Chapter 19
When he received Daniel’s text about going out with his friends, Jensen decided he couldn’t mope around his house any longer. Mostly because he had no groceries and a rumbling stomach. His need for a good meal and comfort predictably led him to his parents’ house.
“Mom? Dad?” Jensen called out as he slid off his shoes and placed them on the rack next to the door. Without waiting for an answer, he wandered into the kitchen. The lights in the house were on, so at least one of his parents had to be there.
“Your mother’s working,” his dad said as he walked into the kitchen. “I didn’t expect to see you today.”
He let out a long breath and sat at the counter. “I’ve had a bad day.”
Graham nodded and went to the fridge to pull out multiple containers of leftovers. “We have a lasagna, meatballs, and teriyaki chicken. We also have stuff for a salad, but I don’t think that’s what you’re looking for.”
“Can I have the lasagna?”
Graham nodded, then plated a substantial piece, covered it, and put it in the microwave. They both sat in silence, Graham leaning a hip against the counters and Jensen with his head resting on his palm, as the food heated. The soft whirring sounds mimicked the swirling of Jensen’s thoughts.
Two minutes later, the kitchen was filled with the scent of herbs and the spiced meat his mother included in so many of her meals. Jensen’s stomach gave another grumble as the mouthwatering plate of food was set in front of him along with a fork. He didn’t need prompting to cut into it.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Jensen blew on a steaming bite before putting it in his mouth and chewing thoughtfully.
Now that he’d had time to cool off, he realized he may have overreacted.
Sitting in his car earlier that day, fresh off Larsson’s rejection and the blowup with his boss, Jensen had thought the world was falling in on him.
He’d felt like he was on the precipice of losing everything.
Like he was never going to achieve his full potential or participate in true love.
After stewing around his house for a few hours, Jensen had been able to gain some much needed clarity that only came with time and distance.
He was still dejected, but he felt steadier. The situation didn’t seem so insurmountable. Of course, nothing had really changed. He was still thousands of miles away from Daniel with no job prospects in Sevier. The argument with his boss wasn’t going to magically disappear either.
But he still had a job and a relationship with Daniel. He didn’t need to make rushed and irrational decisions he would regret later on.
“I walked out of work today after arguing with my boss,” he said after swallowing. “The job I thought I had lined up in Sevier is a nonstarter. I don’t know how I’m going to make everything work.”
Graham pulled two glass cups from the cupboard and began filling them with water. “What did you argue with your boss about?”
Jensen stabbed a piece of the lasagna, feeling bitter about it.
He may have calmed down, but his boss lying to him still pissed him off.
“I’m not meeting deadlines on this ridiculous project, and I asked about being moved to something else.
He admitted he was never going to put me on anything other than modern office buildings. ”
“Well, I could have told you that.” Graham sat down next to Jensen and put a glass in front of each of them. “Did you quit?”
“No,” he said while shaking his head. “I don’t have anything lined up. It’d be stupid to leave without a new job.”
“Maybe, but if you never take risks, you’ll never gain anything.”
Jensen glanced at him from the side of his eye. “You’ve been working the same union job since college.”
“That is true.” He leaned an elbow on the countertop and turned toward Jensen. “I’ve told you about how I wanted to be a teacher.”
It wasn’t a question, but Jensen nodded and answered anyway. “You gave it up so you could pay for Mom to finish school.”
“I did pull my admission essays for a graduate degree and started working. But the full truth is more complicated than that.”
Jensen put down his fork and gave his father his attention.
“Your mother and I sat down after we graduated and talked about what our future looked like. She wanted to apply for medical school, and we needed to decide if I should start graduate school at the same time.” He scratched at his clean-shaven jaw and looked past Jensen.
“When I was a little kid, I thought I wanted to be a teacher, and I never moved past that. Somewhere along the way, I realized I had no actual desire to do that though; I had just been following that path because it was easier and less frightening than figuring out what I actually wanted to do. Your mother pushed me to give up that tired goal that wasn’t serving me and wouldn’t make me happy. ”
Jensen fiddled with the dull end of his fork, taking in his father’s words.
Graham looked back at Jensen. “You better believe she would have supported me going into academia, but she knew it wasn’t what I wanted.
And she didn’t let me settle, even though I was scared to change directions.
” His mouth curved up into a smile. “I think that’s the best part of having a partner that cares about you.
They allow you to grow, and even when you don’t want them to, they push you to become the best version of yourself and get the things you want in life.
If it wasn’t for your mother, I would be in a classroom teaching and hating every minute of it.
This could be your opportunity to make some much needed changes in your life. ”
“But it’s different, Dad. You were able to find a job. I don’t have one lined up.”
“Have you tried looking? And I’m not talking about waiting for one specific opportunity to drop into your lap,” his father said, giving him a serious look. “You’re a very talented and smart person, Jensen. You can accomplish anything you set your mind to. And you have savings, don’t you?”
He nodded.
“I’m also guessing your house is worth much more than you paid for it with all the work you’ve done. So sell your house, move to Sevier, be happy, and figure out the rest later.”
“You make it sound so simple.”
“It’s not. Life is hard, son. It’s going to kick you down every chance it gets.
But you have the ability to choose happiness and a partner that’s going to help you get through all the tough times.
Don’t let that go because you’re worried about money.
Don’t let life pass you by because you’re worried about a little risk. ”
Jensen looked down at the counter. He wasn’t sure if he was brave enough to fly to Sevier with no guarantee he would find work.
Architecture was a demanding and difficult field with not a lot of job openings, and it was entirely possible Jensen would go months without finding a new position.
Even with his accomplishments to smooth the way, it would be hard for him to get into a new firm.
That was one of the reasons he hadn’t tried leaving his current job.
And Sevier was much smaller than San Francisco.
It wasn’t a little village, but it was a blip on the map compared to the major cities in California.
There were likely only a few reputable firms Jensen would consider working at.
But then what? He didn’t want to get himself into the same situation just in a new place.
One of the pioneers of art nouveau, a man Jensen studied and respected, had rejected every call to enroll in or work for the long-standing art schools in nineteenth-century France, claiming every architect that went there came out identical.
Jensen had once thought himself on par with the visionary, thought he was also snubbing the current trends and what the governing boards wanted.
But he hadn’t been creating anything he liked.
He had given in to the industry pressures and given up his passions—all for a guaranteed paycheck.
He had been disappointing himself for years.
Jensen really wanted to do work that made him happy, fulfilled him.
Sure, he could move to Sevier and continue designing the most modern offices like he was currently.
He would be more satisfied, undoubtedly, because he’d be with Daniel.
But Jensen wanted the dream job and the dream man, and he wanted them now.
His patience had run out long ago, and he was ready to get his life on the right track.
He couldn’t dismiss his father’s words though. This was a good opportunity to make changes. He needed to make changes before he found himself old and grouchy, retiring from the company he couldn’t stand. That wasn’t what he wanted out of his life. He didn’t want to be alone and burned out anymore.
Jensen looked back up at his father, the man that had advocated for him and always made sure he had room to be himself. “What if I get to Sevier and I can’t find a job? What if I blow through all my savings? What if I fail?”
He refused to voice any worries about his relationship with Daniel not working out.
His throat already wobbled and his eyes burned as he stared into his dad’s eyes.
He couldn’t even think about Daniel breaking up with him; it might ruin him more than being unemployed and out of money.
And there was no reason for Jensen to think they were headed that way.
Besides the small hiatus Jensen took that afternoon to get his anxieties and frustrations under control without lashing out at Daniel, they had continued to talk almost constantly.
And he was still riding the high brought on from Daniel being at his house.
But what if he had no income? How would he help Daniel with his financial struggles?
Everything in Jensen’s life hinged on him getting a job in Sevier. And if he failed …
Graham put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “You’ll only fail if you stop trying, son. Besides, you think your mother won’t be bringing over meals to fill your fridge? She’s already looking for transfers to move with you,” he said with a smile.
Jensen rolled his eyes, but deep down, he appreciated his mother’s support more than he could ever express. “I’m too old to be moving back in with my parents. And I don’t think Daniel would be too keen on that either.”
His father chuckled. “No, I’m sure he wouldn’t. But you’re not going to fail. Things will work out the way they should.”
“How can you be so sure?” He wanted to share in his dad’s unshakable optimism, but it was hard. His future was too unstable for him to be so confident in it.
“I’m sure because I know you and you don’t give up that easily. Even when I’ve thought you should give something up, you keep at it. You’ll figure it out, I know you will. And you’ll have your mother and me here to help as much as we can.”
He let out a heavy breath. Maybe his dad was right. Maybe he had to go into this with hope and determination that he would figure it out. He didn’t want to fail, and he didn’t necessarily think he would, but his anxiety wouldn’t let him forget it was a possibility.
God, he was going to give himself an ulcer with the number of nerves churning in his stomach.
“Finish your food, then come help me with a puzzle,” his dad said, giving him an out from the serious conversation.
“Hey, dad,” Jensen called out, waiting until his father looked back at him. “Don’t tell Mom about this yet. She would book the next flight out and start dropping my résumé off to every firm in the city.”
His dad laughed. “That she would. You know we love you, right?”
With a small smile, he nodded and picked up the fork again to cut off another piece.
While he wasn’t entirely convinced everything would magically work out, he did feel marginally better than he had sitting at home.
He wasn’t willing to move to Sevier without a job just yet. That was too risky. But he would start actually applying to companies. Companies that had dedicated restoration teams or worked specifically on less modern build-outs.
“How was the party?” Jensen asked. His phone was pressed against his ear as he lay on his side in bed. His cold, empty bed.
But his stomach was full, he’d enjoyed a few hours with his father, and he was cocooned by all the blankets on his bed. The thing bringing him the most comfort was Daniel’s voice through the phone though.
“Better than I thought it’d be,” Daniel replied. “I expected it to be boring or overwhelming, but it was fun. Everyone was nice, even the staff working the party. I’m glad to be home though.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I’m not happy my boss forced me to take the weekend off, but it’s kind of nice. It’s been forever since I could go to a party or hang around the house. I’m actually looking forward to doing nothing for the next couple days.”
Jensen frowned and flipped over to his other side. “Speaking of work, I got some news today. Not good news.”
“Okay?”
He didn’t want to sugarcoat it, and wouldn’t know how to anyway. He owed Daniel the untainted truth. “The firm in Sevier doesn’t have any openings for me.”
“Oh,” Daniel breathed out, disappointment heavy in the one syllable. “So you aren’t moving?”
“I still want to move there,” Jensen rushed to reassure him. “It just might not be as soon as we talked about. I’m going to start looking for jobs tomorrow.”
“No, it’s fine.” Daniel’s tone suggested it was anything but fine. “I don’t expect you to move across the country. I get it.”
“Daniel, the plan hasn’t changed. I promise. I’m going to figure something out. You have to trust me.” Anxiety nudged at the back of his mind. “You trust me, right?”
He was quiet for a moment. “Yeah, I trust you, Jensen,” he whispered.
“We’re going to figure it out,” he promised both of them.
Jensen wasn’t sure what else to say. He could admit to his outburst at work, but that would just worry Daniel even more.
He could offer more promises and hope that Daniel believed them, but he didn’t think that was what either of them needed in that moment.
“Yeah, we’ll figure it out.” Daniel cleared his throat and thankfully changed the subject. “Hey, what is your opinion on the pendulum swing from maximalist to minimalist trends in the past few decades?”
Jensen groaned. “Don’t get me started.”
“And if I were to?”
“It’s not about stuff, or the lack of stuff. It’s about wealth disparity and people’s outlook on the future. But first, you have to understand, what most people consider minimalism these days is actually aesthetic brutalism.”
Daniel hummed. “Tell me more.”
With a smile, Jensen shifted further into bed to get more comfortable. This was going to be a long conversation.