Chapter 9 Melanie
MELANIE
NOW
Josh and I finish lunch, and he somehow convinces me to jam tonight.
I guess if we’re going to plan a benefit concert for Cara, we’d better get to it.
I’m trying not to think about how playing with him again will make me feel.
When we were playing together as kids, we’d look at each other the entire time we played.
My stomach in knots, cheeks flushed. He always kept his cool on the surface, but it was as if the music stirred up emotions between us that neither of us knew what to do with.
“I’ll see you tonight,” Josh says, scribbling his signature on the receipt for the waitress.
I nod, standing and pushing my chair in. “Okay, it’ll be about five thirty, by the time all is said and done at the restaurant.”
We stare at each other for a beat, nodding, perhaps neither of us quite ready to say goodbye. “I’ll see you,” Josh finally says, turning to go.
“Bye,” I call after him, doing the same.
“Oh, Mel,” Josh calls, jogging back. He stops so close to me, I think he might kiss me.
My heart flutters in my chest. “Yeah?” I whisper.
“I locked myself out of your apartment. Can I borrow your key?” He grins like a schoolboy, and I force a laugh down at my ridiculousness. Of course he’s not running back to kiss me.
“S-sure,” I stammer, flustered and digging through my purse.
I push the key into his open palm and his fingers grasp around mine.
The only thing keeping us from lacing our fingers together is my janky keychain.
Still, we let our hands linger a second longer than necessary, and I instantly feel reassured that this isn’t one-sided. Josh must feel it too.
He gives me a sultry smile as he pulls his hand away. “Thanks. I’ll see you tonight.”
* * *
With Josh gone and a quiet lunch crowd, there’s nothing else for me to do but hole up in the office and go over the schedule for next week that Andrew asked me to finish.
I fill my water bottle up from the tap behind the bar and push open the kitchen door.
Even the kitchen is quiet today, forcing me to be alone with my thoughts.
I sit down at the desk in the office and start skimming the preliminary schedule that Andrew left, taking note that Lexi and Julie both requested off on Saturday night and Ryan is hoping to pick up any extra shifts.
But I can’t help myself, my focus is all over the place and my mind wanders.
“Come on, Melanie,” Cara whines after school on a warm Friday in April. “I can’t be the only one trying on dresses.” It’s a rare day where she doesn’t have a game or practice and she’s trying to convince me to go prom dress shopping.
“I told you, Car, I don’t really want to go to the prom.” I shrug. “But I’ll help you find a dress you love. I promise.”
Cara won’t drop the subject of prom. She’s asked me no less than fifty times. I know it’s prom but it’s our junior prom. I won’t skip next year. This year just feels a little pointless to me.
“You have to go. Who will I get ready with?” Cara juts out her lower lip.
I roll my eyes. “Oh, I don’t know, one of your bajillion other friends maybe?
” I joke but it’s true. Cara has so many friends.
Soccer team, drama club, Honor Society. I am a loner and most of the time I’m okay with that.
“I promise I’ll go to senior prom. I just don’t see the point in going this year when I have no one to go with and you’ll be dancing with Liam all night. ”
Cara scoffs. “Liam doesn’t dance. He’ll stand there and watch me dance.”
“He’ll slow dance with you,” I point out, pushing my lips together. “Then you two will sneak off to fool around, and I’ll be all alone sitting at the table eating the entire dessert buffet. Sorry. Not interested.”
Cara’s eyes light up, and I instantly know what she’s going to suggest. I know because Josh and I rehearsed this exact scene a couple of days ago in hopes it would land us at prom together. “I know! Oh my god, I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before.”
I wince, scrunching my nose. “I’m afraid to ask,” I say, really leaning into my acting ability.
“My brother!” Cara squeals, jumping up and down.
I arch an eyebrow at her. “Your brother?”
“You can take Josh to prom.” Cara gives my shoulder a playful shove.
I laugh, shaking my head. “No, no, no. Josh and I are just friends,” I say, even though it’s far from true.
Josh sees me. He makes me feel as if nothing else matters in this world but me and him.
My stomach fills with butterflies, my cheeks heat.
I fear I’m blowing my cover, but Cara doesn’t seem to notice.
“So?” Cara asks, putting her hands on her hips. “Take him as your friend. You two are always playing music together anyway.” She leans against the chain-link fence.
I chew on my lip, pretending to mull her suggestion over. “You wouldn’t mind?” I ask, my brow furrowing. There’s a part of me that is afraid to hear her answer.
“Of course not! You’re my best friend. I just want you there.” Cara pulls me into a hug.
“Fine. I’ll ask him,” I say cautiously, patting her shoulder blade and pulling back from the hug.
“Oh, you don’t have to do that.” A proud grin spreading across her face. “I already asked him for you, and he said yes.” She bounces back and forth on her toes excitedly.
“You what?” I shriek. “What if I said no to this little scheme of yours?” I fold my arms across my chest.
“You wouldn’t have.”
She’s right about that because as much as Cara thinks this little scheme is hers, she’s wrong. It’s ours, and I can’t wait to have a magical evening with Josh.
“Fine.” I roll my eyes. “Let’s go find some prom dresses.”
The buzzing of my phone startles me from the memory. I glance down. Josh.
I can’t swipe quickly enough to open it, and I let out a growl when my phone gets my face ID wrong. What’s wrong with me?
Josh: Cooking for us tonight. Is your favorite still chicken parm?
Butterflies swarm my insides, spreading warmth through my lower region. I am smiling as I tap out a reply.
Me: Yes. 100%.
Josh: Good. See you at dinner.
Goose bumps rise on my arms, and I rub them away.
“You still know how to get me, don’t you?
” I say aloud to my phone. I hate that after all these years, he can waltz back in here and make me want him again.
Like he didn’t just leave me alone in New Jersey, grieving the loss of my best friend, of him, of all the things left unsaid.
I hated my parents and missed him like a lost appendage.
And at the same time, it’s as if he never left.
As if he always knew we’d be back here, together again.
Or, maybe I’m making all of this up in my head.
I want him. I hate how much I want him because I’m sure it will lead to nowhere good.
He’s not just Josh anymore—he’s Rockstar Josh.
He’ll have his fun with me and then go off and chase his dreams again.
But I think maybe, he might want me too.
For more than just the music. There’s still something between us.
I feel it in the quickening of my heart every time he grabs my hand.
His face always wearing the same tentative expression, like he’s holding something back. But he never lets go of my hand first.
I let out a defeated sigh before tossing my phone to the side, determined to finish this schedule and keep my mind off Josh.
* * *
My afternoon picks up and before I know it, Andrew is walking in for the evening shift.
I give him a debrief on the day and sling my purse over my shoulder, anxious to get home to Josh.
I’m off tomorrow and we can stay up all night making music if we want to.
For the first time in a long time, I feel excited about life.
I’m looking forward to whatever these summer months getting to know Josh again may hold.
Even if it means I’m left with a broken heart.