CHAPTER 55
“Just let me hold you, you never let me touch you,” Silas whispers next to my ear, his face so close as he breathed in my scent.
Yet I can’t relax, not in his arms, not near him at all.
My body craves his touch, craves the feelings of the bond, yet my mind screams that he will take my baby, that it is all a trick and he will soon take the one thing that is truly mine, a literal piece of me, and he will soon take that as well.
Silas walks us up the stairs toward our bedroom. The sight of the door coming into view makes panic rise deep within my chest as my breathing increases, my chest rising and falling quicker.
“I won’t hurt you,” Silas tells me, and I pull my face back looking up at him.
His face is so close that I become mesmerised by his beauty.
The sharp lines of his face, the way his jaw clenched and unclenched, the color of his eyes though frighteningly cold most of the time, to me they look beautiful with the way the gold sparkles throughout them, though behind all that is a monster.
Even though I deny him, I can’t help but still love him even if he is a monster, even if it means my death.
My mind keeps wary while my body yearns for him.
A torture, I am sure will kill me, two parts of me at war with each other, pushing and pulling to see which part will win.
I haven’t even realized we stopped, not until he clears his throat, making my face heat up when I realize I was staring at him, trapped in the confines of my own mind.
He makes no move to put me down and part of me doesn’t want him to, though the rational part of me has me wriggling to get out his grip.
He places me on my feet with a sigh and turns and walking out.
I think he is leaving so I strip off and hop in the shower, eager to get the tree mess out of my hair.
I rinse my fingers through my hair, untangling everything when I feel hands run across the bottom of my stomach.
My eyes snap open, and I spin around to see Silas in the shower, his eyes on my stomach.
I can feel our baby moving, kicking my side. Silas’s golden eyes are watching my belly move and moving his hand only to feel our baby roll. Silas once again missing the movement of the baby he is intent on feeling as he watches my stomach ripple.
Sighing, he goes to pull his hand away, giving up on trying to catch its kicks when I grab his hand, moving it lower to where I knew the baby shifted. His eyes snap to mine while I hold his hand there. The baby kicks again. I know he feels it.
Silas’s lips tug in the corners as he tries to suppress his smile. His eyes are sparkling, making me wonder what he is thinking, yet also too scared to prod into his mind, worried at what I may find, what malicious intent is behind his change in behaviour.
“I mean you know harm, Elora; I just want you to let me love you,” he says, making me look up from his hands on my stomach. He is watching me, waiting for me to answer when I see Matitus step into the bathroom, his shoulder and bare chest drenched in his blood.
“Everything alright?” he asks, looking down at Silas’s hands, which makes me realize how close I am to him.
I hadn’t realized I stepped closer to him, or maybe he stepped closer, I feel unsure.
Matitus steps in behind me, forcing me closer to Silas, his abs brushing my belly and I turn around to face Matitus.
Silas’s hands remain just moving to my hips instead when I feel his lips go to my shoulder, making me jump slightly.
Matitus watches me and Silas, yet through the bond, I feel he is calm. He doesn’t have the same tormented feelings I have for Silas, he accepts him for everything he is. And right now, Silas is calm, relaxed even, as he tugs me closer, waiting to see what I will do and if I will pull away from him.
I’m about to pull away when Matitus steps even closer, forcing me back as he leans down, kissing me softly, my back pressing against Silas’s front. I become very aware of the reaction he is having to me being so close, I can feel it pressed against my back before I feel him shiver behind me.
Matitus pulls back a small smile on his lips and I realize he intended to force me closer to Silas, wanting me to allow him to touch me.
Silas stays still though, I can feel the longing through the bond when I feel Matitus hands move to underneath my belly, his hands gliding to my hips before he places them over Silas’s, moving Silas’s hands lower to underneath my stomach his hands brushing my pubic bone.
For the first time in over a month, arousal floods me at the feeling of both their hands on me.
I watch as Matitus’s eyes flicker dangerously, him breathing in my scent, perfuming the steamed-up bathroom as he leans over me.
His lips go to my mark, and I shudder as I feel the sparks of the mate bond erupt over my skin.
I relax as he runs his tongue over my mark, nipping at it as I press myself closer to Silas, his hand moving lower, his fingertips brush over my slit and I gasp, coming to my senses.
Matitus stops, stepping away and looking down at me.
His eyes then move to Silas and I feel his hands move away going back to my hips.
“He isn’t going to do anything,” Matitus says but I move, removing myself from the shower and grabbing a towel.
Just because right now he has no ill will, doesn’t mean that won’t change like a flick of switch.
One thing I have grown accustomed to is the way he can go from calm to a raging storm within seconds.
I should know better than to let my guard down, let him in.
He has destroyed us, I won’t allow him to destroy our baby, so I have to remain strong and fight the urge to give in to him.
Matitus’s feelings for Silas are clouding my own, yet I can’t let feelings overrule rational thought, he will do what he said and now it is a matter of time.
And now I am just waiting for him to destroy the last piece of me.
Dragus walks into the room, covered in debris. I walk into the closet and grab some of his clothes, slipping them on. I am about to leave to find another room in which to sleep when Dragus grabs my wrist.
“Where are you going?” he asks.
“To find another room.”
Dragus shakes his head. “We will stay in our room with our mates Elora,” Dragus says, and I rip my hand away from him.
He wants me to stay in a room shared with the man who wants to take our baby from me?
Silas and Matitus walk out, watching as Dragus and I stand off, his words lingering in the air, frustration pulsing through the room. Saying nothing, I head for the door.
“We are staying in here Elora, the other beds are too small, and I am sick of not getting any sleep,” Matitus says, making my hand stop as it rests on the cool metal of the doorknob. I nod, opening it and walking out, heading down the stairs.
“Elora!” I hear Dragus call to me, a growl escaping him, but I ignore him instead walking downstairs. They can sleep where they want, I don’t care, but I am not sleeping in a room with Silas, I won’t allow him to be that close while I try to sleep.
All the rooms in the castle are occupied.
I sigh after opening the last one to discover Pluto and his brother sharing a room.
I close the door, mumbling my apology, then turn on my heel and walk toward the front of the castle.
I stop at the office, eyeing the armchair positioned in front of the fireplace.
My eyes dart down to the thick rug spread out in front of the fire.
Lightning streaks the sky outside the window, illuminating the night in brief glimpses.
It feels peaceful here. I could sleep here; it would be comfortable enough, though getting up in the middle of the night to pee would be a task in itself.
I step closer, grabbing the cushion and tossing the blanket off the armchair, then lay down on the soft mat. The fire warms the room, soothing as it crackles and pops, steadily burning through the logs of wood.
Sleep takes over quickly as I feel my body relaxing into the softness and warmth of the rug on which I lie.
Halfway through the night, though, I wake, needing desperately to pee.
Rolling onto my back, I look up at the ceiling with a groan.
I was comfortable and didn’t want to move away from the fire and its warmth.
Chuckling to myself, I toss the blanket off, gripping the armchair to haul myself into a sitting position.
Placing my knees beneath me, I use the armchair to pull myself up.
Easier than I expected, I think as I step off the rug, my feet encountering the cold floor.
The urge to pee becomes stronger, making me shudder.
I realise with dread that I have to make it all the way to the other side of the castle just to use the bathroom.
I walk out into the hall, the cold air seeping into my skin. I shiver, goosebumps spreading along my arms as I hear a noise.
I continue walking, only to stop at the dining room, the noise appearing to come from inside. Opening the door, I find Silas standing on the dining table as he fiddles with the chandelier. Curiosity gets the better of me and I find myself asking what he is doing.
“What are you doing?” I ask, looking up at him as he pulls down the chandelier. He looks down at me, completely engrossed in what he is doing, he hadn’t noticed my presence. He looks at me nervously while I peer up at him.
“Replacing the chandelier for normal lights,” he says, staring at the chandelier in his hands.
“Why?” I ask confused, I know there is nothing wrong with it, it worked perfectly fine. He scratches the back of his neck.
“It’s old,” is all he says, though the way he looks at it and the strange feeling coming through the bond, I have a feeling he is removing it for another reason, though I couldn’t work out why.
“Everything in here is old, what did the chandelier do?” I ask curiously, out of the outdated antique furniture he could replace, he chooses a perfectly good chandelier.
He says nothing, but instead looks up at the ceiling, his eyes darkening slightly as they flicker. He mutters something too low for me to hear before jumping off the table and walking to the corner of the room where I notice nearly every chandelier in the castle has been placed.
“Did you take them all down?” I ask looking to the ceiling and realising he had in fact taken the other two down and replaced them with normal ceiling lights. I look behind me and realize the hallway one is gone too.
“Why are you awake?” he asks, changing the subject of his midnight renovations and making me realize where I was going in the first place.
“To use the bathroom,” I tell him, about to turn around and walk out.
“Wait, I will come with you.”
“I don’t need you to hold my hand to pee. I’ve been toilet trained since I was a child,” I say.
His lips twitch in amusement before he shakes his head and walks over.
“It’s dark, and I haven’t replaced some of the lights yet, especially on the stairs,” he says, taking my hand. I stare at his grip as he lifts it, pressing a kiss to my knuckles.
“Just let me walk you upstairs,” he says. My brows furrow and I give in, nodding. We walk out of the dining room when he suddenly stops, looking up at the ceiling, his grip on my hand tightening slightly.
“What is it?” I ask looking at the ceiling to where he just removed the chandelier. He shakes his head, snapping himself out of wherever his mind took him too.
“Nothing, come on,” he says, leading the way upstairs.
I step into the bedroom, then duck into the bathroom, my bladder screaming for relief. After washing my hands, I walk out to find Silas sitting at the end of the bed, waiting. His gaze shifts to Matitus and Dragus, sleeping peacefully.
“You can sleep in here Lora, I will sleep somewhere else,” he says, getting up and pulling the blanket back. He nods toward the bed. Guilt hits me when I feel his desire to be in the bed with them.
“It’s fine I liked where I was,” I tell him.
“Elora please I will be busy all night anyway,” he says, and I see Matitus stir in his sleep behind him. I look to the door when he moves, stepping closer, gripping my face and making me meet his gaze.
“Stay,” he whispers, he looks exhausted.
How hadn’t I noticed how tired he looks, was his sleep as restless as ours?
I nod and he lets go, stepping aside as I climb in the bed.
Silas moves the blanket over me, about to turn away when I grab his hand.
He stops, looking down at me and I wriggle over.
He looks at me questionably. I pull the blanket back and he looks to the door, now confused.
I am just as confused, I want him to stay yet part of me is scared if he does, though I know I always sleep better with them beside me. Plus, we haven’t all been in the same bed in ages, now looking at Silas, I can see how lonely he must have been in this room by himself.
“Come to bed,” I tell him. He looks at me, shocked by what I said when I tug his hand. He waits to see if I will change my mind.
“You won’t be angry in the morning when you wake up beside me?” he asks, and I can tell he is confused by my actions and wondering if me being tired was making me act this way.
“No, Silas, just come to bed. You look as tired as I feel,” I say. He nods, pulls off his shirt, and climbs in, settling as far away as the bed allows.
I move closer, resting my head on his warm chest, breathing in his calming scent. For the first time in ages, I feel home—truly home. I know it won’t last, but for now, I let myself enjoy it.
His lips press against my head, his arm wrapping around me, pulling me closer. Sleep takes me in his warmth.