Chapter 24 #2
“I’ve been trying to do what you said and focus on what I want.
And I think what I want most is you. I miss being with you.
Just being around you. I feel more like myself than I have in years.
I don’t know what’s going to happen. We’re not the same people we were when we were young and in love.
But I want to try to see what these new versions of us are like together.
Because I missed you, Ben. So much. It’s like I’ve spent the last ten years convincing myself that I’m happy and then you reappear and remind me what happiness actually is. ”
My voice breaks on the last word and Ben brings his hands to my face, cupping it while he looks into my eyes.
“You know how I feel.” His voice is low as he stares at me, making me feel more loved, more treasured than I have felt, maybe ever before. “But if you need to hear it again, I’ll tell you. I want to try again, too.”
I feel my lip quiver. “Even if it doesn’t work out and it’s a waste of time?”
“No time spent with you could ever be wasted. Especially after knowing what time without you is like.”
I search his face for any sign of doubt and find only adoration. Achingly slowly, I lean forward, until I feel his breath on my lips. My skin is practically singing with anticipation as I close the space between us and press my lips to his.
It’s soft. Barely a brush of one mouth on another and still I feel it through my entire body. Goosebumps. Chills. Every neuron in my brain fires with sheer awareness.
Ben draws back, reading my face still cupped in his hands. His eyes are dark and wanting more, but he’s holding himself back. Letting me set the pace, like he doesn’t want to scare me off with how badly he wants this.
“What are you thinking?” I ask him.
“That if I knew giving you an old book was all it would take win you back, I should have done it months ago.”
“But you only found the book this week,” I point out, running my fingers through his hair.
“Madness, I’ve been collecting rare copies of Alice for years. I’ve got two boxes of them.”
My mouth drops open and Ben’s restraint snaps as he takes it. The whimper that escapes me when his tongue brushes mine should embarrass me, but it doesn’t. I’m not capable of feeling anything but joy.
I feel his arm around my waist and then I’m being pulled onto him. My legs straddle his lap as he holds me, his other hand lowering to my neck. With the lightest of pressure he controls the angle of the kiss. His thumb strokes my pounding pulse like he’s monitoring my vitals.
My hands travel over his toned chest, fingers gripping his shirt, trying to pull him closer even though our bodies are flush against one another already.
He’s broader than he was when we were younger.
Thicker. His tall, wide frame filling out more over the years of constant training.
I want to strip him down and examine every part of him.
Compare this man to the version of him I knew before.
My fingers lift the edge of his shirt, just enough to slip inside and feel of his abdomen. Firm and warm against my skin, making me dizzy. I rock my hips against him, searching for friction, but Ben’s grip on my hips tightens, holding me in place.
“You keep that up, Madness, and I’m going to come in my pants.” He warns, his lips against my throat.
I feel the smile on my lips as I tilt my head back. “Like that time in your car? Do you remember that?”
His answering groan tells me he does. We were driving to meet his family for a camping trip in New Brunswick. We knew we wouldn’t have any time alone once we got there and decided to find a quiet place to pull off and get it out of our systems.
“Remember it? You coming so hard on my hand that I painted the inside of my jeans? I still get hard on road trips. It’s inconvenient, considering how often I’m on a bus with thirty other guys.”
I laugh against his mouth, kissing him again. I am blissed out from giddiness in his arms. It’s new and nostalgic all at the same time. I’m vaguely aware of the kitchen timer going off, but I ignore it, kissing him deeper.
After the fourth or fifth or fifteenth time it beeps, I pull away panting. “I better go take care of that.”
Ben pulls me closer, burying his face in my neck. “No. Stay here so I can take care of you.”
“I don’t want to burn down your condo.”
“I’ll buy a new one.”
Reluctantly, he releases me, allowing me to climb off of him on shaky legs. I wobble as I make my way to the kitchen with the fogginess of someone who spent too much time in a sauna. I’m hot all over and disoriented. Before I make it to the oven, Ben’s arms wrap around me, scooping me up.
“Ben, the oven!” I protest as he sets me down on the kitchen table.
“That oven will swallow you whole in your present state.” He brushes the hair back from my face and plants a quick kiss to my lips before walking back to the stove.
He grabs the oven mitts from the counter and slips them on.
After he safely removes the baking tray from the oven and sets it on top of the stove, he presses a few buttons turning both the oven and timer off.
I’ve just caught my breath when he turns back to me. His eyes find mine as he removes the mitts from his hands and tosses them on the counter.
I know there are things I should be doing. There are vegetables to peel and cook, the rest of the meal to make. But all I can do is stare at Ben as he walks slowly back towards me.
“Are…are you hungry?” I sound like I’ve just climbed ten flights of stairs.
His gaze rakes over me before he utters a single word. “Starving.”