Chapter Five
Chef
She’s different. Different to the Sage I knew and loved.
Love. I still love the fuck outta that girl, but what I did has fundamentally changed her.
She’s stronger, definitely. She’s not putting up with shit from anyone.
Even Justice who tried to sneak some of her food and she stabbed his hand with her fork before high fiving Flack and laughing her ass off.
Didn’t stop her from pushing a meatball to the edge of her plate for Justice to take.
So that softness is still there, just not as on show as it used to be.
She’s more confident in herself, her voice ringing loud and clear around the table and she tells tales about her siblings and what shit they’ve gotten into recently.
She’s holding eye contact and laughing and generally having a good time and it’s making my chest feel all fucked up because that’s what I had.
I had that and then I decided to fuck it all up because I’m a fuck- up. And now I’ve been friend zoned.
“Sage looks good,” Tumtum says around a mouthful. “I mean, she always was fun, but she kinda melted into the background. Must have sucked.”
“How do you mean?” I ask, brows pulled in.
“She’s from a big family. Then moves to another big family where she’s stuck in the middle.
Too old to be a kid, but too young to be a grown up.
That sucks.” I stare at him until he puts his fork down.
“My mom had three families. I'm the only kid from my dad, Chuck. The next up from me is 10 years older, then next down is 5 years younger. I was in this weird middle spot. It sucks.”
My head tilts as I look at TumTum. “I never knew that. Is that why you like the big MC thing but are happier to be off doing your own shit?”
He looks thoughtful for a moment, “I never thought about it like that. Maybe. Or maybe I just like keeping my secrets.”
He winks and I huff out a laugh. We prospected together and I didn’t know a fucking thing about him until we got to the Keep. Shit, even with that little bit he’s given me, I bet there is still a fuckton hidden underneath his baby face facade.
Going back to my meal I watch Sage like a hawk. She is different here, and I’m finding the more I watch her settle in, the more I’m liking it. TumTum is right, she looks good. Happy, even if the shit is about to hit the fan.
***
“That’s me, I’m done. I need a hot shower and sleep,” Sage says, breaking away from where she’s been relaxing on the couch with the girls, Flack, Damian and Justice.
“I don’t trust that bunch,” Saint says taking a seat near me.
“What? Why?” I ask, staring between him and the gang on the couch.
“Because that -” he jabs a finger in their direction, “looks a little too much like what Chewy and Pops and the Ol Ladies got going on. Except we got Damian and no matter how much Justice seems to calm that man down, he’s worse than Chewy and Pops together.”
I snort. “There is no way Damian is worse than Chewy and Pops. And Loyal and Joe are nice. Nell’s over there; she’s too shy to get into trouble. There’s no way we’ll have a girl gang on our hands,” I say, brushing him off.
“You mark my words,” he says ominously. “They have Sage now.” He eyes me then stands to go talk shit to someone else.
“What was that about?” Prez asks, taking a seat, beer in his hand.
“Saint is worried that bunch are going to be our version of the girl gang.” I nod toward Sage and her friends.
Dex angles his head before shaking it, a chuckle on his lips. “Ain’t no way. And if they were? I’m not gonna do shit about it.”
“You think?”
“Nah. Way I see it, the Girl Gang get up to that shit half the time to rile up Marx. The best way to deal with that is to let them. The more I try to nip that shit in the bud, the more shit they’ll get into.”
I think on it for a moment, all the times Marx lost his shit and the Girl Gang stood there looking blank. “You know, I think you’re onto something.”
He tips his beer towards me, “I learnt from the best.” He takes a long pull of his beer before nodding toward the door. “You better walk your fiancé home.” A smile plays on his lips and I flip him the bird. He throws his head back laughing as I get up, and then flip him both birds for good measure.
“Hopefully I see you in the morning. That is if Sage doesn't kill you in your sleep.”
Holding both fingers high in the air for all the brothers laughing at me, I head out the door and jog a little to catch up with Sage on the path.
“I like the little lights everywhere,” she says when I catch up. “It’s pretty.”
“Yeah,” I agree. “It makes all our guests feel safe moving around in the evening too.” I reply, kicking a stone off the path.
“They’re so nice. Jason and his daughter Izzy, and Nell, River and Greer all came to sit for a bit.”
“They’re good people. I’m not sure when we’ll get any more guests.”
“Probably after we have Nathaniel out of the way.” Sage shrugs. “I’d hate to have to put more people in danger.”
I turn to look at her profile in the low light. “Do you think he’s really that dangerous?”
She looks at me like I’m simple. “Chef, he was groomed to take over from Royal. He runs a black market business with his ex military partner. He’s dangerous.”
“And you want to take him on?” I try to hide the bitterness from my voice.
“Yes,” she says simply, as if she’s telling me the sky is blue and fish live in the ocean.
“Why don't you just let the MC deal with it?”
“Because it’s my cross to bear. He’s after me, Chef. Even if I don’t pull the trigger myself, I’m still the one who has to bring him here.”
I don’t argue. What can I say to that? She’s right, I know she is, and yet the heart that is beating out of my fucking chest isn’t on board. So, I don’t say anything more, the silence between us growing more comfortable the further we walk.
“I know what you did, by the way,” Sage says quietly.
“What do you mean?”
“When we,” she swallows, “did it, that time. You’d been holding off for so long, not wanting to be with me like that, and then that last night, you finally gave in and it started so hot, so loving, everything I always pictured.
And then, you, you changed.” Her voice is almost a whisper and I feel fucking sick to my stomach.
“It turned from beautiful to confusing and for a long time I wondered if it was me, my fault.”
“Oh, babe, no, nothing was your fault -” The words rush out of me and I feel like I’m going to barf all over the nice path.
“What we had was beautiful in parts, but it wasn't what sex is meant to be like. I know that now.”
The way she says that last part has my breath coming fast, “Know what now?”
“What it’s like to be with someone who really wants to be with you.” She looks over her shoulder at me with a slightly sad expression as she opens the door to the cabin we are meant to live in as husband and wife. “Good night, Chef.”
On that bombshell she leaves me frozen, watching her curvy body walk away from me, telling me gently, in her own way, that somebody else made love to her the way she deserved.
I fucked up more than just pushing her into the arms of someone who deserved her love.
I made her doubt herself in the same way I doubt myself and my worth every fucking day.
I don’t deserve another chance with Sage.
I know that, I’ve always known that. Bile rises up at the thought of me not getting my shit together and having to see her happy with another man.
That doesn't sit right with me. We’re both DRMC.
It doesn't matter that I’m with the Keep, I’ll still see her at get-togethers.
I’ll still hear about her from our friends and family.
To know that one day I’ll have to sit there and watch some other man’s kids running around with her eyes?
No. Fuck that. I’m going to fix this even if I have to watch 300 hours of Pops’ Love Pres videos.
Making my way inside I ignore the soft sound of water running in the bathroom, instead heading to the tiny back room that is designated as my room.
Kicking off my boots I place them tidily in the corner before peeling off my cut and hanging it on the hook on the back of the door.
I flop down on my bed, phone in hand, Pops’ next video ready to start.
“What the fuck?” I mutter to myself, ab crunching up into a sitting position on the bed. Pulling my t-shirt away from my back it sticks slightly, cold and clammy. “Why the fuck is the bed wet?”
Sage
Rolling over in bed I marvel at how quiet everything is here.
At home there would be yelling, noisy footsteps around our cabin, motorcycle pipes, pretty much anything and everything that could make noise, would.
Here though, I can hear my thoughts bouncing around my head.
Why the hell I thought to say all that stuff to Chef, I don’t know.
Well, no, that’s not quite true. I wanted him to know that I know he sabotaged us.
I wanted him to know that for a long time, up until I met Liam, I blamed myself.
Liam showed me what it was really like to be fully invested in a person, physically.
Gah, why am I even thinking about this? I have stuff to do, like get dressed and find a part-time job.
I had to put my clinicals on hold until this stuff is sorted.
I’ve asked for a month to be safe, but I’m pretty sure once we get the ball rolling things will happen fast. Hopefully.
If they take longer then I’ll have to reassess, but in the meantime, I need money as I’m not going to mooch off Dex and my uncles.
I rifle through my bags that I never unpacked last night, throwing on a pair of cycle shorts and an oversized DRMC t-shirt.
I pull my hair into a messy bun and forgo makeup.
I highly doubt anyone here would notice if I was wearing any.
I shove my feet into my Birkenstocks and head out, passing through the living room on my way out the door.