26. Bruises
brUISES
KITTY
Closing my bedroom door, I kick off my boots and dump my phone on the dresser.
Keg winds his soft body around my ankles.
“I missed you too, buddy.” A hiss passes my lips as I scoop him up, pain shooting up my spine and around my ribcage, scaring him.
He darts out of my hold, and I grab my side . Fuck you, Michael.
Keeping my hand on my ribs, I take a couple of breaths before moving to the dresser and popping the lid off the fish food. I scatter some into the water, watching as the gold blobs race to get them. Such a simple life—what I wish I had. A three-second memory seems good right about now.
Peeling off the dress I’ll never wear again, I chuck it toward the trash can, frowning when it lands half in and half out. A soft knock sounds on the door, and my heart rate kicks up a notch. Cutter was so mad at seeing what Michael did. If he’s come…
My thought dies as the door creaks open and Rogue pops her head in. “Hey.” She smiles, concern etched on her pretty face.
“Come in,” I tell her, pushing my panties down my legs.
“I’ll kill him,” she breathes, taking in the purple patches all over my skin. “I don’t care who he is. Say the damn word and he’s dust, Kit.” She hovers her hands over me. “I really want to hug you, but I’m scared to hurt you.”
I chuckle, wincing as pain thrums through every inch of me. Sitting on the bed, I collapse my head into my hands. “I was so dumb.”
“Fuck that. Do not blame yourself for this,” she warns.
Peeking through my hands, I sniffle. “I almost fucked him tonight.”
“And? We all make mistakes. I nearly married the psychopath who killed my sister,” she says, putting shit in perspective.
“You got it right in the end, though,” I tell her, wiping away the tears falling down my cheeks.
“And so will you. Let me help you get cleaned up and dress these wounds.”
“This feels like it’s our thing. I remember having to help you shower after that cop bastard.”
“That’s what sisters are for. I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner. Callan just woke me up.” My eyes shift over the shorts and camisole hugging her body.
“I stabbed Michael,” I beam.
Her eyes expand. “He left that part out. Tell me everything.”
“It opened one of the cuts on my palm.” I moan, showing her the bloodstain.
“Worth it.” She grins.
Lying on the bed, Keg between us, I hold my hand up and smile, savoring the numbness of my wounds. The drugs Diamond gave me a little while ago are kicking in, making my limbs heavy. My mind drifts into a lucid state, warming my body, liquid silk filling every crevice.
“You should let me dry your hair. It’s soaking through the pillow.” Rogue puffs air across my face.
My nerves settle, the trepidation of emotion winding down. The vibrations in my skin from my blood pumping manically for so many hours slow to a calm beat.
“You already got in the shower with me to wash it and dried me and bandaged me up. You’ve done enough.”
A giggle tinkles from her lips. “Can you imagine the brothers’ faces if we told them we just showered together?”
“Any other time, it would have totally turned me on,” I tease.
Rolling onto her side, she moves a strand of wet hair from my forehead. “How are you feeling?”
“A lot better. Talk to me while I try to fall asleep.”
Shifting to pull the covers over us, she huffs out a breath. “I told Bear he’s walking me down the aisle.”
“Really?” I attempt to move to face her but my bones feel like they weigh a thousand pounds.
“He wants to meet with me to talk.”
“That’s great.” My head begins to feel woozy, and my eyes flutter open and closed. “Do it.”
“Will you come with me when the time comes?”
Yes…of…course… Did my lips move? Yes…yes…
“Get out.” Rogue’s voice pushes through the fog in my brain. I force my eyes open. The lids feel stuck, the lashes weighing them down. She’s by the door talking to someone.
“I need to know she’s okay.”
Cutter.
“ You need to know. Knowing is for your own peace of mind. It has nothing to do with what she needs.” I love her.
“Rogue.” Her name comes out strained, desperate.
“No. I don’t usually get involved, but everything that’s happened to her always leads back to you. She’s black and blue, her hands are shredded, her heart is in pieces, and you’re the reason every fucking time.”
“I know. I fucking know that, and I’m sorry.” He sounds broken.
“Are you?” She glares at him, folding her arms over her chest.
“Rogue, it’s okay. Let him in,” I croak out, pushing myself up on the bed to rest on the pillows in a half sitting-up position.
She turns her gaze to mine and closes her eyes, blowing out a frustrated breath. “Kit, you need to rest.”
“I’ll be okay, I promise,” I assure her.
“Fine.” She pushes the door farther open, allowing him inside. “But I’m warning you…” she jabs a finger into Cutter’s ribcage as he attempts to pass by her, “if you do anything else to fuck with her, I’ll reopen the wound I stitched shut for you.”
“That’s fair,” he says, dipping his head like a scorned child.
“None of this is fair. Just figure your fucking life out and do the right thing for once.”
With that, she pins me once more with a disappointed look, then she’s gone and Cutter swallows all the air from the room. “I’m so sorry, Kit.” His body deflates like a popped balloon, releasing all his energy out in a single exhale.
“For what?”
“Everything.” He brushes his hand through his blond locks and sits on the end of the bed near my feet, facing the goldfish. “I don’t know how we ended up here.” He looks over his shoulder at me then turns away, like it’s too painful to see me like this.
“Your wife, for one.” I scoff, then immediately regret bringing her up. I don’t want to be bitter anymore.
“The night you brought Nicolas here, I found him in the game room trying to rape Claire,” he says openly.
My heart pounds against my ribs. “What?” My mind trips. The wires try to connect and make sense of what he’s telling me. Nicolas was a bit grabby, but rape?
“All I could think was that could have been you in there with him. His hands on you.” There’s so much anger and pain in his voice, a manifestation of fear.
“He didn’t do anything to me,” I assure him.
“But he could have. The little prick started hurling pool balls at me and running his mouth. He was an entitled asshole, but I didn’t mean to kill him.” Conviction shines in his blues as they find mine before turning back to the fish.
“What happened?” I implore.
Standing, he taps the side of the fish tank with his finger, creases drawing down his brow. “I threw a ball back at him, and it killed him. Lights out.”
“Oh my god.”
“It was so fucked, and Claire knew who the Carnells were and witnessed me killing the fucking kid.” His voice raises, the veins in his arms straining against his skin.
“For her. You killed him for her. He would have raped her. You saved her,” I say, demanding he recognizes that.
“I know.” He clenches his teeth.
“Wait—” My brain freezes, and ice floods my limbs. “What are you saying? Did you take her to bed to keep her quiet?” No way. She wouldn’t do that…
He flinches like I struck him, his head shaking vehemently. “What? No.”
“Then what are you saying?” I’m too high on Diamond’s supply to make sense of everything.
“That it was a shit show and needed to be kept quiet. We had to retrace your steps that night and erase as much as we could and keep a truth circle to protect the secret.”
My body tenses. “No one knew I was with Nicolas that night. I never use my name at card games, and we came straight here.” My thoughts flicker through my mind, trying to remember that night. “Wait—I got my tattoo before coming back here.”
He stares at me, nodding and speaking without words.
Wynona.
“Her boyfriend killed her then himself,” I state, swallowing the lump growing in the back of my throat like a fungus-filled rock. I was devasted when I read about her murder in the paper.
Cutter’s eyes remain on mine, telling me everything his words won’t.
No. “You didn’t. That wasn’t a cover-up,” I choke out.
“It was her goldfish I brought you.”
No. No. Fucking shut up.
I push the blanket from my legs and my feet thud to the floor as acid races up my throat. Running to the bathroom, I reach the toilet just in time to spill my guts. Cramps clench my stomach muscles and squeeze across my ribs, sending spasms into my back.
Wynona…oh my god, I’m so sorry.
“Kit.” Cutter’s voice fills my head like a drill powering through my skull.
“Why are you telling me this?” I plead.
“Because you need to know.” Because I wanted the truth, and here it is: black and ugly.
“It hurts,” I sob. Emotional and physical pain pound through every fiber of my being, bruising my soul.
Hands reach beneath my armpits and lift me. “Let me help you back to bed.”
I allow him to guide me, afraid I’ll drop like a stone if he lets go of me. “Who else?”
“What?”
“Who else did you kill because of me?”
“No one.”
“She didn’t deserve that,” I cry.
“I know. It was quick.”
“Oh god.” Everyone believes her boyfriend killed her and himself. It was me. Their death is all on me.
“I’m sorry,” he repeats. It’s like he’s possessed. Who is this version of the man I thought I knew?
Pushing against his chest, I manage to make the last few steps on my own. “I don’t want to know anymore. Not right now.” Exhaustion washes over me. I need to sleep. Forget. Pretend he didn’t tell me about Wynona. “Leave,” I demand.
He stands before me, his hands raised in surrender, a shell of the man I used to know. My heart shatters. We’re both so irreparably broken, it’s unlikely we could ever be put back together again. “I want to stay here for a little while, just sleep next to you.”
The plea causes my body to quiver in longing, wishing he would surround me in warmth until all air has been squeezed from my lungs and everything stops for a little while.
But I remain strong, knowing this darkness only leads down an endless path of nothingness.
“No.” The word escapes through trembling lips.
The damage is too deep. I won’t be the other woman ever again.
Look at the destruction our secrets cause.
We’re selfish.
Reckless.
Killers.
“Please.” His voice cracks as he begs softly, but I’ve learned my lesson so many times before. As much as I wish I could give in to him one final time, all I can do is shake my head through the tears flooding down my face. I won’t go down this rabbit hole again.
“Please, Kit…”
“It hurts too much every time you leave. Everything you just told me…I won’t do this anymore, Cutter.”
“It won’t be like before, I promise.” He edges closer, and I hold my hand out.
“Stop. You can’t make promises like that,” I choke out, shaking my head.
Light brighter than any sun beams from his face as he turns my world on its head, pulling me under water once more, dragging me into the darkness, my soul sinking and heart suffocating.
“I love you,” he says with conviction.
Thud.
“Kit, I fucking love you more than anything.”