Chapter 12
I strolled into Rather’s office and had a seat on the couch that held the secrets of many. Aside from her unorthodox method of extracting information from those assigned to her through our family’s empire, she was a damn good therapist. The best, in my opinion. She was talented and could perform well in both arenas, just like the rest of us.
Rather wasn’t always on duty. In fact, her cases were few and far apart. There weren’t many people in possession of the information we needed and couldn’t retrieve ourselves. With Rugger, it was more of the same. When she wasn’t ending the lives of those deserving, she was tucked away in the lab, discovering the mistakes of murderous criminals so she didn’t make them in the future.
Our operation was seamless. Everyone had a role. Roulette was the first point of contact. She kept a watchful eye on her customers. When a prospect entered her establishment, spending an obscene amount of money, she made note of it and followed their paper trail until they revisited.
It’s Roulette. Gamble on your life. It’ll never be the same.
They always doubled back. Roulette wasn’t a place you visited and forgot. The experience was one of a kind and built to leave a lasting impression on everyone who entered the doors.
Once she was ready, she invited them to a private meeting where they were given the chance to observe Rome at the theater as she wowed everyone in the audience in a leotard and ballet flats. Her gift of discernment was utilized to the fullest extent and the most critical part of our process.
To get to me, you had to get through her. That shit wasn’t easy. The baby face and gentle persona had fooled plenty. Yet Rome was far from the naive girl they suspected she was. To make matters worse, her unwavering love for me made her quest to protect me a bit more intense.
If you weren’t worthy of my presence, she could sense it from a mile away. Not many made it past the viewing. A select few made it backstage to meet her and shake her hand, a sign you’d moved on to the next stage. If cleared by Rome, I was the next face one would see.
After our introduction, operations were filtered through Royce. She handled client affairs, serving as the liaison for both parties. Client affairs weren’t the only thing she had her hands in. She wore many hats. Whatever one needed, she could acquire.
Messes that needed cleaning were where Range entered the fold. Whether it was a case that wasn’t looking too good or a body that never needed to be found, she was the person to call.
Roaman worked less and worried more. As the oldest girl, she couldn’t help but stress about the flow of things each and every day. Yet, she remained quiet and useful when she could be. Not everyone could make it to the hospital and not everyone could go to the hospital in the event of an emergency. She was on call most nights. Her days were spent in the operating room, saving the lives of patients on her roster.
Step One: Roulette –scouts potential clientele
Step Two: Rome –determines whether a potential client is good for business, crucial to the longevity of operations
Step Three: Chemistry –distributes formula for unique strands that elevates client’s operation, 10xs the growth of their business and clientele
Step Four: Royce –liaison and point of contact beyond the distribution of formula, keep everything and everybody in line
Step Five: Range –responsible for handling clients in legal battles and cleaning messes that have been made while they’re on the roster
Step Six: Rather –extracts valuable information from those who pose threats or those aware of threats to the operation
Step Seven: Roaman –nurses those who’ve been in Rather’s chambers back to health as well as operates as an on-call surgeon for those who can’t visit the local hospital without suspicions being raised
Step Eight: Rugger –death. The last face you’ll ever see. A visit from her marks the end of life.
My mind wandered until I heard the sweetness of Rather’s voice, pulling me back in.
“Hello, Mr. Childers.”
She looked up from the glasses that were sliding down her face. She pushed them up with the pen she’d been writing with, giving me her full attention.
“Not today, baby.”
“Please, Rather. Or, Doctor Childers will suffice. I’m not your baby this evening, Mr. Childers. I’m your therapist.”
“Rather, not today.”
“Is there something we should discuss? Something bothering you? You seem vexed.”
“Nothing is bothering me.”
“I find that hard to believe. You seem to have a chip on your shoulder. Who pissed in your Cheerios?”
My head fell backward, leaning on the couch and sliding down slightly.
“Catherine,” I revealed.
“There. Now we can get started.”
She was aware of what was bothering me. It was the same topic almost every session. Though we discussed it fifty different ways, the topic remained the same.
“How was your trip to Berkeley last month? Is that what triggered this”–she paused–“episode?”
“Seeing the people who share my pain always triggers me.”
“Yet, you still choose to see them every chance you get. Whenever they call or make contact, you drop everything and run in their direction.”
“I’ll always do that, baby. My heart won’t let me disregard them.”
“I know and that’s the point I’m making. You have to give yourself credit. Even though it shatters you, it doesn’t stop you from showing up for them. Time and time again.”
“Yeah.”
“So, I find it hard to believe that is what’s actually bothering you. Be honest with me, honest with yourself.”
I bolted to my feet, only to pace the floor slowly, trying to articulate what I was feeling.
“I have time, so don’t rush it. I’m here to listen when you’re ready to talk. And if it’s silence you need, I can provide that as well.”
I shook my head. “That’s not it. Just finding it difficult to put this shit in words.”
Rather placed her notebook on the table and removed her glasses. She lifted one knee over the other and interlocked her fingers. Doctor Childers no longer existed. The professionalism remained but everything else had changed.
“Chem, it’s me you’re talking to. The words don’t require perfection.”
Halting, I nodded with a shrug. “Though my actions have contradicted this statement time and time again, I don’t hate women. I don’t hate the idea of partnership. Companionship isn’t on the list of things I despise. In fact, it’s the complete opposite. I’m very self-aware, baby. And I knew if there was ever a time I let my guard down and tapped into the side of me that thirsted for those things, I’d fall head first.”
“I never thought you hated women. You’re surrounded by them and you love us dearly. I, too, knew when the time came, it would be monumental.”
“I’ve fallen, baby. Fuck not trusting her, I don’t trust my-fucking-self. The things that go through my head. The things I think about. The things I obsess over. And dare I say, there’s never been any-fucking-thing I’ve ever been afraid of in my life, baby, but I am scared of that woman and what she represents for me. I am whole in every area of my life but that’s where I fall short. I don’t think I’m equipped to love her at the capacity she deserves and that shit drives me mad.”
“Che–”
“The way my mother ripped my heart out of my fucking chest that day, balled my shit up and tossed it in the trash, was brutal. She took something from me I can never get back. So, when it comes to love, it renders me speechless. I’m lost. Confused. Uncertain. Fucking fearful. Those aren’t words I ever want in the same sentence as Chemistry. Because Chemistry is fearless. Certain of every-fucking-thing. Careful. Bold. Knowledgeable. I don’t know shit about any of this, Rather. And I’m none of the things she makes me.”
“Who makes you?”
“Eden.”
“Her name is Eden,” Rather said with a smile.
“Yes.”
“And she’s altered your comfort.”
“In every way.”
“Good or bad?”
“Both, I assume.”
“Is it actually bad or is she forcing you to confront everything you’ve avoided since that tragedy?”
I paused, digesting the words spoken.
“She’s forcing me to confront everything I’ve avoided.”
“So, a good thing, correct?”
“Painful. Frustrating. Handicapping.”
“Grief doesn’t have a timeframe, nor does it look as pretty as the other emotions. Sometimes it hides in corners. Sometimes it is front and center. Sometimes it’s dormant. Sometimes it lingers. It shows up in different places, appears differently in all its stages, and even makes us believe it has gone on its way sometimes.
“When it’s all said and done, it stays with us. It sticks with us. It becomes part of our identity. It helps us make decisions. It keeps us from making repeated mistakes. It navigates our lives for the rest of our lives. And that’s what’s happening, Chemistry.
“Your grief has helped you navigate every aspect of your life but nothing has truly made you confront your feelings. You avoid things, places, and circumstances that will uproot that grief and make you feel it right there where it hurts most.”
She pointed at my chest.
“You can only run for so long before it hunts you down and walks you like a fucking dog. It’s not always pretty, the aftermath. But, yours can be as beautiful as you make it. Sacrificing your sanity to be whole again and to come out on the other side with a wife and hopefully children that love you unconditionally someday seems worth it to me.
“Trust me, she’s not asking for the perfect love. Just a good love. One she can bet everything on because that’s exactly what the heart is. It’s everything. When it stops beating, you’re dead. Don’t end her life because you’re afraid to live yours.”
Shit. Rather preached, ending her sermon with a smile.
“I believe in you, Chemistry. So does Eden.”
“Yeah?”
“It’s been almost three months, Teddy. Of course, she does.”
I plopped down on the couch, feeling the weight I’d felt on my end lifted from my shoulder. It had me anchored since we’d left Berkeley a few weeks ago. I hadn’t seen much of Eden because my schedule was in recovery mode from taking a full week off to spend time with her.
I’d ditched my bed to sleep in hers at least two times a week. But, when the morning came, I dragged myself out of her pussy and out of her bed to meet Aden downstair so I could get my day started. It took a lot of willpower, but I managed.
“Now, when will we meet her?”
“Soon, baby. Really soon.”
“And your head? How is it up there?”
“I feel better when she’s around. I’m not easily distracted by the voices or the irrational thoughts because my attention is almost always on her.”
“Nothing’s wrong with that. I implore you to spend even more time with her. Carve out space every day.”
“That’s the goal, eventually. Right now, it’s not obtainable. I lose focus with her in my mix.”
“Well, that’s my homework for you. It doesn’t have to be immediately, but within the next three months, I want Eden to be a part of every day. Physically. Not over the phone or through text messages. Skin to skin. Mouth to mouth. Di–”
“I think this session is over.”
“Wait, I didn’t even get to the best part.”
“I get the fucking point, Rather.”
“So serious.”
“That’s not an insult.”
“Anything else on your mind?”
Pops. “Nah, nothing I care to talk about right now.”
“Then maybe next time.”
She stood on her feet and prepared to walk out of the door in front of me. After every session, we indulged in a wind-down. It was time Rather and I spent alone, free of thoughts and conversation relating to topics we’d discussed in her office. With seven sisters and an entire empire to head, time was limited.
Whenever I could, I slid in a few minutes or even a couple of hours with one of them. Dividing my time and attention between seven girls was a struggle I faced graciously and proudly. Luckily, one of them didn’t give a damn about spending time alone or my attention. She lived in a bubble and it was hard for any of us to penetrate it at times.
Rugger was a different breed. Nothing about her was average. Not even her height. She was six feet of chaos. When one saw her coming, it was in their best interest to run in the opposite direction. But even then, she’d hunt you down and complete the assignment. There was no escaping her wrath.
She stopped at the door’s threshold, plaguing me with confusion. The regretful smile on her face said what her lips had yet to.
“Not today?”
She shook her head. “Not today, Teddy. I have to prepare for the night’s assignment.”
I nodded, understanding what she was up against. Altering her capacity and mindset completely for a few hours, sometimes a few minutes, robbed her of precious time.
“Perry?”
“Yes.”
“You won’t be long, baby. They won’t last but a few minutes.”
“It seems that way,” she agreed. “Nevertheless, preparation and decompression.”
“Understood.”
“See you later?”
“Of course.”
“I love you, Chemistry.”
“In this lifetime and the others.”
“How will you find me?” She chuckled, accepting the kiss I placed on her forehead.
“Don’t worry. I will.”
I exited her office and headed straight for the truck, which was right outside the main door of her practice.
“I’ll be waiting,” Rather called out to me.
“You better.” The last two words were tossed over my shoulder before the sunlight threatened to blind me.
Inside the truck, with both palms flat on my slacks, I reconsidered my plans for the evening. On one hand, a brief visit to the warehouse to assist Rugger and Rather weighed in. On the other hand, kidnapping Eden for the night seemed to hold the most weight. The decision was one I wasn’t ready to make, so I didn’t. Instead, I began checking things off my itinerary earlier than planned.
“To my father’s,” I instructed Aden.
“Alright.”
Out the window of the Escalade, I watched as the city passed me by. Its beauty was undeniable. The peace was unobtainable anywhere else.
“Hmph.”
I kissed the skin of my teeth with a shake of my head. The presence of four Perry motherfuckers had threatened the peace and the beauty of the city. I’d known it since the first mention of them crossing state lines. Boldly and stupidly, after three months in town, they’d set up shop in territory that was claimed.
The Triad of Ara covered every inch of the city, in every direction, in every dimension. No grounds were unclaimed. They’d learned it the hard way. And unfortunately, it would be the last lesson they learned.
Rugger wouldn’t leave a single trace of their existence and would walk away from the warehouse as if nothing had ever happened. Because, to her, nothing would have. She’d return to her lab and obsess over something seemingly insignificant to others but was a key component for her next mission.
Thirty-two minutes and we were through the gates of my father’s home. Upon arrival, I exited the vehicle and climbed the steps where the staff greeted me. Beyond the entryway was Rhea, waiting to usher me down the hallway and into whatever room my father was in.
“Good evening, son.”
“Good evening.”
I pulled her into my arms and released her shortly after. She made a fool of time. Made me wonder if it was even a true concept or if it was truly passing us by. She hadn’t aged more than a few years since I’d met her. She was still flawless.
“Don’t you look fancy. Headed anywhere special?”
“Not exactly. Just left Rather.”
“Is that why you’re still wearing a mug?”
“Am I?”
“You are.”
Suddenly, I could feel the contortion of my face. I relaxed the muscles, hoping I resolved the crinkles and creases that revealed where I was mentally.
“That’s better.”
Because their home was massive, there was a chance he could be in one of fifteen spaces. To narrow my search and save me the headache, Rhea showed me to the great room where he was.
“Wasn’t expecting you so soon.”
“Rather canceled.”
“She’ll have her hands full tonight.”
“That’s why I’m here.”
“Well, then, have a seat. Are you hungry? I can hav?—”
“I’m fine. I’ll have something when I leave.”
My father lifted his glass and pointed in my direction. Veronica rushed to his side to retrieve it. The brown liquid inside was low. I observed closely as she refilled it and poured some into a glass for me. Trust was a word I rarely used and hardly believed. It didn’t matter Veronica had been staffed eight years ago and showed unwavering love toward the family.
At any moment, that could all change. When it did, I didn’t want to be blindsided. That went for her and anyone else around us. She handed us both our glasses and stood off to the side, waiting for more instructions.
“What’s on your mind, Richie?” I sipped, letting the liquid burn my throat as it trickled down.
“I was going to ask you the same. There’s been a notable shift, son. I don’t know if I should be worried, yet, but I’ll let you decide by what you reveal today.”
“A shift?”
“Yes. A disconnect of some kind. One that hasn’t hindered business in any capacity, but I’m more than a mentor and chairman of The Triad. I’m your father. That’s who you’re speaking with right now.”
“With a straight face, you’re demanding I tell you my personal business?” I chuckled.
He shrugged. “I guess you could put it that way.”
“Business is good as usual, so there’s no other way to put it. This is personal. You could’ve called me on the phone to ask who I’m fucking, Pops.”
“That wouldn’t have been very polite and I’m aware of who she is. My question is what and how much does she mean to you?”
I paused, taking a second to expand my mental and emotional capacity. Eden forced me to see beyond myself and my limitations. She pushed me to be better, do better, and think better.
“Everything,” I admitted, relieved. That simple word alleviated so much for me simultaneously. I released the breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding. Soothed by the idea of Eden, a smile lifted my cheeks and guided my head backward and forward, repeatedly.
Satisfied?A voice asked.
Very. I responded.
Quietly, my father took a sip of his drink. He gazed in my direction with worry lines creasing his face. He took another sip and then a third one, finishing it off. Veronica scurried over, but he dismissed her with a hand in the air. She fell back, blending with the fixtures of the home so effortlessly.
“Then what I have to tell you doesn’t matter, do it?”
“It doesn’t,” I admitted. “I’m all in.”
“Well, I assume this is who you’ve chosen to carry on our legacy.”
“Yes. She is.”
“Good. Good. Will there be a wedding soon?”
“Will you live to see it?” I asked with empty lungs.
I couldn’t pull in a single particle of air until he responded. The possibility of him never seeing me walk down the aisle was crippling. Months ago, the chances of me wedding were extremely slim to none. Now that I knew without a doubt I’d be walking Eden down an aisle after reciting vows, his absence was unacceptable. Richie and I had so much history. He was everything I could’ve dreamt of in a father.
And when our loneliness grew to be too much to bear, he sought companionship, doubling the love he had for me. Rhea was the quiet to his storm. Though she was a woman of few words, her presence spoke for itself. She gave us seven girls that would go to the end of the earth for us and vice versa.
“Should I lie to appease you? Pacify your feelings? Or should I ruin your day with the truth?”
“They need to know.” I referred to my sisters.
“Yeah, yeah.” He sighed, sitting back and lifting his glass.
Drinking away his sorrows wouldn’t make the situation any better, but it would bandage the ache for a bit.
“When will you tell them?”
“Next month.”
“Next month is no good, Richie,” sternly, I denied.
“Why not?”
“There are four birthdays within the next sixty days. Don’t be the thief of joy. Let them enjoy themselves.”
If he was going to break their hearts, at least he was to be considerate.
“In two months, I won’t have to tell them. They’ll see it for themselves. I can hardly keep a meal down. My appetite doesn’t exist. I’ll be as thin as that damn stick over there in two months.”
A hard cough rumbled his body.
“If we have to feed you through a fucking tube, then so be it. But, you will not break those girls’ hearts on my watch. Not anytime soon, at least. So, get your shit together, Richie. The defeat in your tone, it’s unfamiliar and very fuc—very offensive. The man who taught me defeat was never an option–” I scoffed, straightening the wrinkles in the jacket of my suit.
“You don’t get to give up on yourself, Pops. I will shove food down your throat myself. Please do not let it come to that. Forget everything those doctors are feeding you. The Man upstairs is the only doctor we listen to aside from the one Rhea gave birth to. You hear me?”
Roles had swiftly reversed. After years of hearing my father preach to me and demand, that I approach every obstacle with grace and excellence, I was giving him the same speech. He never showed remorse. I wouldn’t either.
With a titter, he shook his head. “You’re your father’s fucking son.”
“That’s a compliment.”
“As it should be. So, tell me about Eden.”
I lifted my glass for Veronica to refill. When the brown liquid swirled the middle of the glass, again, I relaxed in my seat and the words began to flow.
“I met her during her debut at Roulette.”
“There are beautiful women in Roulette, son. What made this one so special?”
“She’s no chameleon. She doesn’t blend with her surroundings. An inexplicable gravitational pull led me straight to her. I couldn’t stop my feet. They birthed a mind of their own and didn’t stop until I was face to face with the brazen beauty. I thought my heart would break free of my chest at any second. Though I remained composed, it took almost everything out of me. She had my adrenaline pumping. Thoughts running rampant. Trigger finger itching. I knew from the second she opened her mouth niggas would have to die behind her.”
“They have, so I’ve heard.”
“Stop listening so hard, old man.” I chuckled, pulling at my growing beard. “I don’t regret any of it.”
“Why would you?”
I lifted and dropped my shoulders. “Three months of bliss. Three whole months. I haven’t grown tired of her yet. In fact, I crave her presence more now than I did three months ago. As our connection ages, my hunger for her grows. At this point, it feels insatiable. Like, I’ll never have enough, no matter how much she gives me.”
Laughing, I caught my head in my left palm. “Arrr. I can’t believe I’m even saying this type of shit, Pops.”
“I can.”
I whipped my head in his direction at the declaration. “Why?”
“Because I always knew it was possible. You just needed to bump into the right one. There’s one woman for every man who will stop him dead in his selfish tracks and make him forget he even exists because all he will know is her. Eden has sunk her teeth into your skin and her venom is running through your veins. You’ll never recover.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Haaa!” He fell back in laughter, clapping his hands and stomping his feet on the floor. “That’s my boy.”
“She drives me mad.”
“Let her.”
“She wants all of my attention.”
“Give it to her.”
“She eats away at every bit of sanity I have, but simultaneously keeps me stable. She’s good to me, Pops.”
“Protect her.”
With a shake of my head, I continued. “Feels like I’m losing all self-control. I don’t know this person I am when she’s around or even when I’m thinking of her.”
I looked up at him with weary eyes. “Now that she’s here, I don’t want to live without her.”
“Then, marry her.”
Rhea and my father wed twenty-eight days after they met. Time waits for no man. It’s one of the many mottos he lived by. Within the first five months of their nuptials, her belly began to grow with Roaman maturing inside her womb.
Every year after, and twice in one year, in particular, she produced a child. My father wanted another son. Rhea wanted a house full of children. They were a match made in heaven. Though my father never got the second son he dreamed of, he was prideful of his tribe. None of us had been led astray.
Everyone was involved in the family’s business while still thriving in their respectful careers. My talents didn’t end in the custom lab I’d built and spent time creating for our clientele. Pharmaceuticals were my passion. And drugs I’d perfected over the years were managing diseases and alleviating the pain of millions.
“I will. I just need to know my old man will live to see it.”
“Promise.” He sucked his teeth, shaking his head. “Promises they’re meant to be broken.”
“Not ours.”
“Nothing I’ll say will make this any better or hurt any less.”
“Assuring me you haven’t and will not give up, that’ll make all the difference.”
“I won’t give up, son.”
We allowed the silence to dwell. I sipped from my drink and he did the same. Nothing more needed to be said.
Eden rushed toward the truck with Aden and an umbrella hovering over her head. My nostrils flared at even the thought of the rain touching her in places that were restricted and reserved for me. I swung the door open as I ended the call I’d been on.
Nothing mattered anymore. Nothing, now that she was in sight. Eden slid in, not stopping until her hands were on the back of my head, pulling me into her.
Electricity flowed freely through my body as her tongue twirled around my mouth. She tasted like a strawberry cream soda. The Lost Cherry perfume she wore was divine. It mixed perfectly with her natural scent. Our lips twisted and turned until we both pulled away, breathlessly with smiles that nearly split the corners of our lips.
“I’ve missed you,” I confessed.
“I’ve waited by the phone for your call. Felt like it would never come.”
“My call will always come, Choc. Always.”
She settled beside me, refusing to acknowledge personal space and I wasn’t in a hurry for her to do so, either. I enjoyed the feeling of her skin against mine. She rested her head on my shoulder and sighed heavily.
“Have you eaten?”
She was in her favorite color. Prada sneakers and a nylon Prada bag quickly reminded me I had a cart full of items I needed to complete the checkout process for. Eden represented me so well. Joining the entourage would be a breeze. Just like my sisters, she was born to be pampered, spoiled, and to have her way.
“Yes.”
“How long has it been?”
“Two hours, possibly more.”
“Then dinner will wait. I can push our appointment up.”
“Our appointment?” She stretched her body, sitting up straight and pressing her back against the seat behind us.
“I didn’t stutter, Eden.”
“You didn– Where are we headed?”
“Just sit back and look pretty. Don’t worry yourself too much. You’ll see soon enough.”
Instead of pushing her luck, she scooted to the other side of the seat and lowered her back until her head was in my lap and those big, round eyes were staring up at me. I saw my future in them, in her.
“Hi,” she snorted, sniggering at whatever she found funny.
“Hello, Eden.”
I brushed a finger up against her cheek. She leaned into my hand kissing it tenderly. I missed her dearly. That smile of hers. That mouth of hers –for the things it said and the things it did to me. That laugh of hers. The sound of her light snores revealed her level of contentment. The softness of her skin. The beat of her heart. Her silence. Her pussy. Her selflessness. Her.
She pursed her lips, closed her eyes, and waited for me to grant her soundless wish. I complied, leaning down and pecking them. By the time my back hit the seat, again, her eyes were open and I felt myself falling deeper than I’d been seconds ago. Minutes ago. Hours ago.
“Whaaaaat?” She blushed.
“You’re beautiful, Eden.”
With her hands, she covered her face. I pulled them away one after the other.
“Don’t hide.”
I’ve done enough of that for us both.
“You make me feel so fuzzy inside. My God, I feel like a kid with a crush.”
“I’m no kid and this ain’t no crush, Choc.”
“I’m well aware,” she admitted. “You’ve made that abundantly clear.”
“There is something else I want to make abundantly clear.”
I brought her hands to my lips and kissed her fingers, one by one, stopping at her ring finger where I’d one day place a ring. She waited with bated breath for me to continue. My stomach flipped fifty times. My mouth dried as I fought to release the words on my heart.
“I’ve been trying to convince myself I’m in too far over my head but every time I set eyes on you, I feel like I’m not even halfway there. So much darkness, so much nothingness surrounded me before you stepped and lit this motherfucker up.
“Your light exposed wounds I’ve been needing to heal for two decades. Your light exposed parts of me I had tucked away, hidden, and hoped they were never discovered. Your light brought me clarity. And a bunch of fucking feelings I fight to control every day. I lose every time, Choc.
“Because this feeling isn’t meant to be controlled. It’s all-consuming. It’s wide. It’s large. It’s deep. It’s better than anything I’ve ever felt. For once, I don’t get to dictate. My submission is required and until three months ago, I had intentions of leaving this earth without submitting. But here we are and now that I’m here, I’ll never return to that emptiness I experienced, that abyss I was once in.
“You’ve helped me more than you’ll ever understand. And I thank you for that. They say perfection doesn’t exist, but I have the proof in my hands right now. I love you, Choc. yesterday. Tomorrow. Next week. Next month. Next year. Next lifetime. Unconditionally. Wholly. Completely. Without reservation. Without shame. Without fear. Without regret. I love you. And I’ve known it for some time now.
“Possibly the moment I laid eyes on you, but I convinced myself it was impossible and again, I was in too far over my head. But, fuck my head and fuck time and fuck all the restrictions society puts on us. There’s no timeframe. No amount of days. No amount of nights. No amount of dates can change my mind about how I truly felt that night.
“It’s clear now because my feelings haven’t changed. They’ve only intensified. My love has grown. Expanded. Blossomed. It’s almost too fucking big for this heart of mine. But, that’s alright because it’s growing too, to accommodate you… to accommodate us.”
I shook my head. “Fuck.”
I couldn’t wrap my head around the things coming from my mouth, but I didn’t need to. I was no longer speaking from my head where logic existed. I was speaking from my heart where love existed.
“And I know I’m saying a lot but in short, I love you. I love you. I love you.”
Tears fell from her eyes, rolled down her cheeks, and soiled my pants. Her chest caved and stilled as I continued.
I kissed her forehead. “I love you.”
I kissed her right cheek. “I love you.”
I kissed her left cheek. “I love you.”
I kissed her lips. “I love you.”
She released a breath. “Chemistry.”
“In this lifetime and the next, Choc.”
“I need to te– tell you som–” She choked, tears as plentiful as her emotions.
“We’ve arrived,” Aden announced, pulling us both above ground level where the tsunami of tears threatened our wellbeing.
“What is it?” I asked, still invested in our conversation.
Hesitantly, she shook her head from one side to the other.
“What’s the matter?”
She lifted, fixing her clothes as she wiped her eyes. “I’ve known it all along, too. I tumbled and have been falling for a mighty long time. I love you. I feel it in my heart from the moment I open my eyes until I close them. And when I fall asleep, you’re there too. You’re not alone. Don’t ever think you are. I feel it too. I feel it all.”
Her words soothed me. I wasted little time exiting the truck that had grown clammy in the midst of my divulging. Eden followed. Before taking off, I pressed her body against the back door and smoothed down her ponytail. Her eyes had swelled slightly and still had signs of moisture. I cleaned it with the handkerchief in my pocket.
“Choc,” I began. “There is something you have neglected to mention.”
“Is there?”
“The name of the ex that broke your heart.”
“Chemistry.”
“His name.”
“No, because he has a wife and family now. I will not allow you to take him away from them.”
“He doesn’t get to live peacefully while you continue to live with a broken heart.”
“My heart okay, Chem.”
“Oh, I don’t doubt it. I’m going to make sure of that. But, you still live with the results of his actions.”
“No.”
“Yes, Eden.”
“Then, promise you won’t lay a hand on him.”
“I promise.”
“I feel like you’re lying.”
“I haven’t lied to you yet. I’m not starting today.”
“Adonis. Adonis Von.”
My thumb slid down my tongue. I cleaned the tear stains from her face with the saliva assisting.
“Good. Good. Thank you, Choc.”
“Don’t lay a hand on him, Chemistry. Don’t even say a word to him. Don’t break your promise to me.”
“I’d never, Choc.”
“Did you really just use spit to clean my face?” She chuckled.
“You let me.”
It wasn’t until she began to resemble the Eden I knew and not an emotionally scarred, shockingly gorgeous model who’d been turned down for her dream gig that we pushed through the private entrance of the family jeweler. She took the hand I was extending for her to grab. Her empty hand reminded me of why we were here.
I was ready to weigh Eden’s finger down with a block of ice, but there was one problem. I didn’t know her size. That was the point of our visit. Once that was settled, I could get the ball rolling. Before my father took his last breath, Eden would take my last name.