Chapter Thirty-Two - Rachel #2
If I mess this up, Moreno will believe all of this is Ryder’s fault, and he’ll give up on the search. I need to get this right.
“We don’t have all day, or did you forget your daughter’s father is missing?”
“Joshua!” Elli admonishes, but his hardened features don’t ease.
“Ryder never wanted me involved in any of this,” I finally start. “He had no idea what I was doing.”
Moreno’s eyes narrow, and he leans forward, elbows resting on the desk. “And what exactly were you doing?”
Instead of answering, I reach behind my neck and unclasp the necklace. I open the charm to reveal the thumb drive and gesture to the computer. Moreno doesn’t protest and simply trades spots with me.
I plug the thumb drive into the computer, open the files, and tell them everything.
I start with how I tracked information on Mason Consoli like my life depended on it.
I tell them how I was watched and eventually followed.
I tell them about the gala—what I watched Briggs do to the man in the mirror room, and then what Ryder and I overheard about a meet-up.
I tell them how Ryder learned about my snooping that night and tried to stop me, but I wouldn’t let him.
I tell them how Ryder and I decided to work together to figure out what was going on with Briggs and how we found evidence of embezzling in the Rohypnol records.
I even tell them about the dinner party we had with the capos and how, afterward, records were changed that traced back to our IP address.
“He didn’t do it,” I tell him. “I know you still hate Ryder, but he didn’t betray you.”
Moreno curses under his breath.
Elli eyes him, seeming to find something in his expression that I don’t. “What?”
He shakes his head. “You’re not supposed to know any of this. I can’t believe Ryder allowed this.”
“He didn’t,” I snap. “I kept tabs on Mason’s case behind his back and followed Briggs at the gala. You should be more concerned about what he’s been doing this entire time.”
“What do you know?” Elli asks, but it’s directed at her fiancé.
He shakes his head again, eyes flashing in my direction.
She gives him a knowing look. “It’s too late to keep her out of this, Joshua.”
He heaves a resigned sigh.
“I was at the gala,” Moreno admits. “The package from Briggs was for me.”
“What?” Elli and I ask in unison.
For the first time in the four years that I’ve known him, I catch a hint of guilt on Joshua Moreno’s face.
“I moved Ryder here because I don’t trust him anymore. I assigned Briggs to keep an eye on him while he was here. He’s been watching Ryder to ensure he’s still loyal to this family. The night of the gala, I came to personally collect the progress report.”
I am not—nor have I ever been—a violent person, but the fury that bursts to the surface demands a release, and before I know what I’m doing, I’ve taken three steps forward and slapped Moreno across the face.
His head snaps to the side, and Elli’s shocked gasp rings in the otherwise silent room, but I can’t find it in myself to regret it.
“Screw you, Moreno. Screw you and your entire damn family!”
“Rachel…” Elli takes hold of my shoulders, trying to pull me back, but I don’t let her. “You need to calm down.”
“Do you have any idea how much he’s given to you?
He chose you over everything. He only wavered when our child’s life was at stake.
He might’ve gone behind your back then, but he never stopped fighting for this family, and you know it.
Ryder dedicated his entire life to standing by your side, and this is how you treat him?
I know you’re his boss, but I thought you were his friend. ”
I’m heaving when I’m done with my outburst, and I relish the freedom that comes with my honesty. Elli looks horrified, and I await Moreno’s retaliation for my physical and verbal attack.
His face is stoic—like I haven’t said a single word—but the energy surrounding him is thick, pooling around us like a looming threat.
When he speaks, his voice is not only composed, but gentle. “Princess, can you give Rachel and me a moment?”
Elli doesn’t move, and when I process her cautious expression, I wonder if she’s worried he’ll hurt me. I’m so angry right now and high on the liberation of screaming the feelings I’ve bottled up for so long that it’s really his safety she should be worried about.
After a long minute, she releases my shoulders, presses a kiss to Moreno’s cheek—the same one that’s still bright red from my palm—and walks out the door.
“If you’re going to threaten me, you should know that I’m not afraid of you,” I tell him, voice unwavering.
I wait for the threats to spill and ready myself to brave each one.
But they never come. Instead, Moreno fights a smile.
What the…
“I used to hate you.”
The statement comes out of left field, snapping me out of my grief and anger—even if momentarily.
“I’m not your biggest fan either,” I mutter.
“I don’t hate you anymore. But I did, back when you lived at the base.”
Again, the confession is so unexpected that it takes me a moment to form a response. “And what possible reason would you have for hating me?”
“The same reason you hate me.”
“I never said I hate you.”
“Didn’t have to,” he says with a shrug. “When Ryder first met you, I didn’t think anything of his fascination, but two months later, when he saw you practically every day, his focus started slipping.
I told him we were moving back to LA in the hopes it would clear his mind, but then you were pregnant, and the next thing I know, he’s renovating a cabin on site to bring you with us.
” He shakes his head. “I was so pissed, but not even I could talk him out of the whole dad thing.”
I narrow my eyes at his lack of empathy, but he waves me off.
“The entire duration of your stay, I only had half of Ryder. Having Mason come to the base for the first time was vital for our long-term goals, and before you came along, Ryder would’ve been completely on board.
Instead, he fought me the entire process because he didn’t want Mason anywhere near you.
I thought it would get better once Lyla was born, but…
” he shakes his head. “Things got a lot worse after you left.”
My chest aches as I recall what the days following my return to Sacramento had been like for me.
Sleepless nights, not because of an infant, but because I’d grown so used to strong arms holding me.
Tasteless food because I had no one to share my meals with, and the hissing of anxious thoughts tormenting me at every turn.
He could never love you.
He abandoned you.
You’re not worth anything to him.
Moreno goes on. “Ryder was a train wreck. He messed up the simplest shipment orders and was late to every meeting—when he bothered to show up at all. I’d never seen him like that before, and I haven’t since.
He got his act together when I threatened his position—did a complete one-eighty.
He threw himself into his job more than ever before.
At first, I thought I got through to him, but that wasn’t it.
He was distracting himself from the fact that you were gone.
I don’t think he’s been the same since.”
The idea that Ryder felt the same pain I did during that time comforts me in a twisted way, but it shouldn’t. After all, we weren’t grieving the same things.
“He missed Lyla. It had nothing to do with me.”
I’m answered by yet another emotion I didn’t know Moreno possessed: pity.
“He didn’t move into the cabin to stay with Lyla.
He didn’t rush back after every shift to have dinner with Lyla.
He didn’t come in late because he made breakfast for Lyla.
Ryder loves his daughter, but he is in love with you. ”
“Why are you telling me this?” I ask in a voice on the verge of cracking.
“Because I didn’t get it then”—he looks to the door—“and I get it now.”
I nod, doing my best to ignore the stab of jealousy that taints this otherwise surprisingly pleasant moment. Elli loves a man who would burn down the world just to see her smile.
I love a man who wouldn’t choose me.
“It was because of you that he turned down the invitation,” Moreno says.
“What?”
He nods. “Ryder said staying with you was more important than the capo conference.”
I can’t move for a long moment as those words run over and over in my head. My chest squeezes hopefully, but the idea of believing Ryder said that feels like agreeing to have my heart broken all over again. He couldn’t have told Moreno that—not right after he left me.
But there’s a rebellious part of my mind—the part that only Ryder can reach—that believes it wholeheartedly. That part can picture all too clearly how Ryder would put me first because it’s what I’ve always hoped would happen.
When I look up, I stare right into Moreno’s reddened cheek, and I’m struck by a wave of guilt. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have hit you. It was way out of line.”
He actually cracks a smile. “Can’t say many people would be walking out of this room alive after laying a hand on me, so count yourself lucky. As for the information you’re privy to, I don’t need to remind you of the consequences of revealing that to anyone, correct?”
My stomach drops at the threat laced in his lively words. “Of course not.”
“Good, and I expect all snooping to cease from here on out,” he orders, then ejects the thumb drive from the computer. “I’ll have Kade look through everything on here to see if it can help us find Ryder.”
I nod, throat thick with the emotion of my renewed sense of determination. “We need to find him.”
“We will,” he says with a sharp nod, and it’s said with such certainty that I have no choice but to believe him.