37. Chapter 34
W hen Talon invited me to a bar, this is not what I had in mind. A western bar with servers dressed in denim, shirtless bartenders, and wood covering every surface. I’ve been sipping on a damn Jack and Coke that Talon ordered for me for an hour now, and I’ve seen zero hot cowboys.
I want a refund.
Cin and Talon have been dancing out on the floor, leaving me at the table. They look hilarious, though. Cin’s moving and grooving, and the more attention she attracts, the more Talon hovers.
The place gets louder as the football team makes their way in. We watched the game from here, Talon yelling at the monitors and Cin and I chatting about life. She’s enjoying her classes but says Gemma’s been acting funny.
I need to remember to check on her.
The air shifts as if it’s all been sucked out, and I know in my bones he just walked through the doors. He hasn’t gone out with the team at all since he started, so why tonight? Torturing myself further, I turn and find him with his arm slung over Charlie’s shoulders. She’s tucked under his arm, smiling and beautiful.
I want to hate her.
God, I want to hate her.
She pulls him straight to the dance floor, and I feel the burn of alcohol as I throw the straw on the ground and down the rest of the drink Tal ordered for me. The soda’s flat, but the whiskey is smooth, and I drink until every drop is gone.
Taking it to the bar, I ask for another, a double, plus a shot. He refills the glass, and I tip it back, drinking it in only a few swallows, then down the shot and try not to gag. If I’m drunk, I won’t care that he’s here with her. I shouldn’t care anyway. He broke my heart, stomped on it until it could no longer bleed.
“Fuck,” I say as the shot glass hits the counter. Talon and Cin either haven’t noticed, or they don’t want to bring attention to it.
Hoping I won’t see.
Turning around, my eyes spot them. Her hands are thrown up in the air while his are latched on to her hips. They sway to the music as he speaks into her ear, and she smiles.
What a happy couple.
The bartender asks if I want another, and I nod, waiting for him to set a fresh drink behind me. When I hear the clink of glass on the bar, I grab the drink and make my way to the edge of the dance floor, where stools dot the railing.
I’m slightly drunk as I stew while watching them. I want to throw my drink at them, shatter the glass, and watch them step on it. Okay, maybe I’m more than slightly drunk.
They exit the dance floor when the song ends, and I quickly lower my head so he won’t notice me, but I swivel back around to catch Charlie by the wrist. Her eyes go wide when she sees me, and I smirk.
“Have you fucked him yet?” I ask, barely registering the slur in my speech. A laugh bubbles out of my throat. “Or is he saving himself for marriage? Ooops, too late.”
“Henry,” his voice is near my ear, and I want to claw it away. Flipping my hand around in his general direction, I wave him off, still looking at Charlie.
“You’re drunk, Henry,” she says softly, as if she cares. “Do we need to take him home? Call Koda?” She’s talking over my shoulder to him , and it pisses me off that she thinks he has any damn say in what I do or where I go.
“No.” Banks and I say in unison, and I turn to look straight at him.
His face is a little blurry, but I see the anger there and smile. “Actually, I was just leaving. I have a roommate to fuck senseless.” I watch his face, seeing it the moment it hits him.
The moment it clicks.
“Banks,” Charlie’s turning to face him, saying more words that I don’t care to hear. Because I saw it. I saw the way his teeth clenched, and his jaw ticked. The way his body wanted to crowd me in and demand to know what I meant. He’s pissed because he doesn’t want to imagine me with anyone else.
Yeah, well, too bad.
“Koda’s so much better than you anyway.”
He slams his fist down on the table closest to us. Rattling the glassware and I laugh, great big laughs that make me feel so light.
Talon’s face pops up behind Banks, and he says something. I can see his mouth moving but I can’t hear him through my laughter.
Pushing past them, I find the exit and call Koda. When he answers, he sounds a little groggy, and I have to suppress my laugh.
“Henry?”
“Hiya, you wanna fuck around?” I giggle.
“What?” He asks, “Are you drunk?” I hear a little laugh in his voice and nod. Then remember he can’t see me.
“Only a little,” I admit. “Will you come get me?”
“Drop your location. I’ll be there soon.”
I do as he asks, dropping my pin so he can find me. I can finally breathe out here, where the air is cool and not filled with Banks and Charlie.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Banks yells.
I waggle my head, ignoring him. I don’t owe him anything.
Not. A. Thing.
“Henry. I’m talking to you,” he says, spinning me around and steadying me with his hands.
“Yelling. You’re yelling at me,” I correct. “And since when do you care about me, huh? You didn’t care weeks ago when you tore my heart out of my chest. Haven’t cared a day since then. So what, Banks? What exactly do you think I owe you right now?”
“You’re drunk,” he spits, gripping my chin to tilt my face up to his.
Pushing him off me, I step back into the parking lot between two cars. “And?”
“You hardly ever drink,” he says.
“Are you trying to think through what's happening? Make sense of it?” I push a finger out in his direction. “Well, let me tell you what’s happening. Listen close, Banksie.” Watching him flinch at the nickname only his mother and ever I use is satisfying.
I wobble on my feet and catch myself on the hood of the car to my right. “Koda’s coming to get me, then he’ll be coming for me when we get home. That’s what’s happening, and there’s nothing you can do to stop me.” I hiccup when I finish my rant.
His face is stone, unreadable, just like it was when he chose that bitch over me.
“Now, go back inside and dry hump your fiancé like the good little soldier you are.”
I don’t know how long we stand like that, locked together in some kind of twisted stare off. Long enough that Koda’s voice carries over the thump of music from the bar as he pulls up to the curb.
“Henry,” Banks says, “don’t get in the car.”
“Why shouldn’t I?” I ask, only torturing myself because I know there’s nothing he can say to make me stay here. “Give me a reason.”
When he doesn’t say anything, I nod and give him my back. Walking to Koda’s car, I open the passenger door and look up, meeting Banks’s eyes. He still doesn’t say anything, so I slide into the car and shut the door.
Koda drives back to the apartment in silence.
Banks didn’t stop me. I don’t know why I thought he would. I guess I hoped.
Koda sighs as we make our way into the apartment, and I don’t waste any time. Pushing him against the wall, I kiss him before he can say a word. Pressing his palms into my chest, he pushes me away.
“You’re drunk, Henry,” he says, “I don’t want you to regret whatever happens in the morning.”
“I’m not drunk enough to regret this,” I kiss his neck, leaning in so I can smell him. “And I fully consent to whatever happens tonight.”
“Goddammit,” he groans before leaning in and kissing me back. His hands roam over my shoulders, down my back, and to my stomach. His hands dig into my flesh, and he moans into my kiss. “I’ve fantasized about this for weeks. I want you so bad.”
Ignoring his words, I run my hands down to the hem of his shirt and lift. Exposing his stomach that’s lean, I know he runs every morning, but I wasn’t expecting him to be so… fit. Helping me get the material over his head, he takes control of the kiss. Walking me backward until my ass hits the counter.
His hands expertly work the button and zipper on my pants, yanking them down, he follows them, lowering himself until he’s on his knees before my cock. I’m so hard that it bounces against my stomach as he frees it from my boxers.
Gripping me, he wastes no time, flattening his tongue and running it up my dick. Swirling his tongue around the tip, he hums out a groan, and I close my eyes and inhale sharply.
“You’re so sexy, Henry.”
Hearing his voice makes me wish it were someone else’s, that it was Banks on his knees before me. Seeing his gray eyes darken with lust as I fuck his mouth. When I open my eyes and look down, I hesitate, almost pulling away, but Koda holds onto my hips.
“Pretend, Henry. I don’t give a fuck who you see when you close your eyes.” When I relax, he continues working my cock into his mouth, the sounds of his spit gathering and dripping at the corners making me want to cum already. Especially when I close my eyes.
He sucks, slowly dragging out the tingles that run down my spine with every dip of his head. I can feel the ridges of his palette. The way his cheeks hollow when he sucks, everything makes me want to combust, it’s been so long.
Releasing my cock with a pop, he kisses his way up, dragging my shirt over my stomach. With every press of his lips against my soft, fleshy abdomen, I let out a groan. He’s killing me, I’m too horny for this.
His hands run through my curls like Banks did when I swallowed him down. Only it’s Koda’s face in front of mine. His eyes are hooded with desire, and his lips land on mine. Pushing Banks out of my mind, I try to remain present.
He kisses down my neck, sloppy open-mouth kisses that leave cool zings against my flesh. Back on his knees, he worships my cock like it’s the best thing he’s ever had. Bobbing and sucking, his spit gathers and makes it easier for him to run his fist over my length.
Pleasure builds in my spine, and I let my head drop behind my shoulders. “Fuck,” I whimper, “Banks.”
Realization slams into me. I can’t do this, not to Koda, and not to…
Fuck.
Koda doesn’t stop, even though I called him another man's name.
“Stop. I can’t,” placing my hands on Koda’s shoulders, I pull my hips back as far as the counter will let me and nudge him so he stands and I can collect my pants. “I shouldn’t have…”
“What?” Koda asks, brows dipped down. “I don’t mind.”
“I do!” I shout, completely baffled that he would allow someone he’s intimate with to call out someone else's name. “I care! This isn’t fair to you.”
“Henry, I don–” he starts.
“No, please don’t say you don’t care,” I plead. “I need some space. I can walk the block or something.”
Koda stands and watches me pace while I pull at my hair. Searching my pockets for my keys, I feel his hand land on my wrist, pulling my attention.
“You shouldn’t go anywhere. You’re still drunk,” he says, catching my eyes. “I’ll go to Opal’s. I’m sure they’re either going out or are already out.”
I nod, not knowing what to say.
What can I say?
I’m a fucking mess, and I want the man who broke my heart to break my back too? God, I’m a disaster. Koda leaves, and part of me wanted him to slam the door, break something. I don’t fucking know, but he didn’t. He’s too good for me and my problems.
Walking back and forth in the kitchen, I fixate on the last thirty minutes. I shouldn’t have brought Koda into this shit show. I should have walked into my bedroom and jerked off to the memory of Banks like a normal broken-hearted idiot.
Pressure builds behind my eyes, a headache. Wonderful. Rummaging through the cabinets for some painkillers, I jump when there’s a bang on the door.
“Open the fucking door, Henry!”