Chapter 54
CHAPTER 54
A fter I threw up, I sat slumped over the toilet seat for a very long time. A video was running behind my eyelids, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I closed my eyes. Opened them. Blinked. Nothing worked. The tape playing inside my head kept on and on, becoming more horrific and humiliating with each passing second until the finale, when, fully exposed, I finally saw what had happened with Graeme that night.
We drank champagne at the bar… moved to a dark corner… Graeme told me there was no way you’re forty and kissed me, his hand strayed under my shirt and massaged my nipples. We left together… fell into the back seat of a car… my car!
Graeme climbed on top of me and told me he had a special birthday surprise for me. I pulled his shirt off… barely noticed people walking by and peeking in. The police knocked on the door and told us to stop what we were doing and get out of the car… we caught a cab to Graeme’s apartment.
At Graeme’s… I tripped as I stumbled up the path and through his open front door… I drank even more to celebrate my birthday. Gin, maybe vodka. He chased me into his bedroom .
The images flashed faster and faster. My drunkenness. Graeme’s face. The bedroom. Graeme’s bed. He ripped at my clothes. The two of us rolled around the bed.
Then… minutes later… the front door opened… a woman’s voice called out. Graeme pushed me out the open bedroom window, practically naked. Clothes and shoes tumbled out soon after and hit me on the head.
I scrambled to my feet and hid in the bushes, dazed and confused. Finally, I dressed and walked to the deserted street in search of a taxi.
Mum’s words rang in my ears. The trick is to learn from our mistakes and move on. We all have to… Forgive yourself. Vow to become a better, stronger and wiser person… That’s what life is about. None of us is perfect.
Everything was quiet when I got home that night. I flipped on the kitchen light and picked up a picture Angus had drawn. It showed the two of us in our garden. He was kissing me and giving me flowers. He’d drawn a speech bubble bursting out of his head. Inside it were the words Happy Birthday, Mummy. Hope you had a good night. I love you. Love Angus. Xxx
Mum got out of bed and tried to tell me about Lexi drinking vodka and orange juice. Kate, do you understand what I’m saying? I almost had to take Lexi to hospital. I was scared out of my wits. Why didn’t you answer your phone? But I was too far gone to understand.
I remembered walking into the bathroom. I turned on the shower, undressed and stood under tepid water for a very long time, crying.
Then Mum called from outside my bedroom the next morning. ‘Katie, it’s after seven.’
‘Everything all right?’ Fern asked from outside the toilet stall. ‘You’ve been in there forever.’
‘Fine,’ I mumbled. That word again.
‘Okay. We’ll talk more later. I’ll take you to lunch.’
I didn’t reply. Food was the last thing I needed. After she’d gone, I walked out of the cubicle and splashed my face with cold water. I’d been an idiot many times before in my life. Example – when the pet shop owner told me the rabbit he was selling was male! The time a new boyfriend told me he loved me, and I believed him, so I had sex with him on the second date. The time I drank a tumbler of vodka – neat – because Robyn told me it would cure my headache.
Very wrong.
Or the time, about half an hour after drinking said tumbler of vodka, I mistakenly thought the police walking towards me were male strippers. Wrong again. But it all paled in comparison. This was a catastrophe, a cataclysmic disaster. I couldn’t see myself getting over this nightmare in the six-week period I’d allotted to overcome each new crisis.
Fern was nowhere to be seen. I had to focus. Focus on getting out of the building and never coming back. I brushed my hair and applied my lipstick as best I could with my shaking hand.
But as soon as I stepped into the corridor, I came face to face with him – Graeme Grafton.
‘Hey, hey, Fern told you our news? Don’t look so downhearted, babe. We can still get it together. But Fern tends to get twitchy about my other lady friends.’
‘Excuse me?’
‘Come on, you love it. All women do. I’m the exciting, ego-boosting guy you’ve been looking for. Don’t tell me you haven’t had fantasies about me, fantasies you can’t share with your precious husband. Fern and I know all about fantasies, we act them all out. They come to life in the shower, on the beach, in the office kitchen?—’
‘I get it. Thank you.’
‘I can be your real-life fantasy too, just like I’m Fern’s. She wants it badly. And after she comes, she goes. No rings, no strings. I’m cool with that.’
‘You are the most disgusting man I’ve ever met.’
‘That’s not what you said the night you were in my bed.’
‘I was out of my mind.’
‘And now you’re out of your mind with jealousy. Don’t be. It makes you look old and even more ridiculous, if that’s possible.’
‘You need help, Graeme. Not the once a week, three hundred dollar a session kind of help, I’m talking about the Switzerland, three month intensive stay, six hundred thousand dollar help! You make me sick.’
Tick number three on my to-do list.
But the experience wasn’t as uplifting as I’d hoped it would be. I was confused. Never would I have thought Fern would have an affair with Graeme. Risk her marriage to Terry for him? If she needed male attention, surely, she could do so much better.
Graeme smiled, turned, and walked away. I felt stupid, sad and, yes, ridiculous. I walked in the direction of the studio, determined not to lose it. As if I hadn’t already.