Chapter 35
Miss you too xx
That was the message Cath woke to on Boxing Day.
It was from Will. She held her phone in the palm of her hand, not quite sure what to think as she propped herself up in her bed. It sure did melt her heart though.
What was she to make of that? Was there more to this, to them, yet? Or was it more an acknowledgement that yes, though this was hard for them both, and perhaps they did miss each other, they were doing the right thing being apart.
She rested her head on the soft downy pillow, feeling the prickle of confused tears.
She fumbled for a tissue on her bedside table.
You couldn’t tell anyone how to grieve. Or how to be in the aftermath of such devastation within a family.
But God, she so wanted to turn up at his house and give him a huge bloody hug – and possibly a bit more.
She just didn’t think it would go down at all well with Sophie or Maddie.
Time for coffee and a shower, get herself dressed, and see what she felt like doing.
Boxing Day lay ahead. Hours of it. There were no online maths sessions today, no one to cook for, other than herself.
She didn’t even have many ingredients in; it had hardly seemed worth stocking up for one.
A walk, yes – she’d get out and get some fresh air in the frosty fields.
And her sister had given her a new book for Christmas too, the latest Maggie O’Farrell … she could get stuck into that later.
At least she’d been brave enough to make this move to her Northumberland village, she reminded herself, on her way down the stairs. To buy her dream cottage and make a new life for herself. She managed to brighten herself up. There was enough doom and gloom in the world, without her adding to it.
*
The first coffee of the day was good, rich and strong with hot frothy milk.
Sat in her kitchen, the sun coming out, casting golden rays over her crisp-with-frost back garden, turning the ice on the grass and bare shrub branches to a million melting mini-globes.
Nature was pretty damned cool. She loved the changing seasons, the contrasts of the ice-blue winter chill to the warm heady breezes of summer.
Everything was waiting, the bulbs underground, on hold for now, but primed for that rise in temperature.
Soon enough the first snowdrops would come.
Green shoots and the prettiest, delicate white flowers.
She hadn’t had a January here in the cottage as yet, but she’d bet that Reggie had some of those green harbingers of hope planted in his borders.
It was then that her phone rang.
It was Will.
‘Hi,’ he started cautiously.
‘Hello … ah, Merry Christmas,’ Cath responded, feeling the strings of her heart pulled tightly like a violin.
‘Ah, we’ve been talking, the girls and I … Last night, we had a real heart-to-heart,’ Will started, diving right in.
It was so lovely to hear his voice down the line, that he was reaching out to her, even if it was only to offload a bit. Their friendship had obviously survived, and that meant so much to her.
‘Ah, well, that’s good. I’m glad you’ve been able to talk. It helps when times are tough.’
‘I didn’t want to do anything to upset them; it’s been hard enough for us all. But, well, they can see how miserable I’ve been lately. And that maybe having a new focus … getting to know you … how that had been good for me.’
There was a pause, Cath nodded, then realised he couldn’t see her so added an ‘oh’, wondering where this might be going.
‘And Cath, it’s not just them … I was starting to feel more myself. Meeting you, I felt that perhaps I’d been given the chance to be happy again, in a whole new way.’
‘Oh …’ she repeated, but she daren’t let herself get any hopes up.
‘The thing is, the girls are still here. Sophie feels awful about how she reacted with you that day. And well, do you fancy coming to the beach for a walk with us this afternoon? Perhaps we can all have a coffee or something afterwards. Nothing too intense, just a stroll and the chance to chat. What do you think?’ He sounded nervous.
She thought it was incredibly brave of him to be asking.
And if his girls were holding out an olive branch, however nerve-racking it might be to meet them in the circumstances, she needed to take that branch and make sure it became something positive.
Small, careful steps, but they might just be the start of a wonderful new journey.
‘Yes, I’d really like to meet your girls properly, Will. That sounds great.’
‘We were thinking of Low Newton. Around one-thirty, while there’s still plenty of daylight? Shall we pick you up or meet you there?’
It was a beach Cath knew well. In fact, the beach where they’d had their bacon sandwich brunch and that gorgeous walk together, not so long ago. ‘I can meet you there.’
It felt rather like a step too far for a first meeting, all four of them up close and personal in the confined space of his car. And having her own vehicle meant she could hopefully time her exit without any awkward moments. This was a delicate situation that might need a little careful handling.
‘Sure?’
‘It’s fine. I’ll drive over and see you there at the car park. The one on the brow of the hill above the beach, at one-thirty then?’
‘Great.’
‘And Will … thank you.’
‘Hey, I should be thanking you, for being so patient. For understanding.’
‘One-thirty, then. Great. Bye.’ Wow.
‘Bye. See you later, Cath.’ She could hear the smile in his voice.
She closed the call.
This was a big step forward. Whoop! Okay, so she wasn’t going to let herself get too hopeful, of course. But bloody whoop!!
*
Cath was the first to arrive. She found herself drumming on the steering wheel as she waited anxiously. Each car turning in to the car park sent her pulse rate shooting up. Until, yes, there was Will’s blue hatchback, and two women were in there with him.
She waited until they had got out of his car, before stepping out of her Mini. Sophie’s glance was a little cool, but she remained polite as Cath approached. Will introduced them all calmly, as if this was the first time they’d met.
Maddie was tall and slim, dressed casually in black jeans and a sporty-style puffer. Her wavy hair, dark like her dad’s, was peeking out from below her green woolly hat.
‘Maddie, Sophie, this is Cath.’
‘Hi.’ Did she shake hands at this point? But that seemed rather too formal. ‘Nice to meet you,’ she added. Then thought to say, ‘Thank you for this.’ It must have been difficult for them, after all.
The girls nodded. As Maddie said, ‘Nice to meet you, too. Dad’s been telling us about your supper club evenings. That sounds so nice.’ She gave a friendly smile.
And that broke the ice, as Cath could then talk about her love of cooking, and mentioned the lads from the village stores, whom Maddie and Sophie naturally knew. Even teasing that Will was the weak link on the cooking front, which the girls smilingly agreed with.
‘Yeah, we wondered how he’d ever got asked into a cooking group.’ Maddie gave a grin.
It took the pressure off Will and Cath, and the conversation rolled on from there.
They began to stroll down to the beach, passing the old Coastguard’s lookout and the rows of white cottages, which harboured The Ship Inn at one corner. Their leaky port in the storm that day. Leaving the village behind, they made their way down to the golden sands of the bay.
Once they were farther along the beach, and at a point where Will was chatting with Maddie, Sophie caught up with Cath.
‘Umm, I think I owe you an apology …’ Her pretty grey-green eyes looked sad, and oh so awkward as she spoke.
‘For how I was that day. I don’t know …’ The young woman gave a heavy sigh.
‘The Christmas tree … and finding you there in our house. I kind of flipped, I suppose.’
‘Hey, it was understandable, Sophie. I’m sure it was a bit of a shock, someone different being there in your home …’ Cath’s tone was soft, forgiving.
‘Yeah, but I was rude … and I’m sorry.’ Sophie pulled a shame-filled grimace, followed by a hopeful smile.
‘Well then, apology accepted. And thank you. Let’s put that behind us and move on, shall we?
And,’ Cath ventured, ‘just for the record, I want you and Maddie to know that I do think an awful lot of your dad. We’re only just getting to know each other, of course, but I really don’t want to see him or either of you hurt.
’ Cath gave a hopeful smile, feeling that was enough said relationship-wise.
But she hoped those words might help put them forward as a team.
After all the heartbreak they’d endured, they had to be.
Sophie’s smile softened, and that was lovely to see. ‘Thanks, that’s good to know. Umm, it’s made me think. The other night … Dad’s been miserable for long enough. No one can ever replace Mum – we all know that – but maybe it’s time he did try and find a bit of happiness.’
Cath felt like she’d been handed a huge olive branch. She nodded. ‘I think so.’
There were a few seconds where each stayed with their own thoughts, then Cath asked, ‘So, how’s uni been going? Are you enjoying your course?’ Moving the conversation on. ‘It’s law you’re studying, isn’t it?’
‘Yeah, it’s getting a bit more intense this year. We deffo have to knuckle down more. There are exams coming up next term. Then we have to narrow down our modules again for next year, and think about possible placements.’
‘It sounds a lot to keep up with. And do you like it?’
‘Yeah, especially all the family law stuff. It’s cool. Ahm, and you were a teacher, Dad said,’ Sophie added, as they strolled around the headland of the bay. The stunning view across the pewter-grey sea to the ruins of Dunstanburgh before them.
‘Yeah, maths.’
‘Ah, that must have been a nightmare. Maths is always a tough subject. Can’t imagine having a whole classroom of kids to try and keep focused.’
‘Hah, yeah, it had its challenges …’ Cath agreed, glad the conversation was flowing naturally between them, ‘but you know what, I really liked it. Finding ways to keep the class engaged, helping all those kids who wanted to learn … and those who didn’t.
Maths is key to so many courses and job requirements these days.
I still do maths coaching now … online tuition. ’
‘Ah, that’s cool. I suppose you can do that from home, in the village?’
‘Yep, as long as the internet is working.’
‘So, how are you finding good old Tilldale?’
‘I really like it there. It’s feeling very much like home,’ Cath answered, honestly.
Maddie and Will caught up with them, then. As though they’d given them a little time together on purpose.
‘Hey, are you getting the third degree from my youngest?’ Will asked, with a smile on his face.
‘Nope, we’re just having a nice chat,’ Cath replied. ‘We were just talking about Tilldale.’
‘Oh, that hive of activity,’ Maddie countered, the irony clear in her tone.
‘Well, I’m sure it must seem quiet compared to the city. It’s Newcastle you’re based in, Maddie, isn’t it?’ Cath asked.
‘Yeah, it’s such a cool place. So buzzy and friendly. I love it. Loads of great bars and restaurants there, too.’
‘You’re certainly spoilt for choice,’ agreed Will.
‘Yeah well, it’s The Star or … oh, perhaps The Star in good old Tilldale.’ Sophie giggled.
‘It does have its charm. The village and the pub,’ countered Will. And by the look in his eyes at that moment, perhaps he meant some of its inhabitants too, Cath hoped.
‘I was in Leeds before,’ explained Cath, ‘and after years of city life, I have to say it’s nice to be able to chill a bit.’
The four of them strolled the beach, chatting away.
And Cath was so grateful that after the first few minutes, it hadn’t seemed awkward.
She was super-careful not to appear lovey-dovey with Will, however, merely catching each other’s gaze now and again.
They had plenty of time. They needed to tread sensitively with this, after all.
Four sets of footprints were set beside each other in the sand, and for Cath a ‘seaside’ bucketful of hope. Anyone looking on might have thought they were a family.
*
Before they left the beach, Maddie and Sophie had paired up ahead of them and were deep in conversation. Will seemed to be hanging back.
‘I’ve told them to go ahead and start getting a round in at The Ship,’ he explained.
‘Sounds good.’
He stopped, turning to face her. His toffee-hazel eyes set gently upon hers. No one else was on this part of the beach. ‘Is it too late to say I’m sorry, Cath?’
‘Oh, Will, you’ve said sorry a thousand times. It’s not sorry I need from you …’ Cath had to be honest here. She couldn’t bear to open up, just to get hurt and be turned away again.
He took a breath, his brow creased with confusion. ‘What is it, then? That you need from me?’
Cath gave a gentle sigh, giving herself time to find the right words. ‘I need you to give yourself permission to love again. To be able to be loved.’
‘Oh.’ He looked out to sea for a few thoughtful moments. Then, no doubt feeling nervous, the pressure of the moment hitting him, he quirked an eyebrow cheekily, lightening the mood as he said, ‘We could always have a sneaky kiss in the dunes?’
She couldn’t help but smile before answering, ‘Nope, that’s a step too far for day one. The girls have made a big concession, suggesting you bring me along today. Let’s not put things back by affronting them. Anyhow, you know where that led last time, back when we were young.’
‘I do, indeed.’ Will’s eyebrow arched.
‘Behave,’ she scolded, giving him a playful punch on the arm.
They stood side by side for a few more moments, looking out across the bay.
Will took a slow breath. ‘Cath, these past few months, meeting you, I have come to realise something … That you can truly love two people. And importantly, that one love doesn’t diminish the other.
’ He turned to her, his tone so damn earnest, his dark eyes again holding hers.
‘Cath, I’ve always loved you. From meeting you way back when you were just sixteen …
to finding you again. This is our time now. I feel it in my bones.’
‘I feel it too, Will. And thank you …’
‘For what?’ He looked confused.
‘For taking that risk, for letting love in. That’s so hard to do when you’ve been hurt.’
‘So, let’s take that risk together.’
He glanced up, checking his girls had turned the corner, taking them past the first row of cottages, out of sight.
Will took both her hands in his. He couldn’t hold back any longer.
Their kiss was brief yet beautiful – she felt it in her fingers and her toes and a whole lot more – and it was filled with the promise of a thousand tomorrows.