Chapter Seventy-Three
Emily
A Few Days Later
My stomach is a jumble of knots as I scale the steps to the courthouse. Each one feels like one step closer to every dream I’ve ever had, while at the same time it could mean heartbreak.
I grip the handle of the car seat tighter as the what-ifs run like a herd of elephants through my head.
What if the birthmother shows up, and Grace had been stolen from her? What if Iris decides Grace is better off with someone else? What if Josepine is waiting in the lobby, family healthy and eager for another baby? What if Judge Keller takes one look at me and frowns?
I swallow over the bile rising in my throat. This is horrible. For the tenth time since I got out of my car, I wish Jake were here. Because he’s not licensed, he couldn’t come, but I’d give anything for his support right now.
No, you’ve got this. I straighten my shoulders. I can handle anything. I’ve always handled everything on my own.
However, I’m finding it’s not so bad to have Jake in my corner, cheering me on. Holding my hand. Rubbing my shoulders. Kissing the top of my head.
Taking me against the kitchen island. Lord, the man surpasses every fantasy I’ve ever dreamed up as a teenage girl with a crush.
“Hello, Emily,” Hank Nolan says with a grin.
“Hey.” I shake off the memories and smile at the security guard. The balding older man is the officer that Jake replaced when he returned to the police force. And my mother’s next-door neighbor. Small town.
“I didn’t realize you started working here.”
“I couldn’t hack it sitting at the kitchen table all day doing crossword puzzles.” He laughs as he scans the diaper bag. “I heard everything about baby Grace.” His face is solemn as he motions me to go through with the carrier. “Sad world we live in.”
“Yes, it is.” I pull the blanket off Grace as I shift the carrier in front of me, walking behind it as we pass through without the metal detector going off.
He studies the screen and then looks at Grace. “Beautiful girl. I’m glad you and Jake are taking good care of her.” He smiles as he hands me the bulging turquoise bag with the white-and-yellow daisy pattern. Thankfully, he doesn’t comment on the jumbled contents of the bag. “She’s in good hands.”
“Thank you. I just hope Judge Keller thinks the same.”
“Honey.” He shakes his head. “You have nothing to worry about. You two have the entire town on your side. That baby will have a blessed life.”
Hank’s words strangle some of the nerves trying to choke the life out of me as I stride toward the elevator and press the button for the third floor.
I’d take the stairs for some much needed steps but between Grace, the baby bag with everything from onesies in every color, to formula, to those Boogie Wipes, which happen to be a third of the size of diaper wipes and do an amazing job of cleaning a baby’s nose, stuffed inside, combined with the carrier, I’m not up for the extra fifty pound workout.
“Emily.” Iris waves as I step off the elevator, motioning me to our grouping near Judge Keller’s chambers. “Over here.”
She chats with the guardian ad litem, juvenile officer, and a couple of women I don’t recognize. I swallow over the dryness in my throat. Is one of them Grace’s mother? I search their features for similarities. Surely, Iris would’ve said something if she’d been identified.
I unload my arms, dropping my items onto a nearby blue metal lobby chair, and retrieve Grace from her restraints.
“Oh, my, she keeps getting prettier.” Iris shakes her head and turns to Jasmine Greene, the guardian ad litem. “Isn’t she a doll?”
“Yes, she is.” Jasmine clutches her chest. “Look at those dark eyes and curls.” The women around them fawn over Grace.
Not so unlike Jasmine’s features. No, Jasmine wouldn’t abandon her baby on a doorstep, leaving her out in the cold.
If she decided to give a baby up, she’d make plans.
Do everything right. Jasmine is the kind of meticulous that would have everything in her diaper bag, in cute little containers, lined up.
While everything in mine is tossed around from when I was searching for an extra pacifier. You wouldn’t think it would be so hard to find one when I have five of them stashed inside.
Iris introduces me to the women I don’t know. They’re casework staff who drive in from the city, which is why I didn’t recognize them.
They continue to chat about different case dates and other appointments as I hold Grace tightly to my chest, inhaling her scent and kissing the top of her head as I scrutinize every person that steps off the elevator or comes from the stair landing while trying to disguise the death glare in my eyes with fake friendliness.
And hoping my face doesn’t freeze like this.
I want this over with. Now.
Grace whimpers against me as if she senses my distress. Shit. I force my muscles to relax. “Hold it together, baby,” I murmur against her hair. “Hold it together.”
The words are for me as much as they are for her because I don’t know if I can hold it together if she starts crying. Without bursting into tears myself.
The door to the courtroom opens. “We’re now serving the case for Baby Doe,” the court officer announces to the room. My hands shake as I shift Grace in my arms. “Be sure to silence your phones before entering.”
Right, my phone. You’re such a dumbass. I groan as I retrieve my phone from my back pocket. Why didn’t I think of that already?
A woman in jeans and a T-shirt comes off the elevator, and my heart lodges in my throat. She has dark curly hair and bottomless brown eyes. Like Grace. Her eyes dart from Grace to me, and then back to Grace.
I can’t move. I’m not even breathing.
“Jamie.” One of the caseworkers smiles and waves. “Over here.”
I’m going to throw up. Sweat pools in my armpits as the woman strides toward us.
The caseworker grasps Iris’s upper arm. “I’ll see you back at the office. My court time isn’t for another twenty minutes.” She dodges the other seated parties while striding toward the girl with the slightly upturned doe eyes.
When they turn toward another door, my legs shake. I’m going to fall on my ass, I’m so weak.
“Emily, it’s our turn,” Iris calls to me from the door with the baby carrier and diaper bag looped on her arm. “Don’t forget to silence your phone.”
“Right.” I jump as tendrils of fear still skate along my spine.
After swiping the screen, I shake my head.
Jake: Thought you might need a distraction.
Below his words is a photo of an enormous white cabinet island with his hands braced on the edge. His large, calloused hands. And those veins that go up his forearms. Heat floods up my cheeks as the tendrils of fear turn to zaps of electric sparks. The man’s hands are deadly.
I frown. Who took the photo, and where are they?
A message pops up on the screen.
Xavier: Love this island. Let me know if you and Jake need help putting it in.
Jake: If you respond with one word to Xavier, I’m paddling your ass when you get home. Right after I punch him in the jaw.
And just like that – all the tension is gone.
Okay, most of it is gone.