Chapter 14
HAILEY
I don’t think I truly grasped what being courted as an Omega was like until today. Sterling’s words, Nate’s truths, and Hayes’ actions are all playing through my mind, and I have to almost convince myself that this is all real.
After the hot tub, I needed to shower to get the chemicals off me, but along with it, I’m also washing away Sterling’s scent. I can’t help the overwhelming feeling of loss as the water swirls down the drain and I’m not sure how to deal with it.
I’m around Alpha scents all the time at the club. I’ve gone through heat, but I’ve never felt this way. I’ve never felt like I needed to smell like an Alpha before. It’s kind of terrifying.
What if this all falls apart? What if I let myself fall harder and then they realize they don’t want me?
No one has ever wanted me like this before. I try to pull myself together as I get dressed for bed. The room is empty and while I appreciate the space and not pressuring me to do anything, I also feel helplessly alone.
I leave my room without thinking about it…to what? Jump into bed with all of them and rub myself all over them so they smell like me and I like them? This new claiming sensation is too much.
“Hey.”
I jolt at the greeting and see Hayes lounging on the couch. It’s like getting caught sneaking back into the house as a teenager. Instead, I’m sneaking off to get a whiff of Alpha scents, plus my mom never would have given a shit if I snuck out.
“Um. I was just getting a snack.”
“A big old Alpha scent snack?” He calls me out on my shit, and I glare at him. “Come here. I have something for you.”
He hands me two gigantic hoodies, one smelling like Sterling and the other like Nate. I ungracefully inhale them both and it soothes something deep inside of me, some of that edge from earlier completely disappearing.
“Thanks,” I whisper.
He doesn’t seem upset over the fact that I’m sniffing these hoodies and not him. Instead, he gives me an easy smile.
“Why don’t we take these hoodies back to your bed and get a good night’s rest for tomorrow,” he says.
It seems like he easily just solved all my problems. My need for the Alphas’ scents and this crippling feeling of being alone. He follows me back to the room. I place both of the hoodies in a very particular spot near the pillow and lie down. Hayes follows suit, spooning me from behind.
“You alright?” he asks, holding me tight. Who knew that hugs with a significant amount of pressure could feel so good?
I nod, not ready to voice exactly how I’m thinking, because it doesn’t seem sane.
“You can always talk to me. Whatever you need, we don’t even have to tell the Alphas,” he says easily.
I can’t help but laugh softly. I interlace my fingers with his and hold him tight. With Hayes, I feel safe. With him there’s no cloudy judgment. I simply like him because I like him, and there’s some comfort in that.
“Goodnight, Hailey. I hope this was the dream date you always wanted,” he says, kissing the back of my head.
I take a deep inhale of the scents around me and let his soft words settle into my heart.
“It’s more than I could have ever wished for,” I tell him honestly.
It’s almost as unexpected as this deep yearning I have for wanting a bond. It’s like a fist wrapped around my heart, begging me to be a part of something I never thought I could have. It’s all too much, too soon. How could I possibly be sure?
What if these men are wonderful now and then as soon as we bond they turn into my mother’s pack? Hating one another, and becoming deplorable people.
Hayes grips me tighter, nearly smothering me and I take a deep breath.
“What do you need?” he asks, clearly sensing that something is wrong.
“Just you. Just this,” I tell him, not vocalizing all the spiraling thoughts raging through my head. “Goodnight Hayes,” I whisper softly, and he kisses my hair, not asking me any further questions.
Wrapped in his arms and shoving my negative thoughts away, I’m blessedly able to fall asleep.
Hayes was right. The view back home was even better. Watching the Las Vegas skyline glittering beneath us felt magical. But as they drive me back to my shitty apartment, I can’t help but to feel like this is where the magic ends.
I hate that I’m like this. That I can’t seem to hold on to a good thing.
This weekend was the best one of my life and I’m already contemplating how it’s all just too good to be true.
The way these guys make me feel scares the shit out of me and I think it’s because for the first time I have something I want so badly and I know how easily it could be ripped out of my hands.
I think in the back of my brain I knew I’d eventually bond with a pack, but it wasn’t something I actively thought about.
Last night I craved it, I wanted something so viscerally I’m not sure how to even handle it.
Maybe space will make things better. I need some time to get my head on straight, to let the grandness of this date fade away and see how things are in the monotony of everyday life.
“You okay, Hailey?” Nate asks softly, and I glance out the window. When did we park in front of my building?
“Yeah. Just tired.”
“We’ll walk you up,” Sterling says, and I don’t deny them that.
When we get to my door, I give them each a small peck.
“Thank you all so much for this weekend. It really was amazing,” I tell them.
“You need anything you let us know. Sterling and I are on 48/96’s right now. So if you’re free on Thursday,” Nate suggests.
“I’d like that,” I agree, as we all stand there at my door. “Get home safe,” I say as I enter my apartment. Smokey is happy to see me as he rubs his head against my shins.
I pick him up and clutch him against my chest.
“I think I’m way over my head, Smokey,” I tell him, giving him kisses.
When I lie down on my bed, it feels empty, stale, and sad. I’ve never longed for anything, and I’m not sure how to handle this overwhelmingly foreign feeling.
Just like I thought, life goes back to normal as I slip on my costume for the night. It’s shimmer night and my outfit is a sparkling bronze. As soon as I have the tight fitting set on, I sit down at the mirror and get started on my makeup.
I never felt guilty for working at Lavender Moon, never considered it seedy or anything like that.
But the idea of scenting other Alphas, dancing for other patrons when I’m being actively courted, sends a pang through my stomach.
It’s not like I need to even do any lap dances or VIPs.
I can just dance on the stage all night.
It’s not far off from burlesque or any major show you could see on the main strip.
Yet…I still don’t like the idea.
“Tell me everything,” Riley says, startling me.
He’s wearing a silver thong and harness. I blink at him and he motions with his hand.
“How did the date go?”
I sigh and place my palms on the table. “They took me on a helicopter over the Grand Canyon and rented a beautiful cabin. It’s horrible,” I say, turning to face my friend.
“Oh, honey. You want their knots deep inside of you while they sink their teeth into you, huh?”
I turn my whole body toward his and grab his wrists.
“You know this feeling? I thought you didn’t want to settle down?”
“This isn’t about me. But yes, I’ve felt this feeling. It’s normal. They’re courting you, Hails. They want you, just you. You deserve something good. It’s okay to want the pack, to want the bonds.”
“What if it’s not real? What if it’s not built to last?”
Riley tugs on a piece of my hair. “God, you have worse mommy issues than I do. Just don’t sabotage yourself, alright? As much as I would hate to not see you here at Lavender Moon anymore, it sounds like you found some good ones. Don’t ruin a good thing before you even have it.”
“You’re right.”
“Now that our pep talk is over, was there any freaky sex out in the desert?”
I glare at him and he just grins back before we get called to the stage.
He’s right, I know that he’s right, that I don’t know how to handle a good thing.
Though we’re back in the real world. Maybe things will be totally different and they’ll realize that I’m not really what they’re looking for.
I mean, what if they think they’re okay with this job and they’re actually not?
I sigh as I head to my stage, prepping the pole as music starts and patrons fill the space. I try to just do the movements I’ve done a million times, putting off having to talk to any of the Alphas that showed up tonight till I have to.
Would some VIP dances help my bank account? No doubt, but the idea just doesn’t sit right with me.
After a few spins, I’m climbing back up the pole before doing an aerial introvert, my hair falling as I spin upside down. It’s the first time I look into the crowd of Alphas who’ve gathered around my section.
A backward hat, and a sharp smirk, has me blinking with every spin.
Hayes is here, his blue eyes only looking at me, as I flip and slide down the pole, walking to the edge. He’s leaned forward, and I guess in my shock, I only noticed him, because Ben pops up right next to him, nearly startling me.
“Hey, Cherry,” he says happily.
“Oh hey, Ben,” I reply.
Hayes looks less than thrilled about me talking to this Alpha.
But this is still my job.
There aren’t any bond marks on my skin.
There’s no security right now. I can’t put all my eggs in this pack basket, no matter how much I want to, even if it scares me shitless.
“You weren’t here this weekend,” Ben says, giving a little pout.
“Aw. I’m sure you couldn’t find a single other Omega in this place to give you attention, could you?”
He laughs, and I don’t look over at Hayes, even though I can tell he’s stiff as a board.
“How’s your pussy by the way?”
The reaction is instant as Hayes grabs his shirt.
“Shit,” I hiss, grabbing the side of Hayes’ arm.
“The fuck did you say to her?” Hayes seethes.
“My cat. He’s talking about Smokey,” I say.
“Dude, chill out,” Ben says, and Hayes lets go of him, taking a step back. There’s a vein in his neck that’s bulging.
Derrick, with security, is close by, and I wave him off.
“Can I buy a VIP dance?” Hayes says, clearing his throat.
I glance down at him. Part of me wants to tell him no, that he can’t just show up to my job and act like a possessive asshole. The other part of me, the deep Omega part that’s always wanted someone to give a shit, wants to kiss his face for defending my honor that didn’t need to be defended.
I stare at him for a moment.
“I’ll be a very good boy from here on out,” he says, giving me a scout’s honor motion with his hands.
Fuck, I’m easy. I give him a nod as he takes my hand and we head back to a private room. As soon as the door is closed, I turn, crossing my arms over my glittered chest.
“You can’t just show up to my work like this, Hayes,” I tell him, my attempt at being stern.
He takes a deep breath with a sharp nod. I can tell there’s more he wants to say, but he holds back.
“I’m sorry. I thought I was more evolved, but it appears not. I don’t like the idea of anyone disrespecting you.”
I click my tongue, cause when has anyone cared about that? Never.
“Sit on the couch.” I point him onto the red sofa, and he plops down. “Hat off.” He follows directions as a slow song starts and I step between his legs. His hands go to touch my hips and I shake my head. “No touching.”
His hands plop down onto the sofa and he looks up at me like I’m a goddess, like I’m the one who holds all the power over him.
“What are we going to do with you?” I say.
“Whatever the fuck you want, baby,” he rasps as I slide my hand through his soft, messy hair and grab the strands.