Chapter 26
TEN YEARS AGO
DELANEY
Where is he? I’ve been here for two hours. Alone and waiting for him to come back from wherever it is that he took off to when Poppy left.
Considering I’m only here to spend the weekend with Darren, I’m getting more pissed by the second that he’s not here.
If it hadn’t been the only way that I could guarantee that I’d get time with him tonight, I’d have changed my flight to leave this morning.
But of course, I didn’t want to leave while we were both still upset about earlier.
It didn’t occur to him to do the same, I guess.
Whether I’m in my first year of university or the third, my view on the parties is still the same.
The only thing I’ve learned in my time at the few I’ve been dragged to is that the beer is warm, the chip bowls are infected with every illness known to man, and the boys are unbearably ignorant.
This isn’t my scene in the slightest, yet here I am— again —waiting for the guy who’s not my boyfriend but still feels like it the majority of the time to join me .
I blame Poppy for convincing me that I could do this tonight after the fight that transpired in front of her earlier.
Darren’s only come to visit me in Vancouver a handful of times, but I’ve been here to see him in Calgary at least triple that.
My course load is lighter, and considering everyone I know and love is back home in Cherry Peak, it’s made more sense for me to come here than for him to take the trip alone to Vancouver.
Still, with every flight I take, the more I’m starting to wish he’d make the effort to come see me instead.
We’re not supposed to even be doing this at all, though. Not the visiting, at least. It’s what we agreed on the day I drove to Vancouver for the first time. Holiday visits only and a weekly phone call scheduled to keep one another in the loop.
We’ve done everything but that.
The last few months have been the hardest, though.
After the party in July, things have been weird between us.
He’s texting less and missing my calls. This is the first time I’ve been here since then.
I could tell that night that things were going to change; I just hoped it wouldn’t be so drastically.
Today, the issues I’ve had with our current relationship blew up into a screaming match, and I embarrassed the both of us in front of someone who shouldn’t have been around to see it. His sister drove back to Cherry Peak shortly after.
“It’s not too late to just put a pause on this stupid break and stop pretending that it’s doing anything but making me miss you so badly I can barely breathe when I’m away! I thought this was what I wanted, but it’s not.”
“You say that now, but it’s not how you felt before. I can’t take back the last two years we’ve put into this! We’ve already gone on with this for too long. I won’t be the one responsible for ruining the plans you laid out years ago.”
“Every time I’m here, I feel like I recognize you less.
You’re ignoring me, Darren. You’ve never done that before.
Did I really ruin everything between us because of one night of honesty?
If you didn’t want to keep me in your life, you should have just said that instead of placating me. This isn’t what I wanted!”
He swallows, throat straining. “I told you things were getting too complicated. I fucking knew we were going to get like this.”
Nausea swirls in my belly at the reminders of our last conversation. It’s obvious that I shouldn’t be here tonight. Not at this party and not in this city. My money is on Darren knowing that just as well. That would explain his absence.
“He’s not here, babe.”
The pop can in my hand is heavier than normal when I pull it into my chest and glance up at the guy looming over me. Darren’s roommate, Blue, as everyone calls him, drops a hand to the back of their velvet couch and twirls a piece of my hair around his finger.
I sweep my hair over my shoulder and out of his grip. “I can see that.”
“He’s been gone a while now.”
“I’m aware.”
“Have you tried calling him?” he asks, the words slurred on his sour breath. “He’s always here when you show your pretty face. That reminds me! He hasn’t threatened to punch me yet tonight for looking at you too long. Odd.”
“Wow, I never thought to try calling him. That’s a brilliant idea.”
“I sense a bit of sarcasm, Delania. Are you being sarcastic?”
I let the incorrect name go. It’s not the first time, and it won’t be the last. I’m pretty sure he’s just incapable of using the right one at this point.
“You’re drunk, Blue. Darren keeps water bottles under his bed— What are you doing?”
With a squeak, I push my body as far back into the couch as possible before Blue falls into my lap. Instead of my thighs, he falls face first into the seat beside me. I crinkle my nose, feeling almost queasy at the thought of what’s touching his face.
“I’m tired,” he grumbles into the scorched red velvet. His feet kick out, narrowly missing my can before dropping into my lap. “Wanna cuddle me to sleep?”
“No. I’m leaving. If you’re not too drunk to remember what I’m going to tell you, make sure to let Darren know when you see him that I went home.”
“Don’t go yet! What if he comes back? He promised me he’d hold my legs for a keg stand tonight.”
“He was probably lying.”
“Nah. He did it last weekend, and I won first place in the competition. His biceps are like fucking tree trunks. His fans should be here soon to see him use them again,” he mumbles.
My shoulders lock up. “His fans?”
“Just some chicks. Hot ones. I think. . .”
My blood runs cold before I remind myself that he’s not my boyfriend. Darren can be ogled as many times as he’d like to be now. I’m not the only one who gets to do that anymore. I chose that.
A groan is Blue’s only reaction to me shoving his feet off me and standing. It’s too hot in this room anyway. And the music is horrendous. Whoever chose it should have their Bluetooth privileges permanently taken away.
The dorm room is way too small to be packed full of so many people. Darren isn’t the party type either. I knew before he told me about the one happening tonight that it wasn’t his idea. He still should have been here. With me.
Without bothering to speak with anyone else, I focus on my phone and try calling him again. When his voicemail kicks in, I hang up and quicken my stride. Ten minutes later, I’ve freed myself of the university campus.
Poppy’s my next call before I chuck my phone into my car’s cup holder. She answers on the first ring, her voice flowing softly while I drive off campus.
“Delaney? Shouldn’t you be a bit too busy to call me by now?”
“Do you know where he is? ”
She clears her throat, suddenly serious. “Darren?”
“Yes, Darren. Do you know where he is?”
“I thought he was with you.”
A tidal wave of worry blasts through me. “No. I haven’t seen him since you left . . . he’s not answering his phone either. I’ve been at his place waiting for two hours.”
“Do you want me to turn around? I can come back. I’m not that far.”
“You’re lying. Don’t come back. I’ll find him.”
“I’m turning around,” she argues, stubborn like she always is.
“You’ve got to be nearly home already. I’ll find him before you get back. Plus, you hate driving on the highway at night. Don’t push yourself.”
A slight pause. “What if he’s hurt?”
“He’s not.” I wince at the power in those words and soften my next ones. “He’s not, Poppy. Knowing Darren, he’s probably sitting somewhere alone, calming down.”
“It’s unlike him not to tell us where he is first.”
I know. “I just left campus. He has to be somewhere around here.”
“He seriously left you in his dorm alone? With Blue?”
“Yep. Along with at least forty other people.”
“I’m sorry he’s being such an idiot,” she huffs.
“I still don’t understand why the two of you agreed to this separation to begin with.
You never used to fight before. I knew a breakup wouldn’t actually make anything stronger between you.
Like, come on, Laney, you’re still seeing and calling each other but aren’t dating?
Is it even really a breakup? I get a migraine just thinking about this. ”
A pair of bright headlights nearly blinds me as a lifted truck passes in the other lane. I tighten my slick grip on the steering wheel and squint at the small green sign up ahead.
“I know,” I say weakly.
“Honestly, you need to just get back together already before it’s too late. What if you wait too long and something happens that you can’t move on from? The fighting today was just . . . not you. It’s never been you.”
She’s right. Darren and I are different. But this year, we’ve gone from best friends to strangers in the blink of an eye, and our low-blow attacks and frustrations are making everything worse. Everything’s just been miserable. I’ve been miserable.
I blink away the burn in my eyes and focus on keeping my vision clear before I smoke a sleepy deer trying to cross the road. There’s a sharp pinch between my ribs as I slow my speed by a few kilometres and let out a tight exhale. There’s no mistaking this feeling for anything but dread.
“Do you remember when you told me you weren’t my friend solely because I was Darren’s girlfriend?” I ask.
“Which time? I’ve told you that plenty of times, Laney. It’s the truth.”
“Okay.”
“Okay? That’s all you’re going to say after asking that?” Poppy snaps.
“I believe you, Pops.”
“Oh, well whoop-de-fucking-do. I definitely won’t worry about a thing, then.”
My laugh is garbled and wet as the tears break free. I hastily wipe them as they fall while making the turn into the parking lot of the only place I could think of to check. Darren’s car sitting in the third stall surprises me less than I was anticipating.
“I love you, Poppy. I’m really glad I got to get to know you,” I declare.
“You’re my sister.”
Pulling into the stall beside Darren, I say, “I found him.”
“Where?”
“He wasn’t far.”
She scoffs, anger replacing her worry. “He’s an asshole.”
“I’d have to agree right now.”
“Just call me after you’re done talking to him, alright? Ream him out and then make up so I can have someone to talk to at Christmas dinner. You’re the best part of all our holiday dinners. I’d be subject to Great-Aunt Judy’s crochet talk if I was alone.”
I let that go, knowing damn well that anything I say would be a lie.
“Thank you for answering the phone.”
“I love you like family, Laney.”
“I love you too, Pops.”
She hangs up, and I sit in silence for a moment, thinking, breathing.
Darren’s not in the car, and I didn’t expect him to be.
We were supposed to be a clean break, right?
Two years ago, we were supposed to say goodbye and shift our romance into something looser and easier to manage over the next four years that we’d be apart.
Instead, we became . . . whatever this is.
A sloppy mess of unclear rules and miserable distance, topped with a sprinkle of insecurity. We should have done everything differently.
I’m yanked from my disastrous thoughts by a light knock on my window. Looking at Darren’s closed-off expression as he stares in at me confirms everything I was expecting.
This will be the last time I visit him here.