Chapter Fourteen
Spencer
Sinking back into the plush leather seats of my car, I silently discipline myself. By rights, I should be looking forward to getting home after another night away, but I’m not.
I’m anxious about seeing Sophie, and after my night with Carlo, seeing them together feels strange too. My entire life seems out of kilter, and I’ve only got myself to blame.
As the car pulls up at the end of the drive, I see several high-end cars parked haphazardly all over the sweeping in/out driveway that leads up to our imposing Georgian house, which Sophie insisted we buy nearly four years ago.
She told me she’d fallen in love with the old place. Within weeks, she started an extensive remodeling program of both the interior and the garden. She’s project-managed an impeccable job; it’s stunning, and normally, feels like home.
I let myself through the front door, and the sound of children playing immediately lures me to the rear garden.
Watching through the rear window, I see Lily’s party is in full swing. Sophie calls our daughter over to the terrace. It seems I’ve arrived just in time to watch her opening her birthday gifts. I smile, amused to see how careful she is as she opens each gift.
Eventually, Lily opens the large present we bought for her. It’s a large box of Barbie dolls; each dressed as a different Disney princess.
Sophie sent me a photo last week. As soon as I saw it, I had no doubt Lily would be thrilled. She loves the Disney princesses; I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve watched Beauty and the Beast with her.
The size of the box seems to have increased Lily’s excitement. She eagerly tears the wrapper open as several of her friends squeal with excitement. The corners of my mouth curve into a smile.
Lily’s face lights up as she stares at the box and then at her mother; she’s overcome. The idea makes my chest ache. Lily’s such a cute kid, and she looks so much like her mum.
I watch for a while as Sophie patiently helps our daughter remove the dolls from the packaging. After releasing each doll, Lily examines it before handing it to a different friend.
Once the box is empty, it seems to dawn on her that there’s nothing left for her to play with. I can sense the clench of her disappointment.
The other girls play happily, pretending to be whichever character Lily has chosen for them, as Lily watches on with a plastic smile on her lips. Her shoulders have dropped so minutely that others won’t notice, but I see them. I know exactly how she feels.
I started out life as a people pleaser, too. As a child, I’d have done anything for love. My parents were always so distracted with their own lives; they were barely aware I was around.
I clench my back teeth, closing my eyes and wishing, not for the first time, that my little girl’s personality is less like mine, and more like her mother’s.
As I watch Sophie now fussing over Lily and her friends, my heart aches for the connection we once shared.
A noise behind me alerts me to someone inserting a key into the front door, and I assume it must be Carlo. I step back, hiding in the shadows, hoping he doesn’t notice me. I’m intrigued to see his dynamic with Sophie and her friends when I’m not around.
From my position, I watch him enter the house. As always, he looks like he’s just stepped off the cover of GQ. He’s holding a huge white box in one hand, which he struggles to maneuver through the door.
Deep in concentration, my friend doesn’t glance up, instead breezing straight into the sitting room and presumably the connecting kitchen, before bursting out onto the terrace; minus the box.
Sophie smiles broadly when she sees him. Just like she used to smile when she saw me.
Carlo strides confidently towards her, pulling her into his arms and planting a kiss on her lips. I watch her blush as she steps back, shaking her head slightly to reprimand him.
He grins without batting an eyelid before proceeding to greet each of Sophie’s friends, welcoming them with his familiar warmth and charm.
It doesn’t escape my notice that several of them adjust themselves, preening to show themselves off to their best advantage, or that Carlo is lapping up their response to him.
While I’m distracted, I gravitate toward the window for a closer view of my friend.
“Daddy!” Lily’s scream breaks through my thoughts; she races towards me at full pelt.
Lost in my curiosity about Carlo, I’d unwittingly stepped forward for a closer inspection, revealing my position to my adoring daughter.
I force away my discomfort, and put my game face on, stretching my arms wide to intercept the beautiful little girl running towards me. She leaps straight into my arms, trusting me implicitly to catch her and shower her with the love she knows I have for her.
Holding my little girl is a blessing. I close my eyes, clinging to the rare, grounding certainty she gives me—the sense that I am exactly where I’m meant to be, something only Lily has ever made me feel.
“Happy birthday, sweetheart. Have you been having a nice day with your friends?” I ask her. I clear my throat to stop my voice from betraying my pent-up emotions.
“Yes, Daddy. I have been a very lucky girl. My friends have brought me so many beautiful things. Come and see,” she says sweetly, wriggling to be released.
Reluctant to give up my human shield, I place her down. She steps back but catches my hand, pulling me out into the garden.
Sophie approaches immediately, her eyes shining with love and a shy smile on her lips.
“Darling, I’m so glad you’re here; you’ve made her day,” she gushes, leaning forward to place a delicate kiss to the side of my mouth.
Perhaps partly because of the show Carlo put on, but mostly because now that we’re here together I realize how much I’ve missed her; I pull her towards me in an affectionate embrace which only shows an ounce of the love I really have for her.
“I promised I would,” I reply, giving her no option but to mold herself into me. She places her hand on my chest and peers up into my face, but I can see the torrent of concern behind her beaming smile.
“Yes, but . . .”
She doesn’t need to finish that sentence. I’m all too aware I’ve let them down too many times to count and can’t blame her for doubting my word. I press my lips to her mouth, keeping my greeting PG while trying to draw out some of her worries, and replacing them with the confidence I wish she felt.
Lily pulls on my hand, demanding my attention, and I grip hold of Sophie, determined to keep her with me but allow our daughter to lead us both toward her pile of gifts.
The moment I sit at the table, I pat my knee for Sophie to sit with me, and I’m delighted when she does.
We both proudly listen to Lily run through her gifts at top speed, remembering which child gave her each gift. Quite an achievement for a three-year-old.
I sense the other women watching our interaction and hear one woman whisper to her friend, “I wish James were so invested in Chloe.”
If only she knew. Upon hearing her friend’s comment, I squeeze Sophie, giving her a brief, regretful smile.
“Will you come and bounce with me, Daddy?”
The large inflatable castle is wobbling like crazy as her friends bounce, Barbie dolls abandoned on the floor. Certain it won’t be safe for me to join them, I hold my hand out to her, drawing her toward us.
“How about we bounce together later, when your friends have gone home?”
She stares up at me with large, sad eyes.
“Daddy needs to get changed, and speak to some of Mummy’s friends,” I explain in a low voice.
Reluctantly, she accepts my proposal but still doesn’t drop my hand.
“Why don’t you go play, Button?”
She shrugs her little shoulders. “I’d rather stay with you, Daddy.”
Guilt hits me square in the chest. She doesn’t want to leave me in case I disappear again. Sophie glances at me with a sad smile, and then stands, and I lift Lily onto my lap.
“I’ll still be here after you’ve finished playing with your friends, Lily.” I sweep a few strands of her fine blond hair, the exact shade as her mother’s, back from her face. “Go enjoy yourself; we can play later.”
She holds out her little finger. “Pinky promise you won’t go back to work?” she asks me.
I smile sadly and link my thick finger with her much smaller one, eager to give her the reassurance she needs.
Once she’s satisfied, she wraps her arms around my neck and squeezes me as tightly as she can.
“Thank you for coming to my party, Daddy. You being here is the best present ever,” she says enthusiastically, unaware her words are shattering my heart.
I place her down gently and watch her run toward the castle. She collects up her dolls, returning them to the table between us before joining her friends on the castle.
“Your little girl’s growing up fast,” says Carlo, making the hairs stand up on the back of my neck.
I glance up at him and nod.
Sophie is still beside me; I turn to catch her eye again. “Her mother is doing a fabulous job.”
Sophie smiles, but it’s forced, and I wish the ground would swallow me up.
“You’re very fortunate to have two such adorable girls,” Carlo says, his eyes dropping over my wife’s hot as fuck body.
She flushes, clearly enjoying his flirtation.
I know he’s teasing me, but now isn’t the moment. My brief black look is enough to silence him, thankfully.
Sensing the group of women circling behind us, I’m conscious we need to behave; I don’t want to embarrass Sophie. I force the corners of my mouth up into a smile and stand leaning toward my wife, my hand on the small of her back.
“Perhaps you’d like to introduce me to your friends, darling,” and then I drop my voice. “Before mine devours you.”
Her eyes grow wide in surprise, flicking her gaze between me and Carlo with a giggle, shaking her head before taking my hand and leading me toward the gaggle of women dressed in designer clothing.
As we approach, I become light-headed with the overpowering cloud of assorted perfume.