Chapter 39 Melanie
MELANIE
I wake in a satisfied, sleepy haze. Warmth spreads through me, and I feel more content than I have in days.
I try to move but an arm is wrapped tightly around my hip, a hardness pressing into me.
Then everything comes back to me. My dad.
Josh. The hospital. McDonald’s. Hotel room.
Surgery today. I move Josh’s arm off my hip and slip out of bed.
A sigh escapes him, and I turn back, studying him carefully.
His forehead is creased, like he’s dreaming about something concerning.
His long lashes flutter and he smacks his lips in his sleep before rolling to his back.
Every part of me aches to crawl back in bed and curl into the crook of his arm.
I would whisper I’m sorry in his ear and show him how much he means to me.
But visiting hours start at eight a.m. and I need to get back to my dad.
I move quickly to the bathroom, stripping down and turning on the shower.
I never showered after the beach yesterday, and the warm water cascading down my body feels heavenly.
I close my eyes and moan as the warmth runs through, soothing my tired bones.
A memory of when I had the flu a few weeks ago and Josh showered me floods my mind, and heat pools in the apex of my thighs.
What I wouldn’t give for him to come wash my hair for me now.
I love Josh. I know that. The way he stepped up for me yesterday softened something inside me. No one has ever done anything like this for me before. I’ve never had someone see me, see my pain, and carry it for me. Josh does that. He must love me, too. Right?
I tried to broach the subject last night, but he said it wasn’t the time. And now I’m terrified he hasn’t forgiven me. I need to talk to him before the concert. I can’t go into that without clearing the air between us.
I finish washing and turn off the shower and that’s when I hear Josh talking on the phone. I dry off quickly, wrapping the towel around me. I crack open the door and listen.
“I don’t know, Gary, we need to see how things are with her Dad.” Josh’s voice sounds strained. “It might just be me.”
I frown, fighting the urge to storm out of the bathroom in protest.
“I mean the concert is still on, of course it is,” Josh is saying. “I just have to see what Mel will be up for. We haven’t talked about it yet.”
At this, I swing open the door all the way and stomp over to him, frustration bubbling beneath me.
At the sight of my tiny hotel towel, Josh’s mouth falls open. I stare at him incredulously.
“What do you mean, it might just be you?” I mouth to him.
He furrows his brow, confused. “What?” He mouths back.
I stomp my foot, crossing my arms.
“Okay, okay, hold on Gary.” Josh covers the mouthpiece. “What’s wrong?”
“Why did you say it might just be you? Are you kicking me out of the concert?” I sit down on the edge of the bed opposite him.
“What? No, of course not.” Josh shakes his head.
“Then what?”
“Hang on, Gary,” Josh says into his phone. “Gary wants to take us to dinner before the concert or after. I just said… I just said we have to see how your dad is.”
“Oh.”
“I’m not kicking you out of anywhere,” Josh murmurs.
His gaze turns fiery for a moment, and it takes everything in me not to climb into his lap.
“Okay, Gar.” He turns his attention back to the call.
“I’ll let you know later today how we make out.
Okay. Thanks.” Then to me, “Gary says he’ll say some prayers for your dad. ”
My frustration softens. “Thanks, Gary,” I say, hoping he catches it.
“I’ll call you later. Bye.” Josh ends the call.
He meets my gaze then, amusement flickering in his eyes.
“What?” I frown.
“You were spying on me.” His lips twitch.
“I was not. I heard you on the phone and I was worried it might be about Dad.” I fold my arms across my chest.
“So, you stormed out in your…towel…to get to the bottom of it?” Josh swallows, raking his gaze up the length of my body. A shiver runs through me.
My jaw falls slack. How could just his gaze turn me on like this? “Y-yes.”
“Okay.” Josh grins.
He stands, letting his eyes linger a moment longer before moving toward the bathroom.
“Are you done in here?” he calls, but he’s already inside.
“Sure. Yes.” I face palm myself. “You’re good.”
Josh pokes his head outside the door once more. “I’ll hurry.”
* * *
It turns out that by the time we get to the hospital, they’re already preparing Dad for his cardiac catheterization.
I only get to see him for a moment before they take him back.
Just before they do, I lean down, squeezing his hand.
“You’ve carried me my whole life, Dad. Now it’s my turn.
So, you fight, okay? Because I still need you.
More than I ever say. I’ll be right here waiting to carry you when you get back. ”
His lips twitch into the faintest smile, and he gives my hand a weak squeeze back. “Then I guess I’d better stick around, huh? Can’t have my girl needing me and not show up.”
I sniffle as they wheel him away. I’m grateful that they’re moving quickly, but now anxiety has hit me like a tidal wave. I sit in the same chair I was in last night, twiddling my thumbs.
“Come on, Mel. They said it could be four hours before he’s finished. Let’s go get some coffee.” Josh says, putting his hand on my shoulder.
I startle. “What?”
“Let’s go get some coffee. It’s going to be a while.
” Josh repeats himself. He tucks his hand under my arm and gently pulls me out of the chair.
His patience with me is astounding, and I know I owe him more than a thank you and an apology.
I owe him an explanation. I should be begging him for forgiveness.
Yet I marvel at him. Despite how much he’s hurting, despite what I’ve put him through, he is here. He is acting as if he’s my partner and supporting me through this. I don’t know what I did to deserve this—him. Certainly not keep a decades-old secret from him.
The concert is in four days. We have to clear the air.
Josh leads me to the hospital cafeteria, through a breakfast buffet line and the coffee station. I’m quiet, letting him fix two identical plates, giving simple yes or no answers when he asks if I’d like something.
We find a small two-person table near a window overlooking the city. Across the Delaware River, we can see the Philadelphia skyline, the tops of the skyscrapers still covered in dense fog from summer’s haze. I stare at them, worrying the corner of my lip.
“Mel,” Josh says carefully.
I shake my head, clearing the daze. “Sorry.”
“What’s on your mind?”
“Truthfully?” I roll my lips together. “The concert being four days away. Not knowing how Dad will be.”
Josh pushes his lips together and nods. “Your Dad will be okay. He’d want you to do the concert.”
Melanie nods. “I know. I know that. I just feel guilty.”
“He can hang out with Joan for a few hours.” Josh cracks a smile and nudges me with his foot.
“Gross.” I crinkle my nose, but I can’t stop the smile from spreading across my face. “Truthfully, I’m happy he has someone.”
“They seem happy.”
“Yeah, well I’m sure at their ages, relationships are a lot easier…less complicated. You have fun together? Great. No pressure about the future or whatever.” I shrug, not bothering to hide the frustration in my voice.
“Relationships don’t have to be complicated.” Josh’s words sting, even though I’m sure he doesn’t mean for them to.
I take a sip of my coffee and change the subject. “Did you fix this for me? You remembered how I take it?”
Josh chuckles. “Of course I do. Three creams, two sugars. Light and sweet.”
“Yeah…”
He clears his throat. “So, they have both of our cell phone numbers. They’ll call us when Frank is in recovery. What should we do to pass the time?”
I chew on my lower lip and lock my eyes to his. “Did you bring your guitar?”