Fraternizing with Friends
Jordan tugged her skirt down as they walked into Q’s.
Her legs ran on for miles and it felt like the skirt was barely covering her backside.
It was Gemma’s idea. The whole outfit was Gemma’s idea.
Pleated denim skirt, blue and white checkered shirt with its ends tied around her stomach, cowboy boots and a white Stetson.
She felt ridiculous, but it was all in the name of fun.
Gemma was dressed pretty much the same, though her shirt was red, her strawberry blond hair was in two braids over either shoulder and her skirt could be considered a reasonable length.
It was nine o’ clock and the place was already packed.
Loud music and constant chatter filled her ears.
They slid into one of the red vinyl booths, Neil sitting in the middle of her and Gemma.
He ordered three beers and turned to Gemma. “Now what were you saying?”
“I was saying that if both of us are still not married at thirty-five, we should get married to each other so we don’t have to grow old alone.”
“Will I be able to have flings with dudes on the side?”
“Of course.”
“Okay, I’m in.”
“That sounds like a great arrangement,” Jordan added with a laugh. “But, Neil, just in case you forgot, Gemma has an insatiable sexual appetite, which I don’t think you’re capable of fulfilling.”
“She’s right, Gem. You’ve got tits and I’m scared of vaginas. They have teeth. I’m not sure if I’d be able to get it up for you.”
“Neil, you’re gay,” Gemma argued, “so being sexually creative is part and parcel of who you are. I’m sure we can find other things to do.”
A waiter came to the table and placed a beer in front of each of them. Neil cracked it open and took a sip. “I ain’t muff-diving. I don’t even know how to do that shit.”
“Well, you gon’ learn!”
Jordan choked on her beer at Gemma’s adamant response. Conversations with these two were always so bizarre yet so entertaining.
“What time is Tyler coming?” Neil said, shifting his focus to her.
“He should be here any minute. And will you guys please try to behave yourselves.”
“Impossible,” Gemma chirped.
“I like him,” Neil continued. “He passed the test.”
Jordan smiled to herself. Neil did that with all her boyfriends, put them through rigorous tests of awkwardness.
Not necessarily flirting like what he’d done with Tyler.
Mostly it was just inapt banter to see if Boyfriend X would fit into their little circle of friends.
Brian, the douche-face, had failed hopelessly.
He couldn’t stand Neil and hated Gemma from the second they’d met.
That should have been the first clue that the relationship was doomed for disaster.
Tyler, however, had surprised her. His reaction to Neil was just so… Tyler.
Honest and weird. And oddly enough, Gemma and Neil seemed to like that about him. She really liked that about him. The way his awkward personality blended so perfectly with everyone around her, her friends, her family, her pets and most importantly, he clicked with her.
She had worked for him for two years and not once had she imagined that this embodiment of weirdness would ever appeal to her.
She’d dated a few men before him and with every guy there’d been compatibility on the surface and no substance beneath.
On the surface, she had nothing in common with Tyler, yet she felt a connection to him far deeper than anything she’d experienced before.
“He really is something,” Gemma added. “And funny…though I don’t think he means to be. Best believe, we’re gonna be asking him to come out with us again.”
“Let’s first see how tonight goes.”
She looked up and saw Tyler coming through the door and he’d brought Matthew along. The fact that Matt was there meant he was more afraid than he’d let on.
Tyler in jeans was just as sexy as Tyler in running gear and the black shirt he wore exposed that lickable spot on his neck. Thoughts flashed through her mind, thoughts of that chest against hers, those hands on her body, those hips between her legs… Did it just get hot in here?
“Who’s that with Tyler?” Neil asked as they made their way through the crowd.
“That’s Matthew. His best friend. They’re sorta like brothers.”
“I call dibs,” Gemma yelled.
Neil gritted his teeth. “Jordan, you’re a selfish cow!”
“What?” she snickered. “What’d I do?”
“So he does kinda have a brother, who, by the way, is also super cute, and you don’t tell me about it. Now Gemma’s called dibs.” He slumped back against the seat and crossed his arms over his chest. “Guess I’m the fifth wheel tonight.”
“Matt’s not gay either, Neil.”
“Most guys aren’t gay until they meet me.”
Tyler and Matt reached the table and slipped into either side of the booth, Tyler next to her and Matt next to Gemma.
Tyler must have filled him in on all the details because he looked a little uncomfortable as he extended his hand. “Hi. I’m Matthew.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Matthew. I’m Gemma. This is Neil.”
“Two more beers,” Neil called out as a waiter walked past the table. “So, Matthew, tell us more about yourself.”
“Uh…what do you wanna know?”
Tyler leaned his head closer to hers. “You look incredible tonight,” he whispered in her ear. His warm breath on her skin caused tingles all over her body and she felt her face heat up. He placed a subtle kiss on her cheek and turned his attention back to the conversation.
“Like what are your hobbies?” Neil asked. “What do you do for fun? What’s your take on threesomes?”
Jordan giggled as the discomfort on Matt’s face turned into something a little more panicked. She heard Tyler chuckle beside her too. They both remained quiet though, allowing Matthew’s initiation into the group to continue.
“Well…I like being outdoors…rowing and hiking…and I’ve never really given threesomes much thought.”
“You should…Give it considerable thought. I need to learn to have sex with Gemma and I think you could be a good buffer in the learning process.”
Jordan read the very confused expression on his face and decided to fill him in. “Oh, Neil and Gemma just made a pact that they would get married at thirty-five if they’re both still single.”
“Great pact,” Matt said with a laugh. “I feel honored that you guys would think of me as a suitable buffer. Just one little problem, though. I could be married by thirty-five.”
Matthew certainly warmed up to them a lot quicker than Tyler. His easy-going attitude seemed to click with their offensive sense of humor.
“New pact,” Gemma declared. “If all of us are not married by thirty-five, Matthew shall be Neil’s muff-diving coach…Yes…That could work.”
Tyler coughed out a laugh and Matt started looking very much like a tomato with a flush going all the way down his neck.
“You sure you don’t want to get to know me first?” he asked Gemma. “We sorta just met.”
“I don’t need to know you. It will be more of an advisory sort of relationship. Think of yourself as a consultant.”
“A…muff-diving…consultant?” Matthew looked over at Tyler with a look of utter disbelief, shaking his head at the sheer absurdity of the conversation. Yes, Gemma and Neil were definitely not the type of people they were used to.
Gemma nodded and Matt smiled back at her. “What exactly do I get out of this?”
“You get the joy of knowing that you have selflessly saved a couple from a completely sexless relationship.”
He looked over at Tyler again. “I love getting paid in joy…especially when it’s my own joy. I think it’s something we should try implementing at the company.”
“What a great idea, Matt,” Tyler conceded. “The employees would be thrilled.”
“I wouldn’t,” Jordan said immediately.
“That’s ’cause you’re fussy, Jordan,” Tyler quipped.
“And you’re not really seeing the beauty in it.
Look, I agree it might be a tad ridiculous to go to the bank and say: Hey, here’s some joy.
Can I use it to settle my mortgage?” He tried to keep a straight face, but the laughter bubbled out of him.
“But that’s the only downside. Just imagine walking around with a pocketful of joy.
The world would be such a great place.” He turned to face Gemma on the other side of the table.
“I think you’re onto something. If we throw in some gumballs, it could be revolutionary.
I can’t wait for the idea to catch on. That’s how true wealth should be measured if you ask me. ”
Jordan smiled as she watched him. They all looked so comfortable she had a hard time believing his first real interaction with them was only yesterday.
“Thank you, Tyler,” Gemma said, feigning humble gratitude as she pressed her hand to her heart. “Thank you for believing in my innovative new method of payment. You too, Matt.”
“Okay,” Neil said, “so now that we’ve mapped out the future, Gem and I getting married, Matt as our muff-diving consultant and the entire economy running on joy and gumballs, let’s get back to the present.” He slammed a fist on the table. “More beer!”
As more drinks were drunk, the maturity level of the conversation only regressed.
After a few hours, the table was cluttered with empty beer bottles and shot glasses.
Stetsons had been removed. Words were starting to slur.
Faces were turning red. And the laughter only became louder and more boisterous.
“This is what I wanna know,” Gemma said unsteadily. “Why did we need to learn history at school? It doesn’t make a difference to anyone’s life. It’s pointless.”
“I guess you have to know where you’re going in order to know where you’ve been.”
“Other way around, Matt,” Tyler corrected.
Neil finished another beer and joined in. “I have to agree, Gem. Who cares? Does it really matter that Gulliver founded America?”
Matthew’s face twisted in confusion. “Gulliver?”
“Yeah, Gulliver. While he was on his…travels, he found America…didn’t he?”
Jordan’s mouth dropped in shock. “You are literally the stupidest human being on the planet!”