Chapter 26
‘Hey, come on in.’
Will was standing at her cottage door. His breath misting in the cold evening air. There was an unmistakable air of sorrow about him.
Cath went to give him a hug. He must have had a difficult day of it, after all, with the drama and emotions of last night and saying goodbye to his daughter today. But even with her arms around him there was a distance, a stiffness about him.
She led the way through the short hallway to the kitchen. The safest port of call, she figured. ‘Shall I make a coffee? Or would you rather a wine, perhaps?’
‘Just a coffee, will be fine. Thank you.’
He took a seat at the table.
As she filled the kettle, got mugs, took out the cafetiere, Cath felt an uneasy prickle of fear.
This wasn’t going to be some cosy chat about how Sophie had been apologetic later on, how it had all seemed better in the morning.
Nor how it was bloody awful between father and daughter but he just needed a big hug, a mug of coffee and Cath’s support.
It no longer felt like they were a team.
‘How are you? And how’s Sophie?’ She put it out there, prepared to face the music, even of it wasn’t a tune she wanted to hear.
‘We’re okay.’ There was a heavy pause, then Will restarted. ‘I’ve got to think of the girls in all of this. They are the most important thing, Cath.’
‘Of course they are, I understand that.’ Cath nodded.
She didn’t want to push him but felt she needed to say more.
‘But Will, you’ve got to find a way forward for you, too.
The girls will have been shocked, I understand that.
And of course it’ll be hard for them to get their heads around.
But I really don’t think Jane would have wanted you to be sad and on your own forever … ’
Will gave her a sharp look.
Cath stopped there, worried she’d overstepped. She could see that he was trapped in his grief. Torn apart by guilt. How could he possibly take the blame for such a cruel trick of fate, for the randomness of cells going wrong, and the heartache of a deadly cancer? She wished she could make him see.
He still hadn’t said any more.
‘Whatever the girls think now,’ Cath continued, filling the silence, ‘surely they’re old enough, and love you enough, to not want to see you unhappy for the rest of your days. You of all people should know how short life is—’
‘It’s not as simple as that.’ He cut her short. The look he gave her was cold.
Cath tensed. She didn’t want to give up on this budding relationship but, more than that, she didn’t want this wonderful man in front of her to give up on himself.
She could see the pain etched on his face and knew that pushing everyone away and feeling guilty for any glimmer of happiness he felt was not the answer – and wasn’t fair – but she didn’t know how to get through to him.
‘Will, my love, you need to find a life for you.’ Everything was easier to say, to see, from the outside. She knew this made sense, and that his blaming himself did not. But how did she make him realise that?
‘The girls are my life.’ The shutters were closed, along with the light in his eyes. Their beautiful sparkle diminished.
My darling Will. How can I help you? Those were the words that were loud and clear in her mind. But she knew that, right now, they wouldn’t be heard.
‘I’m sorry to upset you, Cath. I should have known better than to start getting involved with anyone.
I don’t want to hurt Sophie and Maddie any more than they have been.
We need to call it a day on this.’ He gestured vaguely between them.
‘Let’s just go back to being friends.’ His decision was made.
Cath felt her stomach churn, followed by a deep dull ache within.
She had tried so hard to get him to realise that in all of this, he needed to think of himself as well as his girls. That he needed to find a life after loss. But Will couldn’t hear it.