Chapter Nineteen - Rachel
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Rachel
If I’m being completely honest, I could get used to this whole co-parenting thing.
Since Ryder moved in, I haven’t missed a single day of work.
David has told me several times that my work is of excellent quality, and Mrs. Caster thinks this promotion is as good as mine.
At this point, it’s just a matter of waiting for the management dinner for everything to be officially announced, but that’s still two weeks away.
Lyla’s been doing great, too. Yesterday, she spent a few hours at Meredith’s house in the evening without me there and had a blast. It’s been nothing short of thrilling to watch her come out of her fear, and I know part of the reason is Ryder’s presence.
Lyla has never had her father around for more than a few days at a time, and before Ryder moved in, I would’ve argued that she was perfectly fine with that arrangement.
Now, I’m not so sure.
After watching how she interacts with him, how she subconsciously lets her guard down when he’s around, and how she clings to him like nothing can touch her when he’s there, I wonder if we deprived her of the father-daughter experience.
They’ve always had a special, unbreakable bond, but it’s different now that they live together.
Their relationship is stronger, and I think Lyla is, too.
As if the thought of him has the power to conjure him, Ryder’s Ferrari glides into the parking lot of Lyla’s martial arts school. He pulls into the spot next to mine, and I climb out to greet them.
When Ryder steps out of his car, the black slacks and white button-up are so different from his usual casual wear, and I can’t help how my eyes rake over his body.
“You’re dressed up,” I note.
I can’t see his face while he helps Lyla out of her car seat, but I can imagine the knowing grin that’s plastered there.
“I have to run some errands before tonight, so I got ready early.”
And here I almost let myself forget what tonight is. I’ve been so nervous about the prospect of hosting the capos and their partners that my knuckles are sore from how many times I’ve cracked them.
“Right. Is there anything I need to do to get the house ready?”
“Nope,” he answers, handing me Lyla’s book bag. “The cleaning crew left an hour before we came here, and the catering staff won’t get there until I’m back.”
I’ve never had a cleaning crew or catering staff in my life, and while I’m uncomfortable with the idea of strangers being in my home, I do appreciate not having to worry about the cooking and cleaning for tonight.
Ryder hugs and kisses Lyla goodbye, then offers me a warm smile as he climbs into his car.
When Ryder drives off, Lyla and I walk inside the studio. She’s quiet as we go, but she’s never been a particularly talkative child. It’s what I love most about her friendship with Dominic. He’s lively, whereas Lyla is reserved. They balance each other well.
Speaking of the wild child, he’s on top of Lyla the second we step inside, taking her by the hand and leading her to take their shoes off.
I find Meredith watching them and go to where she sits in front of the windows of the classroom.
She stands to hug me, and I accept it, noticing that she still wears her scrubs. “Delayed at work again?”
She shrugs and sits. “Dennis wanted to finish our chess game. It’s hard to say no to that charming smile of his.”
Meredith is about as saintly as a person can be.
She lost her parents at a young age and got knocked up by an abusive boyfriend, who left when he found out about the pregnancy.
We don’t talk about the past often, so I don’t know all the details that led to her getting a job at the daycare I sent Lyla to, but it seemed like fate that we’d become friends.
We met in passing several times at the daycare and then found ourselves talking more frequently.
Our friendship grew naturally from there, and I’m not sure either of us knew how badly we needed the other.
By helping each other, I was able to work my job full-time, and Meredith was able to finish her degree and get a job working at a local nursing home.
Dennis is her favorite resident. He’s an old man whose three adult children work demanding jobs in San Francisco, so he doesn’t see them often. Meredith—in her abundant kindness—takes Dennis to them once a month for a weekend.
I’m about to ask how the sweet old man is when I hear Dominic’s consoling voice from across the room. “It’s okay, Lyla. You’re okay!”
My stomach drops, and I scan the room for my daughter. She’s sitting on the floor by the shoe cubbies, knees pulled to her chest and face buried in her arms. Dominic kneels at her side, rubbing a hand against her back as he shoots a worried look at his mother and me.
I’m across the room and pulling her into my arms within seconds, and Dominic reluctantly goes to his mom.
“What’s wrong?” I ask in a hushed tone, not wanting other kids or parents to listen in.
She shakes her head but doesn’t say a word.
“Your class is going to start soon. Why don’t we take your shoes off so you’re ready?”
Her tiny hands fist my shirt, anchoring her to me in silent objection.
The flashback hits suddenly and far too realistically.
We’re not in a martial arts school but in the back of a crowded van surrounded by men who want to hurt us. My arms are wrapped tightly around my daughter, who sobs into my chest. My hands are wet with blood as I keep a firm hold on the cuts that the monster of a man left on my child’s arms.
What kind of mother can’t protect her own child?
I blink back my own tears as I’m too slowly brought back to reality.
Am I shaking?
“What do we have here?” A low, enthusiastic voice asks.
Jacob Torres is crouching down beside us, and I force a smile, violently pushing the trauma aside, but it’s Lyla that he’s looking at.
She tilts her head ever so slightly to see him, and I wait for her to return to her hiding, but she doesn’t.
“She’s just nervous, is all,” I say, stroking her hair in a soothing motion, though I don’t know which one of us I’m trying to comfort.
“That’s okay. Sometimes I get nervous, too,” Jacob tells her, and I feel the curious tilt of her head.
Jacob reads the question there like she’s said it out loud.
“Oh yeah, all the time. In fact, I’m a little nervous about teaching today,” he says in a stage whisper like it’s their little secret.
“But, I think I can do it if you come with me. What if we face our fears together?”
After a long moment of no response from Lyla, I’m about to tell him that she’ll just watch today, but slowly, she lifts her head from my body. I watch in fascination as my daughter gives Jacob a small, barely noticeable nod.
Lyla lets me help her remove her shoes and follows Mr. Torres into the classroom with the hoard of toddlers ready for class. Dominic stands dutifully by her side, glaring down any kid who tries to partner with her.
I settle in beside Meredith, watching in amazement as Lyla does an entire drill without looking at me for comfort. She just watches Mr. Torres with curiosity.
“If Lyla has any issues tonight, please feel free to call, and I’ll come get her,” I tell Meredith.
“Of course, but I’m sure she’ll do great. She’s spent plenty of time at my house.”
“I know, I know. This is just her first full night without Ryder and me since the accident, and we’re a bit nervous about it.”
She eyes me quizzically.
“What?”
“You two have been pretty cozy lately.”
“Oh, please,” I say with a roll of my eyes. “You know it isn’t like that.”
“Isn’t it, though?”
“No. We’re co-parents, that’s all.”
“Huh,” she says, pressing her lips together like she’s physically stopping herself from saying anything more.
Meredith really is a saint, but she’s also brutally honest. She’s the kind of friend who would never let you buy a dress that didn’t flatter you. I have a feeling I’m about to be stung by that honesty.
“What?” I reluctantly ask.
“Rachel, we’re not talking about some random hook-up that you see on occasion. We’re talking about the father of your child and the only man you’ve ever been in love with.”
My chest constricts at the casual mention of the four-letter word I avoid at all costs.
“And now you’re living together and acting like you didn’t spend the last three years picking up the pieces of your heart.
” She gives me a small, sad smile. “I just don’t want to go back to that time when you barely slept or ate.
You’re finally in a healthy place, and I don’t want to see you lose all that progress. ”
Another fact about my friendship with Meredith—we met when my heart was freshly shattered. Sometimes, I forget that she saw the after-effects of my relationship with Ryder when things completely fell apart.
When I completely fell apart.
She’s not saying anything I don’t already know, but it’s easier to ignore when it’s kept inside. Now that it’s out in the open, it’s much harder to pretend I have everything under control.
“I mean, it hasn’t been the easiest past few weeks, but we’re doing okay,” I defend when she gives me a look like she doesn’t believe a word I say. “We set clear boundaries as soon as he moved in and haven’t overstepped.”
Each of those rules comes to mind now.
No ordering me around.
No business in the house.
No touching.
Three memories accompany those rules.
Agreeing to follow his lead with our investigation.
Spending hours going through the Moreno database.
Ryder’s lips savagely taking mine at the gala…
Okay, so maybe some overstepping has occurred, but Meredith doesn’t need to know that.
“Just be careful,” she tells me. “I want what’s best for you. You know I’d support you no matter what, right?”
“I know,” I say, and I do. Meredith was there when I was at my lowest, and I can understand her apprehension at the possibility that it can all happen again. But I won’t let it.
This time, I’m in control of the situation.