Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
I will be whatever she needs.
Whatever they need.
To get them through the day.
~ Zayne
CHLOé STARED OUT the window at the cars passing by and wondered how anyone could survive such heartbreak, because that was how she felt right now, like her heart was broken.
It was Tuesday morning—at least, she thought it was—and Ethan and Zayne were driving her up to Oshkosh for her pop’s funeral.
Somehow, she’d managed to make it through the weekend and keep things at JULIEN running smoothly.
But thankfully they’d closed down Monday, and she’d finally had a moment to just… be.
Not that it helped. She had no point of reference when it came to such a devastating loss, and she was still trying to wrap her mind around a world without her pop in it.
The patriarch of a large Italian family, her dad’s dad had been larger than life and so full of love that the idea that he was no longer with them seemed unfathomable.
She couldn’t even begin to imagine how her dad was taking the news.
He’d been so close to his father, had always told her about how he’d taught him that great men were men who loved unconditionally.
Her pop had never questioned who her dad was, or whom he loved, and when others might’ve turned their back on a son who wanted such an unconventional life, Pop had embraced her papa and père and welcomed them into his family instead.
Chloé swiped at her tears, not sure how she was supposed to get through the next couple of days. She’d never been to a funeral, never been around such grief, and the idea of seeing the ones she loved suffering from such loss made her heart break all over again.
She sniffed and wiped at her nose, and then aimed her eyes toward the front of the car.
Ethan was driving today. He’d wanted to give her some privacy while she mourned, and she appreciated the gesture, not really wanting anyone around—including their driver—to see her fall apart.
Every now and then she’d see him eyeing her in the rearview mirror, and she appreciated the fact that he didn’t press for conversation even if he did catch her wiping away a new set of tears.
Zayne was sleeping in the passenger seat, his head propped up against his hand on the window and his other on Ethan’s thigh, and while she needed time and space to try to understand how to deal with all of this, she appreciated seeing them there, connected that way.
It offered that piece of normality in her life she desperately needed right now.
She took in a deep breath and rested her forehead against the window.
They were just coming up on their exit, and as they got closer, Chloé reminded herself to breathe.
This was the last reason she’d ever expected to bring Ethan and Zayne to Oshkosh.
But here they were, about to meet the Bianchi clan for the first time—well, all of them but one.
Another round of grief punched her in the gut as Ethan began turning down familiar streets.
They were getting closer now, and the sun that was high in the sky felt so out of place that Chloé almost wished it was a dreary winter’s day.
At least that would’ve been more in line with the emotions she was feeling.
As Ethan turned on to her grandparents’ street, she was shocked by the amount of cars lining it. The driveway was packed and there was no room anywhere. It seemed the entire family and then some had shown up to pay their respects. As they got closer, Zayne sat up and looked out the window.
“Might have to park a street over,” he said, turning to Ethan, who was already nodding and making a three-point turn.
“Why don’t you and Chloé hop out here, and I’ll find a parking spot and meet you inside.”
“No.” It was the first time Chloé had spoken up this trip, and both men glanced back at her.
“Would you like to go in alone?” Ethan asked. “That’s fine too. We can wait in the car or—”
“No.” She shook her head, and when he frowned, she realized she needed to say more than that. “I just meant that I want to stay with both of you. Let’s park and then we’ll go in.”
Zayne twisted in his seat and reached back to take her hand in his. “Whatever you want, Red. Whatever makes this easier for you. You tell us and we’ll do it.”
She swallowed and nodded, not able to do or say much more than that without fear of losing it all over again.
Ethan found a parking spot one street over, and once they were all out of the car, Chloé stood there for a moment and tried to collect herself.
“Hey.” Zayne shut the door and leaned against the vehicle. “How you doing?”
Chloé let out a deep sigh and looked up at him. “Honestly? I don’t know. One minute I feel like I’ve got myself together and the next I can’t stop crying.”
“That’s okay.” He reached for her hand and entwined their fingers. “If you feel like crying, you should.”
“I know, but I don’t want—” She cut herself off and shook her head, deciding there was no point to that line of thinking.
But Zayne wasn’t about to let her get away with that.
“You don’t want what, Red?”
She let out a sigh and looked down at their hands. That felt easier than looking at him.
“I don’t want to give my fathers anything else to worry about.”
“Can I let you in on a little secret?” Ethan came up on the other side of her and reached out to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear. “Your fathers will be worried about you today no matter what.”
“I know. I just didn’t want to add to whatever else they’re dealing with.”
“You aren’t adding to it, you’re a part of it.” Ethan cradled her cheek and took a step closer to her. “You lost your grandfather. A man you loved very much. You have just as much right to grieve as everyone else that knew him. Holding back will only haunt you later.”
He was right, she knew he was, and if anyone knew what it felt like to be haunted, it was the man who lived with a ghost every day of his life.
“Okay, I think I’m ready.”
Ethan took her other hand, and together the three of them headed across the street to her grandparents’ house.
* * *
CHLOé’S HAND FELT so small in Zayne’s as they crossed the lawn of the quiet suburban home, and as they got closer to the front door, her fingers tightened around his.
She was staring at the house as though she were in a trance, and for once in his life, he didn’t know what to say.
A quick, witty comment wasn’t what was needed in moments like this, and nor was a smart, funny one.
What was needed was understating and compassion, and while he had the compassion, it was the understanding he lacked.
He’d never lost a relative, nor did he feel like he’d have any kind of emotion if he did. You had to care to feel sadness in moments like this, and that ship had sailed a long time ago with his family.
Zayne glanced over Chloé’s head to Ethan, and knew this had to be stirring up memories that he usually kept buried deep.
From what Ethan had told him, he’d been in the hospital when his parents were buried. By the time he got out, all he got to say goodbye to was a naked plot of land with newly disturbed grass. The excuse given to him by those who’d planned the ceremony: no one knew if or when Ethan would wake.
As if he could feel the weight of Zayne’s stare, Ethan looked over at him, his expression neutral as Zayne searched his features for any sign this might be getting to him.
But Ethan was a master at hiding his emotions, and today he’d make damn sure that no one was looking him.
Not when it was their girl who needed the support.
When they reached the door, Zayne leaned down to say by her ear, “Remember, if you need anything, you come find me or Ethan. We’ll get it for you.”
She tried for a smile, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Thank you. And I probably should say sorry in advance.”
“Sorry?” Zayne frowned.
“Yes. There are a lot of us, and most of the time we’re a lot to take. I’m not sure how it will go today, though.”
“No matter how it goes, we’ll be fine,” Ethan assured her. “And if worse comes to worst, I’ll just shove Zayne their way. He’s the charmer out of the two of us.”
That got a small smile out of her before she knocked on the door. “You have no idea how much you sounded like my papa right now.”
Just as the words left her mouth, the door was pulled open, and standing right in front of them was the man himself. Priest, dressed in a fitted black suit, took one look at his daughter and then pulled her into his arms, kissing the top of her head.
“Chloé,” he whispered as he held her tight. “You’re finally here.”
She wound her arms around his waist and nodded. “Yes, Papa, I’m here.”
“I’ve been so worried. I know how close you were to your pop, and that you stayed with the restaurant…” His voice trailed off and he shook his head. “We should’ve just closed and had you come up here with us.”
“No, no.” She pulled back, shaking her head. “It was a good way for me to keep busy and to help you all out. I was more useful there than I would’ve been here, and—”
“That’s not true.” He stroked his hand down her arm to her fingers and squeezed. “You’re helpful wherever you are. But I know your père appreciates what you did. We all do.”
He then raised his eyes to Zayne and Ethan.
“We can’t thank you enough for looking after her.”
“Of course,” Ethan said as Zayne added, “Anytime.”
“And for bringing her up here to us. We could rest a little easier knowing she was with the two of you.”
Priest’s eyes shifted between them, the sincerity in his words rendering both Zayne and Ethan speechless. He wrapped an arm around Chloé’s shoulders and guided her inside the house.
Zayne stepped in closer to Ethan and took his hand. “You okay?”
“I’m good.”
“You promise?”
Ethan nodded. “I promise.”
They headed inside, where they were introduced to Chloé’s nonna and were able to pass on their condolences. Then they followed Priest and his daughter through to the living room, where the rest of the family had gathered.