Chapter 9
Chapter nine
Spiral
Shepherd Kingsley
It’s game day.
I slide my headphones over my ears to drown out the world as I walk onto the field for warm-ups. The scent of freshly cut grass makes me smile. I sit down in the nearest end zone and begin my stretching routine as the sun warms my back through my shirt.
Every Saturday of the season I have the same routine.
I eat two almond-butter-and-strawberry-jelly sandwiches, drink forty ounces of electrolyte water, and wear a blue shirt to practice in.
For warm-ups, I talk to no one except the coaches, and I listen to classical music with noise-canceling headphones.
None of that is done for superstitious reasons.
It all serves a purpose to trigger my brain to get into the right zone for the battle that’s to come.
Well, everything but the blue shirt. That just became a tradition after I did it by accident a few times and one of the guys pointed it out.
I close my eyes as I stretch out my legs and hips, focusing on relaxing into each movement.
When I open them again, I spot Jasmine on the sidelines.
She’s talking to Coach and MJ, while holding their baby girl, Sage.
Jasmine twirls Sage around. Each time Jasmine spins, both her and Sage’s smiles get bigger.
She’s radiant. I try to redirect my attention, but I’m a ship in the night and she’s a lighthouse, drawing my eye to her again and again.
Her white uniform shines in the morning sun, and her ponytail with a matching white bow swishes with her movements.
She hands Sage back to MJ, then turns her attention up to the stands when Coach points up there.
Standing at the bottom of the stadium is what looks to be most of the Carter/Holt family.
Jasmine’s sister, Dahlia, hangs over the edge, holding her hand down for Jasmine to run over and touch.
They’re all smiling and laughing. One woman with a professional camera snaps a picture of Jasmine, then waves.
An uncomfortable ache forms in my chest. My brother, Jason, and his wife, Willow, said they’d be here today, and I know they’ll follow through, but compared to Jasmine’s family, mine seems…
sad. Especially since her family had to travel, as this is an away game, whereas my brother and his wife live nearby.
My parents aren’t coming. I stopped expecting them to show up a long time ago.
Willow has gotten them to come more than before, but it’s still a rarity.
I shake my head. I need to focus. This is the season opener.
It sets the tone for the year. Everyone is going to be watching and waiting for me to mess up.
I can’t afford melancholy thoughts, and I definitely can’t afford to be distracted by Jasmine.
No matter how gorgeous she looks as she jogs down the sideline back to the cheerleaders.
—
“Shepherd, how does it feel to open the season with a win?” one of the reporters asks in the crowd.
After winning today’s game, I washed up and came straight to the press room.
They started off by asking Coach a few questions, but now it’s my turn.
Though this first question is easy, I know better than to get comfortable.
I’ve seen my brother in hundreds of these interviews, and was in plenty myself last season.
Reporters don’t care about your feelings. They just want a headline.
“It feels great. We’ve been working hard over the summer, so it’s nice to see that paying off. There are plenty of things to work on, but I’m proud of the guys today,” I answer.
I catch Coach nodding in my peripheral vision.
“Shepherd, you had a great game today—”
I cut off the reporter. “Thank you.”
My response elicits a few laughs before the reporter continues.
“How much of your gameplay can be attributed to your brother being in the crowd? Do you think you play better with him there?”
My smile turns brittle. Here comes the flood of questions about Jason. I love my brother, and I’m proud of him. I just wish people wouldn’t bring him up all the time. If this interview is with me, let it be about me. If it’s with him, let it be about him.
“I like to think having my brother near is a good thing, but when I’m on the field, that’s where all my focus is. I don’t think about who’s in the crowd.”
The reporter nods and sits back down. Another stands up.
“This will be the last one,” Coach Bash says before the male reporter can speak.
I almost sigh in relief. A couple of questions aren’t too bad.
“Shepherd, congratulations on winning the national championship as a freshman quarterback last year. As you head into a new season, are you going to shoot for an undefeated career like your brother? How does that weigh on you as you go about practice and games?”
The suffocating feeling is back. It’s as though someone has wrapped me in chains and thrown me overboard.
I sink down, down, down. Nothing is ever enough for these people.
I feel Coach staring at me expectantly. Even he wants to know the answer, because he compares me to Jason, too.
I want to scream that they don’t need to. I do it to myself enough.
I glance at the water bottle sitting nearby but don’t pick it up. Someone will analyze my movement and say that I was nervous.
“Thank you. Naturally, my intentions are to win every game. I think if they weren’t, there would be a problem.
” A few chuckles echo through the room. “I know the responsibility of the position I’m in, and I take it seriously.
I’m going to do everything in my power to be the best quarterback this team has ever had. ”
I can tell all of them want to ask me more after that statement, but Coach gave me the clear. I murmur a thank you into the microphone, then quickly get out of there. As soon as I walk out, I’m yanked into a hug.
“Hey, Junior! Good game,” Jason says near my ear while slapping me on the back.
I swallow down my resentment. My brother is the best brother anyone could want.
If he knew the nickname bothered me, he’d stop.
But I don’t know how to tell him without telling him everything, and I’m not willing to do that.
If he made it through all the pressure of college and rebuilding his reputation to be what it is today after his mess-ups, then I can push through a little comparison.
“Thanks,” I say with a forced smile as I pull back. “I’m glad y’all made it.”
“You know we wouldn’t miss it,” Willow says from beside him.
She wraps her arms around me, and I hug her tight back.
Willow might be my sister-in-law, but she’s also been like a mom to me these past few months.
I’m grateful she’s in my life, and even more grateful that she’s in Jason’s.
He needs someone to balance him out and make sure he takes care of himself.
“Thanks, William,” I say, using her nickname while grinning at Jason over her head.
He sighs. “When are you going to give that up?”
I wink at Willow, and she laughs. “Never.”
A while back, I accidentally called Willow Lo, which is Jason’s nickname for her.
He was not happy about that, so I decided to come up with my own nickname.
I jokingly called her William the next time we spoke, and she laughed so hard I knew it was the one.
It’s also a bonus that Jason hates it. Likely because, on more than one occasion, I’ve introduced her as his wife, William.
“How are you feeling?” Willow asks, concern in her eyes. “How was your first week of classes?”
“Everything has been great. I like my professors, and I’ve been enjoying chess club. Though I’m worried that, with the season picking up, I won’t be able to keep going. The timing isn’t great. I told the professor in charge after the last meeting that I might miss a few meetings.”
Willow frowns. “You shouldn’t miss out on something you love. Maybe he’ll move things around, or maybe you can make your own club with a few of the other players at a time that works for you.”
I shrug. “It is what it is. Football comes first.” Jason shoots me a pointed look. “After family,” I amend.
He nods. “Good. Hopefully you can get something figured out, but if not, there’s always the offseason.”
The offseason is certainly tamer, but it’s not exactly true time off. There’s still weight training and conditioning to be done. There’s rarely a day off in college football, and based on Jason’s life as a professional player, I suspect I won’t have much free time in the foreseeable future.
I hear the sound of chairs scraping coming from the press room. It must be over.
“I should probably head to the bus,” I say.
“Yeah, we should get out of here before a reporter spots us,” Jason says, and Willow nods in agreement.
After a super popular documentary they did at the beginning of their marriage, their relationship has been a hot topic. Everyone wants to talk to the undefeated quarterback and his beautiful wife.
Willow gives me another hug. “Make sure you rest plenty, and call us if you need anything.”
“What she said, and keep that Kingsley streak up, alright?” He throws an arm around me and squeezes my shoulders. “You’re doing great.”
“Thanks.” My throat tightens.
They walk off in one direction while I head in the opposite.
With each step I take, the weight on my shoulders grows heavier and heavier.
By the time I get on the bus, I feel like I’m doubled over.
I fake a smile for the guys, who are all rowdy from the win, while deep down, I’m spiraling like a football in the air, wondering when I’m going to ruin everything.