Chapter 36
Chapter thirty-six
With Her
Shepherd Kingsley
There is no doubt about it: this was a mistake.
When I called MJ earlier to ask if we could get together for dinner Sunday after the homecoming game, she invited me to come tonight.
I told her I didn’t want to intrude, but Bash took the phone from her and told me I had to come.
If I turned him down, he would have questioned me on why, and I didn’t have it in me to lie to him even more than I already am.
So, I texted Jasmine to warn her that I was coming, and then I showed up.
Judging by the look on Jasmine’s face as she walks inside, she did not get my text. I give her a half smile.
“Man, your game last week was something else,” Grayson says with a grin. “You showed those reporters who you really were after the loss.”
I smile and thank him, but it still hurts to think about my record being tarnished.
Last week was a great game, made even better by Jasmine’s encouraging messages.
She sent me a voice memo while she was doing her makeup that morning.
It was ten minutes long, half the time spent narrating looking for her game day lipstick.
I switched out my usual classical music playlist to listen to that audio during warm-ups.
Had the best game of my life. I haven’t watched any ESPN or looked on social media, but I’m sure they’re crediting it to the promise I made after the loss.
It wasn’t that on my mind, though. It was Jasmine motivating me to do my best and put everything else out of my mind.
There was something liberating about going into a game knowing there was someone out there who didn’t care if I won or lost, so long as I was happy.
It allowed me to set aside my anxiety and focus on each action rather than the pressure.
I’m still working on how to work that into conversations like this, but I’ll get there.
“He did great,” MJ agrees.
“Well, he learned from the best,” Bash jests as he joins the growing crowd around me in the living room.
His daughter Sage is resting against his shoulder, her wide blue eyes taking everything in.
I’m sure it’s a lot for her. I forgot how big the family was, and I’m not even sure if everyone is here. I only remember a few people’s names.
“His brother?” Grayson says with a laugh, earning a shove from Bash.
Jasmine’s eyes meet mine, and I see the apology in them.
I give a little shake of my head. It’s not like they know.
If they did, they wouldn’t say these things.
And what they’re saying isn’t bad. It just reminds me that I need to talk to my brother.
I sent him and Willow an apology message a few days after the game, but told him I needed some time before we talked about everything.
I don’t know if I have the right words yet, and with the secret of my relationship hanging over me, it didn’t seem like a good time to tackle that conversation.
“All right, enough football talk. Let’s eat,” MJ says, directing everyone into the kitchen.
The lengthy island is covered with food.
There’s an elaborate charcuterie board with fruits, cheeses, honey, and a variety of crackers.
There’s a chicken pot pie and a shepherd’s pie as options for the main dishes.
Several different sides of vegetables, homemade bread with cinnamon honey butter, and an entire section of decadent looking desserts.
Various items are labeled to indicate whether they’re allergy friendly, since MJ has several dietary restrictions.
I pile my plate with as much as I can get to fit on it, then follow Jasmine, who’s headed outside to sit by the fire. If I can go fast enough, I’ll have a second alone with her.
“What are you doing here?” she hisses as soon as we’re alone.
The fire lights up her features, bringing out the caramel highlights in her dark curls. I wish I could pull her to me and tangle my hands into them while we kiss. Instead, I stand across from her, the fire in between us, like we’re strangers.
“I texted to warn you, but you must not have seen it,” I tell her, and she pats the pockets over her jeans before her shoulders sink.
“I left my phone in my car.”
I give her an apologetic smile. “I was trying to set up dinner on Sunday, but they insisted I come tonight. I didn’t want to lie if they asked why I couldn’t.”
She nods in understanding. The door opens and everyone starts to file outside. Some carry a chair in one hand and a plate in the other, while others opt to sit down on the blankets already laid out. Jasmine sits on a blanket beside her sister, while I take a chair that MJ offers me.
The entire family is this bundle of warm laughter and love that I’ve not known in this quantity before.
Each person manages to be included in conversation, including me.
It’s hard to feel like an outsider when they do everything in their power to make sure you feel the opposite.
If there’s an inside joke, they explain it, and by the end you feel like you lived out that moment with them. Same for any family memory.
I start to settle in halfway through my plate, and let myself enjoy being surrounded by such good people.
My eyes wander to Jasmine often. I try not to—she’s told me how hyperobservant her family is—but it’s difficult when she looks so at peace.
I wonder if she knows how well she fits in here?
She thinks she’s a tagalong because of her sister’s marriage, but I only have to spend a short time here to know that’s not true.
Every one of these people would take a bullet for her.
She catches me watching her through the flames. Her brows raise, and I throw her a quick wink. She quickly looks away, but there’s a smile on her lips.
Her brother-in-law, Levi, starts telling a story about a backyard football game gone wrong, and he grabs me for a demonstration.
I’m doubled over laughing by the end of it.
The entire interaction opens up something inside me.
Sheds light on a dark part of my heart covered in cobwebs and dust. I look around the fire at everyone laughing, Jasmine included, and my throat tightens.
I want this. I smile at the way Jasmine falls into her sister, both of them out of breath. With her. I want this with her.
“Do you have your loser’s speech ready?” Grayson asks as he settles across the coffee table from Jasmine.
Some of the family is still outside, but Jasmine and Grayson came inside for a chess match, so I quietly followed them in. Levi and Dahlia came too, as well as Grayson’s wife, Sloane. We all piled onto the couches while they set up the board and sat on the floor.
“I’d pace that trash talk if I were you, old man. I’m going to win,” Jasmine retorts, and I stifle a laugh.
It’s difficult to be nonchalant when I hang on her every word. She looks so gorgeous tonight, too, in her fitted jeans and cream sweater. Earlier she pulled her curls up into a bun, leaving a few ringlets down by her face. I wanted to brush them back and kiss her.
“You’re not allowed to call me old until you beat me.”
Jasmine laughs. “Deal. Prepare to be called Grandpa Grayson for the rest of your days.”
Grayson balks at this while his wife giggles nearby, peeking over the top of her book to watch them. They begin, Grayson going first since he took the white pieces. I watch each move, telling myself that everyone knows I like chess, so they won’t think anything of my concentration.
“Are you in chess club, Shepherd?” Dahlia asks, making me tear my gaze away from Jasmine’s next move.
Move your knight, I silently coach her in my mind.
“Oh, um, I wanted to be in it, but it’s been hard to go with football season,” I answer, hoping Dahlia won’t ask if I’ve played against Jasmine.
“Very nice,” Grayson compliments.
I turn my head and internally cheer. She did it! Every move she’s made so far has been exactly what I would have recommended.
“Told you I’ve gotten better,” she drawls while he makes his next move.
“That doesn’t mean you’re good enough to beat me, little prodigy,” he says in a voice that sounds suspiciously like a Star Wars character.
Jasmine’s eyes flick up to meet mine at the word prodigy. I let a smile slip, which she returns before looking back at the board.
“Well, I bet Jasmine would love to play against you,” Dahlia says casually.
Jasmine freezes for a second before making her move. I turn my attention to Dahlia, who’s wearing a not-so-innocent smile. Levi, however, is glaring at his wife. Is Jasmine’s sister…trying to set us up? I press my lips together to keep from laughing at the irony.
“Maybe after she beats Grayson, I can give it a go,” I say casually, instead of taking her bait. I know she meant outside of this moment.
Grayson looks up at me from his spot on the floor. “And to think I liked you after you beat me last time. You young people have no respect for your elders.” He tsks and shakes his head.
“Oh, so now you’re claiming to be an elder?” Jasmine asks with a grin.
“I resent the idea of looking old, but I’ve always been an old soul,” Grayson answers before moving his bishop.
He’s trying to close in on her king, but it looks like she can beat him first if she makes the correct moves.
Jasmine grabs her rook. Her eyes flick up to me.
I give the barest tip of my head. She makes the move.
Grayson makes a sound like he’s impressed, then does exactly as I—and Jasmine—predicted by moving his queen.
A smile blooms across Jasmine’s face. She moves her bishop.
“Checkmate!” she cheers, and I come up out of my seat a little but quickly sit back down.
She looks at me, beaming, and there’s no holding back my answering grin.
“Nice win,” I say, though I want to tell her how proud I am of her and how painfully gorgeous she is while she plays chess. Mostly I really, really want to kiss her.
“Thanks,” she says, then gives Grayson a haughty look. “Would you like a walker or a cane, old man?”
“I want to be outraged, but I’m too proud of you,” he says, and I watch as Jasmine’s face shifts from playful to emotional.
Grayson stands up and gestures to her to do the same. He walks around the coffee table and holds his hand out for a handshake. She goes to take it, but he pushes her hand away and wraps her in a bear hug instead, lifting her up off the ground.
“You really thought I was going to give you a handshake after that win?” he says with a laugh, pulling back and shaking her shoulders a little. “You’ve come so far, kid.”
Jasmine blinks a few times, trying not to cry. “So, all those hours you spent teaching me were worth it, then?”
Grayson’s face changes, taking on a seriousness I suspect is rare for him.
“What are you talking about? Every second was worth it because I got to hang out with you. I don’t care if you lose every game—” He tips his head to the side.
“Okay, I might be a little offended that my teaching skills were so poor.”
Jasmine giggles while tears stream down her face.
“But I didn’t start teaching you chess so that you could pay me back. I did it to get to know you better,” he finishes, then pulls her in for another hug.
Sloane looks at them with proud tears shimmering in her eyes. I glance at Levi and Dahlia, who are smiling at the exchange. I hope that one day soon Jasmine will get to talk to them about these feelings too. She deserves to know just how unconditionally loved she is.
When she pulls out of his embrace and our eyes lock, I see how much she needed that moment.
I grip the couch. Every part of me wants to jump up and tell her how proud I am of her, too, and hug her tight.
We must stare at each other a touch too long because Grayson turns over his shoulder and catches what I know is a lovestruck look on my face.
The corner of his mouth hitches up in a knowing grin, but he doesn’t say a word. We’ll have to hope it stays that way.