Chapter 20
LIAM
Mia was late. Liam paced around his front room while Charlie bounced up and down on the sofa clutching the plastic dinosaur bauble that Clara had given him. He’d insisted on sleeping with it and on taking it to preschool, which meant it was essentially his new best friend.
‘Where’s Mia Mum? I want to show her my bauble!
’ Charlie asked, bouncing again and almost toppling off the cushions before righting himself just in time.
Liam thought about telling Charlie to stop, but his son was happy at the moment and could flip to tired and emotional in a heartbeat because it was almost the end of term.
Talking to him was like negotiating with a faulty firework – you never knew what might set it off – and telling him not to play on the old sofa was the equivalent of lighting a flamethrower and closing his eyes.
‘I’m not sure. She must be running late,’ Liam soothed, feeling his insides knot as he checked his phone again.
He’d sent Mia two texts this morning confirming the time and had left three voice notes when she hadn’t replied.
Now he had a heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach, a sense that something wasn’t right.
And it was a sensation he knew well. He’d had exactly the same one two and a half years ago, just before she’d left.
His phone dinged and he immediately checked the screen.
But the message wasn’t from his ex. It was from a new unknown number.
Merry Christmas. You should have known it would end this way.
‘I want to go to the park!’ Charlie implored as he bounced again, higher this time. ‘Can we go now?’
Liam shook his head, distracted before tapping back.
What do you mean?
‘Dad!’ Charlie shouted and Liam focused on his son. ‘I’m hungry.’
‘I’ve got treats for the park, but we need to wait a few more minutes.
’ He cleared his throat as he watched three dots appear in the message box.
Charlie grumbled and his attention shot back to his son.
He’d baked gingerbread biscuits with him last night and they’d packed a box of them ready for when they were outside.
He pondered giving Charlie one now, but letting him eat sugar in an enclosed space would be asking for trouble.
‘If Mia Mum can’t come, can we ask Clara?’ Charlie asked, clearly happy to replace his new parent, which meant he wasn’t too invested in Mia – that was one thing at least.
‘Let’s see what happens,’ Liam said as a new message popped up.
You’ll see.
Liam sighed – there was no use in continuing the exchange. It was clear the mystery messenger was trying to wind him up. He blocked the number and went to look out of the window at his garden, fixing his attention on the snow fluttering to the ground.
As he watched, his mind inevitably drifted away from Mia and the strange messages to Clara.
He hadn’t heard from her since he’d dropped her at Eleanor’s shop yesterday afternoon after she’d heard that Hudson was waiting for her there.
He’d thought about contacting her a couple of times, had lain awake wondering what had happened between her and her ex.
Would she have welcomed him with open arms? Liam felt sick.
He heard the doorbell ring and darted into the hallway so he could open the door, expecting to find Mia. Instead, Jenny stood wearing a pink housecoat and clutching a white envelope. She looked worried.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said before he had a chance to speak. She peered into the hallway as Figgy charged past him and greeted her enthusiastically, his tail flapping as he sniffed her tights.
‘What are you sorry about?’ Liam asked, trying to inject humour into his tone in case small ears were listening. He tugged the dog back inside. ‘Come in.’ He stood aside, watching as the older woman wiped her feet and entered. Jenny glanced over his shoulder.
‘Is Charlie here?’ She nodded when the sound of bouncing and singing started up again.
‘Sounds like he’s occupied. This came for you just now.
’ Jenny waved the envelope at him. ‘I think it’s from Mia.
I was by the window when I heard it drop on the doormat.
When I looked outside, she was getting into a taxi which immediately drove off. She looked like she was in a hurry.’
‘That makes no sense,’ Liam said, confused. ‘Why wouldn’t she just drop it here? We’re going to the park.’
‘Oh, Liam.’ Jenny’s chest heaved and her eyes widened.
‘I imagine she left the letter at mine, so she didn’t have to talk to you.
’ She rolled her eyes. ‘It’s times like this I wish we lived in a cartoon world so I could bash her over the head with an anvil or chuck her in one of those muddy puddles Peppa Pig loves so much.
’ She sighed as she handed the envelope over and Liam took it from her, holding it between his fingertips as if it might explode.
‘Could be a Christmas card.’ He tried for levity and failed because his insides felt like someone had filled them with concrete blocks. ‘I suppose I’d better read it.’
‘You’re not going to know what she’s said if you don’t,’ Jenny said lightly. ‘Why don’t I pop into the sitting room and see if Charlie wants to do a puzzle?’ she suggested. ‘That way you can read it in peace?’
She slipped off her shoes and sidestepped him, disappearing through the closest door and shutting it.
Liam stood and stared at the envelope for a few more minutes.
This was typical Mia, he’d been here before and he’d known what was coming when she hadn’t answered his first text. He really shouldn’t be surprised.
‘So get on and read it then, you idiot,’ he grumbled to himself before dropping down onto the bottom step of the staircase.
He didn’t want to take the letter anywhere else in his house.
Didn’t want to contaminate his bedroom or any of the other rooms with the words he knew were coming.
He ripped off the top and pulled out the white sheet of paper.
Dear Liam,
So it turns out you were right. I’m not cut out to be a mother. I realised that when we went to the park. I guess I’m just not made that way. Some people aren’t. You might think I’m selfish, but I’ve finally realised who I am and what I need.
Charlie’s great, though. He reminds me of you and you’re obviously a good dad. He doesn’t need me too. That’s why I know it’s okay for me to put myself first for a change – because I know that’s not something you’d ever do.
I’ve heard from someone, an old friend. Actually, he’s my boyfriend.
We had a row, but he wants to make up. I think he might be the person who texted you, the one you talked about in the café.
He gets jealous. That’s why we argued, why I moved out.
But I’m going back to him. I think it’s for the best.
Perhaps one day, when Charlie’s older, he might want to track me down. I won’t make it difficult for him.
Please let him down gently, though. I’m sure he’ll be upset.
Mia
Liam stared at the letter for a few moments.
He’d been expecting something like it from the moment Mia had arrived.
Probably should have guessed after the latest contact from his mystery messenger.
At least that puzzle was finally solved – he’d been trolled by Mia’s jealous other half.
But even knowing that didn’t take away the shock of Charlie’s mother leaving again, or realising his son obviously wasn’t enough to keep her here.
She’d put herself first, but when had Mia ever done anything else?
He was angry, though – with himself mostly – because he’d started to believe in her, had begun to have hope that she really cared for their son.
A chill slid down his spine. Thankfully, Mia hadn’t hung around for long, so he suspected the fallout from her leaving wasn’t going to be too bad. But he couldn’t stop himself from imagining how it might be if he allowed Charlie to get close to someone else. How badly he might be hurt if they left.
He balled up the letter and envelope and slid them into his pocket, took a moment to take a calming breath.
He could do this – he’d parented Charlie on his own for years.
Nothing had changed. Only the ice that had begun to thaw around his heart felt like it was freezing again. But perhaps that was for the best.
‘Finished!’ Charlie yelled as Liam opened the door to find Jenny and his son crouching on the red rug by the fireplace. They’d just completed one of Charlie’s favourite puzzles – a Tyrannosaurus Rex – and his son immediately leapt to his feet. ‘Are we going to the park now?’
‘Sure,’ Liam said. ‘I’m afraid Mia can’t come, after all.’ He waited for Charlie’s reaction, his stomach clenching, anticipating his son’s disappointment, but all he did was shrug.
‘Can Clara come instead?’ Charlie beamed, that beautiful innocent face lighting. ‘She’s nice and she loves biscuits like me AND she helped decorate the Christmas tree. I bet she really loves parks too.’
Liam felt a thump in his chest, a sickness crawling up his throat. He cleared it. ‘I’m sure she does. Doesn’t everyone?’ he asked. ‘But I think she’s busy – we’re appearing at The Mistletoe Magic Shop later today.’ If she hadn’t already left for New York.
Perhaps she was with Hudson, perhaps she wasn’t. All he knew is he wasn’t going to be able to let their relationship progress. He’d known even when they met that it would likely come to this.
He couldn’t risk Charlie being hurt. Couldn’t risk his son getting close to someone who’d leave. But that didn’t stop the ache of longing, the disappointment clinging to his insides.
‘It might be worth asking Clara, at least?’ Jenny suggested, contradicting him for the first time ever. Liam glanced at her, surprised. It wasn’t like his neighbour to interfere. But her face was filled with sympathy, and it was clear she knew exactly what he was doing.
‘I’m sure she’s not available,’ he said as Charlie started to hop from foot to foot impatiently. ‘She has a visitor.’ His voice was tight.
Charlie’s face fell, and Liam felt the punch of it through to his toes. Knew then he was doing the right thing, no matter how much it hurt.
‘We can ask her next time,’ Charlie said after a pause, going to pick up the bauble he’d abandoned on the ground when he was doing the puzzle. ‘I’ll take this instead and Figgy can come too.’
‘Why don’t I help you put your coat on?’ Jenny said, giving Liam a look that said she understood but he was an idiot.
‘I need to get Figgy’s blankie,’ Charlie said before racing towards the kitchen. Liam let him go and his eyes met Jenny’s.
‘I don’t know what that letter said but I can guess.
’ She shook her head. ‘You’re making a mistake with Clara.
’ She paused. ‘I know exactly what you’re doing.
I saw how Mia turned your life upside down.
I know how much she hurt you. But Liam, don’t let her do it all over again.
’ She paused. ‘Finding someone to love is a rare opportunity.
When you get it, you should grab on with both hands, take a risk that you might get hurt. '
Liam felt his insides turn over and licked his lips because suddenly they felt dry. ‘I can risk my own heart, Jenny, but I’m not going to risk Charlie’s…’ He looked up sadly as his son came sprinting back into the room carrying the scrap of material Clara had given Figgy.
There were so many reminders of her here – they were everywhere now – but he was going to have to stay strong. He might have fallen for Clara, but he was just going to have to make himself fall out of love with her now. He really had no choice…