Chapter 27 #2
Jed had received a flurry of angry texts when he’d retrieved his mobile and car keys so he could drive to the hospital. Boyd had informed him that he’d screwed up royally. Again. And after his performance on the slopes today he wasn’t sure he’d ever make it back on the professional circuit.
He was a failure, and it would be so much better if Mairi walked away.
He could still recall the look on Quinn’s face when he heard they were married. His obvious disgust had confirmed all Jed’s greatest fears, and he doubted his friend would ever want to hear the full story – or if it would change anything if he did.
‘What did the doctor say?’ Jed asked, feeling jittery. He started to pace the room, fighting the rush of adrenaline. He couldn’t stay still. He needed to see Mairi now.
‘That she was okay, but they’re keeping her in for a while for observation,’ Kenna told him. ‘She has a mild case of concussion. They want to keep an eye on her for now. I offered to do it but…’
‘It should be me in there,’ Jed blurted, his voice tense. He turned to pace the room again, ignoring the ice picks stabbing his knee. ‘I have to see her.’ He’d work out what to say when he did.
‘She doesn’t want to see you,’ Kenna repeated, and Jed wondered if Mairi had been this devastated when she’d gone to the hospital to see him in February. He’d put her through so much, thinking he was doing the right thing. But this was torture.
‘I don’t know what you said to her after your accident.
’ Kenna paused. ‘I’m not even sure I want to know.
I will tell you that she loves you. Being away from you these last months has turned her inside out.
She clung onto the idea of Harry, but he was a fantasy – he was never you.
’ She sighed. ‘She needs love – it’s what she deserves.
If she’s decided to walk away from you now, it’s because she’s finally had enough. I’m not going to tell her she’s wrong.’
‘You don’t pull your punches,’ Jed said, rocking back on his heels.
‘Do you expect me to?’ Kenna shot back. ‘I’ve hated you for months.
As her agent and her friend. She’s behind with her book deadline – I told you that, but did you also know it’s possible she could lose her contract with her publisher because of you?
She’s been so heartbroken she can’t write.
’ She paused as Jed took in the full implications of that. ‘You might have ruined her career.’
‘I didn’t know,’ he said gruffly. Mairi hadn’t shared that with him. Then again, when had she had the chance? What else had she kept from him while he’d been trying to do the right thing?
He’d tried to keep Mairi away from his problems, tried to protect her – instead, he’d created more.
‘I probably shouldn’t have told you about the contract.’ Kenna pulled a face. ‘But… sometimes you need to see beyond your own world. Sometimes it’s important to understand how your actions affect everyone else.’
‘That’s all I ever think about.’ Jed sighed. ‘I thought I was protecting her,’ he muttered, wondering why when said aloud, it sounded so naive.
‘Then you’re an even bigger fool than I thought.’ Kenna sighed. ‘Which is why Mairi has to walk away from you.’ She turned her head towards the door and winced. ‘Hopefully, it won’t be long before she goes back to Edinburgh.’
As she said it, the door burst open, and Effie came bounding into the waiting room.
‘How’s the lass?’ she asked, scraping a hand over her dense hair.
‘I came as soon as I heard. The electricity’s back up and running at the lodge and Douggie said I could leave him to deal with everything else.
’ She half smiled. ‘He’s promised he won’t touch the light show or anyone’s skis before I get back. ’
‘What about Greer?’ Kenna asked.
‘Ach, she checked out, said she’d rather go home than stay with us for a moment longer.
’ Effie pulled a face. ‘I’m relieved to be honest. She told me to tell you that she’s looking forward to hearing from you.
She said she’s expecting a bidding war between publishers once you send out the manuscript. ’
‘Oh boy.’ Kenna rolled her eyes.
‘How’s Mairi?’ Effie asked again, looking around.
‘She’s okay,’ Jed said tightly. ‘She’s just not taking visitors at the moment.’
‘Well, aside from Quinn,’ Kenna said. ‘I’m sure if she knew you were here, Effie, she’d like to see you too. It’s only Jed who isn’t welcome.’
Effie frowned and turned to look at him. ‘Ach, lass, why ever not?’
The door to the waiting room swung open again and Quinn strode in. His eyes instantly tracked to Kenna and Effie, then narrowed when he saw Jed.
‘She doesn’t want to see you,’ he said coldly.
‘I know, but I’m not leaving.’ Jed went to take a seat. ‘You can’t make me.’
‘Effie—’ Quinn smiled and went to give her a hug. He looked pale, but the fear in his expression had eased which gave Jed hope. ‘Mairi’s awake – she’s up for visitors – at least for a few minutes.’
‘Finally!’ Jed got up and marched towards the door.
‘Not you!’ Quinn blocked him. ‘I was talking to Effie and Kenna.’ He smiled at them. ‘Go ahead, it’s the third door on the right. Jed and I have some things to discuss. We should probably do it in private.’
‘Aye, we’ll see you both in a minute.’ Effie frowned at Jed. ‘I hope you boys can sort out your differences. Remember you’ve been friends for a long time, that means something.’ She followed Kenna and the door slammed shut. Quinn moved away from Jed, his expression suddenly cold.
‘I guess our friendship means a lot less than I thought,’ he said coldly.
‘I want to see Mairi,’ Jed said.
‘Well, she doesn’t want to see you. I’m still trying to get my head around what you told me. Mairi won’t say anything and I’m not going to pressure her for information at the moment.’ Quinn folded his arms.
‘Is she really okay?’ Jed’s stomach was churning. ‘I know what you said to the others, and Kenna said she was, but I’m going out of my mind.’
Quinn stared at him for a full minute, his expression halfway between angry and bemused.
He didn’t look like Jed’s best friend now – he looked like someone he hardly knew.
‘She’s fine,’ he said eventually. ‘She’s got a headache, and the doctor wants to keep an eye on her.
But she’s not worried, so I’m not either.
’ He sighed. ‘At least, not about that.’
He narrowed his eyes, searching Jed’s face as if seeing him for the first time.
‘I don’t get it. She won’t talk about you except to say she doesn’t want to see you.
You’re really married – I heard that right?
’ He sounded so utterly horrified that Jed almost felt sorry for him.
Jed definitely felt guilty. He’d betrayed his best friend, and, in the process, he might have lost him forever.
He’d have to add him to the long list of people he’d let down.
‘Yes, we’re married. I’m sorry.’ He shifted from foot to foot – he couldn’t seem to stay still.
‘Explain,’ Quinn ordered.
Jed gazed at Quinn. This was his best friend. Until he’d married Mairi, he’d told him everything. Quinn knew him inside out.
‘Where did it happen, and how?’ Quinn asked, moving to the other side of the waiting room, putting distance between them.
Jed glanced at the exit. Now Quinn wasn’t in his way, he could probably make it to Mairi’s room.
But he couldn’t do it. He had to face up to the mess he’d created.
It was time to stop running. ‘In Vegas just before my accident.’ He shut his eyes.
He’d have to tell Quinn everything. He owed him the truth.
‘She came to see me and…’ The air rushed from his lungs.
‘I’m sure you’ve suspected I’ve always had feelings for her.
’ He swallowed. ‘I just didn’t know, could never hope that she felt the same way. ’
‘So, what happened after the accident? You decided you didn’t want to be married anymore?’ Quinn asked. ‘Wasn’t my sister good enough for you?’ His eyes flashed hot rage. ‘Is that why neither of you told me, why you’ve been living apart?’
‘That’s not it.’ Jed let out a long breath and took a seat because his hip was aching and suddenly, he was so tired.
‘I just.’ He paused, trying to find the right words.
‘I married Mairi because I loved her. That’s the truth.
’ He looked up into Quinn’s face. ‘Then I had the accident and messed everything up. What am I without skiing?’ He rested his hands on his knees and stared at the small Christmas tree someone had set up in the corner of the waiting room.
The lights on it sparkled brilliantly, making him think about the last few days – of all the things he’d now lost.
‘Until today I’d have said you were a pretty good guy,’ Quinn said tightly. ‘You were my best friend and I don’t take that lightly.’
‘Neither do I,’ Jed said.
‘Yet you’ve lied to me for eleven months,’ Quinn said fiercely. ‘Why didn’t either of you tell me?’ He slumped into the seat opposite Jed.
‘You told me yourself I wasn’t good enough for her,’ Jed said, annoyance colouring his tone.
‘When?’ Quinn swung an arm over the back of his chair looking tense. ‘I don’t remember.’
‘We were twenty,’ Jed said roughly. He could still remember every word.
‘Aye.’ Quinn nodded. ‘Which means Mairi was sixteen. What would you have expected me to say?’ His forehead creased. ‘She was my little sister, and you were far too old for her. Way more experienced.’
‘It wasn’t just that,’ Jed said. ‘You were from a close-knit family. Your parents loved you.’ He tightened his hands into fists – exposing himself like this was humiliating. ‘I was a boy who made his mum die.’
‘In childbirth,’ Quinn said, his tone softening. ‘It was hardly your fault.’
‘I was living with my aunt.’ Jed swallowed. ‘Because Da had moved away. He didn’t want me.’ He sucked in a breath as the festering hurt clogged his lungs like decades old mould that needed a good scrub.
No matter how many years passed, he couldn’t get rid of the shame.
Of being abandoned. Or the feeling that he’d somehow deserved it.
Effie took him in because she was a woman with a kind heart, but he was just another of her rescues, she hadn’t chosen him, not really.
No one had. Aside from Quinn and Mairi – and he didn’t deserve them.
‘None of that was your fault.’ Quinn stared at him. ‘You know that, right?’
‘I know when I started to win at skiing, people took notice, people cared.’ He swallowed.
‘You’re talking about Boyd?’ Quinn looked angry. ‘You were in the news, making money and suddenly he got in touch.’ His forehead tightened signalling irritation.
‘Aye,’ Jed said and then he’d failed at that. ‘He was proud of me.’ He cleared his throat battling with emotion. ‘He gambled on me because of that.’
‘You think that means something?’ Quinn put his elbows on his knees and leaned forward.
‘It meant something to me,’ Jed said, his voice rusty. ‘It meant he believed in me.’ It sounded stupid now he said it aloud. His mind drifted to Adam and Scott. The boy made his da proud just by existing. He didn’t need to prove himself.
‘So…’ Quinn scratched his chin. ‘Let me get this right. You married my sister and then when you had the accident, you decided that you weren’t good enough for her. So you what, left? If it was that easy, that’s not love.’
Jed shut his eyes; this was mortifying. ‘That’s not the whole story. Da lost money on the event in February.’ He grimaced. ‘I’m trying to pay it off. If he knew about Mairi then…’
‘Ach.’ Quinn jerked his chin. ‘You’re worried she’d get caught up in the situation.
’ For the first time, his friend didn’t sound annoyed.
He scratched his chin. ‘You know your da made his own choices,’ Quinn said.
‘He gambles, and if he lost money, then it’s his fault.
If I bet on a horse and it lost, would you blame the horse if I lost money? ’ His eyes flashed.
‘No, but…’ Jed sucked air between his teeth.
‘I want to put things right. Fault or not, I still feel bad about it.’ He clicked his teeth.
‘I don’t know.’ He sighed pressing his fingertips into his eyes.
‘Today was supposed to fix everything… Mairi and I were going to tell you after the championships finished.’
Quinn stared at him for a moment. ‘You love her, don’t you?’
‘Aye, I always have.’ Jed gulped. ‘Isn’t it obvious?’
His friend laughed. ‘You really are an eejit, aren’t you?’
‘I could have told you that,’ Jed sighed.
Quinn got up and wrung his hands. ‘It helps, knowing that. But I’m still mad at you.’
‘I don’t blame you,’ Jed said softly.
‘Not because you married my sister, you idiot. Because you lied to me.’ Quinn’s voice was low.
‘You took what I said when we were practically kids and decided to carry that in your heart and use it as an excuse for—’ He waved his hands.
‘You’ve focused on why you’re not worthy without truly looking at the people who care for you, the ones who’d stick with you no matter what.
’ He sighed. ‘And I’m furious that your da is so stupid that he doesn’t recognise what he has in you. ’
‘Aye, well…’ Jed cleared his throat as emotion filled it. ‘That’s a lot of mad.’
Quinn frowned. ‘You made my sister feel like she had to lie to me. You made her unhappy.’ Quinn swallowed.
‘As far as I’m concerned, that’s the only thing that makes you not good enough for Mairi.
Now I want you to think about what you’re going to do to fix it.
’ With that, he strode out of the room, leaving Jed staring after him.
Wondering for the first time if he really could put this right.