Sianni McWashington-Maddox #4
Because if I was pregnant… I didn't know if I was ready to let myself get excited.
The drive to Walmart felt longer than it actually was.
My fingers tapped against the steering wheel while my mind ran in circles.
One minute I was telling myself I was overthinking, and the next I was wondering if something was really going on.
Maybe I was tired. Maybe it was stress. Hell, maybe it was all the coffee I drank.
Whatever it was, by the time I pulled into the parking lot, I still hadn't convinced myself of a damn thing.
I sat there staring at the building for a second before letting out a long breath.
“Girl, get it together.”
The words did absolutely nothing.
Grabbing my purse, I climbed out and headed inside. The second the automatic doors opened, cool air hit my face. I grabbed a cart and started walking.
My plan was simple: get the test, pay for it, and leave.
Instead, I somehow ended up standing in the snack aisle, staring at a bag of chips.
Then another one.
Then another one.
“What the hell am I doing?”
Shaking my head, I tossed a random bag into the cart and kept walking. A few aisles later, I grabbed a candle, some body wash, and a pack of gum. None of which I actually came there for.
Every time I got close to the pregnancy test aisle, my feet carried me somewhere else. At one point, I found myself looking at throw pillows.
Throw pillows.
I didn't need no damn throw pillows.
I sucked my teeth and pushed the cart forward.
“Stop being scary.”
A few minutes later, I finally found myself standing in front of the aisle. My stomach immediately tightened.
Rows and rows of pregnancy tests stared back at me. Different brands. Different boxes. Different prices. All of them carrying answers I wasn't sure I wanted.
For a second, I just stood there.
Because as long as I didn't take the test, everything was still a possibility. The second I took it, everything could change.
Swallowing hard, I reached out and grabbed a box. Then another. Then put one back.
“Lord.”
A nervous laugh slipped out.
I probably looked crazy as hell, standing there arguing with myself in the middle of Walmart.
Finally, I grabbed one and tossed it into the cart before I could change my mind. The second it landed, my heart started beating faster.
This was really happening.
Or at least I was about to find out if it was.
A few minutes later, I paid for everything and headed back to the truck. The entire drive home, my eyes kept drifting toward the Walmart bag on the passenger seat.
I hated it.
Hated how nervous I was.
Hated how many thoughts were running through my head.
Most of all, I hated how much I wanted the answer.
By the time I pulled into the driveway, my palms were sweating. Grabbing the bag, I headed inside.
The house was quiet. Too quiet.
I kicked my shoes off near the door and glanced toward the living room. Kyrie was still stretched out on the couch asleep.
Again.
A smile pulled at my lips despite everything.
This man could fall asleep anywhere.
For a second, I just stood there looking at him, completely unaware that my whole world might be changing upstairs.
Shaking my head, I tightened my grip on the bag and headed toward the stairs. Each step felt heavier than the last.
By the time I reached the bathroom, my heart was beating so hard I could hear it.
I closed the door behind me, locked it, and set the bag on the counter.
For a second, I just stared at it.
The room suddenly felt too quiet. Too small. Too damn hot.
Slowly, I reached into the bag and pulled the box out.
My stomach flipped.
“Nawl.”
The word came out barely above a whisper.
I looked away.
Then looked right back at it.
Because no matter how many times I tried to avoid it, the box wasn't going anywhere.
Neither were the questions.
Taking a deep breath, I opened it and pulled everything out. The directions sat in my lap while I read them three different times. Not because they were confusing, but because I was stalling, and I knew it.
A few minutes later, I finally set everything down and followed the instructions.
Afterward, I placed the test on the counter and immediately turned away.
I couldn't look at it.
I wasn't ready.
My hands trembled as I gripped the edge of the sink. The longer I stood there, the harder my heart pounded.
Finally, the timer on my phone went off.
I started pacing the bathroom.
Back and forth.
Back and forth.
Every few seconds, my eyes wanted to drift toward the counter, but I forced myself to look away.
“Nawl,” I muttered, rubbing my hands together.
My nerves were all over the place.
I had waited my whole life to become a mother, but standing there waiting for an answer suddenly felt a lot scarier than I thought it would.
My stomach dropped.
For a second, I just stood there staring at the sink because suddenly, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know anymore.
’Cause if I was right, everything was about to change.
Slowly, I lifted my head. My eyes drifted toward the counter.
Toward the test. Toward the answer that could change everything.
“Oh, my God…”
TO BE CONTINUED….