Chapter 34
Electra
“What I do with him isn’t any of your business. But you just couldn’t leave it alone.”
“That’s rich coming from the woman who's been hiding her very public advice column,” he snaps. “The only thing I did was have a locked room that you labeled a Sex Dungeon, and it’s decidedly not a sex anything!”
“I can’t believe you’ve been reading my journal when I explicitly told you not to!”
“It says Dear Reader,” he says, staring her down as if his point is valid. “Besides, I stopped after you told me. How was I supposed to know?”
“You should have brought that up when we talked about it.” Oh God, what else did he read? “Those were my private thoughts. I can’t believe you did that and have the nerve to accuse me of a violation of trust.”
Thunder crashes. The particle panes behind him display a storm scene. His silhouette is stark against the bright lightning.
Did he change it to match his mood, or does the little metal disk behind his ear that is both a communications device and an emotion tracker pick up on it and adjust it accordingly? Either way, could he be more dramatic?
Enough with the nonsense. “I know that you’re trying to bring him back.” There. Now that’s out in the open, too.
He freezes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. That,” he points to the now-closed door, “is a manupartner made with my DNA that I’ve been sending to my FRIENDS appointments. Sure, in a moment of weakness, I called him by my brother’s name and it stuck, but I told you about him.”
“I realize that. I’m not stupid, Res6. I saw the one in the closet.”
His skin pales a shade. “I’m not—”
She shoots to her feet. “Don’t you dare lie to me! I know what you’re doing, and I promise you, by not accepting reality, you’re only adding to your suffering. You have to stop this. Jerme is gone, Res6. He’s gone, and it isn’t up to you to bring him back. It’s not right.”
Trembling, he stops pacing and turns to face her.
“You don’t want me to lie to you, Dear Electra.
Is that your advice? Fine. Then I’ll take it.
Yes, I’ve been working my hardest to bring Jerme back.
And for one groundbreaking moment, I thought it worked.
I saw him again after a hundred years before everything went wrong.
So believe me when I tell you, I would do anything—trade anything—to get him back. ”
The implication is her. He would trade her .
. . She flinches as if he’s slapped her.
Of course he would. That’s his twin. She had already come to that conclusion before he walked through the door.
But she thought after what they shared that night when he’d been so upset—oh God.
That’s what he was upset about. Had he must have succeeded only for something to happen and lost Jerme all over again. It was never about her or them at all.
He continues, evidently unfazed by her reaction. “You don’t think Jerme deserves a second chance? Who are you to dictate who gets to come back?”
She blinks, dumbfounded. Is he serious?
“Answer me,” he shouts.
“I’m sorry. I’m trying to keep my brain from imploding from the force of your faulty logic,” she says, jumping up and gesturing wildly in his direction.
“Faulty logic?” He huffs, sneering.
“That’s right. I’m not the one trying to play God. Or Zorg. Whatever!” So much for keeping calm. “Res6, we talked about this. Do you still think he’s going to wake up and be happy you did that to him? Stole his autonomy like that? You said yourself he probably wouldn’t want to be brought back.”
“No, I didn’t think he would be happy, but I was going to have you help me fix him.” He looks away as a deep flush blooms on his throat and cheeks, his shame a vibration pulsing between them.
The tight sensation in her chest is becoming unbearable. Damn her empathy. “You want me to help you fix him? Res6, you can’t fix other people.”
He chuffs derisively. “Isn’t that precisely what you’re trying to do with your secret Dear Electra column? Surely Dear Electra can fix anyone.”
“Don’t you throw the Dear Electra column at me. I tried to tell you about it, but you wouldn’t hear it. You were completely closed off to the idea.”
“That’s because it’s dangerous. You’re all over the news now.” He gestures to her computer desk as if it’s all the damning evidence he needs. “You’ve put everything I’ve spent my whole life working for at risk. When they find out what you are, they’re going to shut me down.”
“They won’t shut you down, Res6. They’ll shut your stupid company down. That’s a huge difference. Honestly, from where I’m sitting, Lextr was right. You’re an unbelievable hypocrite.” As soon as the words leave her mouth, she knows she’s crossed a line.
Silence hangs between them for an infinite moment. He runs his hand through his hair every few seconds, which would be painful to watch if she weren’t so angry.
Finally, he stops, directing the full force of his attention at her. “I thought our little arguments until this point meant we were learning to communicate, but it seems that wasn’t the case. Since you’re so good at advice, what do you propose we do now?”
“I propose we each try to see where the other is coming from. I’ll go first.” She takes several calming breaths.
“I shouldn’t have called your company stupid.
I’m sorry. I still have such a hard time wrapping my mind around the concept of a manupartner, and I suspect I’m not the only one who thinks something is missing.
” She almost mentions what Sister Xelna said, but decides they already have enough to tackle without letting him know she’s been making new friends.
Best to save that for another day when tensions aren’t so high.
“I want to help people find the connection this society is sorely missing. Based on my column’s popularity, there are people who want that too.
That’s why I think Dear Electra is so important. ”
“It’s a trend, Electra. Like your freckles.” His expression is pitying as he mutters, “This was a mistake.”
The word mistake slices through her cleaner than any blade could. “What?”
“This is how the world is now—something you need to come to terms with. Do you think your column is going to change that? That all of a sudden society is going to regain some interest in human-human relationships? Oh, here’s one.
Do you imagine NHOS is going to lift the ban on marriages and you’ll start officiating weddings?
I’m on a roll.” He taps his lips. “Let’s see. What other delusions do you have?”
She holds up a hand. “Please stop.” A tightness builds in her throat as she tries to process what he’s saying, still unable to get past the word mistake.
He watches her as she walks back over to the couch and slumps onto it.
This conversation is sapping all of her energy.
“So you’re good enough for human love, but no one else is? ”
“You’ve made it quite clear you don’t find me worthy of love,” he says.
“What I don’t understand is what you think is going to happen.
When you get caught, which you will, do you think the government is going to grant you personhood?
Give you an ID, no questions asked? You’ve seen firsthand how Inspector Wanda and her team are responding to reincarnates.
” His head snaps to the side like he’s had an epiphany.
“Do you think you’re the hero in this story, like one of those women you write about? ”
“That is the most insulting thing anyone has ever said to me.” She buries her face in her hands.
The worst part about it is that even she, as mad as she is, can see a sliver of truth in his accusation.
Because isn’t that what she’s doing—trying to save the citizens of MSP through human connection?
“At least I don’t have a god complex. I’m sorry I picked the lock and discovered your secret, Res6.
I really am, because I promise you, I’d rather not know how truly messed up you are. ”
This time she doesn’t even feel bad as hurt shines in his golden eyes. “This is exactly why human relationships became obsolete.” He shakes his head, gesturing between them. “This. Us. That’s the mistake. I knew dating a human woman was inadvisable.”
“What are you saying, Res6?”
“Well, you’re the one who clearly doesn’t respect me and my life’s work, so what more is there to say?”
Maybe he’s right. She’s the stupid one for thinking she could have a relationship with a repressed, walled-off man like him.
He clearly cares more about his fake people than real ones.
So what if the sex is mind-blowing? Breaking up is probably for the best. “At least that’s one thing we can agree on.
” With that, she gets up, marches to her room, and slams the door.
Except instead of letting the bed swallow her up, she paces, replaying every word they threw at each other, which only makes it worse.
Was she craving security so intensely that she trusted a man like him?
A man who’s so stuck in the past that he’s actively trying to bring his brother back from the dead?
Who’s calling his body double by his dead twin’s name and using him as a sounding board?
She walks over to the bathroom mirror and takes a good, hard look at herself. You look tired. They probably have a treatment for that now. They probably even have a treatment for her cracked and aching heart.
Tears spill over her eyelids, dropping onto the counter as she stares at her reflection.
Oh, Electra. How did you get yourself into this mess?