Chapter Thirty-Six
Emily
As I come to, I blink and stare at the ceiling. My brain is fuzzy, so I blink again. I wrinkle my nose. It smells like fresh paint.
When did I paint my bedroom walls white? My frown deepens. My walls are tan. They need painted due to the smudges from the different furniture sets that’ve been moved in and out of the apartment, but I know I didn’t paint it. I frown. Did the manager–
Everything stops as the weight of something slung across my body registers in my head and all the thoughts of painting or not painting my bedroom fly out of my mind.
Jake. I’m in Jake’s bedroom.
I slowly roll my head to the side, and I’m lying next to Jake Thompson. Shit. What did I do? I mean, I know what I did. Holy shit. I know what I did. I had sex with Jake Thompson. This is bad. So bad.
Okay, it was amazing. The man knows things that should be illegal, and he put on the full court press last night. For me. I smile and snuggle a little closer, inhaling the faint hint of his cologne. And sex.
Jesus. The man is divine.
I exhale, catching a whiff of my breath. Oh, my God. Do I have any gum in my purse? It’s not like I spend a lot of time hooking up with people, so I don’t have a travel toothbrush and toothpaste handy.
But I’m not about to have Jake wake up and run scared because of my breath. Even if it’s a piece that’s fallen out of the package and half covered in purse lint, I’m chewing it.
I slowly crawl out from under Jake’s arm and scoot to my side of the bed. No, it’s the opposite side of his bed. Not mine. But maybe it could be. He didn’t talk about a future between us, but the sparks that flew between us were unmistakable. He wants me and that’s enough for now.
My cell phone dings. Who in the hell would message me at…. What time is it? I slide the top of the screen down–4:10 a.m.
Amanda: I can’t wait for tomorrow night….
I gasp and drop the phone onto the dresser. That’s not my phone. My hand shakes as I blink back tears. I don’t have to read the rest of the message to know he’s making plans to hook up again with Amanda. Fuck, I’m so stupid.
My hands ball into fists. And he’s a fucking liar. Not had sex in over three years. That’s complete and utter bullshit.
Yes, the man knows things that should be illegal.
But he knows things…. Which is the problem.
He’s a player. He’s the kind of guy that flits from one girl to the next.
Not the man who’s ready to settle down and start a family, and I’m ready for that kind of relationship.
I want to get married and raise a family with my best friend.
You’re so stupid. Of course, you’d fall for the ‘let’s enjoy the night and see what happens’ kind of guy.
That’s what all the players say. They give half-empty promises to get you into bed and then ghost you.
I should know. I fallen for a few of those lines, and it was always the same thing.
Either they never called again, or they called again late at night when they wanted another meaningless screw.
As I walk through the bedroom, trying to remember where my clothes fell, I turn back and study him under the faint light from the bedroom.
He’s gorgeous. Utterly gorgeous. Flawless.
He has the most beautiful face. High cheekbones and a strong jaw, covered in a 5 o’clock shadow.
And those blue eyes. My toes curl against the wooden floors.
Go. I turn on my heel. Go before he wakes up and gives you the blow off.
After the front door snaps shut, I lean my forehead against the door, fighting off visions of his mouth covering mine, his warmth and strength surrounding me, his hardness filling me and bringing me to one orgasm after another.
I’ve never experienced anything like Jake, and likely never will again. A cool breeze flutters a strand of hair blowing it against my cheek. Go. Get out of here before someone sees you.
Shit. Before Ruby sees you.
I spin on my heel and stop. I don’t have a vehicle because Jake picked me up last night and brought me here. Please don’t let anyone see me. I glance in both directions, straighten my shoulders, and jog down the front stops.
If I get onto the street without anyone seeing me, I can explain my presence by saying I stayed at Ruby’s last night. A dog from a few houses away howls into the still dark sky as either the door shutting or my scent alerts it to my presence. My heartbeat thunders in my ears.
The second my feet hit the sidewalk, I increase my speed until I’m nearly sprinting.
When I drop down to the street from the sidewalk, I gasp at the pain of my ankle buckling.
You’re such a moron. I slow to a fast walk, limping with every second step.
The dog barking grows louder as the heat covers my cheeks.
When I pass by one of Jake’s neighbor’s houses, the door flies open. “Brutus, no one wants to hear all this incessant yapping. Go pee and get back inside.”
Please, don’t see me. Fuck. It’s Josephine’s house.
“Emily, is that you?” Josephine tilts her head in the shadows. The porchlight flashes on, illuminating Josephine who’s clad in a long T-shirt and shorts.
“Hey.” I give her a weak wave in response. So much for not seeing anyone.
“That is, you.” She folds his arms over her chest, holding the thin material of her T-shirt to her body. The dog starts barking again. “Brutus, shut up, you’re going to wake the entire neighborhood.”
“Yes, I should go.” I take a step.
“What’re you doing exactly?” Josephine’s frown is pronounced by the shadows from the overhead light and the darkness surrounding us.
Think. Think. Think. You should’ve thought of something already. The light in Jake’s bedroom window snaps on. Shit. Go.
“I’m walking. Getting my early morning exercise.” I wave with more enthusiasm and march in place. In my work clothes. I throw up a prayer that she doesn’t notice the white shirt and polyester black pants. “I’ve got to keep my heartrate up. See ya around.”
“Right….” The question in her voice doesn’t bode well for my cause as another light flips at Jake’s house. He’s looking for me. Or getting ready for work. At four o’clock in the morning? “By the way, thank you for watching Steven the other day. I really appreciate it.”
“You’re welcome.” Another light comes on. “Well, I gotta run. Keep my heartrate up and all.” I smile while projecting my voice toward the house and moving down the street. God, I already said that once. She’s going to think I’m an idiot.
If my heart beat any harder, it’d be pulsating on the sidewalk.
When my phone rings, I dodge around the corner of the street and hit the road leading to my apartment.
The ringing continues. Just answer the phone and let him tell you it was a mistake. You’ll survive.
I drag my phone out of my pocket and swipe the screen. “Hello?”
“Hey, are you okay?” Jake’s deep voice sends a shiver along my spine. I fight the urge to close my eyes and revel in the feeling.
“Yes, I’m fine.”
“You sound out of breath.” He clears his throat and my betraying nipples tent against my shirt. I should’ve taken time to put on my bra rather than stuffing it in my purse. “Are you walking home?”
“Yes, I needed to get ready for work.”
“Stay where you are. I’ll come get you and drive you home.” His voice sounds uneven as if he’s throwing on clothes and grabbing his shoes. “You should’ve woken me up.”
“It’s fine. I didn’t want to bother you.
Besides, I’m right outside my apartment.
I’ll be there before you can even get to me.
” The lie slips off my tongue. I’m still two blocks away, but the sentiment remains the same.
I’ll get there before he can get to his vehicle and pick me up.
And the last thing I want is to see him again.
Even though a small piece of me wishes he’d say that what I saw wasn’t the entire story. Or that now that he’s been with me, he’s going to tell Amanda he’s seeing someone, and won’t meet up with her. And we’ll live happily ever after together. But I’m not stupid.
“It wouldn’t have bothered me.”
“I’m fine walking home.” My feet slap on the sidewalk as I pass by Mira’s house. If she looks out her window, there’s no way she’s not going to know where I’m coming from. I lower my head, letting a strand of hair cover my face.
“I see.” His response is clipped. “So, I guess this is the point where I say thanks for the good time and blow you off.”
I stumble on the tip of my shoe and lurch forward. My purse swings outward, knocking me more off balance as I peddle backward to right myself. I wasn’t ready. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready. The pressure in my chest feels like a medicine ball is sitting on it.
After the biggest guy in school tossed it to me and knocked me to the gym floor.
“Right.” I swallow hard over the lump in my throat. “Thanks for the good time.”
“Yeah, have a good life.” The phone snaps off in my ear.
As I stop in the middle of the sidewalk, I close my eyes. Fuck. That hurt. I rub my heart. This fucking hurts.
What was I thinking? The pain rushing through me is tenfold as bad as it was four years ago. That was a little girl’s heart being stomped on. This is a woman’s heart being annihilated.
I thought I was prepared. I thought I understood that last night couldn’t be anything. But I was lying to myself. The silly girl inside of me. The one that believed in Prince Charming and other fairytales held out hope that it was real.
And it wasn’t.