Chapter 32
BEN
It’s just before eight o’clock in the morning when I arrive in the lobby of my condo. I hadn’t meant to get here this early, but I also couldn’t seem to help myself. I’d rolled out of bed the second my eyes opened, grabbed a quick shower, and threw on jeans and a t-shirt.
Will was already up, making gingerbread again. I swear, it’s all he does in his downtime. He’s hell-bent on perfecting his recipe, but he won’t tell anyone why.
It was late when we flew in last night after finishing the last of our away games until after Christmas.
Maddy wanted me to come straight to her when we got in, and God, did it kill me to say “no.” She’s still recovering from surgery and she needs her rest. Not to mention the Gala is only a week away.
I don’t want her to lose any sleep because of me.
I promised I’d be over first thing this morning, but the sun is barely up yet. I consider waiting a few minutes in case she’s still sleeping, but the take-out coffees in my hand are already getting cold.
I bounce on my heels in the elevator as I wait for the car to arrive on my floor. It’s been a week since I’ve seen her in person and fuck if it doesn’t feel like longer. Much longer.
The doors open and I walk to my door, awkwardly knocking while holding my coffee cup.
I don’t have to wait long, as the door flies open seconds later.
Maddy grins up at me. From her mussed hair and wrinkled t-shirt and pajama shorts, she looks like she just rolled out of bed.
Before I can manage a greeting, she barrels into my arms knocking me back into the hallway.
My first instinct is to drop the coffee cups and pick her up, to hold her against me and never let her go.
Thankfully, reason kicks in at the last second telling me if I did, she may get splashed with coffee. I settle for wrapping my arms around her as she buries her face in my coat.
“I missed you.” Her voice is muffled.
“Really? I can’t tell,” I tease, kissing the top of her head.
“I know.” She squeezes me tighter. “I’m being very discreet.”
Eventually, she releases her grip and takes a step back. I hold out a coffee cup to her and she takes it, smiling. I use my now free hand to push her hair back from her face as she gazes up at me.
“Hi,” she says shyly.
“Hi.”
I lean down to kiss her, but I’m distracted by a loud scratch at the door, followed by a disgruntled meow.
“Cheshire missed you, too,” she says, opening the door so we can go in. Sure enough, the colossal feline is sitting just inside the door looking royally pissed off to be excluded from the reunion.
“Hey, big guy.” I close the door behind me and crouch down, setting my coffee on the floor while I give him a long, hard pet. “I missed you, too. Did you have a good week with Grandma?”
I stand, kick off my Blundstones, and shrug out of my coat. As I hang it by the door, something catches my eye—a large wreath mounted on the wall. It’s full of lush greenery, with sprigs of holly tucked into the branches and a big red plaid bow tied neatly at the center.
“That’s really nice,” I say, stepping closer to get a better look. In the four years I’ve lived here, I’ve never once decorated for Christmas. It always felt pointless—I was never around for the holidays, heading home to Charlottetown every year.
“Thanks,” she says, reaching up to straighten the bow. “Mom braved the chaos of the Black Friday sale at Michaels and we got our craft on.”
“You made this?”
“We did.”
I glance back at the wreath, impressed. “Well, it looks amazing.”
“Really? You like it?”
“I love it. God knows the place could use some Christmas cheer.”
She gives me a smile so beautiful that I ache to have her right here in the hall.
“I’m so relieved to hear you say that.”
Before I can ask why, she laces her fingers through mine as she leads me into my living room. Except it’s no longer my living room, it’s a scene from a Christmas card. There’s a seven-foot, fully decorated Christmas tree in front of the living room window.
“Whoa.” My eyes take in the other new additions to the room.
A burgundy afghan draped over the back of my white couch, with matching throw pillows.
A garland on the mantle lit softly with twinkling lights.
And…is that a Santa gnome on the end table?
The decor is simple, with a warm but rustic feel that matches the wreath. Well, except for the gnome.
The place looks better than it ever has, because it looks lived in. Loved. Like a home. Not just a place people sleep.
“This is—” my voice catches in my throat as I spot a framed photograph on the mantle nestled in the greenery. I don’t need to step closer to recognize it. I’ve seen it countless times.
It’s a photo of Maddy and me when we were seventeen.
I remember the day it was taken. Her dad had gotten a new camera and was taking pictures to try it out.
Just a regular weekday night. We’re both wearing jeans and sweatshirts.
I was sitting in an old armchair in their family room.
Her dad told Maddy to get in the picture, but she didn’t want to, saying that her hair was a mess.
She laughed as I pulled her into my lap and he snapped the photo, capturing the moment.
We’re frozen in time, smiling at each other like nothing and no one else mattered.
Maddy squeezes my hand. “Is this okay?”
I blink several times, trying to clear my head enough to understand her question. “Okay?”
“You said you wanted this to feel like my home—and I do, too. More than anything. I know I’ve held back, kept pieces of myself hidden because I was scared—scared of being vulnerable, of letting you in only to lose you again.
I thought if I didn’t give you everything, maybe I could protect myself.
But all that’s done is keep me at a distance from the one place I want to be most: with you. ”
“Madness—”
“You told me to think about what I want. Well I did. A lot. I want you, Ben. I love you. I never stopped loving you. I don’t think I could if I tried and I don’t want to.
I’m done holding you at arms length, afraid of my own feelings.
I don’t want to hold back anymore. I don’t want to be afraid.
I want you to have all of me. Even if I hate not knowing what will happen. ”
I step into her space, cradling her face in my hand. She leans into it as I stroke her cheek. “Let’s find out together.”
She nods. “Together.”
I lean down just as she rises on her tiptoes to meet me halfway. The kiss is slow and tender. Our mouths move together, perfectly in sync, like we were designed for each other. There is no urgency. We have the rest of our lives to do this.
Maddy pulls back, her hands still wrapped around my neck and asks, “Will you move back in?”
“Yes.”
“Today?”
I laugh leaning in to nip at the corner of her mouth. “Wow. You’re so into me. Yes, today. Most of my stuff is still here anyway.”
We snuggle up with our coffees in front of the tree, her legs stretched out over my lap on the couch. She fills me in on the most recent Gala problems to arise and how she straightened out every last one of them.
I tell her about my away games, absentmindedly rubbing my sore collarbone as I describe a rough check I received in Tampa. She leans in and kisses it and it instantly feels better.
It all feels so effortlessly perfect. Our own quiet slice of domestic bliss.
Eventually, she curls deeper into me and starts telling me about her mom—how well she’s doing back home in Nova Scotia.
“She’s still planning that trip to Punta Cana with her girlfriends over Christmas.” There's a touch of amusement in her voice.
I grin. “Go Darlene.”
She laughs, shaking her head like she still can’t quite believe it. “Don’t encourage her. Are you going home for Christmas?”
“That was the original plan,” I say, tracing lazy circles on her bare thigh and loving the way she relaxes at my touch.
“But Tara’s spending the holidays in Whistler with her girlfriend’s family, Aly’s on shift at the hospital, and Beth refuses to leave Cujo.
So we decided to fly everyone up for the New Year’s Day game instead. ”
“That’s a nice compromise. I’m glad you’ll still all be together.”
“Yeah. Foster and Beth are hosting Christmas dinner at their place. Cody’s coming too with his family. They invited us, if you’re up for it.”
Her eyes light up. “That sounds amazing.”
The day slips by too fast after that.
We fall into the easy rhythm of us—kissing like we’re seventeen again, like no time has passed.
We make sandwiches. I eat too many of her mom’s icebox cookies. We talk about the future. Our future.
She admits that she doesn’t like my bedspread and we have a very halfhearted argument about it that ends with more making out on said bedspread.
When she climbs into my lap and tries to take things further, my dick is fully on board, but the rest of me is painfully aware she just had surgery.
“That was ages ago,” she pouts when I remind her, still trying to get closer to me.
“Eight days ago.” I correct her, my hands resting heavily on her hips.
“I’m not even taking pain meds anymore,” she argues. “I can’t lift you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t lift me.”
“Maddy.” My tone is stern, but I can’t help but laugh as she pushes herself off of me, flopping onto her back on the bed with a disgruntled sigh.
“Fine,” she says as her fingers play with the drawstring on her pj shorts. “I guess I’ll just have to keep taking care of myself.”
My blood heats in my veins and suddenly I’m not laughing anymore. “Have you been taking care of yourself?”
Her blue eyes gaze up at me innocently, her hair fanned out around her on the bed. “You’ve been gone an entire week. Someone had to.”
I run my tongue over my lower lip. “How?”
“Do you want me to tell you? Or show you?”
“Jesus,” I plead. “Show me. Please.”
Without hesitation her delicate fingers slide into the waistband of her loose fitting shorts. Her eyes never leave mine as her hand dips lower. I can tell the exact moment she brushes her clit from her sharp intake of breath.
“That’s it, Madness.” I crawl up her body, my lips brushing over her collarbone. I settle myself on the bed beside her, propping up on one elbow so I can watch her. “Just like that. Show me what I missed when I was away.”
I drag her tank top down. Her nipples are hard, making ripples in the soft fabric of her bra. I seal my mouth around one and suck. She shakes underneath me.
“Ben,” she gasps.
“Mmm?” I keep working the swollen bud gently nipping with my teeth as she squirms next to me.
“Please.” It really is the magic word because it makes me want to do whatever she asks.
“Tell me what you need.”
“I need you to touch me.” She whimpers as my teeth graze her sensitive flesh through her bra. “Right n-now. It’s vital to my physical and mental health.”
God, I love this woman. The only person on the goddamn planet who can drive me out of my mind with desire and make me laugh in the same breath.
“Alright. For the sake of your health, Madness.” I kiss her mouth and slip my hand down her shorts until my fingers are between her thighs. I groan against her lips when I feel how wet she is.
“Yes,” she cries when I slip one finger into her, followed by another.
Her hands tangle in my hair as she keeps my mouth on hers.
They’re wet, hungry kisses. My cock is stiff as a fucking plank against her hip.
She squirms against it and the friction alone might be all it’s going to take.
I rock my fingers in and out of her, drunk on her gasps and moans.
“More,” she begs and I slide a third finger into her.
She tightens around me as I curl and flex my fingers just right.
Her hips writhe as her breath comes in pants, and it’s the goddamn sexiest thing I’ve seen in my life.
I feel her go over the edge as she calls out, “Ben,” and I’m right there with her.
My name on her lips as she comes is what sends me over. This woman who has been my everything long before I even knew what everything meant. I swallow her cries as they mingle with my own as we climax together.
Minutes or hours later—what even is time, anyway?—I force my heavy eyelids open to find Maddy looking tousled and downright edible.
“Did you…?” She glances down my pants which never made it off.
“Come in my pants like a teenager? Yes, I did.” I can’t even find it in myself to be embarrassed. I’m blissed out and too goddamn happy.
Maddy looks extremely pleased with herself. I feel her smile against my neck as she nuzzles into my side.
“I should shower,” I say, though it’s the last thing I want to do. I could fall asleep right now holding the woman of my dreams in my arms.
“No,” she pushes herself off the bed and starts walking backwards towards the ensuite bathroom. “We should shower.” With a meaningful look, she peels her top off and throws it at my head. Her bra is next, followed by her shorts. I nearly trip over my own feet as I run after her, stripping as I go.
Suddenly, I’m wide awake.