9. Chapter 6
H enry’s gone by the time I crack my eyes open and roll out of bed. I shouldn’t be surprised, he’s always been an early riser. What he did last night... What we did, it shouldn’t have happened.
He knows it and I do too. That doesn’t mean I didn’t want it. I just hate that afterward, I know I’ll pretend it isn’t everything I’ve always wanted and that I’m not hurting Henry even more by letting it happen.
“I really am the world’s biggest asshole,” I mutter to myself.
My phone vibrates from where I left it on the desk by the door.
Fern: Expecting y’all at six tomorrow! Be good boys!
As if any of us would forget and risk the wrath of our dads over Fern. She’s an interesting woman, much like the women our family seems to attract. I admire her, truly. She lost both of her parents to a psychotic serial killer, and yet she still found the strength to love Uncle Creed without pause.
Sometimes, I wish she would tell me her secret about the way she moved past the trauma. Other times, I envy her and Creed, wishing that Henry and I could take their place. Every time I attempt to ask, though, I fuck it up.
So why try when I know I’m just going to end up hurting him anyway?
I decide to stay in, Henry will stay away until he physically can’t anymore, and I’d like to get a jump on my classes. We signed up yesterday for our official schedules, and by the afternoon, we had everything we needed from Gravity Hill University to get started.
I decided on an information technology degree because it’s what I’ve seen my dad do his whole life, among other things. He’s always been good with computers, databases, cyber monitoring, and he taught me a lot. Watching him code always makes me feel like I can do anything as long as I have a keyboard within reach.
Doors slam in the hallway as the building slowly comes to life. A knock on mine has me up and out of my desk chair to find out what absolute mess is on the other side of my door.
Flipping the lock, I open the door to find Toby leaning against the frame, looking like hell. His hair is disheveled, his eyes are rimmed in red, and I’m fairly certain he’s got vomit on his shirt.
“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?” My brows lift as I cock my head to the side and wait for him to tell me exactly what’s got him looking like death warmed over.
“I saw her,” he hiccups as if a whole new wave of tears are approaching.
“You’ve seen Gemma a million–”
“No,” he cuts me off, “not Gemma.”
“Then who–” his eyes lock in on mine, and it hits me, “Salem.”
The girl that got away.
We all grew up together–me and Henry, Toby and Tal… and Salem–until one day in fifth grade, she disappeared. Teachers murmured, parents gathered. It was a strange time. Through it all, Toby was left with a permanent hole in his heart.
He nods his head slowly, swallows, and ducks into my room straight to the bathroom, where he upchucks into the toilet.
“Well, come on in, I guess,” I mumble.
After Toby repeatedly emptied his stomach yesterday and I had to play nurse, I deserve all the fucking sugar Fern’s got. She and Candy must have raided the bakery because the island in the kitchen is filled with colorful pastries and other shit I don’t recognize.
“Boys!” Fern hollers as we file into the house. It’s still hard to walk in and hear a woman’s voice that isn’t my mothers. It’s been almost two years since she died, and still, I can hear her voice in my head clearly.
Fern hugs us all, Henry last, because he squeezes her tight and holds on like she’s a lifeline he can’t part with. And maybe she is, maybe he tells her all the shit I’ve done to keep him at arm’s length.
“I hope y’all are hungry!” She proclaims, leading us into the dining room where our fathers are all waiting.
Dad isn’t much of a hugger anymore after what happened with Mom. He tilts his head my way in recognition when I step in beside him, offering a shoulder check and a muffled, “Love you.”
“You too,” I tell him while watching as Fern steps into Creed’s orbit, and he throws his arm around her. Luca hugs Henry, and Nile drapes one arm around each of the twins. Their mouths are moving, but I can’t piece together what they’re saying.
I don’t want to.
Henry looks over his dad’s shoulder, his eyes meeting mine, before I quickly look toward the kitchen. As if the memories there will save me, instead of haunt me, as if I can see through to the pantry, to a different time and place.
Where Henry’s lips were on mine, and his cock was on my tongue soon after.
When I was happy.
My hand starts to shake, and I have to flex my fingers out to make it stop. I have to think about something else to eliminate the blood flow to my fucking dick before I embarrass myself in front of my entire family, and have to explain that I was not thinking about sucking Henry’s dick in the pantry.
Focusing on the spread of food on the table as I take steadying breaths and survey my options. Roasted Turkey stuffed with homemade dressing that I know Fern worked all day on sits front and center on a black platter. The skin is golden brown and looks absolutely mouthwatering.
She made my favorite sweet potato mash. I know it’s for me because there’s a bowl of marshmallows beside it. She caught me pulling them from my hiding place and throwing a few in a sweet potato one night after Henry and I fucked around. I was starving, and craving something sweet. She only smiled and handed me the cinnamon and honey before walking away.
I had to hide that marshmallow stash from Creed. He has a ravenous sweet tooth, and she and I both know it.
Ears of corn rest on another platter, along with green beans, corn bread, and yeast rolls.
“Damn, Fern, do we really eat this much, or will we be having more guests?” Toby laughs from where Nile has him pinned under his arm.
“Well, I thought Gemma and Cin would be joining, too,” she says with a small pout.
“They decided we needed time to be alone with y’all, family or some shit,” Talon grumbles.
“Well, anyway,” Fern sing-songs, “Manson and Candy will be here soon, and they said not to wait.”
Talon’s the first to sit and start filling his plate. I shake my head and chuckle, following his lead. Not long after, Manson and Candy arrive. Manson leans down to kiss Fern’s cheek, and Candy takes the seat to her right.
“So boys, how's campus?” Creed asks.
I swallow down my food as Toby answers. “Pretty.”
Nile laughs, “Just pretty?”
“Like any other school, just bigger, and louder,” Talon grumbles and takes another bite of roll.
“The beds suck,” I shrug.
“I got a job at Gator Coffee Co.,” Henry smiles, and my eyes fly to his. He didn’t tell me about a job. Not that we spoke much yesterday… but still.
“When did this happen?” I ask at the same time Fern says, “That’s wonderful Henry! They’re going to love you.”
His eyes flit my way before landing solidly back on Fern, who’s fucking gushing over his news.
Talon leans over to whisper in my ear, “Looks like I’m not the only territorial asshole.”
Fuck. Him.