Chapter 56
CHAPTER 56
T wo hours later, after driving to the beach and sufficiently numbing myself by playing all the Waffle and Octordle archives, I drove home.
‘How’s the wedding planning coming along?’ I asked Mum, having checked on Bugsy, then sat at my kitchen bench, sipping tea. ‘String quartet booked?’
‘All done.’
‘Good,’ I replied distractedly. ‘Maybe I should look in on Bugs again.’
‘Stop.’ She reached for my arm. ‘Why don’t you tell me what this is all about. Is it the magazine? Fern’s called twice on the landline. I assume that’s not normal.’
I blinked. ‘What did I tell you that night of my birthday? After the drinks?’
‘Oh… You were in a dreadful state. Worse for wear. I didn’t want to bring it up until you were ready.’
‘When did you ever think I’d be ready? Please, tell me what I said.’
‘Only that you’d made a terrible mistake. You mentioned Graeme and that his girlfriend had walked in on you both and you were thrown out of the bedroom window…’
‘God, no.’
‘God, yes, I’m afraid. After your shower, you insisted on taking a Berocca. Then I gave you a couple of headache tablets and put you to bed.’
‘I made a mistake, a really bad mistake.’
‘I’m so sorry, love.’
‘It’s not your fault, it’s mine. I’m the disgusting one. How could I do that to Matthew, to the kids, to you? Why? I didn’t have sex with him, but I might have, had we not been interrupted. Why did I do it?’
‘It was a cry for help. A plea for someone to notice you, love you.’
‘Not Graeme Grafton!’
‘No, but maybe Matthew? We all make mistakes, wish we could turn back the hands of time in the hope we can undo something that happened. What’s important is we learn and try not to repeat them. Life is about forgiveness and acceptance.’
‘No, you haven’t, Mum. I’m a terrible person. No wonder Lexi?—’
‘Stop it. Just stop. It’s over. A lapse in judgement that will never happen again, will it?’
‘No… definitely not,’ I whispered. ‘I couldn’t live like that. I know women who do, but not me. I… I don’t even know if I can live with myself as I am.’
‘You can and you will. It’s over and done with. Time to get on with your life. Forgive yourself and move on.’
‘Should I tell Matthew?’
‘Katie, only you can answer that.’
‘It was a mistake. A stupid drunken lousy mistake.’
‘Then forgive yourself. It’s the only way you’ll be able to move forward.’ She poured me more tea .
I sniffed. ‘It’s a week until your wedding. What do you need me to do?’
‘Write my vows?’
‘Ha. You’re on your own with that.’
‘I didn’t say much at our first wedding, only what the priest handed me, including saying that I would “love, honour and obey” Bob.’
‘Times have changed. Very few women would say that now. Imagine what Lexi would say if she heard that?’
‘Lexi would say what, Mother?’
I stood and hugged my daughter as she barrelled into the kitchen and dropped her school bag. ‘We’re drinking tea and Nanna’s brought over her famous chocolate cake.’
Lexi’s eyes widened. ‘Yum.’
‘Sit, and I’ll cut you a piece,’ Mum said. ‘Ice cream too?’
Lexi nodded. ‘Thanks, Nanna.’
‘How’s your arm, darling?’ I asked. ‘Keeping up with your pain meds?’
‘Yes, but the plaster’s so itchy.’
‘That means it’s healing.’
She poked out her tongue and accepted cake from her nanna. ‘So why did I hear my name as I walked in?’
‘I was telling your mum that I’m going to write my own wedding vows this time, not like the first time when I married Pop, and basically said, “I do”, and that I would “love, honour and obey” him.’
‘Nanna. No!’
‘Nanna, yes. It’s what was done back then. This time, I’ll write my own words; something that reflects the genuine love Bob and I share.’
‘I should think so.’ Lexi licked her spoon of chocolate icing. ‘As your bridesmaid, I insist. Death to the patriarchy and all that. ’
‘Touché,’ I agreed. ‘All good for your final day of school tomorrow?’
Lexi shone with happiness. ‘Yes, my assignments have been graded.’
‘And?’ My top lip twitched.
‘I’ll never be Einstein, but Mrs Westley told me I’ve passed.’
I jumped out of my chair. ‘Congratulations, I’m so happy for you.’
‘Final year percentages will be emailed next week but Mrs Westley said I’ll definitely be moving up.’
Mum beamed. ‘Clever girl.’
‘Don’t expect miracles, loved ones.’ Lexi finished her cake. ‘The school’s probably just worried about getting sued.’
‘Ooh, yes, darling,’ Mum cooed. ‘I want to know all about your arm, and the skirmish at the carol concert.’ Giggling, Mum cut two more pieces of cake for her and Lexi. ‘Don’t leave out any sordid details.’
I picked up my bag. ‘I’m off to pick up Gus. I’ll leave you teenagers to it. I’ll check on Bugs on my way out.’
‘I love you,’ Lexi cried as I disappeared through the door. Distant cackling ensued.