Chapter 19 Hailey
HAILEY
“Am I being ridiculous?” I turn to Riley as we get dressed for the night.
He sighs, leaning over and sniffing me. I’m covered in Nate and Sterling’s scents. That and having Hayes here are the only reasons I’ll possibly make it through the night.
“I don’t think you’re ridiculous for protecting yourself financially. But hurting your inner nature? Yeah girl, you’re being difficult.”
I sigh, combing out a section of my hair. “They spent, like, so much money on my nest tonight. Like…like it was nothing. They looked heartbroken that I was coming here tonight, and honestly, I don’t want to either. I just want to be in my nest; I just want to be with them.”
“Talk to Ian, he’s understanding. Hell, if he doesn’t understand, Luna will. Tell them you need to take some time off to see where this goes and if it doesn’t work out, he’ll hold your spot.”
I nod and take a deep breath. “You’re right, you’re so right. I’ll get through tonight and I’ll talk to Ian and see if we can come up with an agreement.”
“Of course I’m right,” he says with a cheeky smile. “Now, go give one last hurrah as Cherry so you can get on with your Omega princess fairytale.”
I smile at Riley, so thankful that I opened myself up to this friendship. I’m even more relieved that I’ll be truly opening myself up to this courtship. Not having Lavender Moon looming over my head will be such a relief.
“Alright, let’s go get this over with,” I say, staring down at the pink outfit for the night.
I smile as I get on stage, leaning in on the scents I love, and looking for Hayes in the crowd.
He sits front and center, his eyes never leaving me, and I can’t wait to tell him the decision I made.
They’ve proven that they’re all in and it’s time for me to do the same.
I can’t let my past loom over me; I can’t be controlled by fear.
I’m grinning, happy and filled with relief when suddenly three very familiar faces catch my attention, all of them staring at me with pity and shame. Bile creeps up in my throat as they approach my stage.
Lemon, sourdough, and grapefruit flood my system, washing away the scents that comforted me. Shame tingles up my spine and tears well in my eyes. Three of my mom’s Alphas stand before me; Lenny, Terrence, and Clinton.
“Would you look at that,” Clinton says, resting his elbows on the stage and leaning up. It’s a mixture of lust and pity and it sends a sense of self-hatred down my spine.
I try to ignore him, continuing my set, but I just don’t want to be here. I want to be back in my nest where I’m safe; I want to be tucked away.
“Looks like Erin was right, she's a little attention whore. Couldn’t even find a pack in six months. She’s defective,” Lenny says.
I’m crying as he says the words. My mother, the men who were supposed to raise me, think so little of me. How…how could anyone else care about me if they don’t? The worst part of it all is there's a high chance Lenny could actually be my biological father.
Tears are staining my cheeks and I just can’t. There’s no way I can stand up here and take this humiliation. I want to burrow into a hole and never come out, I want to disappear, but my shame is completely on display.
“The fuck did you say to her?” Hayes says, getting in Lenny’s face as I’m trying to get down the stage stairs. He shouldn’t have to defend me. I’m sure he’s hearing all their words. Now he’ll know that I’m not good enough.
“Don’t concern yourself with pack issues, little Beta,” Clinton snorts, taking a swig of his beer.
I’m finally at the bottom of the stage, tugging on Hayes’ shirt.
“I’m not worth it, let’s get out of here,” I’m nearly begging him. He looks down at me with sadness written over his face.
Is it because he knows it’s the truth? That he built this beautiful nest for nothing?
“A Beta? That’s all you could find in the last six months. God, Erin is going to love this,” Clinton says.
“Pathetic,” Lenny chimes in.
The word hits like a dagger to my chest.
“Is she going to love that you’re at a strip club paying for scents because that old cunt has too many Alphas than she knows what to do with?” Hayes says, and my eyes widen.
“You little fucker,” Lenny spits, his hand already raised to strike Hayes.
“No!” I shout, and it makes Hayes look in my direction, Lenny’s fist connecting with his face. I’m not sure what noise comes out of me as I watch him hit the floor.
My hands are trembling, my vision is cloudy with tears and fuck, I just don’t feel good. My stomach aches, probably with all the anxiety of the night and watching Hayes get hurt.
Security is coming over, thank goodness. One of them grabs Lenny’s arm. “What’s going on here?”
“He disrespected my Omega, I had every right,” Lenny says.
Security arches a brow. Hayes is rubbing his face, fury in his eyes as he gets up and I stand in front of him.
“Cherry?” security questions me.
Clinton snorts at my stage name and I just feel so much shame, so much self-deprecating anger over the situation.
“They were taunting me, and Hayes didn’t retaliate. He was just protecting me. They need to be escorted out,” I say.
“Seriously, we’re here to spend a lot of money. Are you really going to let this Beta cause an issue?” Terrence tries to reason.
Security looks between both of us and sighs. “Has any harm happened to you, Cherry?”
“Emotionally,” I say, wrapping my arms around myself.
Lenny laughs at my words and security sighs. “We can’t have violence in the club. You all need to go.”
“Seriously, she’s a paid whor—” The word doesn’t get to leave Lenny’s mouth as Nate’s powerful fist lands across his cheek. My eyes widen, and then chaos ensues.
When did he even get here? How did they know what was going on?
I’m grabbed by the waist, and dragged out of the fray.
The thick honey scent lets me know it’s Riley and I don’t panic.
But as I watch them fight my mother’s pack there’s a desperate whine that slips out of me.
The fact that they could get hurt all because of me has my heart racing and my stomach aching. Fuck, when did it get so hot in here?
I need to get out of this place. I need to be in my nest. That is, if they’ll still want me there.
Riley pets my hair. “It’s okay, Hails. Look at them defending your honor. Pretty fucking hot.”
He’s joking all while Sterling has Clinton by the shirt, Nate is pounding on Lenny, and security is separating Terrence and Hayes. I feel like I’m going to pass out.
Thankfully, more security intervenes, including Mr. Martinez, who looks more pissed than I’ve ever seen him.
“What the actual fuck? Get them out of the club, all of them, they’re banned,” he says.
I glance over at Hayes, who has a busted lip. Sterling’s knuckles are all fucked up, and Nate’s brow is bleeding, and I just can’t handle it. They’re being dragged out by security, and I can’t leave without them even if they probably don’t want me any more.
“I’ll bring your stuff out to you,” Riley says as I go to chase after them.
Before I do, I turn to Mr. Martinez.
“Sir, I want to thank you for giving me this job and—”
“Go be with your pack. If anything happens, you have a job if you need it. Just don’t bring them back here,” he says.
“Thank you,” I whisper, all choked up.
There’s no way I can show my face in here again after the humiliation of my mom’s Alphas and what’s soon to be this pack breaking up with me.
I can tell they’re resisting security as they drag them out and I chase them as fast as I can in my stripper heels.
When I finally reach the outside, the cool desert night slaps my skin, and it feels amazing.
I didn’t even think about the fact that I was wearing next to nothing when I came out here, just that I couldn’t be in there another minute.
“Shit,” Nate hisses, taking his shirt off and putting it over my head, and helping me slip my arms through. It hits my knees, and it being drenched in his scent is soothing.
It’s a double-edged sword. How much longer will I get to enjoy their scents until they realize they could do better?
“Go, get the fuck out of here,” security is yelling to my mom’s Alphas.
They’re all glaring at Nate, and it’s then that I realize our secret is out of the bag.
Not that it was truly a secret. I honestly didn’t think I’d ever have to deal with my mom and her pack again.
The optics of it aren’t great. It makes it look like my mom was completely right for kicking me out because Nate had a reaction to when I perfumed.
“Come around me and my pack and I’ll release the thumb drive,” Nate shouts as he points a finger at Lenny.
Their eyes narrow as they take in his words before turning their glare on me. I have to look away in shame. Sterling has an arm around me, and I have a fist full of Hayes’ shirt.
Instead of engaging further, her pack leaves. I stand on the street with the three men who fought for my honor looking like disheveled messes and there’s a pang of guilt that I caused this. I feel dizzy, like everything that just happened was a dream.
Riley is wearing a jacket as he jogs out of the entrance with my bag of stuff.
“You guys should probably get her back home as soon as possible,” Riley suggests.
“Is that what you need, Hailey?” Sterling asks as he holds my face and looks into my eyes.
I’m not sure what he sees, but there’s a flurry of emotions running through me right now.
“My nest.” I somehow get the words out.
“Alright, baby girl, we got you,” he says, as he collects me in his arms so I don’t have to walk to the car. I bury my nose against his neck, taking a deep inhale.
I cherish his scent, but there’s a sadness attached to it that’s affecting me too.
What if Lenny and Clinton were right about me? I mean, I’ve felt it all along that something wasn’t right with me. They’re probably noticing now how defective I really am. Sterling strokes my hair. His scent has this anxious tint to it and it’s probably because he doesn’t know what to do with me.
The car ride home is quiet, I sit in the back with Sterling and wonder if I just ruined it all. They’re going to see I’m not worth the effort. They’re going to take my nest away and I’ll have nothing again. No job, a run down home, no pack. Right after I got a glimpse of how good life could be.
“Shhh, we’re going to take care of you,” Sterling’s voice says, and I want to believe him, but the word pathetic keeps rattling in my head.
I sniffle and he pets my hair.
“You’re safe, they can’t hurt you,” he says.
They can, they already have. I hurt everywhere and I don’t know how to express it. My tongue feels heavy and all I want to be is sedated so I don’t feel like this.
Sterling is saying more soothing words, but they all sound muffled, like we’re underwater. I’m pretty sure I’m crying and I don’t know how to make it stop.
When we get back to the house, I'm still wearing Nate's shirt and as we reach my nest door, I know I'm on the verge of a breakdown.
"You—you said that if I didn't want you in the nest you wouldn’t come in?" I ask my voice thick and raspy as I look down at the floor.
"You don't want us in there?" Hayes says in the saddest voice.
I shake my head; I don't deserve them. I'm not worth anything.
"Are you sure, Hailey? Did we scare you back there?" Nate asks, and I shake my head.
Sterling takes a deep breath, his hand touching my forehead. "Alright, but one of us will be up here in half an hour to check on you, okay?"
I nod, slipping through the door of the nest. It smells so much like Nate and Sterling in here, and it's beautiful. But I don't deserve it.
I thought maybe it was the Alphas I was dating that they just weren't good men. But now I realize it's me who's broken. I always have been, haven't I? I wish I would have never designated and I could go back to disappearing in the background.
Sniffling, I grab a few extra blankets and pillows, creating a cocoon that I can crawl into, my body completely cocooned in softness.
Cramps wreck my stomach and I whimper. But it's what I deserve, right? I'm not worthy of love, of this pack, of this fucking nest.
Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic.
I sob into the blankets, my breathing labored as waves of heat flush over my skin.
They got hurt because of me, and I wasn't worth it. Maybe if I would have just put my pride to the side and left the club earlier, this would've never happened. I'm chastising myself over and over as more pain hits me.
I don’t know what I need, but whatever it is I’ll just have to get through it alone. Instead of facing reality, I turn on my phone and put on the one thing that always soothes me.