Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
“Who’s this, then?”
Elijah’s voice echoed through the reception hall as he and Henry entered, both men still in their riding clothes from the morning’s patrol. He’d been looking for Iris. He needed to tell her about Codie, but finding her with an unfamiliar woman gave him pause.
Iris’ head snapped up at the sound of his voice, and something flickered across her face that made his chest tighten.
She wouldn’t quite meet his eyes, her cheeks flushing pink in a way that reminded him forcefully of last night—the way she’d looked beneath him, the sounds she’d made, the feel of her.
Focus. You came here for a reason.
“Elijah.” Her voice was slightly breathless, and she was definitely avoiding his gaze now. “I... this is Mairie. She was me maid at me parents’ home.”
The woman, Mairie, curtsied respectfully, though her sharp eyes were assessing him with open curiosity. “Me laird, it’s an honor.”
“She came all this way to see me,” Iris continued, her words tumbling out faster than usual.
“And I was wonderin’... that is, if it’s acceptable to ye.
.. could we hire her as me personal maid?
I ken Aliana’s been helpin’ me, but Mairie and I have kent each other for years, and it’ll make me happy if she stays. ”
“Do what ye wish,” Elijah interrupted, his tone perhaps sharper than he’d intended. He saw Iris flinch slightly and cursed himself. “Ye’re the lady of this castle. Ye can hire whomever ye see fit, so long as yer duties and the clan arenae affected.”
“Oh.” Iris blinked, as if surprised by his easy agreement. “Thank ye. That’s... very generous of ye.”
“It’s nae generous, it’s practical. Ye need staff ye trust.” He shifted his weight, suddenly aware of Henry’s presence beside him and the knowing smirk on his friend’s face. “I’m nae here to dictate yer household arrangements.”
An awkward silence fell over the room. Iris was still avoiding his eyes, Mairie was watching them both with obvious interest, and Henry looked like he was trying not to laugh.
“Was there somethin’ else ye needed?” Iris asked finally, her voice carefully polite.
Aye, I need to stop rememberin’ how she tasted. I need to forget the way she said me name.
“It’s Codie,” he said abruptly, pushing aside the dangerous thoughts. “He’s sick.”
The change in Iris was immediate. All awkwardness vanished as her face went pale with concern. “Sick? What do ye mean sick? What’s wrong with him?”
“I daenae ken. He woke up this mornin’ with a fever and complainin’ of pain in his stomach.” Elijah heard the tension in his own voice and tried to control it. “Aliana sent for me, said he’s been askin’ for ye.”
“How high is the fever?” Iris was already moving toward the door, all traces of embarrassment gone. “Has he been sick to his stomach? Is he keepin’ down water?”
“I... I daenae ken.” The admission felt like failure. “I came straight to find ye as soon as Aliana sent word.”
Iris paused at the doorway, finally meeting his eyes directly for the first time since he’d entered. Something in her expression softened when she saw whatever was in his face.
“I’ll go to him right now,” she said gently. “I’m sure it’s nothin’ serious. Bairns get sick all the time.”
“Aye.” But his throat felt tight, his chest constricted with a fear he didn’t know how to express.
What if it’s nae nothin’? What if he doesnae survive this?
The thought sent ice through his veins. Codie was his only family, his only real connection to anything good in this world. If something happened to him...
“Elijah?” Iris’ voice broke through his spiraling thoughts. “Are ye all right?”
“Fine.” The word came out too harsh. “Just... go see to him. That’s what ye’re here for, isnae it?”
He saw hurt flash across her face before she masked it with cool politeness. “Of course, me laird. I’ll attend to yer son immediately.”
“I’ll come with ye, me lady,” Mairie said quickly, gathering her skirts. “If the boy’s truly ill, ye’ll need help. I’ve tended to sick children lots of times; I can assist ye.”
“Thank ye, Mairie. That’s very kind.” Iris’ voice was steady, but Elijah could see the tension in her shoulders, the way her fingers trembled slightly as she smoothed down her gown.
I’m’ an idiot. She was tryin’ to be kind, and I threw it back in her face, he told himself as he watched her sweep from the room, Mairie following close behind.
But he didn’t know how else to be. Didn’t know how to tell her that the thought of losing Codie terrified him more than any battle he’d ever fought. That the boy was the only good thing he’d managed to create in his entire miserable life, and if he lost him—
“Well,” Henry said into the silence, “that was impressively terrible.”
Elijah shot him a dark look. “Shut yer mouth.”
“Yer communication skills, me friend, are truly abysmal.” Henry was grinning now, apparently finding the whole situation hilarious. “The woman was clearly tryin’ to connect with ye, and ye responded like she’d asked ye to explain the finer points of sheep husbandry.”
“I daenae ken what ye’re talkin’ about.”
“Daenae ye? Because yer wife couldnae even look at ye which suggests somethin’ interestin’ happened between ye two recently, and instead of acknowledgin’ that, ye acted like a wooden post.”
“I had more important things to discuss.”
“Than the fact that ye obviously bedded her last night?” Henry’s grin widened. “Aye, I can see how that would be unimportant.”
“That’s none of yer concern.”
“Maybe nae, but yer complete inability to function like a normal human being around her certainly is.” Henry crossed his arms. “Let me guess. Ye finally admitted ye have feelin’s for her, probably said somethin’ relatively romantic for ye, and now, ye have absolutely nay idea how to behave around her. ”
Elijah’s silence was answer enough.
“Thought so.” Henry shook his head. “Ye really daenae ken how to communicate yer feelin’s as a human being, do ye?”
“I communicate fine,” Elijah growled, stalking toward the door.
“Do ye?” Henry moved to block his path, still smirking. “Because what I just witnessed was a man who’s clearly terrified about his sick son but couldnae bring himself to say so. Instead, ye snapped at the one person who’s actually tryin’ to help.”
“Nay, I dinnae.”
“Ye did. And ye ken what the worst part is? She would have understood. If ye’d just said ‘I’m worried about Codie’, she would have comforted ye, but instead, ye had to act like ye daenae care about anythin’ or anyone.”
“Ye talk too much.”
Henry’s expression grew more serious. “Elijah, I’ve ken ye for fifteen years. I’ve watched ye build walls around yerself so high that nobody can get close. But that lass in there? She’s climbin’ those walls anyway. And instead of lettin’ her in, ye keep pushin’ her back.”
“I’m protectin’ her, how many times do I need to make it clear to ye?”
“Protectin’ her from what? From carin’ about ye? From actually havin’ a marriage instead of just a business arrangement?” Henry stepped closer. “Or are ye protectin’ yerself from carin’ about her?”
The question hit too close to home. Because that was exactly what Elijah was doing, wasn’t it? Last night, when he’d held Iris in his arms and whispered things he’d never said to anyone, he’d felt... vulnerable. Exposed. Like he’d given her a weapon she could use to destroy him.
And now, in the harsh light of day, he was scrambling to rebuild his defenses.
“Stay out of it, Henry. Move.”
“Nay. Someone needs to tell ye that ye’re bein’ an idiot, and apparently, I’m the only one brave enough, or stupid enough, to do it.”
“Careful,” Elijah warned, his voice dropping to that dangerous quiet. “Ye’re oversteppin’. Keep this up, and ye will end up muckin’ the stables in nothin’ but a loincloth.”
“Well, I’ve done worse, and besides, it seems ye need someone to overstep. Ye need someone to tell ye that it’s all right to be scared about yer son. It’s all right to care about yer wife. It’s all right to let people see that ye’re human instead of this emotionless beast ye pretend to be.”
“I’m nae pretendin’ anythin’. This is who I am.”
“Bollocks. This is who ye’ve decided to be because it’s safer than riskin’ gettin’ hurt again.
” Henry’s voice softened. He shifted his weight slightly, careful not to step too close.
“But Elijah, that lass in there? She’s nae Margaret.
She’s nae goin’ to break because ye care about her.
If anythin’, she’ll probably thrive on it. ”
“Ye daenae ken that.”
“Daenae I? I’ve seen how she handles Codie, how she stood up to ye in front of the entire clan, how she managed that festival like she was born to it. She’s strong, Elijah. Maybe strong enough to handle the real ye instead of this armored version.”
Elijah wanted to argue, to tell Henry he was wrong, but the words stuck in his throat because maybe, just maybe, his friend had a point.
“Move,” Elijah said, not letting his face show defeat.
“Make me.” Henry’s eyes glinted with challenge. Still, a flicker of unease crossed his face as Elijah’s tone dropped low—a warning beneath the words. His fingers flexed at his sides. “Come on, ye great broodin’ beast. If ye’re so tough, surely ye can push past one skinny man-at-arms.”
Despite his foul mood, Elijah felt his mouth twitch. This was familiar ground, the banter they’d shared for years, the easy insults that meant more than most people’s compliments.
“Skinny? Ye’re gettin’ soft in yer old age, Henry. Too much time supervisin’ the men and nae enough time actually trainin’ with them.”
“Says the man who spent the last hour moonin’ over his wife like some lovesick calf.
” Henry didn’t budge from the doorway, but his shoulders stiffened a little as Elijah’s gaze narrowed like an animal aware it was teasing a predator.
“At least I can look a woman in the eye without actin’ like I’ve been struck by lightnin’. ”
“I daenae moon.”
“Ye do. Ye’ve been moonin’ since the day she arrived though ye’re too stubborn to admit it.” Henry’s expression grew more serious though the teasing edge remained in his voice. His throat bobbed with a quiet swallow, but he didn’t back down. “Want to ken what I think?”
“Nae particularly.”
“I think ye’ve gone and done the one thing ye swore ye’d never do—ye’ve fallen for yer own wife—and now ye’re terrified because carin’ about someone means they can hurt ye.”
Elijah’s hands clenched into fists at his sides. Henry flinched, barely—a muscle jumping in his jaw—but he held his ground out of loyalty, not because he wasn’t aware of the danger.
“Ye daenae ken what ye’re talkin’ about.”
“Daenae I? Then why are ye standin’ here arguin’ with me instead of goin’ up to check on yer sick son?
” Henry pushed off from the wall. The movement was slower than usual, a careful shift rather than a bold step forward.
“I’ll tell ye why. Because ye’re afraid of what ye’ll feel when ye see him, and ye’re afraid of lettin’ Iris see ye feel it.
So instead, ye’re hidin’ down here with me, pretendin’ ye’re still the same cold bastard ye’ve always been. ”
The accusation hit too close to home because Henry was right—Elijah was afraid.
Afraid of walking into that room and seeing Codie suffering.
Afraid of the way his heart would crack open at the sight.
Afraid of Iris witnessing his weakness and realizing she’d married a man who was terrified of his own emotions.
“Codie’s me son,” he said, his voice low and dangerous. “Daenae presume to tell me how I should feel about him.”
“I’m nae tellin’ ye how to feel. I’m tellin’ ye to stop hidin’ from yer feelings like some coward.
” Henry met his glare without flinching—well, almost without flinching.
His breath caught sharply in his throat, but he forced himself to stand firm.
“Ye want to be angry with me? Fine. Take a swing. But it willnae change the fact that yer son is upstairs needin’ his Da, and ye’re down here actin’ like a stone wall because showin’ concern would be too dangerous. ”
Elijah was quiet for a long moment, turning Henry’s words over in his mind. Part of him wanted to reject everything his friend was saying, wanted to retreat back into the familiar armor of cold indifference.
But this other part really wanted to try.
“What do I do?” he asked finally.
“Start by goin’ upstairs and checkin’ on yer son.
Then, when ye see Iris, try actin’ like a normal human bean’ instead of some emotional stone wall.
” Henry grinned. The grin was a touch shaky at the edges but genuine.
“And if that’s too hard, just remember, she’s already seen ye naked and apparently dinnae run screamin’. That’s got to count for somethin’.”
Despite everything, Elijah felt his mouth twitch again. “Ye’re an arse.”
“Aye.” Henry stepped back, gesturing toward the stairs. The way he stepped back carried a faint hint of relief—like a man glad to still have his skin intact. “Now go. Yer family needs ye.”
Yer family.
The words echoed in Elijah’s mind as he climbed the stairs toward Codie’s room.
A family. Was that what they were becoming?
Him, Iris, and Codie? It felt too fragile, too precious to be real.
But as he reached Codie’s door and heard Iris’ gentle voice inside, soothing and calm, he realized that maybe it was real.
And maybe it was worth fighting for, even if he had no idea how to fight this particular battle.
Please let him be all right, I’ll do better. I’ll try to be better. Just let him be all right.
He stood outside the door for a long moment, gathering his courage. Then, before he could talk himself out of it, he pushed it open and stepped inside to face whatever awaited him.