Chapter Ten
Jake
I hadn’t realized how much I missed hanging out with Kaleb and his mother until this moment. The second I walked into Aurora’s kitchen, it felt like I was home.
The scent of homemade vegetable soup and cinnamon rolls fills the air. Aurora’s laughter. Kaleb giving me a hard time. And Emily.
My gaze always falls on her. Her ponytail dances along her back as she opens the black overnight bag on the counter. Too bad she’s not the Emily I thought she was.
“Did you pack a comfortable blanket?” Emily asks.
“They’ll have blankets there.”
Emily frowns at her mother’s answer. “You know the blankets at the hospital are barely thicker than a sheet. And there isn’t an ounce of softness about them. You might get lucky, and they’ll bring you a blanket that’s been warmed, but then it gets cold.”
“Fine.” Aurora waves her hand toward the open bag. “You’re right. Can you grab the blanket off the sofa and fold it up? I washed it yesterday.”
“I’ll get it.” I shove off the kitchen island. I need something to do to keep from…. I don’t know what exactly, but I need something to do.
“I can get it.” Emily takes a step towards me.
“Seriously?” My eyes narrow into slits. “I can walk fifteen feet into the living room and get it without you having to worry about me stealing the fine China.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” She grinds her teeth together as if accepting help from me is the worst thing she could ever do. “Just go get it.”
I shouldn’t have stopped here. Just because it feels like home doesn’t make it home. Emily doesn’t want me here and is hellbent on making that feeling known–loud and clear.
It doesn’t help that Kaleb accused her of following us around all the time.
Or that we told her to leave us alone. Well, Kaleb told her to get lost, and I went along with it because the few times I convinced him to let her tag along, he’d made her cry before the day was done. And I hated seeing her cry.
But unlike Kaleb, I know there were no romantic feelings toward me on her part. She made her choice loud and clear.
Like she said, she was bored when she wanted to hang out with us, and that’s it. If someone had asked her to count grains of sand, she’d have happily skipped behind them to join in the endless task just for something to do.
The living room remains unchanged since my college days.
Photos of the siblings line the walls, depicting varying stages of development.
The sofa and recliners are the same. Worn, but comfortable.
The room could use a new paint job to cover the scuff marks from backpacks and baseball bats that marred the wall.
“Hey, man.” Kaleb claps me on the back. “It’s good to see you again. I’m glad you moved back.”
“Thanks. I don’t know if it was the right decision.” I snatch the blanket Aurora described off the edge of the sofa.
As I fold it, the scent of laundry detergent and cinnamon fills my nose, and another wave of nostalgia hits me in the gut. Maybe that’s all this is. Maybe I wanted to come back because I missed my childhood.
It’s easier to believe than the alternative. That part of me thought Emily would still be here. That she’d still look at me the way she used to and admit that she only pushed me away because she was afraid I’d reject her.
I didn’t come back for Emily. I didn’t. I swallow hard, panic threatening to choke me.
From the doorway, I watch Emily. She’s beautiful. From the first time I saw her, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. Then, it was because she was so full of life and laughed all the time. She was pure sunshine. But as she grew, it became an obsession.
I hated it when she had boyfriends. Even if it was only stupid boys who saved her a seat at lunch. It still ate at me. It was easier to pretend I was backing Kaleb up when he told her the boy she was with wasn’t good enough for her, rather than telling either of them that I had feelings for her.
Hell, I didn’t know what I was feeling until it blew up in my face. Even in my head, she was off limits. Until that Christmas break. And then, it was too late. She probably thought I was a creepy older guy.
Except Spencer was the same age, and she kissed him. And who knows what else they did together before he came back.
My fingers curl into the gray and blue yarn. No, it wasn’t my age. It was me. She didn’t want me.
“Are you going to bring the blanket back, or do I need to come and get it?” Irritation flashes in Emily’s eyes as she waits for me to return with my cargo.
“Watch out, Jake,” Kaleb chuckles as he pulls out his buzzing cell phone from his back pocket. He turns toward the darkened television while swiping the screen. “My sister is a taskmaster.”
“Right,” I mumble as I tuck the blanket under my arm and return to the kitchen, finding her alone. “Where did your mom go?”
“She went to grab a button-up shirt for discharge.”
“Oh…” I hold the blanket out, and she snatches it from my fingertips. Her movements are swift and efficient as she places the blanket at the bottom of the bag and stacks clothes on top of it.
An awkward silence settles around us as Emily avoids my gaze. I’d slip out the door, but I don’t want to hurt Aurora’s feelings. We’re stuck here together and destined to regularly see each other. We need to figure out how to co-exist without biting each other’s heads off.
Think of something to say that won’t piss her off. Anything. “How do you like working as a paramedic?”
“Do you really want to know, or are you killing time until someone else gets in here?”
“No, I want to know.” Yes, I’m trying to find something to fill the silence, but I stupidly do want to know why she’s a paramedic. She could’ve been anything.
Emily pauses her stacking. “I love it. I’ve always wanted to help people, and I like the constant change of pace.
” Her shoulders lower as she tilts her head sideways.
Some of the tension in the room slackens as her eyes meet mine.
“Every day is different. One day we’re taking a little boy to the hospital with a concussion and a broken arm, and tomorrow, it’ll be a car accident.
” She inhales sharply as if she’s worried, she’s going to conjure up a catastrophe.
“That came out wrong. I’m not wishing anyone to have a car accident. ”
“I know what you mean.” I shove my hands into my pockets and lean against the counter. “Working as a police officer is the same. I went from helping a little boy with a broken arm and a knot on his head–”
“To flirting with his mom?”
I shake my head. “She was flirting with me. Not the other way around.”
She arches an eyebrow. “Not your type?”
“No.” My gaze doesn’t leave hers. “No, she’s not my type.”
My type is you, and she wasn’t you. I bite the words back because until this moment, I hadn’t been willing to admit it even to myself. But now that it’s floating around in the universe, I’m afraid to ruin the first civil conversation we’ve held in years.
She gnaws on her bottom lip like she’s going to ask me what my type is. When her gaze dips to my lips, a slight flush covers her cheeks.
My heart skips a beat. “My ty–”
“Hey, guys.” Kaleb barges into the room with a harried expression on his face. “I’ve got to go.”
“What’s going on?” Emily wipes her hands on her jeans.
“Fire. Gotta go.” He gives us a quick wave and calls over his shoulder, “Tell Ma, I’ll be back later tonight.”
The muscles in my back tighten. I’m not on call, but this is where I grew up. My home. Or at least, my hometown. But I can’t rush off to every emergency. If I do, I won’t be ready for when I’m on call.
The door slams shut, drawing my attention back to the present. Emily places her hand on my bicep. “It gets easier.”
“What does?” The concern in her eyes makes my stomach flip.
“Working in your hometown. It’s not as easy as it would be to work around a bunch of strangers. I still worry about every call, but it does get easier.”
I inhale and nod as she straightens, putting distance between us.
“You’re right. When I worked as a police officer in Columbia, I had the typical fears of something devastating happening to a person, but I rarely knew them as individuals.
” I rub a hand over my face. “But here, it’s different.
Every call is someone I know. Or potentially someone I know.
That makes everything ten times harder.”
“Or….” She gives me a weak smile. “Ten times better. You’re helping people you care about and keeping your hometown safe. That’s a pretty big deal.”
“Thank you.”
Emily leans against the counter next to me and crosses her arms over her chest. “Honestly, I always figured you’d became a cop because you needed control.”
“Control of what?”
She shrugs but her eyes never leave mine. “Everything.” A beat passes. “Especially me.”
Her fingers tighten around her elbow, nails digging into the fabric as the words land like a punch to the gut.
“That’s not what it was.” My voice is sharper than I intended. “I wasn’t trying to control you.”
“No?” Her brows lift.
“I was trying to protect you.” My hands curl into fists. “There’s a difference.”
Her shoulders tighten as if she’s bracing for something. “From what?”
I stare at her, disbelief thick in my chest. “From guys like Spencer.”
Something flashes across her face but it’s gone before I can register what it was.
“I’m sorry.” She presses a hand to her chest. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Thinking it and saying it aren’t really that different. I’ve got to go.” I march to the kitchen door and yank it open. “I’ll talk to your mom when you aren’t here.”
“I’m–”
I slam the door shut. I don’t want to hear her apology. I’ve never done anything to deserve that. I always treated her with kindness.
Okay, fine. I didn’t rush to her defense every time Kaleb gave her a hard time, but that was their thing. Brothers and sisters. They were always giving each other hell. Just like today. And she doesn’t hold a grudge against him.
But to think I became a cop because I needed control over people? Over her?
Yeah. There aren’t enough words to describe how disappointing that is.