The Return of Dickweed
Hazel
“You look happy.” Wright leans over my shoulder, peering at the photo Flynn took of me. I must have pulled it up on my phone a hundred times since he took it the other day on the pier.
“It’s a good photo,” I say.
“I mean it is, but that’s not what I meant.”
Livi taps her desk and I look up from where Wright and I are sitting on the filing cabinets in her tiny office. “She’s right, you look happy. Happier than you have in a long time,” she signs.
My heart twists and I look back at the photo. I’m sitting on the roof of the pier, my hair caught in the wind as the sun reflects off the sea behind me. My gaze is slightly off center because I’m not looking at the camera, I’m looking at Flynn.
I started caring for my gran when I was fifteen, I’m not sure I remember ever being as carefree as I look in this photo.
That day on the pier, I could almost pretend we were just a normal couple.
That it’s completely fine that Flynn makes my heart race every time he smiles, that all I want to do is kiss him stupid and spend all day hearing his god-awful jokes.
I could almost believe that I was just a girl and he was just a boy. Not a man on the run from the police.
I now pronounce you murderer and accomplice.
Not exactly how a wedding is supposed to go. I click the screen off and the photo disappears.
“Am I bad person?” I ask, staring at my reflection in the black screen.
“What? Of course not.”
I hop off the filing cabinet and spin around to face them both.
“I’m serious, Wright. Because a good person would have turned him in by now.
A good person wouldn’t be helping him find evidence against his next victim.
A good person wouldn’t be falling in—” I clamp my lips together but it’s too late.
Wright looks at me, her lips parted and her eyes gentle. “Wouldn’t be falling in love with him?”
Tears sting my eyes and I press myself back up against the wall. “I can’t love him. I can’t.”
Wright and Olivia share a look. “But do you?” Livi signs.
I sink down the wall till I’m sitting with my knees to my chest. I can’t bring myself to say the words, but I nod, my heart tearing itself in two.
“Has he ever hurt you?”
I shake my head.
“Has he ever hurt anyone who hasn’t hurt other people worse?”
I think of what those men did to Hope and shake my head again.
Wright slips off the filing cabinet and sits next to me on the floor. She takes my hands and I rest my head on her shoulder. “You’re not a bad person, Hazel. You just love someone a little morally gray.”
“How is this supposed to work?” I hiccup. “The entire Seattle police force is looking for him.”
Livi joins us on the floor. “It’s been three weeks and they haven’t found him yet.”
“So, what, we just carry on sneaking around and hoping no one recognizes him?”
Dear Agony Aunt, my boyfriend’s a serial killer and I want to show him off in public, what do I do?
Wright squeezes my hand. “Honestly, Hazel, I don’t know. Maybe you just let it happen. If it’s meant to be, you’ll figure it out.”
“We do get to meet him though, right?”
I snort and lift my head to look at Livi. “You want to meet the serial killer?”
“Yes. One hundred percent yes.” Olivia’s voice is so serious both Wright and I laugh. I’m not sure she’s ever spoken at work before and the fact that wanting to meet my serial killer boyfriend is the thing that got her talking only makes me laugh harder.
We’re still in fits of giggles when there’s a knock and the door cracks open.
Detective Derek smirks down at us. “Figured I’d find you all in here. You know most people go to the break room for their break. Hence the name.”
“Ah but why would we do that when we have this tiny, dark room to squeeze into?” Wright quips.
Derek rolls his eyes. “You make a fine point.” He shifts his attention to me. “Hazel, can we have a word?” He glances at Livi and Wright. “In private.”
I hold back my sigh because I knew this was coming.
Derek hasn’t spoken to me since he stood me up for coffee two weeks ago.
I could say no, but honestly, he’s a decent guy and he did message to let me know he wasn’t going to make it.
“Sure,” I say, getting up off the floor and brushing off my jeans.
I follow him through the dispatch desks and out into the aforementioned break room which is basically just a small kitchen with a microwave, a coffee machine, and a couple of tables.
Derek runs a hand over his brushed back hair and gives me an awkward smile. “I owe you an apology.”
I wave him off. “You already explained and I get it, your work isn’t exactly predictable.”
“I know but I should have rearranged our date or at least called but things have gotten kind of complicated.” Derek shakes his head and pulls out one of the chairs. “I really like you, Hazel, but I… well I’ve been in the running for Captain and I just heard today that I got it.”
“Oh.” Surprise lifts my brows. I knew the old Captain was retiring but I hadn’t realized Derek was up for the job. “Wow.”
Derek smiles. “Yeah. It’s all kind of crazy, but yeah.” He runs a hand over his hair again. “The thing is… now’s probably not the best time for me to start a new relationship.”
“Oh,” I say again, because my vocabulary is wide-reaching and descriptive.
Derek stands up. “I’m sorry. I know this isn’t fair to you. I’ve been trying to get you to go out with me for years and then when you finally do I turn around and stand you up.” He grimaces. “Full disclosure, I feel like a dick.”
My mouth rounds as I realize he’s nervous because he thinks I’m going to be upset. “Derek, don’t worry about it. I’ve actually started seeing someone, so we’re all good.”
Now, why the fuck did I say that?
“Oh.” Derek runs a hand over his hair and gives me a wry smile. “I probably don’t get to be jealous, do I?”
I cross my arms and lean against the counter. “That would be a strong no.”
“Do I know him?”
Not unless you count being number one on your most wanted list as knowing him.
“Nope.”
Derek holds up his hands. “Sorry. I’ll stop. Are we okay?”
I uncross my arms, feeling kind of bad because Derek’s a good guy and if any of my love instincts were even the slightest bit sane then I’d have fallen for him years ago.
And then maybe I’d have a boyfriend I could walk down the street with without worrying he was going to get tackled to the ground by armed officers.
“Yeah, we’re good.”
“Good.”
It occurs to me then that if Derek made Captain, I’m literally talking to someone who has access to the entire police database. Ana may have been a dead end but that doesn’t mean Claren doesn’t have other skeletons hiding in his closet.
“Hey, Derek,” I say, catching him as he turns to leave. “If I were to ask you to dig into someone for me, would you do it without asking any questions?”
Derek kicks the door closed with the heel of his shoe before closing in on me. “That’s a dangerous question, Hazel.”
I push away from the counter. “You’re right, forget I asked.”
Derek sighs. “I take it this is for Wright’s extracurricular activities?”
I press my lips together because it’s totally not lying if he takes my silence as a yes.
“What’s the name?”
Hope curls in my chest. “No questions?”
His jaw ticks but he nods.
“Christian Claren.”
Derek’s eyes flare. “Jesus Christ, Hazel, are you insane?”
I wince and hold up a finger. “Technically, that’s a question.”
That gets me another warning look but then Derek messes up his hair again and sighs. “Come to Banshee tonight. I’m having celebration drinks there for making Captain. I’ll let you know what I find.”
My chest unlocks. “Thank you, really.” I give him a soft smile. “And congratulations.”
Derek grunts. “Yeah, well, we’ll see if I’ve still got the job after I pull this little stunt for you.” He yanks open the door and stalks off.
I grimace. There’s a strong chance hanging out with Flynn is a bad influence on me because I think I just corrupted a cop.
Derek’s precinct has pretty much taken over Banshee for the evening and I’m regretting not taking Wright up on her offer to join me tonight.
Instead, she’s having dinner with her mom and stepdad and I’m sitting by myself at a corner table nursing a Coke.
Derek’s been the center of attention, all his colleagues coming up to congratulate him and shoot the breeze.
The music is blasting, drinks are flowing, and at this rate it’s going to be hours before things have quieted down enough for him to slip away and talk to me.
I’m debating whether I should just leave but if he’s found something on Claren, it’s not exactly the sort of information he can just send over text.
“You look about as happy to be here as I am.”
I glance up as Connor slides into the booth opposite me, the teak skin he gets from his Asian side looking a shade darker under low lighting.
“I didn’t know you were close with Derek,” I say.
Connor grimaces. “I’m not. Erica invited me.”
“Ah.” I’ve known Erica since I first started working at dispatch and if rumors are right, she was in the running for Captain. Honestly, as much as I think Derek’s a decent guy, I’d have put my money on Erica.
“How’s she coping?” I ask.
Connor glances over at the end of the bar where Erica is sitting, nursing her own drink. “Not great.”
“The job should have been hers.”
Connor’s smile is sad as his gaze shifts to Derek. “Yeah, but as Erica would say it’s hard to compete with all that straight white maleness.”
I sigh. It really is.
Erica downs another drink and Connor winces.
“She’ll be alright,” I say to him.
He grimaces. “I don’t know. I’ve known her for over a decade and nothing has ever hit her this hard.”
I frown. “I thought you only joined dispatch a few years ago.”
Connor’s smile is nostalgic. “We went to Washington State together. Same life drawing class if you’d believe it.”
I raise a brow because the idea of bad ass Erica with her box braids and leather jacket taking a life drawing class is laughable.
Connor shakes his head, his smile fading. “We bonded over having to work twice as hard to get half as far. I guess not much has changed.”
I glance over at Derek and the crowd of white men celebrating around him. “Maybe not,” I say, “but if I had to call 911, she’s who I’d want turning up.”
Connor smirks. “I’ll tell her that.”
My phone buzzes on the table and I turn it over.
Dexter
It’s late Lilac, you should be in bed.
Shit. I should have left my phone at home so Flynn couldn’t track me but going to a bar without it seemed like a bad idea.
Hazel
Relax, I’m just having drinks with Wright. Going home soon.
It’s a dangerous lie, one I’m not sure will last, but I don’t think Flynn would be too happy with me going to celebration drinks for the guy who stood me up. Never mind the fact that I’m here because I asked said guy to look into the man Flynn doesn’t want me anywhere near.
Dexter
Good girl.
I melt against the cushioned booth, dropping my head back and trying to ignore the tingles that run through me at those two words. Especially when I know I’m being far from good.
“Everything alright?” Connor asks.
“Oh yeah, just dealing with my stalker.”
His eyes widen.
“Kidding,” I rush out. At this point I’m not even sure I can call him a stalker anymore, I’m far too complicit. “I think I’m going to head home. You going to be alright?” I ask.
Connor gets up. “Yeah, I’ll go see if I can convince Erica to turn in.”
I say goodbye to Connor and weave through the officers to where Derek’s perched at the bar, ordering another round.
I sidle up to him, and he rests his arms on the bar, leaning over so he’s at my height. “Please tell me you’re here to rescue me. I’m not sure I can take any more small talk,” he mutters.
“Life of a captain I’m afraid.”
Derek groans.
“Did you find anything?” I ask, staring straight ahead at the bottles behind the bar.
“There was nothing to find.”
I twist my neck to look up at him and he grimaces.
“Almost nothing.”
“What does that mean?” I keep my voice hushed.
“He’s clean, Hazel. But he has a sealed juvie record.”
I open my mouth but my question’s cut off when a body knocks into me from behind. I stumble into Derek and he grabs my arms, holding me steady as he glares over my shoulder. “Hey, watch it.”
Whoever knocked into me snorts. “You watch it.”
I do a double take because I know that voice.
“Listen man, maybe you should drink elsewhere tonight,” Derek says.
I twist around to see a snarl curl across my ex’s face. “And maybe you should mind your own fucking business.”
“Hey, you’re talking to a police officer, buddy.”
Tommy’s not listening though because his gaze has dropped to me and a vicious laugh slinks out of his throat.
“Oh, this is good. Whoring yourself out to a cop now, are you?” He pokes me in the chest, his breath thick with alcohol.
“Should I tell him how you and your little psycho friend assaulted me the other week?”
“Tommy,” I grit out. “Just leave.”
He grins. “You know, I don’t think I will.
I think I’ll stick around.” He dips his head to my ear and attempts to whisper.
“Maybe I’ll find you later. Remind you what it’s like to be fucked by a real man.
Even if you hadn’t failed to show I wouldn’t have got my chance back then, but nothing’s stopping me now.
” He tugs on my hips and my stomach roils as his erection digs into my waist.
I push against his chest and Derek pulls me back, shifting me behind him. “Get your hands off her,” he growls.
“Oh, what you going to do about it? Shoot me?” Tommy dances from foot to foot, moving his fists like he’s in a boxing ring.
“Alright, that’s enough.” Derek reaches for Tommy’s shoulder, but he looks back at me for one second and that’s all it takes for Tommy’s fist to fly, crashing into Derek’s jaw.
I wince at the sound of knuckles cracking and back farther down the bar.
The police around us form a semi-circle, blocking Tommy’s exist.
“Motherfucker.” Derek shakes his head and works his jaw.
Tommy goes to throw another punch, but before he can Connor appears out of nowhere and throws one of his own. Tommy stumbles back and Derek moves fast, pinning Tommy’s arm behind his back and slamming him against the bar.
Connor shakes out his hand. “You alright?” he asks.
I nod, stunned.
My phone buzzes in my pocket. The last thing I need is Flynn walking in on this, so I check the message, relaxing a little when I see it’s from Wright.
Wright
How’s it going?
I send her a photo of Derek cuffing Tommy.
Wright
WTF???
I sigh. Normal girls go to the bar and dance. I go to the bar and watch my ex get arrested by the guy who stood me up while my stalker sits at home.
The Love Life of Hazel Halloway: A new reality TV show coming soon.