Chapter 13
DARREN
I figured she’d be pissed off.
I’d have been concerned if she was at all agreeable to my nose suddenly being in her personal life.
Only it’s not all that sudden. Not to me or anyone who’s had to listen to my endless whining over the years.
I’ve known more about her life than I’d ever admit to, and I’m still trying to figure out if that makes me as much of a creep as I think it does.
While there were rumours of her heading onto her first date since coming back home, I was staying up all night drinking myself into a stupor while listening to Sasha ream me out for not picking up the right design of diapers that morning.
When she was coming home from a week-long trip to Greece for her parents’ vow renewal ceremony, I was on my front porch, staring at the road to town searching for her headlights to pull in.
I always thought that just meant I cared enough despite everything to at least make sure she was taken care of. That it was my duty as someone who loved her in the past to keep tabs on her in the present in case anything bad happened.
It wasn’t until I spoke to her for the first time in years that I realized how pathetic it was believing those lies. I’ve never searched for her in a crowded room or stayed up too late scrolling social media for a sign of life because I was just looking out. Doing my due diligence.
I did those things because I missed her and have regretted letting her go every single day since our last goodbye.
That’s my burden to bear, though. I’m the one who made the mistakes I did, even if they led me to my daughter. Abbie is the light that I needed at the darkest point of my life, and I owe her everything for pulling me back into half the man I was before I lost Delaney.
Watching Delaney move around the old drive-in grounds with a slight scowl and an annoyance that has her boots kicking up dirt with every fierce step, it’s even harder to deny how badly I still want her.
Because I do. I want the anger she’s been shoving down and the heat from the flames she’s just itching to spit at me.
Then, I want her honesty. The secrets she’s hidden in the deepest parts of her subconscious that I know are there because they’re in mine too.
The truth will set us free, even if it ravages me in the process.
“You’re staring at her like a weirdo, Darren,” Poppy whispers pointedly.
Brushing up beside me, my sister flicks a look to Delaney and sighs when I don’t reply instantly.
“Why don’t you just go and try to talk to her? Isn’t that the whole point of getting her put in your group?”
I lift a finger to my mouth and make a shh noise. “Can you not expose me already?”
“As if she didn’t put that together instantly.”
“Even if she has, it hasn’t changed her desire for us to speak.”
She blinks at me, deadpan. “Did you expect differently?”
“I didn’t expect anything.”
“But you hoped.”
“Apparently, it was misplaced.”
Her fingers curl around my wrist before she tugs, forcing me to face her, unable to shy away from her demanding stare. “Be honest with me for a second here, D.”
“About what?”
“I’ve been avoiding asking you directly because I didn’t want to upset you, but you’ve lost that privilege now.
What happened at Into The Shade? Because I know that day changed something for you.
You went from avoiding all things related to Delaney to asking about her in ways that you think won’t give away your interest. But news flash, I’m your sister, and I know you better than anyone else does. Other than Della.”
I search the grounds for the rest of the station, not finding them close enough to have heard Poppy’s rant. Only then do I suck in a long breath and let my walls down. I rub my sternum, needing some sort of calm.
“Talking about it here won’t do anything to help. I don’t know how to go up and talk to her without apologizing so many times she tells me to shut up,” I admit.
Sympathy bleeds into her eyes. “Talk to her like you used to. Even if she doesn’t talk back. I don’t know what it’s like to lose someone I loved so young and still want them years later, but I do know what it feels like to lose someone I love and wish they would come back to me.”
“Garrison,” I say, not bothering to ask.
She nods. “Time and distance might work for some people, but it never has for me, and it never did for you and Delaney. I won’t continue to tell you that you made a mistake because you know it as well as I do.
But maybe it’s time to stop letting the past hold so much power over you.
Everyone makes mistakes. Messing things up with a woman you love doesn’t make you special.
The way you earn back her forgiveness is what will. ”
“And if it’s impossible to earn her forgiveness?”
She drapes her arm behind me and squeezes tight. “Then you need to move on completely.”
My pulse thrashes as I immediately reject the idea. “So, forgiveness it is, then. ”
“I’d say that’s the best bet for the both of you,” she agrees, her tone light and almost teasing.
“You don’t think if I go up to her right now, she’ll punch me in the face?”
She lets loose a small laugh. “I knew you already managed to piss her off. What did you do?”
“Might have butted into her business. There’s a guy sniffing around.”
“Sniffing around? Is he a dog?”
I run two fingers over my mustache, fidgeting. “You know what I meant. Fuck, I should have kept my mouth shut. It was too much, too soon.”
“Maybe she just doesn’t like your mustache.”
Stilling, I glare at my sister. “Are you trying to make me self-conscious?”
“Is that possible?”
“Last I checked, yup.”
“Damn, you learn something new every day,” she sings, eyes twinkling.
“I’m going now before I wind up shedding tears.”
With a slight smile, she nudges her chin to where Delaney’s moved on to chucking chunks of wood into a pile. “Good luck.”
“Yeah, I’ll need it.”
Every step I take toward the woman fearlessly whipping pieces of charred wood still full of nails has me feeling a bit queasier. It would be incredibly easy for her to spin around and use my face as a target instead.
Maybe that would help break the ice. We could get even a bit that way.
Fuck. No , that would be the opposite of helpful.
“Do you want a pair of gloves?”
I wince at how awkward I sound. And when Elle snaps up from her crouched position, she picks up on it too. Before she can say anything back, I speak again despite knowing better.
“For your hands. Gloves. Because of the nails. Slivers. ”
Holy shit.
“Do you have gloves, or are you asking just to ask?”
Am I sweating? “I can find you some.”
“I can find my own gloves,” she says, turning me down instantly.
“Alright. I’ll help you another way, then.”
Brows flying up, Delaney uses the toe of her boot to kick another piece of wood aside. “There are plenty of other areas to clear. Plus, I thought the fire station was already supposed to have done all of this?”
“We’ve been working on it.”
She hums and drops back down to her haunches to pick up a cracked four-by-four. Flipping it over, she taps a fingernail to a missing chunk of it.
“Are you upset that it’s gone?”
“The drive-in?”
Delaney nods and tosses the wood.
“Seeing it up in flames hurt more than I expected it to,” I reveal.
“I always expected it to be here, guarding the town. I guess I waited too long to come back.”
“It won’t be gone forever.”
She turns away from me and stares out at the now empty field. The hunch of her shoulders is a dagger to the chest. “It won’t ever be the same as it was.”
“Is that such a bad thing? Maybe this is what we all needed,” I offer, dragging my foot through the dead grass.
“We needed to lose a key structure from our past? For what? To be punished?”
My other foot moves through the grass. “It’s hard to move on when our ankles are tied to something anchoring us in place.”
“Don’t make this about us.”
“Isn’t it, though? Nobody gives a shit about this place but us, Elle. We’re the only ones standing here with an ache in our chests because the one place still calling to us is gone. Nothing but fucking ashes in the scorched grass.”
Eyes burning with the hottest flames I’ve ever seen, she whips around, her head shaking. “It’s. Delaney .”
“You’re angry with me. Good, you should be. I want you to be pissed off and honest about it. We can’t continue to ignore each other and pretend that it’s fine,” I say, knowing damn well that I’m right back to being too much, too soon.
She could turn and run any second, and fuck, that’s scary. But if I’m not honest, we won’t get anywhere. We’ll be stuck in this cycle that’s tearing me up inside for the rest of our lives.
“You want me to be angry so that you can justify the hatred you hold for yourself and the choices you made! This isn’t about me or us, Darren,” she snaps.
“We can’t go back in time. I can’t change the things I did, but I also can’t keep pretending that I don’t hate what we’ve been doing since. You were more than my girlfriend. You were my best friend, and I miss you. Have been missing you for years.”
She sucks in a sharp breath, eyes wide and full of disbelief. My hope rises, then quickly falls at the sight of her obvious step backward. “It’s going to take a lot more than that to change anything. You don’t get to just say those types of things and expect change.”
“But there’s a chance.”
“For friendship?”
For now. “Yes.”
“You deserve an outright denial.”
My heart leaps. “So give me one.”
“I can’t do this right now.”
She’s going to leave. I can see it flashing in her eyes and in the firm twist at the corner of her pursed lips. There’s fear tangled in the panic, painting a portrait that singes my gut.
“Then when?” I ask, more breathless than if I’d just run laps around this charred field.
“I don’t have that answer. ”
“Think about it, then. Please.”
“I need space.” She lifts her hands and waves them between us. “Put things back to how they were.”
That’s the last thing I want. Still, I nod. “Okay. Whatever you want.”
“Bye, Darren.”
She spins and walks off as a cruel sense of déjà vu washes over me. This isn’t the first time I’ve heard those words, afraid they’d be the last she’d say to me. The only difference is this time, I’m dead set on there being a different outcome than all those times before.
Goodbye for now, not forever.