Chapter 8
CHAPTER EIGHT
“Are ye sure she willnae leave?”
Iris paused outside the solar door, her hand frozen on the handle. Through the crack, she could see Codie sitting at the small desk Elijah kept for him, carefully copying letters with a quill that seemed too large for his small hands.
“She’s me wife now,” Elijah replied though his voice was strangely distant. “She’s nae goin’ anywhere.”
“But Maither left.” The boy’s voice was so quiet, Iris had to strain to hear it. “She dinnae want to stay with us.”
“That was different, lad.” Elijah’s tone was careful, controlled. “Yer maither was... she was sick.”
“Was she sick because of me? Because I wasnae good enough?”
Iris pressed her hand to her mouth to stifle her gasp. This little boy thought his mother’s death was somehow his fault?
“Nay.” Elijah’s voice was sharp now. “Daenae ever think that, Codie. What happened to yer maither had nothin’ to do with ye.”
“Then why did she go up to the tower that night? Aliana said she was cryin’, that she kept sayin’ she couldnae—”
“Aliana talks too much,” Elijah cut him off. “And she doesnae ken what she’s talkin’ about.”
There was a long silence then Codie’s small voice again: “Will Lady Iris want to be me maither? Really want to, I mean?”
Another pause. Iris held her breath, waiting for Elijah’s answer.
“I daenae ken, lad.”
“She seemed nice at the celebration; she said she wanted to see the secret passages.”
“Aye, she did.”
“Do ye think she likes children? Or is she just bein’ polite because she has to be?”
Iris’ heart broke a little more with each question; this child was desperate for love, for acceptance, but too afraid to hope for it.
“She seems to like ye well enough,” Elijah said quietly.
“But what if she changes her mind? What if she decides I’m too much trouble?”
“Then that would be her loss.” For the first time, there was warmth in Elijah’s voice. “Any woman who doesnae want ye would be a fool, Codie. Ye’re a good lad.”
“Faither?” Codie’s voice was hesitant. “Will ye teach me to swim this summer? Like ye promised last year?”
Another long pause. “We’ll see, lad. I’m very busy with clan business.”
“Ye were busy last year too and the year before that.”
“Codie.”
“It’s all right, Faither. I understand, bein’ Laird is more important.”
“That’s nae it, lad.”
“Then why will ye nae spend time with me?”
“Finish yer lessons first then we’ll talk.”
“We never talk,” Codie said matter-of-factly. “We just say we will.”
“Run along now,” Elijah said, his voice tight. “I have work to do.”
“Yes, Faither.”
Iris heard the scrape of the small chair and quickly moved away from the door. After she was sure Codie had left, she entered the solar.
“Why cannae ye spend more time with the lad? He clearly needs ye.”
Elijah didn’t look up from the ledger spread across his desk though every muscle in his body tensed at the accusation in his wife’s voice.
“Good mornin’ to ye too, wife,” he said mildly, continuing to review the grain reports from his steward. “Sleep well?”
“Daenae ye dare deflect this.” Iris’ voice was sharp as broken glass. “I asked ye a question.”
When he finally looked up, his gaze locked on her, and the weight of it nearly stole her breath.
She knew what she looked like in the simple green dress with her hair pulled back tightly, and her cheeks flushed from the long walk down the corridor from their chambers. She saw the way his gaze ran over her body and back to her face. The way his gaze lingered on her face, and his eyes darkened.
But the next moment, his face hardened. “It’s nae up to ye to ken when I spend time with me son,” he said, returning his attention to the ledger. “Ye and yer parents kent I had a son, and ye kent ye’d be expected to raise him.”
“That’s nae right,” She stepped into the room, closing the door behind her with more force than necessary.
“Isnae it?” Elijah remained perfectly still, his expression carved from stone as he considered her words. “Because from where I sit, nothin’ has changed. Ye’re me wife, he’s me son, and ye’ll raise him. Simple. I daenae need to spend time with him.”
“Simple?” Her voice climbed an octave. “Ye think parentin’ is simple?”
“I think ye’re makin’ it more complicated than it needs to be.”
Iris crossed her arms, her jaw setting in that stubborn line he was beginning to recognize. “Fine, then tell me what me duties are. Exactly what ye expect from me as his stepmaither.”
“I’ve already told ye. Take care of him, make sure he’s fed, clothed, educated, and see that he grows into a man worthy of the McMurphy name.” He shrugged as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “What else do ye need to ken?”
“What else do I need to ken?” She stared at him like he’d grown a second head. “How about what kind of discipline he responds to? What are his fears? What makes him happy? What is his routine? Does he have nightmares? Favorite foods? Friends?”
Each question she asked seemed to land on him like a small blow, and Iris felt a pang in her chest as she watched the way his jaw tightened. He didn’t have the answers; she could see it in his eyes before he spoke.
Codie had most likely been raised by nurses and tutors, seen by his father at meals or formal occasions, and treated more like a small adult than the child he truly was.
“Those are details ye’ll learn as ye go,” he said curtly.
“Details?” Her voice was incredulous now. “Those arenae details, Elijah. Those are the things that matter, what bein’ a parent means.”
“Then it’s good that ye’ll be handlin’ all of it.”
She went very still. “What do ye mean?”
“I mean, raisin’ Codie is yer responsibility now, entirely. I have a clan to run, lands to manage, enemies to keep at bay, I daenae have time for nursery concerns.”
“So that’s it?” Iris’ voice was dangerously quiet. “Ye force a child on me and then wash yer hands of him completely?”
“I’m nae forcin’ anythin’ on anyone. This was part of the arrangement.”
“The arrangement.” She laughed, but there was no humor in it. “Of course, because God forbid ye actually act like a faither instead of just a laird makin’ business deals.”
She saw his face grow dark, and she watched him set down his quill with deliberate care. “Be very careful how ye speak to me, wife.”
“Or what?” She stepped closer to his desk. “I’m beginnin’ to see that all the rumors about ye could be true after all. Ye really are as cruel as they say.”
The words were intended to hit hard, and Iris could see she succeeded. Apart from the twitching of his jaw, Elijah kept his expression neutral. “If that’s what ye want to believe.”
“It’s what ye’re showin’ me.” Her voice was shaking now with anger. “That poor boy lost his maither, and instead of givin’ him more love, more attention, ye’re just... handin’ him off to the nearest available woman like he’s a package to be delivered.”
“That woman is his stepmaither now. Ye are his stepmaither.”
“And ye’re his faither!” The words burst out of her like they’d been building pressure for hours. “Or at least, ye are supposed to be. Because a real father wouldnae be so dismissive of his own child!”
Too far. She knew it.
Elijah rose from his chair slowly, his full height giving him a clear advantage over her smaller frame. When he spoke, his voice was deadly quiet.
“Ye’re oversteppin’, Iris.”
But instead of backing down, she stepped closer, lifting her chin. “Am I? Because I’m his stepmaither, as ye keep remindin’ me, and that makes his welfare me concern.”
“His welfare, aye, nae questionin’ how I choose to handle me relationship with me son.”
“What relationship?” The question was like a slap. “From what I’ve seen, ye barely acknowledge he exists except to hand him off to someone else.”
“Ye daenae ken what ye’re talkin’ about,” he said, his voice low and warning.
“Daenae I?” She was relentless now, her own pain at the way her parents had often dismissed her need for love seeming to fuel her anger.
“I ken what it’s like to have a parent who acts like ye’re nothin’ but an obligation.
I ken what it feels like to be dismissed, ignored, treated like ye’re nae worth the effort of actually carin’. ”
She saw him freeze before understanding flooded his features.
“That boy deserves better than what ye’re givin’ him,” she continued, her voice thick with emotion. “He deserves a faither who actually wants to ken him, nae just someone who makes sure he’s fed and clothed like a pet.”
“Enough.” The word cut through the air like a blade.
“Nay, it’s nae enough!” She slammed her hand down on his desk, making the inkwell jump. “I cannae stand by and watch ye do to him what me parents did to me, I cannae let ye make him feel like he’s nae worth lovin’!”
For a moment, they stared at each other across the desk, both breathing hard. Elijah could see the pain in her eyes now, raw and honest and probably more than she’d meant to reveal.
“Ye’re oversteppin’ yer boundaries,” he said finally.
“I’m his stepmaither and yer wife,” she shot back. “I’m nae oversteppin’ anythin’.”
“Ye are if ye think yer position gives ye the right to question me choices as a faither.”
“Then what does it give me the right to do?” Her voice was bitter now. “Because so far, it seems like I’m good for raisin’ yer son and warmin’ yer bed but nae for havin’ opinions about either.”
The mention of his bed sent heat shooting through her, unwelcome and immediate. Last night, she’d lain on the bed stiff as a board, every muscle tense while she’d wondered if he would be able to resist pulling her against him before morning.
Focus, this isnae about that.
“It gives ye the right to do what I tell ye to do,” he said coldly. “Nothin’ more.”
She laughed. “Of course. How foolish of me to think marriage might involve some partnership.”
“Partnership?” He leaned forward, bracing his hands on the desk. “Let me make somethin’ clear, wife, I dinnae marry ye for partnership. I married ye because I needed a mother for me son and a woman in me bed; if ye thought this would be some romantic fairy tale, ye were sorely mistaken.”
Iris flinched at his harsh words before forcing her expression to harden again.
“At least I understand ye clearly now,” she said flatly.
But instead of retreating, she straightened her shoulders and looked him dead in the eye.
“But let me make somethin’ equally clear, husband.” The word dripped with sarcasm. “Ye may have married me for convenience, but that doesnae mean I’ll stand by and watch ye damage that boy. I ken what it’s like to grow up feelin’ unwanted, and I cannae let it happen to him.”
“Ye’ll do what yer told.”
“Will I?” She tilted her head, studying him with those sharp brown eyes. “What happens if I daenae, Elijah? What happens if I decide to disobey yer precious orders?”
She watched something flicker across his features. “Ye daenae want to find out,” he said softly.
“Really?” She leaned forward, matching his posture, bringing their faces within inches of each other. “Because from where I’m standin’, yer threats are startin’ to sound awfully empty.”
“Get. Out.” His voice was deadly quiet.
“Or what?”
“Or I’ll show ye exactly why they call me the Beast of McMurphy.” He straightened to his full height, using every inch of his size to intimidate her. “And trust me, lass, ye daenae want to see that side of me.”
For the first time since she’d entered his solar, uncertainty filled her heart.
“Ye can try to frighten me all ye want,” she said, but her voice had lost some of its fire, “but that boy needs someone to fight for him. If ye cannae be his faither, then I’ll be the parent he deserves.”
“Fine, but ye’ll do it without questionin’ me methods or me choices. The next time ye overstep again, there will be consequences.”
“What kind of consequences?”
Elijah smiled, and it wasn’t pleasant. “The kind that will remind ye exactly what yer position in this marriage really is.”
She stared at him for a long moment, and finally, she nodded once, sharp and decisive.
“Understood.” She turned toward the door, then paused. “But Elijah?”
“What?”
“That boy is goin’ to love me whether ye like it or nae, and when he does, when he’s happy and secure and everythin’ ye apparently cannae give him, remember that ye chose this. Ye chose to hand him over to a stranger rather than be his faither yerself.”
Iris turned away, closing the door closed behind her with a quiet click.