Chapter Twelve
Jake
I dry and put away a plate that Emily had rinsed before I arrived. The clock above the stove clicks slowly, minute after minute, as Aurora continues to sleep in the living room.
There was a time when I felt as comfortable here as I did at home.
I was in and out of this kitchen too many times to count, staying over to watch movies, eating turkey on Thanksgiving night after we’d returned from my grandparents’ house, opening presents on Christmas afternoon.
There wasn’t a time I was made to feel like a burden.
I shut the cabinet door and lean against the counter. Emily was the cute girl from down the street. Until she was more. Until I couldn’t sleep at night after brushing her hand while passing the mashed potatoes. Until I saw a boy waiting for her at her locker, and I wanted to smash his face in.
Until I came back from college and saw her ass wiggling in front of me. Right here. My hands ball into fists. I would give anything to change that night. If I hadn’t heard Spencer tell Kaleb he was going to find out what was taking me so long….
If he’d stayed downstairs, we’d have been alone, and I could’ve wrapped my arms around her, threaded my hands in her long, silken hair, and kissed her gorgeous, plump lips until they were bruised.
Instead…. Instead, my roommate took her out the next day.
I shove off the counter and march past the island where I’d stopped that night. I’d rather flip on the television or scan useless videos on my phone than live in a fairytale land wishing for things that aren’t going to happen.
When I walk into the living room, Aurora’s eyes pop open. “Jake?” Her brows crease as she sits upright. “I didn’t know you were here.” She looks around the darkened room. “Where’s Emily? Oh, right….” She shakes her head. “I’ve lost track of time. She’s off to work. Is Kaleb here?”
“No. There was a fire call, so I offered to sit with you so Emily could go to work.” I twist the lamp beside Aurora’s side of the sofa and hover over her. “Do you need anything?”
“No.” She looks down at the tray in front of her. “Well, I could use a fresh drink.” Her cheeks flush pink. “You know I hate asking anyone to do anything for me.”
“I know you do.” I pat her shoulder. Somehow, Emily got that same trait from her mother. Or maybe she just doesn’t want help from me. “This stage in the healing process won’t last long, and you’ll be back to picking up after us.”
She smiles. “That’s so true.” Her eyes get misty.
“I’ve missed all you kids around. It was bad enough when you and Kaleb graduated, but then Em moved out.
” She sighs heavily, “I know things change, and the whole purpose of parenthood is to raise your kids to be mature adults, but it doesn’t matter if you know it or not, it’s still hard. ”
“I’m sure it is.” I leave her on the sofa as I retrieve her tumbler and refill it.
When I hand it back to her, she takes a sip while nodding to the seat across from her. “Thank you. Why don’t you have a seat? Tell me everything that’s been going on with you.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to grab you some of my mom’s soup?”
At the mention of my mom, Aurora’s eyes become distant, and she shifts her attention to the wall behind me. “No, I’m fine. Thank you.”
Moments later, she clears her throat, and the uneasy expression disappears as she smiles. But somehow, the change doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “Go on, tell me everything.”
I sensed that my mom and Aurora had drifted apart, but I thought it was more natural regression rather than a complete estrangement. Another thing that’s my fault. Of course, my mom would have my back. She always has, and it’s time to remember why.
Emily chose Spencer. She wasn’t interested in me. No matter how I’ve managed to turn things around in my head. Reality is reality.
As I swallow over the bitterness in my throat, I ease into the cushions. “There’s not a lot to tell. I’m enjoying being back in Brookhaven and seeing everyone. It’s nice.”
From this vantage point, I’m greeted by a wall full of photographs of Kaleb and Emily as they grew from elementary school to adulthood. There’s even one display with photos of all our friends hanging out together.
“Did you leave a girl behind?” She sets the glass on the table beside her.
“No.”
“That’s too bad.” She cringes as she adjusts her back against the sofa. “Kaleb and Emily don’t ever bring anyone home either. Apparently, not only did your mom and I lose our children to adulthood, but we did everything wrong, and now we’ll never have grandchildren.”
“Um….” I lick my lips and wish I’d stayed home.
She jerks her head back. “You do want kids, don’t you?”
“Yeah. Sure.” Not that I’ve really thought about it much. There’s plenty of time for that. Maybe when I’m thirty. Thirty-five. I rest my ankle on my opposite knee and cross my arms over my chest. “Someday, I’d be okay with having kids.”
“Good.” She nods and presses her lips together. “You know, you and Em would make beautiful babies.”
“Well….” I lurch upright while coughing.
“Jake and Emily aren’t going to make babies together, Ma.” Kaleb bursts into the living room from the kitchen. He’s wearing jeans and a black T-shirt. The outfit appears clean, so he either didn’t get involved in extinguishing the fire or he took a shower before stopping by.
“I should go.”
“Great job, Mom. I leave you home alone for an hour, and you’re already scaring Jake off. He just got back into town.” He rakes his hand through his hair. “Besides, Jake thinks Emily is a pest.” He shifts his attention toward me. “Right?”
“Yeah, right.” The heat that was crawling up my neck is now burning my ears as I shove out of the chair. “I should go. There’s some soup that my mom made in the kitchen for the two of you to eat.”
Damn him. If he’d shown up five minutes earlier, this entire awkward conversation could’ve been avoided. Marriage and children? Maybe. In the future. Way into the future. And with whom, I have no idea.
“Kaleb,” Aurora barks at her son. “See what you did? Jake and I were having a pleasant conversation about your sister and them having babies together, and you had to come interfere. I was so close to convincing him to date your sister. You know that would’ve made…
.” She trails off as if she’s just now remembering she and my mother are no longer close. “Well, anyway, you interrupted.”
“Enough.” Kaleb raises his hands in the air as if warding off her onslaught.
“My best friend and my sister aren’t going to date.
If she’s lucky enough to find some loser who can see past her annoying personality to date her, I don’t want to be friends with him.
Tolerate him at Christmas? I’ll try. Hang out and talk about getting her pregnant? That’s a hard no.”
“Kaleb Zachary Grey.” Aurora glares at him. “Just because you’re twenty-five doesn’t mean you’re going to talk like a sailor in my house.”
It’d be funny to watch them snipe at each other, but it’s over Emily, me, and an imaginary relationship.
I shiver as images of the act of getting Emily pregnant infiltrate my head and put down permanent roots.
All those glorious curves and glistening skin.
The freckles that sprinkle over her cheekbones.
Her sweet mouth. Those gorgeous eyes raking over me with heat.
Her belly growing big with my child. My heart clutches in my chest. Shit. She’d be beautiful, and it sure beats imagining her with this made-up guy that Kaleb will tolerate at Christmas. Of them having sex. Of some other asshole getting her pregnant.
I swipe my hands on my sweats. If anyone gets her pregnant, it’s going to be me.
Fuck. What am I thinking?
“Jake, ignore, Kaleb. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. I’ve seen how the two of you have mooned over each other for years.”
‘When’ is on the tip of my tongue, but I snap my mouth shut. “I’m glad the surgery went well and that you’re recovering. If you need anything, let me know, and I’ll come over.”
“Thank you, dear.” A smile curves up her cheeks. “I’ll tell Emily that you want to have kids. She’ll be relieved to hear that.”
“Mom!” Kaleb snaps and marches to where I’m standing.
“That’s enough. They’re not interested in each other.
” He elbows me in the ribs. “Besides, Jake isn’t ready to get married and have kids and won’t be until well after Em settles down.
Em is the epitome of relationship-ready, and Jake wouldn’t know how to have a long-term relationship if it bit him in the ass. ”
What in the fuck? “I know how to be in a relationship.”
“Please.” Kaleb rolls his eyes. “You’ve never even had a long-term girlfriend. The longest was with Amanda back in high school, and she cheated on you because you were too busy with school and sports. That’s not boyfriend and certainly not husband and father material.”
He’s wrong. Just because I haven’t had a girlfriend since high school doesn’t mean I don’t know how to be in a relationship. My parents have been together for years and have the kind of relationship I aspire to have when the time is right.
“I know how to commit to a relationship. I just have never wanted to be in one.” If it wasn’t Emily, then what was the point?
“Leave Jake alone.” Aurora waves at me with her good hand. “Stop by any time.”
Yeah, probably not going to happen.
“Ma, look what you did. You made him want to avoid us.”
“I did no such thing.” She glares at him as he tidies up around her.
I slip out the kitchen door before they can stop me. What was I thinking? I lean against the door as my cell phone rings. It’s Emily. My heart leaps into my throat. There’s no way she knows we were talking about her. About us. About us making a baby.
My hands sweat as I straighten, swipe the screen, and shove off the wall. “Hello?”
“Hey, I was just checking to see if Mom was doing okay…. And that everything there was alright.”
“She’s fine. Kaleb just showed up.”
“Thank God.”
The relief in her voice makes my spine stiffen. First, she decides I became a police officer because I need control. Now, she sounds like she’s been holding her breath the entire time I’ve been here.
Like I couldn’t handle sitting with her mom for a couple of hours without screwing it up.
A car door slams somewhere down the street. A dog starts barking, shattering the quiet. I grind my teeth. “Glad he could step in and take over.”
“That’s not what I–”
“Relax, Emily. Your mom is safe. Everything is under control.” The words taste bitter as I say them.
I tap my finger on the screen, ending the call before she can say anything else and power the phone down.
Might as well go home. Where I should’ve stayed in the first place.
Ten Minutes Later
I can’t believe she doesn’t trust me to watch her mom for a few hours. That I became a police officer because I have control issues. Her lack of understanding of who I am hurts more than I expected.
The conversation loop in my head as I pull into the gas station, gravel crunching under my tires. Control people. Like that’s what this is. Like that’s all I am.
I shove the gear shifter into park harder than I mean to and sit there for a second, gripping the steering wheel.
The air smells like gasoline and dust. There are only a couple of other vehicles at the gas station which is still odd after years in the city. I drag a hand down my face and push the door open, stepping out into the wash of fluorescent light.
I swipe my card and start the pump, my jaw still tight. Her voice fills my head again. ‘Thank God.’ When I told her that Kaleb showed up, she said, ‘Thank God.’ Like I was someone she didn’t trust.
The pump clicks as I pull it free.
“Didn’t think you’d come back.”
My grip tightens instantly but I don’t turn right away. I know that voice. Slowly, I glance over my shoulder.
Chad Whitlock leans against the pump behind me like he’s got nowhere else to be. Same lazy posture. Same look like the world owes him something.
“Chad.”
He pushes off the pump and takes a few slow steps closer, hands in his pockets.
“No uniform tonight?” His gaze rakes over me. “Almost didn’t recognize you without the badge.”
“Didn’t think I needed it to get gas.”
He huffs out a quiet laugh. “Guess not.” Neither of us says anything for several seconds. I’d rather not speak to him. We weren’t friends in school, and we won’t be hanging out together now. “Heard you couldn’t hack it in the city.”
My eyes narrow slightly. “Funny. I didn’t realize you were keeping tabs.”
He shrugs like it’s nothing. “Small town. News travels.”
Yeah. It does.
He steps a little closer. Not enough to draw attention. Just enough to make it clear he’s not here to chat. “You should’ve stayed gone.”
I turn to face him fully now. “Town’s not yours, Chad.”
“Never said it was.” His mouth curves upward, but there’s no humor in it. “I said you should’ve stayed gone.”
My jaw tightens. “Don’t know what you think you remember, but–”
“People don’t forget, Thompson.” He cuts me off. Like he’s been waiting to say it since he found out I was back in town.
I hold his gaze. It’s not like I don’t remember our run-in back in high school. I just don’t intend to give him the satisfaction of acknowledging he held any importance in my life. Even though he did. I might not be here if it weren’t for him.
“Don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Chad smiles. Slow. Deliberate. “Yeah. You always did like pretending that.”
Silence hangs between us. The pump ticks behind me, numbers climbing.
He leans in just enough that his voice drops. “Keep your nose out of my business this time.”
I don’t move. “Or what?”
His eyes flick up to mine. “Or you’ll find out I haven’t forgotten high school as much as you have.”
A long second passes. Then he steps back like nothing happened. Claps me once on the shoulder. “Good seeing you, man.”
He walks off like we just had a normal conversation. I watch him go until he disappears around the side of the building. The pump clicks off
I haven’t given serious thought about Chad Whitlock in years.
That was a mistake.