Chapter 14 #2
I wander across the hall to a large playroom.
Its brightly coloured toys and wall-to-wall animated murals make it look like the set of a whimsical children’s television show.
There are eight children of various ages sitting on a large, round, rainbow rug, while their parents stand at the back of the room.
Annika sits in front of the children on a miniature chair, reading The Paperbag Princess.
Every person in the room, young and old, hangs on her every word.
It occurs to me that while this visit is for the children, their parents must get so much out of it too.
I can’t imagine the stress and hardship of caring for a sick child.
To see them so excited, so engaged, would mean everything.
Looking around at the teary smiles, it’s a gift they don’t take for granted.
I feel privileged to be able to witness it.
And I almost missed it.
“Paperbag Princess, nice,” Ben whispers, peeking his head around me to glance inside the room. “Quick—favorite Robert Munsch book?”
I don’t need to consider it. “This one, obviously.”
“Obviously.” He nods approvingly. “Headstrong girl outsmarts the dragon, saves the prince, only to kick his sorry ass to the curb.”
“Exactly. What’s yours?” I ask, tilting my head toward him. His cheeks are a bit flushed and his hair more tousled than usual thanks to his game of floor hockey. Otherwise, he’s his regular, gorgeous, relaxed self.
“Thomas’ Snowsuit.” He answers without hesitation.
I smirk. “Is it because the teacher and the principal end up in their underwear?”
“Obviously.”
My shoulders shake with silent laughter. His grin is easy, familiar, and for a moment, the weight lifts from my shoulders. He makes me forget where I am.
“When Annika finishes the story, we’ll take a few more pictures, then we’re done. Sound good?”
“I may stick around a bit longer.”
“Oh?” I glance at him, curious.
He shrugs, casual but not quite indifferent. “One of the nurses mentioned there are a couple of Otters fans in the cancer treatment center getting chemotherapy. I’ll hang out until they get back.”
A warmth settles in my chest. “That’s really great of you.”
His shoulders rise and fall in that dismissive way of his, like he can’t wave away the praise fast enough. “It’s nothing.”
I shift in front of him, blocking his exit, forcing him to actually look at me.
“You keep saying things are nothing when they’re not.
” My voice is quiet but firm. “It’s not nothing to those kids.
Or to their parents. Or the nurses and doctors who take care of them.
To them, it’s everything. And you helped me do something I never thought I’d be able to do. That’s not nothing, Ben. It’s a lot.”
He swallows, something unspoken flickering across his face. I wait for him to deflect, to brush it off with a joke or shift the conversation in another direction.
But he doesn’t.
His gaze holds mine, steady and unguarded. After a long moment he nods. “Thank you.”
I’m so busy staring into his bottomless eyes, I almost don’t notice when the nurse approaches us. She’s a few years younger than us, with loose blonde curls falling past her shoulders.
I look at her expectantly, thinking she needs something, but she ignores me.
“Hi, Ben.” Her voice is light and breathy.
“Hey…” Ben regards the woman like he’s trying to place her.
“I’m Brie. We met two years ago in Toronto. We.....hung out"
I see the moment Ben recognizes her because the colour drains from his face. His eyes fill with panic as they bounce between me and the beautiful woman in teal green scrubs.
“Right.” His smile is strained. “Of course. Brie. So…you live here now?”
“Yes. For almost a year.” She takes a step closer to him, still ignoring me completely. “My phone number is still the same, if you want to get together sometime.”
Bile rises in my throat as feelings of shame and jealousy churn inside of me.
I scold myself, as I have no right to feel this way.
Ben and I have been broken up for nearly a decade.
I knew he was with other women. But knowing something and being confronted with it face-to-face are two very different things.
The room breaks into applause as Annika finishes her story. I start clapping, too, grateful for the distraction. I head straight for Annika, leaving Ben and his acquaintance to catch up. Or whatever. None of my business.
Annika slips away to find a restroom just as Ben manages to extricate himself from his unplanned reunion. He joins me, looking pale and agitated.
“Maddy, I’m sor—”
“Annika will be back in a second.” I cut him off. “We’ll get those pictures taken, and you’ll be free to do…whatever. Okay?” The words tumble out awkwardly, and I cringe at how forced they sound.
Ben exhales sharply, squeezing his eyes shut like I’ve driven a knife between his ribs. “I’m not going to—”
“It’s fine,” I interrupt again, forcing my voice to stay level. But the walls of the hospital are starting to close in, and not for the reason I thought they would. I need to finish what I came here to do and leave. “It doesn’t matter to me, Ben. I have a fiancé. You have…people. It’s fine.”
If he looked wounded before, I’ve now twisted the blade. There's a flicker of pain in his eyes, the way his jaw tightens, his hands clenching into fists like he’s trying to hold something back. I know my words have hurt him, but they were spoken in self-defense.
Maybe we’re not cut out to be friends.
Maybe we’re destined to always hurt each other.
Maybe it’s inevitable.
Annika returns, and I immediately switch back into director mode, herding the excited kids and the healthcare superheroes into position alongside the athletes.
The photographer is a pro, getting the shots she needs in under a minute.
When it’s over, I thank everyone for their time on behalf of Chanda and the rest of the foundation.
I’m free. In the clear. No need to set foot in a hospital again until next year’s event. The weight lifts from my shoulders, and for the first time all day I breathe without restriction.
I should be proud of myself for getting through it.
And I am.
But I didn’t do it alone.
I could not have done this without Ben’s support, his steady presence keeping me anchored. I wouldn’t have even made it through the doors without him by my side.
I find him in a vacant patient room standing by the window, his shoulders slumped. His posture lacks its usual confidence, and the sight of it sends a deep pang through my chest.
“Hey.”
He turns at the sound of my voice, and the pit in my stomach sinks even deeper. He looks exhausted—like the last thirty minutes have stolen years from his life.
“I just wanted to thank you for everything today,” I say softly, leaning against the doorway. “Not just for the ambassador stuff, which you were amazing at, by the way. But for helping me get through this morning. I don’t think I could have done it without you.”
His brow furrows, deep lines of concern forming on his forehead. “You would have, Maddy.” His voice is quiet but resolved. “There’s no doubt in my mind that you would have pushed through and done what needed to be done.”
I swallow, caught off guard. “Well…it really helped knowing you were here.” My voice dips slightly. “So, thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
I glance at my watch, suddenly needing a reason to leave before I say something I shouldn’t. “I should get back to the office. I have a debrief with Chanda. She’ll want to hear all about how brightly her stars of Christmas shone.” I smile, and he mirrors it, though his feels forced.
“I’ll talk to you soon,” I add, already stepping back. “About the next event.”
“Maddy?”
I pause. “Yeah?”
His throat bobs as he swallows hard. “I’ll always be here for you. Whenever you need me. However you need me. I just want you to know that.”
I nod slowly, not sure how to respond.
Eventually, I settle on a small smile and a quiet, “Okay.”
And then I walk away.