Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
I put the finishing touches on the meal cooking in the crockpot. It would have to cook for another forty-five minutes to an hour, and I knew exactly how I would pass the time.
Elijah was on his way up from the parking lot, which meant I could show him the new lingerie I bought with him in mind. I’d never done anything like this before—buying and wearing racy undergarments to seduce the man I was dating.
Nerves shimmered in my stomach as I smoothed a hand over the lacy one-piece.
The clerk in the store called it a teddy.
It was a gorgeous teal green lace that was cut so low between my breasts that it was only a couple inches above my navel.
The lace curved high over my hips and became a thong in the back, and it was completely see-through. My nipples were on full display.
There were strips of solid fabric sewn in three rows at the waist, almost like a harness. They were the reason I’d bought the teddy because they nipped me in and gave me the illusion of a waist, which emphasized the curve of my hips. I felt sexy when I wore it.
Elijah tapped on the door, which made my heart beat even harder. I took a deep breath and arranged myself so that I had one hip leaning against the counter that ran between my tiny kitchen and the living area.
“It’s open,” I called out.
Elijah came through the door and stopped short when he saw me. His eyes widened as he came further inside. Muffled voices came from behind him. Before I could freak out and dive behind the counter, he slammed the door shut and flipped the deadbolt.
In an effort to calm my racing heart, I took another deep breath and blew it out slowly.
Then, I noticed the way he was looking at me, which only made my heart beat even faster.
His bright blue eyes wandered over my body, starting at my face and moving down over my torso and all the way down to my toes.
Just as slowly, his gaze moved upward again, pausing when it reached my chest. A shiver ran down my back, and my nipples tightened as he stared at me, unmoving.
My nerves increased, and I felt the sudden urge to grab the throw blanket off the back of the couch and wrap up in it.
Before I could act on it, Elijah moved, closing the space between us.
“Is this for me?” he asked, gesturing to my teddy.
“Yes,” I murmured.
He stopped right in front of me, so close that the tips of his shoes nearly brushed my bare toes. His eyes were locked on my face. “I like it.”
I couldn’t hold back my smile as I looked up at him. “Good.”
Elijah lifted a hand and brushed his knuckles across my nipple. My breath stuttered in my chest, and I swayed toward him.
“C’mere.” His hand slid from my breast to my hip, and his other joined, grabbing me and tugging me with him toward my couch.
He collapsed on the cushions and wrapped his hands around me, his fingers gliding over my bare ass until they met the strip of lace that disappeared between my cheeks. “Oh, I really like it.”
A breathless laugh escaped me as he tugged me down to straddle his lap. His hands massaged my ass as his gaze wandered all over my body. I let my back curve into a subtle arch. I liked the way he was looking at me—as though he wanted to devour me, but he wasn’t sure where to take the first bite.
We were going on week four of spending time together.
We hadn’t discussed exactly what this thing between us was yet, but he came over almost every night.
I’d yet to sleep over at his place because Marcus was still in the city and living with him.
Considering how loud we got during sex, I preferred the privacy of my apartment, anyway.
His hands shifted up my back, moving from the lace to my bare skin. His fingertips were lightly callused, and the somewhat rough texture made me shiver. A faint smirk tugged at his mouth, as though he really enjoyed the effect he had on me.
“What are you doing this weekend?” I asked him. “Specifically, Saturday night.”
His hands stopped between my shoulder blades and pressed, arching my back even more until my breasts were only a few inches from his face.
Elijah leaned forward and closed his lips over my left nipple.
As he ran his tongue over the hard nub, I shivered again.
The wet heat of his mouth combined with the texture of the lace brought an edge to the pleasure.
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to beg for more or pull away at the sensation.
He released my nipple, and the damp lace suddenly felt chilled.
“Fuck, that’s sexy,” he murmured.
“Elijah,” I said, fisting my hand in the back of his hair and tugging it lightly. “Answer my question.”
“What was that?” he asked, his eyes flicking up to mine.
“What are you doing Saturday night?” I repeated. My voice was breathy and soft.
“Hopefully, something very similar to what I’m doing tonight.”
A smile tugged at the corner of my mouth, but I bit it back. “Well, I’m going to Yancy’s rehearsal dinner, and I was wondering if you’d like to go with me.”
The sultry expression he wore vanished as his blue eyes snapped up to mine. “Go to dinner?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I mentioned to Yancy and the girls I was seeing someone. I didn’t mention your name because we’d only spent a couple of nights together.
I didn’t want things to be awkward for all of us if we decided it wasn’t worth pursuing.
She told me that I could bring the guy I was seeing if you were still around.
I don’t need a date for the wedding, though.
It’s going to be small, and I already told her I was coming alone. ”
His hands moved to my hips, and he shifted me back a little. My brow was furrowed as I stared down in him in confusion.
“Why do you seem upset?” I asked, completely baffled by the sudden change in his energy.
“I’m not upset.”
His words seemed sincere, but there was still a thread of tension beneath them.
“If you’re not upset, why do you sound weird?”
He started to lift me up as though he intended to set me to the side, but I dropped my weight fully on him and grabbed his biceps. I ignored the way they flexed beneath my fingers and focused my gaze on his face.
“I just realized we should have talked about this before now,” he answered with a sigh.
“Talked about what?” I asked.
He didn’t have to shift me off of his lap this time. I slid to one side and grabbed the throw draped over the back of the couch. The teddy that made me feel so sexy just a few minutes ago now felt like it didn’t cover nearly enough.
“What our expectations are.”
I leaned against the arm of the couch and pulled my knees up close to my chest, resting my feet flat against the couch cushion I sat on. Then, I pulled the throw over my legs and up to my shoulders.
“What are your expectations then?” I asked.
He seemed a little uncomfortable by my direct question, but I didn’t try to fill the silence. I just watched him and waited for his answer.
Finally, Elijah said, “I thought you understood that this would still be a casual thing. I like hanging out with you, but I’m not interested in getting into anything serious. I guess I assumed you’d be the same since…” he trailed off when he saw the expression on my face.
I tried to school my features, but I knew I was failing miserably. “Since what?” I pressed.
He took a deep breath and sighed before he answered. “Since you’re so much younger.”
His words felt like a kick in my gut. That was why I hadn’t been to his apartment, why we didn’t go out to dinner or anything else.
This wasn’t anything to him but a booty call.
Or maybe friends with benefits. Then again, I wasn’t sure he respected me enough to consider me a friend based on what he’d just said.
One day at a time meant I was the woman he called when he got horny.
The realization hit like an arrow to the heart.
Since the night of Lucy’s wedding, I hadn’t thought about the decade between us.
I hadn’t even known exactly how old he was until a couple of weeks ago when I teased him about a thread of grey hair I’d found at his temple.
I’d told him it would be really sexy when both his temples were a little grey.
He’d laughed and said he was closer to forty than thirty, so it would be sooner rather than later.
God, this fucking hurt. I’d gotten my hopes up, and they’d been stomped, just as I’d worried they would be.
“You realize I’m about to turn twenty-six, right?” I asked. “I may be young, but I’ve been out of college for nearly five years. And even when I was in college, casual flings weren’t my thing.”
He winced a little at my words but didn’t say anything.
I continued, “If I had realized that all you were interested in was sex, I would have told you that I was looking for something more.”
Because I was watching him, I saw the tiny flinch around his eyes.
It pissed me off even as it broke my heart.
I was his younger hook-up, someone who wouldn’t push him for more than he wanted to give because I was so pathetically desperate for someone to love me.
My stomach churned at the thought, and my mouth tasted like ash.
“But you knew that, didn’t you? That’s why you didn’t bring it up until I did.”
“Gigi—” he began.
I shook my head. “I’m not really interested in hearing your excuses, Elijah.”
I knew that I would feel used once the hurt faded, but right now the ache in my chest left no room for anything else.
“It’s complicated,” he finally said.
I nodded. “It is. We have mutual friends. I understand why you’d want to be cautious because I was careful, too. We would have to see each other again if things didn’t work out, and no one likes awkward get-togethers with their friends.”
“We’re also at different places in our lives.”
I nearly snorted in derision. I was right. In this situation, he was Davide, and I was Nick. He wasn’t ready to settle down, either due to fear or because he was having a blast fucking his way through the local population of women.
“You mean that you’re not prepared for a serious relationship, and I am?” I asked.
He stared at me, blinking, for a moment. “You are?”
Pain and anger intertwined in my belly. “I am. That’s part of the reason I struggle with dating. All the men I end up meeting or matching with online are only interested in booty calls and friends with benefits. I want someone in my life who sees me as more than a convenient place to get off.”
He opened his mouth, but I was done with this conversation. I had to be, or I’d be sobbing in front of him. I normally tried not to let my pride get the best of me, but I’d be damned if I let him see how much he’d hurt me. I got up off the couch, wrapping my blanket tightly around me.
“I think you should go, Eli. You’ve explained your position, but I’m looking for someone who is serious about me. I didn’t expect a marriage proposal after four weeks, but I did at least think you saw me as a potential partner.”
“Grier, that’s not—”
I shook my head, cutting him off again. “I think we’ve said enough.
I’m upset, but only because you didn’t make yourself clear when we started this…
this…thing between us. If you’d been honest, we wouldn’t be in this position now.
” I walked toward the hall that led to my bedroom, making sure the blanket was secure around me so I didn’t flash my bare ass to him.
“I won’t make things weird or bad mouth you to the group, but I would appreciate it if you would give me some space right now. ”
I didn’t wait for his response, I just dove into my bedroom and shut the door behind me. When I heard his soft footsteps slowly coming down the hall, I flipped the lock on the knob, and I didn’t give a shit if he heard it.
He stopped moving. “Grier, we should talk about this.”
I released a laugh and even I could hear that it was bitter. “I think you’ve said enough, Elijah.” I let my head fall forward against the door. “Please leave. I would like to be able to remain civil toward you when we’re all together in the future.”
The knob clicked softly, as though he put his hand on it, but it didn’t jiggle like he was trying to turn it.
I could hear his quiet sigh, then his footsteps retreated as he walked away. I waited a few more minutes until the door to the main hallway opened and shut. Once I was sure he was gone, I dropped the throw and started stripping the teddy from my body.
As I marched naked to my dresser to find my coziest sweats, I ignored my reflection because I didn’t want to see the tears trickling down my cheeks. It was bad enough to feel them.