Chapter 32 Daisy
I walked out after another crazily normal shift.
Another school shooting had kids filling the beds, and parents haunting the halls and waiting rooms. Unfortunately, as one of the few nurses without kids, I was assigned to the worst cases.
I kept seeing Janie’s kids and Dylan in my mind with each one.
I wished again, for the millionth time today, that I could go home to Jim. At least I could call him.
I checked my phone in the car and listened to the messages from today.
Darcy, my lawyer, had called me during my shift, and left a message.
Hello Daisy, I’m letting you know that I formally advised Mr Lovelace of our intention to commence divorce proceedings.
I’m afraid he did not take it very well, so we might be in for a long haul.
I, uh, I also wish to inform you that there may be a conflict of interest in this case.
My cousin is, uh, well, she’s one of the persons who he committed adultery with.
I understand if you do not wish to proceed with my services, but as an incentive, I would like to offer my services pro Bono.
Fuck it Daisy, let me screw this guy.
I snorted in laughter. I wondered who his cousin was that he was so eager to avenge. I sent back a message to his phone number.
Hi Darcy, I appreciate the offer and would like to accept it. Be my guest. I have a feeling I’ll enjoy this more than him
A reply came through immediately.
YES, Thank you Daisy, you won’t regret it.
Thank you Darcy, I appreciate your support.
I smiled at the feeling of confidence that flowed through me.
I had found my support crew, and now felt like I could achieve anything.
I switched on the car so I could get home, get some food, and call Jim.
I needed to hear his voice after today, while I was home.
I needed the glimpses of warmth and comfort that he offered until I could see him again.
* * *
Another week passed, and I was again in the car, heading down the highway.
Today was the day before Dad’s funeral. I had another three days off before having to be back for the weekend night shift.
I was grateful to my team for covering me.
I was also looking forward to seeing Jim again.
We’d spoken everyday on the phone, but the thought of seeing him in person made my whole body shiver in anticipation.
It was a pity that I couldn’t hide this visit and just be with him, seeing as all eyes would be on me during the funeral.
There would be no opportunity to put my hands on him, and I really wanted to put my hands on him, and my lips, and any other body part that would fit.
I’d been able to stay with him last time because of my anonymity, albeit in separate rooms in his house. I wasn’t going to lower myself to Blaze’s level by having sex with another man while we were still married. But everyone was going to know me now, or show an interest.
Jim warned me that people had found out that he had a girlfriend, so he was getting stalked by the ol’ladies of the club who were trying to find out who she was.
The buzz I felt at him acknowledging who I was to him was enough to help me face the next few days.
I wish I could do the same for him. Just to be safe until the divorce came through, I’d have to stay with Mom or in a hotel.
I was worried Blaze would show up to Mom’s with Dylan while I was there.
She’d been getting very clingy to the child since Dad died.
Janie was a bit concerned, seeing as Dylan didn’t seem as happy anymore.
Dylan, I could handle. He didn’t care that I was married to his dad, he was only interested in D2.
The poor kid was just a pawn in everyone’s game.
Blaze was another story. He hadn’t given Darcy the details of his lawyer, so Darcy was going ahead as if Blaze was representing himself.
This meant that Blaze was going to have to give him notice of his assets as of 4 years ago, when I last saw him.
We’d picked this as a fair point of the end of shared assets.
Darcy was a little upset that I didn’t want to take Blaze for more.
But I just wanted out. If Blaze would sign the papers and give me nothing except a divorce, I’d take that.
But he was stalling, probably with the full support of Mom.
Mom was another big problem. I suspected she was still very much team Blaze.
Hopefully tomorrow would keep her focused on Dad, instead of dreaming of Blaze and I reconciling.
Even if Jim wasn’t waiting for me, the divorce was going through.
I deserved better than what she had put up with, and the treatment that Blaze gave me.
I sighed and brought my focus to the road.
Only 30 minutes to go. Then I frowned. There seemed to be a formation of bikes headed towards me.
They passed me, and I saw the Ares Rider kuttes on all of them.
I shrugged. It wasn’t a full contingent, so probably some boys getting together for an impromptu ride.
A few minutes later, the rumble of the engines surrounded me as two of them passed me again, while the others hung back.
The two settled in to ride just in front of my car, one on each point.
The two kuttes read as Horse and Bear. I couldn’t tell who was behind me, but it looked like I was in the middle of a parade.
I kept my foot steady on the pedal and they guided me through to my mom’s house, then peeled away once I was safely in the driveway.
I stuck my hand out the window and waved my thanks to them.
It made me feel special that they’d done that, although I wasn’t sure why they had. It was sweet.
Mom rushed out of her front door, arms outstretched.
“So good to see you here, I’ve been hearing horrible rumors. But you’re here now,” she babbled as she hugged me.
“What sort of rumors, Mom?” I asked, detangling myself and walking around the back of the car.
“Something about a lawyer attacking Blaze and telling him you wanted a divorce. Really! You know as well as I do, a marriage is forever. There’s no way you’ll divorce Blaze,” she flustered on as I pulled my bag out of the car. I stopped, gathering myself.
“I have begun the process to divorce Blaze,” I said quietly. I knew there were some twitchy curtains fluttering in the neighbors windows.
Mom didn’t seem to hear, and she swept past to open the house door for me.
“Why do you drive this old bomb? What happened to the car Blaze got you for the family? That would be so much safer than this! And when are you coming back for good? Blaze had kept that house empty for all these years waiting,” she continued as she stepped up into the house.
I debated whether to close the trunk and follow her. I could always get my bag back out of the car if she let me stay, but if I took it in and she threw me out, I wouldn’t be able to get back into the house to get it. I threw my bag back into the car and followed mom into the house.
She looked at me strangely as I closed the door behind me.
“Where’s your bag?” she asked. “I swear you took it out.”
“First things first, Mom. Did you hear what I said?”
“About what?”
I took a deep breath. “I think we need to sit down and talk before we work out if I’m staying here or not.”
“What do you mean if you’re staying? Are you thinking of going to Blaze and staying in the house? I’m sorry to say that is probably not a good idea. It’ll take a lot of cleaning to get the dust out, and I’m a bit too busy to help, I’m afraid.”
“Mom, please, I have some things I think you need to understand about Blaze and me.” I interrupted her flustering.
She gave me a side look and walked into the kitchen. I followed her in, then sat down and waited.
“What’s this about?” she asked, sitting herself down.
I shifted in my seat as I thought about how to approach this.
“Mom.” I paused. “You like Blaze, don’t you?” Her answering grin was all the explanation I needed.
“He’s adorable, his eyes are amazing, and he’s such a gentleman,” she gushed anyway. “He reminds me of your father.”
I nodded slowly. “Do you know that I don’t like that he sleeps with other girls?” I asked carefully.
“Oh honey, that’s not important. He just has a bit of fun. Your father used to as well. You—” She paused uncomfortably. “You get used to it.”
“Mom, I don’t want to get used to it,” I said. “I deserve better.”
I watched her face change colors as the emotions swirled around her. I continued, “It’s true, I am in the process of divorcing Blaze. I don’t like the way he treats me, I don’t like how he makes me feel, and to be honest, I don’t like him anymore.”
Mom shook like a leaf on a windy day. Her whole body quivering in outrage.
“He loves you, Daisy. He married you, and made you his ol’lady. You’re the only one who rides on the back of his bike. It’s an honor!”
“What honor is there if he won’t be loyal to me?”
Mom gasped. I continued, “I felt worthless every time I found condoms in his clothes. I felt sick every time he brought home a set of earrings, or a bracelet, or necklace. I didn’t even know I was pregnant because I thought it was normal to feel sick all the time, every day.
To throw up in the toilet multiple times a day because I found another lipstick mark, or a condom, or a bit of paper with a random phone number on it. ”
“Think about what you’re giving up!” Mom pleaded.
“What am I giving up?”
“Respect! Every time someone sees my kutte, I get respect.” She slapped her hand on the table and then raised it to her quivering lips. “People will respect the kutte that you wear.”
The silence curled around us as I waited for her to realize, but it seemed a lot of people in my life were blind.
“Mom, I don’t have a kutte,” I pointed out. “And the only people who respect a kutte are in the club. I get more respect at work than I’ve ever had from the club. The kutte isn’t needed to get respect.”
She slowly looked at me in horror. I could see her rummaging through her memories for the kutte.
I wasn’t going to tell her I burnt my kutte when I figured out that Blaze was doing exactly what Dad did.
I hadn’t worn it outside the first time that he’d shoved it on me when he’d officially claimed me.
No way was I going to wear a Property of Blaze anything, not when he showed me that he didn’t respect me.
Mom kept staring at me in horror.
“I’m guessing you didn’t notice,” I said to her.
Her eyes welled up.
“He didn’t get you one?” she whined.
I dropped my gaze. I couldn’t let the lie stay floating in the air.
“No, he got me one,” I admitted.
“Why don’t you wear it?” She grabbed my hands.
“Because I’m not proud of it.” I looked up at her. “I’m proud of me, and what I’ve done these past four years. I’m proud of how I picked myself up after losing my son, and how strong I’ve become. I’m proud of who I’ve become without Blaze, and in spite of Blaze.”
She dropped her shoulders in relief and tilted her head. She thought that she saw a chance.
“And I’m sure Blaze would be proud of you and whatever you did in the city. But you can come home now. You’ve proven yourself,” she said sweetly.
I looked at her, really looked at her. She looked old despite being only 50. Her eyes were milky and sagging. Wrinkles criss-crossing her face like a demented map, pain and struggle etched into every one. Her eyes were filled with hope, though.
“Mom, how do you think I feel about Blaze?” I questioned.
“Well honey, you love him, of course. Obviously, you needed to teach him a lesson after that nonsense four years ago, but I think he’s learned it. It’s been four years.”
I squinted at her in confusion. “What has he learned?”
“Well, he visited your father every week, even bringing Dylan to cheer him up. Your father was very distraught when you left. And Blaze helped him get around, took him to the clubhouse when he had good days, and stayed here and chatted when he had bad days.” Mom got a distant look in her eyes.
“He was a good support to me. He made me feel like a good mother.”
My heart sank. Mom was so used to getting scraps of affection, that the minuscule glimpses of attention by a man was all that was needed to get her appreciation, and her attention. Blaze had treated her right, but had done nothing for me, and she couldn’t…wouldn’t see that.
I took a deep breath. “Mom, I don’t think he learned a thing. He hasn’t shown me any ounce of respect in the times I’ve seen him. I don’t think he actually loves me, and I don’t love Blaze any more. I barely like him. Can you accept that?” I asked bluntly.
She looked me in the eye, her own eyes watering slightly. “No, Daisy. No, I can’t accept that. He’s your husband. You are obligated to love him,” she said sternly.
I put my hands up. I wasn’t going to get through to her. We would have to disagree.
“Okay, I’ll find somewhere else to stay tonight, and I’ll see you tomorrow at the funeral.” I huffed in defeat and stood up.
“Oh no, no, where are you going? I thought you were staying here?”
I looked at her. “Mom, do you want me to? Despite me wanting to divorce Blaze and not loving him.”
“Yes, of course!”
“Have you invited him over tonight?”
Her breath hitched and her bottom lip quivered.
“I did,” she admitted. “But Daisy, please just give it a chance. You might find he’s changed with Dylan. He’s a good father. Please let us be a family tonight, for me?”
I took a deep breath, feeling tears pricking my eyes. She’s my mother and it was such a simple thing. Have dinner with Blaze.
“It’ll only be for a short while. And it’s how family should be. Just like your father wanted. One night before the funeral, our family together,” she begged.
I could do it. I just didn’t want to. But she was begging me with tears of her own. I sighed, stood up, and walked outside. I needed a moment away.