and call him.

He answers right away.

“Hello, beauty,” he greets.

“Recruited you? As in… asterisk?”

“Technically, yes. I start in two weeks. I’m working out my notice here.”

“Oh Jeffy. I’m so sor-”

“Hey. Stop. I stuck my nose in and got too close to a few things. I took that chance, because I love you like a sister. Like a sister!” he exclaims, loudly, then his tone returns to normal. “There, I said that loudly in case your spouse happens to hear this. I don’t want there to be any mistaking my love for you. Absolutely platonic and sisterly only.”

I drop my forehead to the desk.

“I’m good, Chlo. Don’t sweat it. They’re paying me a fucking fortune. It’s all good.”

“But is it… asterisky?”

“Not expecting it’ll be any riskier than the work I do now. But it pays better and one of my dearest friends has the last name Steele now, so I know you’ll look after me.”

“Of course I will. I mean, if I have any control whatsoever, which I’m not sure if I do, but I would absolutely walk across hot coals barefoot for you; you know it.”

“I do know it. And I also suspect you have more control than you realize. Ponder that, will you? Anyway, gotta get into a meeting but I’m here for you. I love you. Like a sister! And by the by… Coraline and I are an item.”

I’m frozen for a beat before I squeal.

Jeffy chuckles.

And then I ask, “Exclusive?”

“I’m not sure I’m an exclusive kind of guy. We’ll see where it goes.”

“Be good to her.”

“She’s quite possessive,” he says. “But I dig it. I might not have a choice but to go exclusive if I wanna keep my balls. And I do like my balls. Anyway. Talk later. Bye, Chlo.”

“Oh shoot. Wait. Cor doesn’t know from Alannah the truth about Derek but if you lie to her too, that’d be a dealbreaker for her. So um…”

“I’ve already given her the truth. She won’t breathe a word to a soul. Don’t let the Steeles force-recruit her to work for them or she’ll have my balls. And once again, I’d like to keep them. Please tell your husband Coraline can be trusted. I’ll tell him the same.”

“Good, because he and I aren’t on the best terms.”

“Well, I hope that changes because it doesn’t sound like he’s willing to walk away,” Jeff says. “But like I said, ponder your power, baby girl. You have more than you realize here. Okay?”

“Hm,” is my reply.

“Bye for now, lovey. Gotta dash.”

“Bye Jeffy. And I love you too.”

“You love me like a brother,” he adds and is laughing as the call ends.

My office door opens, and Derek is in the doorway, looking concerned.

“Is everything okay?” I ask.

“I heard you scream, so I rushed up and then you were laughing.”

“Oh, it was Jeff. It was a happy scream. He and Coraline are a thing. She kind of knows a little but he swears she’ll keep quiet. I swear it, too. Coraline is solid. She’s my second-best friend; I’ve known her over a decade and she won’t do a thing to put me in jeopardy.”

Derek doesn’t say anything.

I clear my throat and ask, “How’s your dad doing?”

His lip curls. “He’s conscious. He’ll likely be released next week. Then we’ll have a… service for my mother.”

“You said it was a hit and run. Any details about that?”

His lip curls.

“If you don’t want to tell me, it’s okay.” I look back at my laptop to show I don’t need him to elaborate if he doesn’t want to.

“Don’t have details yet on who or why. He’s conscious, but he’s too doped up. Not makin’ sense. Broken arm. Broken ribs. Busted ankle. Punctured lung. Head injury. Lost his spleen. Suffered some other internal damage. He’s a mess. We’re trying to get to the bottom of it.”

“Oh,” I say softly. “He’s going to make a full recovery, though?”

“Looks like it,” Derek mutters, but his eyes are on me and they’re active.

I feel like I’m being assessed; it feels awkward.

I open my email and scan the inbox, which has no new messages.

His eyes are still on me.

I meet his gaze and wait. “Is there something else?” I ask.

He says nothing but continues to stare and it might be ten seconds or something, I don’t know, but it feels like thirty or longer and each one of them feels uncomfortable.

“I love you,” he finally says.

I say nothing.

He waits.

My phone rings and it’s a relief.

Alannah calling.

I answer, hoping he’ll walk away.

“Hey. How are you?” I greet.

“Craig’s cousin, Adam’s ex Jeannie?

“Uh huh…”

“She’s dead.”

My eyes bulge.

And I immediately look at him.

“Are you there?” she asks.

I try to pull in a breath. It’s not easy.

Derek is still leaning against the doorframe, watching me.

“How?” I manage, my gaze dropping to my desk.

“Found floating in the Scioto. They figure she either jumped or was pushed off a bridge.”

“What?” I whisper.

“Yeah. You alone?”

“No,” I say, continuing to examine the wood grain on the desk.

“They’re searching her place to see if there’s a note. I don’t think there’s gonna be a note.”

“No,” I whisper.

“That’s all I’ve got. You good?”

“No. Yeah, but no.”

“Yeah,” she says softly. “Call you later. Love you.”

“Love you,” I whisper.

I put the phone down, my vision blurring around the edges briefly, my heartrate picking up speed. I look up at him. I’m shaking.

He has a look of concern on his face.

“D-did you kill…” I force down a swallow and shake my head.

He’s straightened up. “Did I kill?”

“Jeannie?”

“Did I kill Jeannie?” he parrots.

“Adam’s ex.”

He stares blankly.

I shove my chair back and bolt upright and point. “You monster.”

His eyes narrow and his forehead crinkles.

“I will never, not fucking ever love you. Do you hear me? Never. Please get that through your sick head.”

His eyes turn so cold it chills me to the bone. I keep going, louder.

“No matter what you buy me, no matter how good you fuck me. Never. Because you’re a sick, demented individual. And I hope you get caught and put away for the rest of your psychotic life.”

I storm past him, but he catches my arm, which halts me.

“Chloe,” he starts to say, but I shout, “No!”

And then I repeat it in a near shrill scream. “No! My voice trembles as I say, “You can’t make someone love you this way. You can’t do these things like you’re above the law, Derek. I don’t care how much money your family has, how many shady connections. I hope you do get caught. I’ll be so relieved. So fucking relieved that I’ll finally get my life back. Because you’ll be behind bars. You said the only way I get rid of you is death, well there’s also prison. And prison works for me. Let go of me!”

“Tell me exactly what you’re accusing me of,” he requests with an eerie calm that makes my scalp prickle.

The sign of a sociopath, right?

“Fuck off!” I struggle and he subdues me, like always. “Let go!”

“Chloe, stop.” He lifts me up, carries me down the hall into the master bedroom. As soon as he puts me down, he pins me to the bed. “You’re hysterical right now and you’re also wrong.”

I’m writhe uselessly, unable to find any semblance of logic or control. “Don’t play stupid, Derek. You swore you wouldn’t lie to me. Not that I should believe anything you say. Not only have you raped, threatened, stalked, and blackmailed me, you’re responsible for the death of at least three people just since you met me? How can you think I’d ever love you?”

“Settle down!” he demands, and he’s beginning to lose his cool.

“It’s her fault you canceled the trip with me, but you were supposed to be out of town with me and if you were, your father wouldn’t have taken your mom to New York, right? Your mom got killed because Jeannie’s blog made you cancel our trip. So you chose to punish her by ending her life.”

“I didn’t kill her. I had no idea she was dead until now.”

I scoff.

“I’ve been busy trying to figure out what happened in New York, who ran my parents down and killed my mother. That and dealing with my fuckin’ head over my mother and of course… you.”

“I’m sorry about your mom, Derek, I said that already and I meant it.”

“I know you do, baby.”

I’m talking over him before he finishes his sentence, saying, “But the person who is the reason your mom is in New York is found dead. A person you probably threatened. Did you threaten her when you threatened Lan?”

“Yes.”

“You’re admitting you threatened her?”

“Yeah, of course I fuckin’ did. She needed to be stopped.”

“So you stopped her permanently.”

“No. Told her she doesn’t say your name, doesn’t type it out, you do not fucking exist to her. She was smearing your name in defense of that fuckin’ asshole who didn’t deserve you.”

“So you stopped her permanently, right?” I demand.

“Scared her, but that’s pretty much it.”

“Pretty much?”

He shrugs. “She tripped and fell.”

“Oh and did she also trip and fall into the river and die?”

“Chloe, I didn’t.”

“Get off me. I hate you. I hate how you make me feel. You make me feel ten times worse than Adam ever did. No, a hundred times worse.”

His expression falls and he backs off me.

“I won’t ever love you. Never,” I whimper, wiping my eyes.

He clenches his jaw.

I roll off the bed and grab Kleenex from the table and dab my eyes.

“I had nothing to do with her death, Chloe.”

“Whatever.”

I storm out of the room, down the hall, down the stairs, to the covered porch, and sit down on the chair. It’s cold in here. And I welcome it.