Chapter 54 Blaze
“At some point, you have to realize that the horse you’re floggin’ is dead, and the buzz is just coming from the flies.
” He sneered at me, before throwing the broom and brush pan at me.
One of the other members laughed and planted their arm around his shoulders.
I tried to dredge up some emotion, but I couldn’t. I was numb.
I had scraped up the mess my parents left, and pulled the pieces of the photo that had been ripped up, out of the dirt. I threw all the glass, leather, and dirt in the bin. The little Mexican girl of Bull’s had wandered up to me with some sticky tape she had taken from her dad’s office.
“I’m good at puzzles,” she said, sitting down with the photo chunks. I watched her piece each bit together until Janie came to pick her up and take her home. Then I finished the puzzle and stuck it up where it should be. Somehow, it looked out of place, like he didn’t belong anymore.
A week ago, we celebrated Matchstick’s life.
We sat around and shared stories. Most of them were of him getting caught out, causing chaos, or…
people getting mad at him. It didn’t sound as funny in the dead of the night as it had that night.
The talk had veered off at times, to the fights that Molly had with girls.
I didn’t realize that she was the one who got rid of club girls.
They were too scared to stay. The other ol’ladies had praised her for that move, and she sat there proudly.
Now I thought of the times Matchstick lamented the loss of the club girls.
I rolled over and looked at Dylan in the other bed.
For three years, we had slept here in the same room, waiting for Daisy to come back, and life to return to what it should be.
But the feeling that it wasn’t going to happen was getting stronger.
I didn’t know what I’d do without Daisy.
She had been a focal point for so long. I’d waited for her.
No other girl was allowed on my bike, even though plenty had asked.
No one had gone into the house, even Dylan.
And she was just going to throw it all away. Why?
I got sick of waiting for the alarm and just got up.
Dylan stayed sleeping. I went to the meager kitchen and started breakfast. For the first time since I moved here, I was glad that Dad insisted that we have separate residences.
I’m not sure I could face my parents after last night.
But I needed to talk to someone. Maybe if I got Dylan off to childcare early, I could drop in on Shaquilla and have a chat with her. She’d give me no bullshit advice.
* * *
Shaquilla met me at the door as I lifted Dylan onto my shoulder. He was still half asleep.
“What are you doing dragging him out of bed at this time of the morning?” she hissed, keeping the shop door open with a foot, and holding her arms out to take Dylan.
I grunted and ignored her, shouldering my way past, into the shop.
“I needed to talk. Some shit went down at the club last night,” I said, looking around the shop for somewhere I could put Dylan down.
Shaquilla snorted. “And you had to do it now? Dylan’s wrecked. He needs sleep.”
“He’s a kid, he’ll get over it.”
“And you’re a selfish asshole, but I’m still waiting for you to get over it and learn to be a decent father, at the least. Give me my baby.” She slid her arms under Dylan and coddled him into her. Then grabbed his childcare bag from me.
“Stay here.” She glared at me before opening a door to a set of stairs. She took Dylan up them, letting the door shut behind her. I tried to open it to follow her, but the door must have automatically locked.
I distracted myself by wandering around the store.
The buckets of flowers were stored in the fridge.
Everything was neat and tidy. I paused by a display of teddy bears.
Why would people buy these? Were they for kids?
They didn’t look kid-friendly. I poked a blue one in the stomach and felt beads crinkle in there.
Definitely not for kids. I shook my head and walked away from them.
After a while, Shaquilla came back, still scowling, but with two mugs of coffee.
“I’ve put him in my bed, and I’ll take him to childcare when he wakes at a decent hour for a child,” she grumbled. “What was so important that you had to get down here at oh-God-o’clock?”
I took the mug that she held out and leaned against the counter.
“I couldn’t sleep,” I started. She hummed suspiciously as she sipped her coffee, peering over the rim.
“Mom and Dad found out that Amber is Matchstick’s kid. They…” I didn’t know how to describe what happened.
Shaquilla rolled her eyes. “They busted up his picture and shit, yeah, I heard,” she paraphrased what I was about to say. I looked at her in surprise.
“Amber’s upstairs.” Shaquilla sighed. “I’m looking forward to her starting school again. That girl is drama.” She paused and shook her head. “Sick, sad drama.”
I sighed as well. “Yeah, she thought it was fun,” I admitted.
Shaquilla looked at me intently. “You look devastated,” she observed.
I winced. “They destroyed his kutte, and no one stopped them. Dad punched a hole in the wall and people just watched. Those same people cheered when Molly had to run away because Mom and Dad were chasing her. Bear and Midwife just sat back and did nothing to stop any of it.”
Shaquilla sipped her coffee. “What did you want them to do?” she asked. I pushed away from the counter and started pacing.
“I don’t know. Anything! Matchstick deserved better.”
“No, he didn’t.”
I turned and stared at Shaquilla, who was looking into her mug.
“He was a creep, and I have no idea why Molly put up with the shit she did,” she said simply.
“He loved her.”
“He disrespected her any chance he got. He was an asshole.” Shaquilla rolled her eyes as she spoke.
A knock on the door interrupted us, and Shaquilla dealt with the delivery before coming back to her coffee on the counter.
“How did Matchstick disrespect Molly?” I demanded.
“By cheating on her.”
“He never cheated on her. Not even Daisy rode on his bike!” I hissed at her. How dare she accuse Matchstick of cheating.
Shaquilla rolled her eyes. “What’s his bike got to do with things?”
“You said he cheated!”
“Yeah, by sticking his dick in other women.” Her voice was getting louder.
“That’s not cheating.”
“Yes, Blaze, it is. Ask anyone.”
“No it isn’t, it’s a bit of fun on the side. It doesn’t mean anything.” I sneered.
Shaquilla went silent.
A few heartbeats pounded and she opened her mouth.
“It means everything.” Her voice was quiet, but deliberate. “It means that I’m not enough for my partner. That I’m broken, I’m pathetic, I’m useless…” She sighed. “I’m worthless.”
“You’re not worthless, Shaquilla,” I whispered.
Her eyes snapped to me, sharp and angry. “I know, because I refuse to put myself in a position where a man can do that to me. But think about this. How many times did you make Daisy feel that way?”
I felt my breath leave my body as if she’d punched me. Shaquilla watched my reaction dispassionately, then stood up and took my mug from me.
“Get out,” she told me.
“But—”
“Get out,” she snapped. “I don’t want to look at you again. You’re a selfish, inconsiderate rodent.” She stepped to the door and opened it.
“Out!” She didn’t even look at me as I moved past her. “You can pick Dylan up from childcare.”
I nodded, still shaking. Could I have made Daisy feel worthless?