Chapter 22 Daisy
I drove to the hospital and pulled into a parking spot.
I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to go in and say goodbye to my dad.
It may have been the last time I saw him, but it may have also been the last time I disappointed him again.
I couldn’t go back to Blaze. There was nothing attractive about him anymore.
Physically, he was attractive. With his unique eye color, he could, and did easily draw women of all ages.
I’d never been jealous of them giving him their attention though. That probably should have been a sign.
I had felt sick going back into that house and seeing no changes.
Things had changed so much for me. I’d gone back to school, gained a qualification, become a nurse, and gotten a job, which I loved.
I felt valued for my skills, my knowledge, and my personality.
I valued myself. I’d changed so much, while he hadn’t changed a bit.
He was still doing everything he used to do, despite having a child relying on him.
He pretended that nothing had changed, probably so he didn’t have to change… just like my parents.
I took a breath and geared myself up to open the door and walk into the hospital. This might be the last time I’d come in here. It would be a great step if I never had to step through these halls again. I turned the corner and stepped into the room.
“Hey Dad!” I plastered a big fake smile on my face. He had gone downhill overnight. Mom beamed at me. Her place would always be permanently next to him.
“Hi honey, how did it feel being around Blaze all day yesterday? Feels like all those years apart have just disappeared,” she gushed.
I must have looked confused because she continued, “He sat next to you the whole day. Didn’t you talk?”
I shook my head. “No, I was too busy watching Dad,” I told her. Her face fell a little, worry and guilt flashing across it.
“So you haven’t spoken to Blaze?” she asked tentatively.
I sighed. I didn’t want to do this. I wanted to tell them definitely no. No, I wasn’t taking Blaze back. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t crush Dad like that, and I couldn’t lie. All I could do was be vague, which might give them false hope, but it would be a way to leave on a good note.
“We spoke this morning,” I told them. Dad’s eyes lit up.
I continued, “It didn’t go well.” His eyes dropped, then started to dart with panic, so I pushed on with my speech.
“But that’s how it is.” Dad’s panic eased, and a sly look crept in instead.
I kept going, “Anyway, I’ve come to say bye.
I’ve got a shift at the hospital tomorrow, so I’m driving back home today. ”
Both of my parents’ faces fell.
“But you just came back…”
“I know, but I can’t leave my job.”
“Why honey? Blaze will take care of you…just like your father takes care of me,” mom whined.
I closed my eyes and took a steadying breath. I wasn’t going to fight. From what I could see, I knew this was the last time I’d see Dad alive…so I just leaned in and held him in a tight hug.
“Bye Dad, look after yourself. I’ll see you when I see you,” I told him lightly.
I turned and walked away, my heart heavy with my decision and deception. I wasn’t coming back again. Not while Dad was alive. This was my goodbye to him. But I couldn’t do it properly. Not while Mom was here and in denial.
There was a large man leaning against my car when I walked out. He glanced up from his phone and smiled at me.
“Hey Jim,” I said, restraining myself from opening my arms to give him a hug that I really needed, or crawling into his arms.
“Hey, I heard you were leaving and just wanted to say bye.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “I’m glad I caught you.”
I nodded, still trying to control myself.
“Bye Jim, thanks so much for yesterday. I had a great time,” I told him. Butterflies were floating through my body.
“If you ever need another taste of freedom, let me know,” he said in a voice that I felt vibrate through me.
“Will do.”
“I guess you’ll keep in touch through Janie…” He spoke hesitantly, like he was trying to gauge something. Something he was unsure of.
I held my breath and decided to take a chance. “If you haven’t changed your number in four years, I’ve still got it,” I replied. “I can call.”
His smile got brighter, creasing his eyes. “It’s the same,” he confirmed, nodding slightly.
“Okay,” I whispered. “I’ll call.”
He nodded again and stood up from the car, a loose stone crunching under his work boots.
“Drive safely, Daisy. Thank you for coming.”
My breath caught in my throat as my heart sped up. He stepped closer and whispered, “Look after yourself. You’re stronger than you think you are.” He winked and walked away to his bike. The one that I rode.
I let out the breath I was holding and opened my door. Then I sat, watching him put his helmet on, tighten the kutte across his torso, and take off. I felt like a schoolgirl with her first crush. It was heady. I couldn’t stop smiling and checking that no one saw the interaction.
My smile lasted for 2 days. Through 3 gangland shootings, 6 car crashes, and one suicide attempt, I still walked out of that medical chaos to sit in my car, think about Jim, and smile automatically.
I sent one text of the city skyline from the helipad on the roof of the hospital, just before the helicopter landed with a patient.
He responded straight away with a heart emoji.
He sent a photo from the lookout, saying, “wish you were here.” I sent a heart emoji.
We couldn’t say anything more until I divorced Blaze; I was still an ol’lady. I certainly wasn’t behaving like one, but we were still restricted by the code of the club. We had to behave.
On the third day, I visited the lawyer and booked the appointment.
Darcy Emmerson was younger than I expected, and empathetic.
He listened to my story. Told me what evidence I would need to bring to the appointment to get the papers drawn up.
He said Blaze and I would be divorced as soon as the papers were signed and filed.
We just needed to agree on the separation of assets. I grimaced.
“Blaze doesn’t want a divorce. I’m not sure he’ll sign,” I murmured.
Darcy frowned. “What did you say his name is?”
“James Lovelace the fifth or something like that. He goes by Blaze. It’s his road name from his club, the Ares Riders.” I smiled wryly.
Darcy nodded. “I think I’ve heard of them. Why Blaze?”
I shrugged. “He’s a firefighter.”
Darcy raised his eyebrow in surprise.
“He’s also a cheater,” I explained to the unasked question.
“I know. Here’s your appointment card with my direct line. I’ll see you then.”
On the fourth day, my dad died.