Chapter 35
CHAPTER 35
I swung by after-school care and picked up Angus at exactly five fifty-five pm. Matthew’s car was in the garage when the three of us arrived home.
‘Home early, Matt?’
‘You sound surprised. I told you I’d be home so you could go to the class mothers’ end of year dinner.’
‘Dinner? It was more than a week ago. Your mind really has been elsewhere. Still, it’s nice you’re home.’ Anything else you’d care to mention?
Matthew shook his head. ‘You told me it was tonight, I’m sure you did.’ He turned to Lexi. ‘What have you got to say for yourself?’
‘Not much.’ Lexi tossed her school bag down in the doorway where we could all trip over it and disappeared upstairs. Angus threw his bag on top of Lexi’s and then proceeded to roll around on the floor with Rupert.
‘Angus!’ I was tired. My legs felt like lead. ‘Kids, please take your bags to your rooms. But take any uneaten lunch out first and throw it in the bin, okay?’ No response .
‘What’s going on with Lexi?’ Matthew asked.
‘ What’s going on? You make it sound like it’s my fault.’
‘Jeez, it’s not your fault. I’m just surprised she can miss so much school without you noticing.’
Funny both Matthew and Lexi’s principal should think the same thing – and say it out loud.
‘I knew this would happen when you started at the magazine, Kate. You can’t run a house, look after the kids and have a career as well.’
‘Really? It’s not even been two weeks!’
‘You know what I mean. Something’s got to give and right now it seems like it’s the family.’ Matthew opened the fridge and pulled out a beer.
Keep it civil , I told myself, even though instinct told me to punch him. Hard. ‘So, it’s my fault because I’m not monitoring Lexi’s every waking moment. You’re saying I can only pursue my interests, even if I’m being paid, strictly in accordance with the mum shift? Because the reality is I do ninety-nine per cent of the work around the home and that’s exactly where you want me to be, at everyone’s beck and call. I never get a break.’
‘Sorry,’ Matthew snapped. ‘I guess it’s all on me.’
‘It’s not, but I need a life as well.’
‘Don’t start. I’m not in the mood.’
This wasn’t going well. At all. Angus picked up his bag, glanced at me and bolted upstairs.
I took a deep breath. ‘I’m sorry. Is everything okay?’ I tried to put my arm around him, but he pushed me away.
‘What do you mean? As if you’d notice if everything wasn’t! You can’t keep blaming me for not pursuing your dreams. I’m not the one who’s held you back from taking photos all these years.’
‘I gave up my life to marry you and have children! ’
‘No, Kate, you gave up because you were scared – scared of the new technology, scared of being rejected. The kids and I became a convenient excuse for you because you’d rather shut yourself away in a darkroom than get out and embrace life.’
‘We don’t use darkrooms anymore.’ Silently, I counted to ten.
‘Stop hiding,’ Matthew grunted. ‘You’ve been given an opportunity, don’t collapse and say it’s too hard. Go for it.’
‘Hang on.’ I wasn’t letting him off that easy. ‘What about what you said about not being able to run a house, look after the kids and have a career?’
Matthew shook his head. ‘I’m not the enemy here. I’m doing the best I can.’
‘Yeah, well, so am I.’
Matthew threw his hands up in the air. ‘I’m sick of everything – Lexi, you… I never get a moment’s peace. I feel trapped.’
‘You? Trapped? You’re not confined to a cage, Matthew. And you’re not running around after the kids, helping with their homework, driving to soccer and all the rest of it. What if I’m sick of things as well? Does it ever occur to you I might be fed up or at my wits’ end?’
‘You’re their mother! You can’t be fed up. It’s your job. Besides, what have you got to be fed up about?’ Without waiting for a reply, Matthew walked out of the kitchen and into the living room and turned on the television.
‘Matthew, is there something you want to tell me?’ Like about the woman I saw you with at the coffee shop. ‘Is there… someone else?’
He spun round and shook his head. ‘No. I’m not about to run off with the twenty-year-old au pair down the road, if that’s what you’re asking. As if I don’t have enough financial commitments as it is. ’
On the verge on tears, I rummaged through the pantry. ‘It’ll have to be puttanesca pasta tonight.’
Matthew ignored me and turned up the volume on the TV. The sports news had started.
I walked upstairs, sat down on the edge of the bath and listened to the five voicemails on my mobile.
One: ‘ Kate, it’s your mother. Please call me. We need to discuss the wedding. ’
Two: ‘ Hello, Katie? Are you there ? This is your dad speaking. I’ll call you this evening. ’
Three: ‘ We’re walking tomorrow. No excuses. Yes, it’s humid but it’s my mental health we’re talking about. I won’t take no for an answer so don’t bother ringing back with a lame excuse. Come on, porky, you know you want to. I’ll be outside at the usual time. ’ Pause. ‘ You’re not porky, but you will be if you don’t walk. ’
I snorted. Diane!
Four: ‘ I need a new Insta post. I’ve run out of ideas. Call me. ’ I’d run out of ideas too. Maybe one of Robyn hugging a gum tree in the botanical gardens, captioned: ‘ Can’t wait to play with my beautiful bub in this magnificent park, surrounded by butterflies and flowers all the colours of the rainbow. ’ Ugh, what a cliché. I swallowed hard and pinched my lips together.
Five: ‘ I’m in labour. It’s the real thing this time, I’m sure of it. ’
Nothing that couldn’t wait. I ran a bath for Angus, and then, in my bedroom, changed into track pants and a black T-shirt.
‘Mum, Pop wants to talk,’ Angus said, appearing beside me with my phone in his outstretched hand. Grr. I’d obviously left it in the bathroom. He handed it over and ran down the hall after Rupert.
‘Katie, it’s about the wedding,’ Dad started. ‘I haven’t been around much for the last few years’ – understatement of the century – ‘but your mum and I love each other. We want to start over again… Are you there? ’
I nodded. ‘Uh-huh.’
‘We’ve got a lot of catching up to do and all this seems rather sudden, so if you are strongly against it… what I’m trying to say is, if we don’t have your full support, I won’t marry Pip.’
‘Okay.’
‘Okay, what?’
‘I’m strongly against it and I don’t think the two of you should get married. At least not before Christmas. Why the rush?’
‘Because we want to. Will you at least think about it, for your mother’s sake if not for mine?’
‘That’s what I’m doing… thinking about Mum. I have her best interests at heart, which is why I’d prefer she didn’t go through the misery and disappointment of being married to you again.’
‘It’s not like that. I love your mother very much, and I love you and Robyn. I’m hoping we can be a family again.’
‘You can’t wipe away a quarter of a century, Dad. This is real life. What’s to say you won’t leave again?’
‘Pip knows I never wanted to leave her in the first place. It’s – you need to talk to your mum, okay?’
‘I’m busy dealing with my own family dramas.’
I hung up.
‘Why did you do that?’
I turned and saw Lexi, Cleopatra in her arms. ‘Do what?’
‘Say you didn’t want Nanna and Pop to get married?’
‘Lexi, you wouldn’t understand. They’ve been married before. It didn’t work the first time.’
‘But they’re in love and getting married again and it would make Nanna happy.’
‘Lexi, enough.’
‘You’re so mean you make a wasp look cuddly. ’
‘Stop with the Nannaisms.’ I clenched my jaw. Unclenched. Spoke. ‘Trust me, it’s for her own good.’
‘That’s all you ever say: it’s for your own good . Are you going to punish Nanna for the rest of her life like you’re trying to punish me?’