Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
Despite the awkward beginning to my evening, I was eventually able to relax and have fun. Mostly because Elijah left a half hour into the rehearsal dinner.
Seth fit in extremely well with my friends. And with me. He managed to draw me out of myself a little more than usual and had me in fits of laughter off and on all night.
When I hugged Yancy good-bye, she kissed my cheek and whispered in my ear, “Seth is fun. I like that he makes you smile.”
I swallowed hard at her words, unsure why they made me want to cry. “He is fun, but tonight is about you and the man who makes you smile.”
She pulled back, her expression dreamy. “He really does. He makes me so happy. I never thought…”
I saw the sheen of tears in her eyes when she stopped talking and immediately felt my own threaten to return. “No crying,” I whispered, blinking rapidly. “If you cry, I’m going to cry. And…and…Charles will be mad at me because he’ll think I’m the one who made you cry.”
A watery giggle escaped her. “Okay, okay. No crying.” She sniffled a little. “I can’t believe I’m getting married tomorrow. I didn’t think I ever would again. And the way he loves Carolena and she loves him, it’s incredible,” she sighed.
“Well, I can’t wait.”
Yancy and Charles wanted a small ceremony, just their family and closest friends.
They were having a casual afternoon wedding in their backyard followed by a simple catered reception that would include barbeque and cake.
There would be a DJ if anyone wanted to dance under the trees and tables with board or card games for those who didn’t.
There would even be games for kids to play since Yancy’s daughter, Carolena, was going to be part of the ceremony.
I’d helped with the set up last night and I couldn’t wait.
It was going to be gorgeous but also simple and sweet.
I loved that it wasn’t going to be a formal event.
All she said was for us to wear our favorite fall dress.
It wouldn’t be the polished elegance of Lucy’s wedding, but it was very much fitting with Yancy’s personality to have what was essentially a big party to celebrate her new marriage.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Yancy said.
“I’ll come over early to help with any last-minute stuff.”
She shook her head. “You don’t have to—”
I huffed. “I’m coming over early. If nothing else, I can pour you a glass of wine and tell you how pretty you look while you’re getting ready.”
Yancy laughed again. “Okay, okay.” She gave me another hug. “I can’t believe I’m getting married again!”
“You already said that.”
She poked a finger in my ribs, making me jump because it tickled. “I know, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth repeating.”
Charles appeared behind her, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her closer until her back rested against his front. “I think it’s time to go home,” he murmured.
Yancy smiled, looking blissful as she melted against him. “You’re right.”
After I gave everyone else a quick hug, Seth walked me out. “Do you need a ride home?” he asked.
I initially planned to use the rideshare again but decided that it wouldn’t hurt for him to give me a ride home. I might not be insanely attracted to him, but I trusted him. “Sure.”
The interior of the car was quiet and dark as I gave him directions to my apartment. He held my hand, our laced fingers resting against his thigh. After he parked in front of my building, he turned to face me.
“I enjoyed your company tonight,” he said.
“Me, too.”
It surprised me that it was the truth. While the warmth I felt toward him was nothing like the overwhelming heat that Elijah stirred within me, there was a small spark there—an attraction that might have the potential to become more.
“What are your feelings about a good night kiss?” he asked, his eyes sparkling in the dim interior of the car.
Instead of answering verbally, I twisted further, reaching across the armrest with my free hand to cup his cheek. I lifted my chin as I leaned in, and Seth met me halfway.
Our lips met with a soft, brief brush. His mouth was damp and hot as it clung to mine. The tip of his tongue touched my bottom lip momentarily before he pulled away.
It had been a pleasant first kiss. Maybe even sweet. But that was it. I didn’t feel the urge to pull him in again, to deepen the caress. It felt a lot like kissing a friend.
Seth’s eyes studied me from a few inches away, and I knew he saw it when a sheepish smile tugged at his mouth.
“Friends?” he asked.
Relieved that he wasn’t going to push the issue or make things difficult, I sighed. “I think that’s best because as much as I like you, that was like—”
“Kissing your brother?” he asked, wincing.
“Uh, not quite. More like kissing a buddy. It was nice but…”
“No sparks,” he finished.
“Yeah,” I whispered. “Kinda sucks because you’re hot.”
A bark of laughter escaped him. “Well, I still had a lot of fun with you, even if we don’t want to jump each other.”
“I had a lot of fun with you, too. Will I see you at the gallery?”
“Yeah. I’ll come by with coffee sometime soon.”
I slid my hand from his face to his neck, pulling him closer for a hug. “You’re a good guy, Seth.” He winced again, which made me laugh. “That’s a compliment,” I said, pulling back to smack him lightly on the shoulder.
“I’m sure you think it is, but any man knows it’s also the kiss of death to his horny hopes.”
I couldn’t control the guffaw that escaped me. “Oh, my God. Stop it.”
He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. Dammit, why was I getting all these lovely forehead kisses from men that I wasn’t romantically interested in?
“Text me when you’re safely in your apartment,” he said.
“I will.”
I climbed out of the car and headed toward my building. The complex consisted of five separate buildings with two stories. There was an elevator in each that I rarely used, but tonight I was making an exception. My feet ached after several hours in my sexy shoes.
As I left the elevator and headed toward my apartment, I pulled my phone out of my purse and texted Seth.
Grier: I’m about to walk inside right now. Thanks for the company tonight.
Seth: I had fun, even if it wasn’t the sexy kind I was hoping for.
A breathless laugh escaped me.
Grier: See you next week.
Seth: Good night, Grier. Sleep well.
I sighed as I put my phone back in my tiny purse, shaking my head. I couldn’t force myself to feel something I didn’t, but I almost wished I could. Seth was a good guy. And I liked him a lot. But the spark just wasn’t there.
As I rounded the walkway that led to my apartment, I fished around in my bag for my keys. How I could lose an entire key chain in such a small bag, I had no idea, but I was having trouble finding it.
My fingers closed around my key ring when a small scraping sound caught my attention. My heart started to pound as my eyes snapped up. Shit. I should have been paying attention. I knew how dangerous it could be for a woman in this world. I should have been more alert.
The racing of my heart didn’t calm when my eyes landed on the man leaning against the wall by my apartment door. He still wore the same clothes from earlier, but his hair was messy, and his shirt was untucked and wrinkled. His face was haggard, as though he’d aged years in the past few hours.
Brilliant blue eyes latched onto me. I’d stopped walking when I saw him and stood there with my mouth open and my key ring dangling loosely from my hand.
We stared at each other in the shadowed walkway, neither of us moving or speaking.
Finally, I broke the silence. “What are you doing here?”
“I was hoping we could talk.”
My brows lifted at his words, and the anger that filled me at his presumption was the catalyst I needed to get my feet moving again. I walked toward him…well, toward my door. The click of my heels sounded loud and angry on the concrete walkway.
“I think we said everything there was to say last week.”
I stopped a couple of steps away. He was leaning right next to the door, on the same side as the doorknob and deadbolt. Close enough that my shoulder would brush his chest if I stepped forward to use my key.
“I said a lot of things last week that I probably shouldn’t have.”
I eyed him with skepticism. “Which parts specifically?”
He winced. “Is there any way we can have this conversation inside?”
I crossed my arms beneath my breasts and cocked my hip. “I don’t think so.”
His eyes dropped to my chest. The way my arms were crossed made my already prominent cleavage even deeper. I sighed and dropped my arms to my sides even as my skin heated beneath his gaze.
Finally, he looked back up to my face and spoke, “I realize I haven’t been fair to you. I gave you the wrong impression with my behavior without actually talking to you about what I thought about our…situation.”
The pause before his final word was the death knell of any hopes I’d harbored about him.
The affection I’d built for him burned to ash in my heart.
He couldn’t even bring himself to say the word “relationship.” Even if he’d thought it was casual, it was still a relationship.
We didn’t just fuck. We talked, we ate meals together, we laughed.
We connected on more than a physical level.
Looking at him now, without foolish hope or budding affection, I could see that the connection terrified him once he realized it was there. Whether he’d ignored it or had been in denial, that connection had grown between us, and it scared the shit out of him.
But his emotions weren’t my responsibility. I reminded myself of that even as I felt the urge to cave.
With a sigh, I closed the space between us, ignoring how my shoulder brushed his chest when turned to fit my key in the deadbolt.
“You should go home, Eli,” I said as I unlocked the door.
When I opened the door and stepped through, he put a hand around the jamb as he stared at me. “I don’t think I can.”
His knuckles were white where he gripped the frame, and I thought I heard the wood creak. His obvious distress was almost enough to weaken my resolve, but I knew I couldn’t give in. He wasn’t toxic, but he also wasn’t ready to give me what I needed. And he might never be.
“Eli, you can’t even say the word relationship after everything we shared for weeks.”
He blinked at me. “But—”
I didn’t want to hear whatever justification he was about to give me, so I interrupted him.
“Even if it was just something casual, it was still a relationship. Just like friendship is a type of relationship. And I don’t hold it against you that you don’t want the same things I do—that we didn’t have the conversations we should have had.
I’m equally responsible for the fact that we didn’t discuss it.
I could have brought it up at any time, and I didn’t. ”
His expression changed, some of the tension leaking from his posture.
“But that doesn’t change the fact that I want something more than a friend who fucks me. I’m looking for a partner. Someone I can build a life with. A family with.”
He swayed backward at my words, which brought a bitter smile to my face. That was exactly the response I expected.
“I have no hard feelings toward you. We want different things, and I understand that, but I refuse to waste months, if not years, waiting for you to change your mind. What we want out of our relationships isn’t compatible.”
“I don’t think I can walk away,” Elijah murmured, leaning closer, his face less than a foot from mine. “I—I,” he swallowed hard. “I miss you.”
Shit. Fuck. My calm facade was beginning to crack. My vision blurred as tears filled my eyes. I blinked hard, willing them away. The soft touch of Elijah’s fingers on my cheek had my eyes flying open. I jerked my head back.
“No!”
The sharp word exploded from my mouth, creating an invisible barrier between us. His hand hovered in the air, inches from my face, before he slowly lowered it to his side.
“I miss you, too,” I admitted.
“You don’t seem to,” he retorted, his tone hard. “It seemed like you found someone else to keep you company pretty quickly.”
“Fuck. You.”
At my growled words, it was his turn to blink. I stepped forward, which made him back away from my door, and poked his sternum with my finger.
“You ended things last week. You hurt me.”
“Grier—”
“Shut up,” I snapped. His mouth closed with a click of teeth.
“I played a hand in it and let myself hope, so it’s not all on you.
But that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Seth is a friend, and he makes me laugh.
Something I needed after this week. Even if he was more than a friend, you don’t get to make me feel badly about it.
You and I said what we needed to say last week. ”
Elijah swallowed hard, staring down at me as though he’d never seen me before. In a sense, he hadn’t. I didn’t have much of a temper anymore. I’d learned to work through my emotions without the uncontrolled outbursts that I had when I was a younger.
I took a deep breath and released it with a sigh, letting the tension drain out of my body.
“Look, Eli, I wish you the best. I hope you have a wonderful life and that you’re happy.
I don’t want to taint the good memories we share with arguments and nastiness.
I think it’s best if…” My throat got tighter as I spoke, so I stopped and cleared it.
“I think it’s best if we leave things as they are.
We’ll see each other once in a while with our friends, but I think it will be okay if we keep our distance. ”
Elijah continued to stare down at me. I could almost see his mind working behind his eyes.
I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but I needed to end this conversation.
The tears I’d managed to fight back earlier had returned with a vengeance, and I was seconds away from breaking down. I could feel it.
“Please, Eli.”
My pleading words seemed to penetrate through his thoughts. Elijah sighed and stepped back again.
“Okay, Gigi,” he agreed, his deep voice softer and gentler than I’d ever heard it.
My breath hitched in my chest as I moved to shut the door between us.
“For what it’s worth, I want you to be happy, too,” he said.
A quiet whimper tried to force its way out of my mouth, but I ruthlessly held it back as I met his eyes.
“Thank you.” My voice was rough and hoarse.
“Good-bye, Gigi.”
“Bye, Eli.”
I couldn’t wait any longer. I shut the door between us and locked it.
I knew he would be able to hear me through the door, so I slapped a hand over my mouth as a sob tried to escape and all but ran toward my bedroom.
I shut the bedroom door and leaned back against it, letting my butt slide down until it was on the floor against my heels.
Only then did I let the tears come.