Saint Elizabeth and the Dragon #3
Mr. Bingley’s face lit with delight when he saw that the mummers were four of the Bennet sisters. Mr. Darcy was momentarily taken aback when he spied Elizabeth at the head of the group, though he quickly regained his composure.
When the players were in position, Elizabeth nudged Kitty. Her voice trembled slightly as she held up her script.
FAIR MAIDEN (played by Kitty):
In comes I, a maiden fair.
With smile bright, and flaxen hair.
I see the best in everyone.
My good opinion is easily won.
She glanced toward Bingley, who beamed at her.
SIR CHARLES (played by Mary):
In comes I, Sir Charles the Merry.
I bid thee welcome, pray do not tarry.
Thou lovely maiden, do not think me bold,
When I say that thy beauty is a joy to behold.
As Mary delivered her lines, with her fake moustache and her throaty baritone, the audience roared with laughter. Mary could not hide her proud smile at their reaction.
DRAGON (played by Lydia wearing a mask):
In comes I, the dragon Fitz!
Come to carry off the maiden who with Charles sits.
For he is in danger from her arts and wiles,
And has been ensnared by her treacherous smiles.
The tenants and servants booed the dragon.
Bingley turned to Darcy with a laugh. “I am glad everyone is enjoying the play. It would seem that the plot is about us.”
“You are lucky, man,” Darcy replied with a twinkle in his eyes. “You are ‘Sir Charles the Merry’. It appears I am the villain.”
[The dragon attempts to separate the maiden from Sir Charles.
Sir Charles attempts to fight off the dragon and is killed.
The dragon carries the maiden off.]
SAINT GEORGE (played by Elizabeth):
In comes I, Saint George the Brave.
To rescue the fair maiden from this dastardly knave.
Dragon, I shall fight thee, my sword thou shalt know,
Until I have dealt thee a final killing blow.
[Saint George and the dragon fight.
The Dragon is slain, and Saint George returns with the maiden.
Saint George sees the slain Sir Charles and turns to the audience.]
SAINT GEORGE:
I have returned with the maiden fair,
But alas, what have we here?
Is there a doctor to be found,
Who can cure Sir Charles’s mortal wound?
Caroline turned to Bingley. “Seriously, Charles, who would pronounce ‘wound’ to rhyme with ‘found’?”
“Do you not remember? That very same line, complete with its mispronounced rhyme, was used often in the mummer’s plays we saw when we visited our aunt.”
“Yes, and it bothered me as much then as it does now.”
Meanwhile, Lydia got up, set aside her mask, and snatched up her satchel.
DOCTOR (played by Lydia):
In comes I, a doctor sure.
There is not a malady I cannot cure.
The audience began making quacking noises.
Darcy turned to Bingley with a smile. “No mummer’s play would be complete without the quack doctor.”
When the noise abated, the players continued.
SAINT GEORGE:
What can you cure?
DOCTOR:
I can cure the itch, the stitch, the palsy and the gout,
The plague within and the plague without.
A mere fifteen pounds is all I ask,
For a sip of this potion, right here from my flask.
SAINT GEORGE:
Fifteen pounds? A year’s wages, I’d guess.
Surely you can cure this man for less?
DOCTOR:
The more money you pay, the better the cure.
One pound might suffice, but would you rather be sure?
FAIR MAIDEN:
I beg your pardon, but might I offer,
A remedy that will not drain your coffer?
For I have knowledge of herbs and plants,
Which can cure diseases that this doctor can’t.
With those lines, Lydia screwed her face into a huge pout, resulting in even more raucous laughter from the audience.
[The Fair Maiden takes out a phial and pours a few drops into Sir Charles’s mouth.
Sir Charles wakes up, fully restored.]
SAINT GEORGE:
The villain is slain, Sir Charles is revived.
We wish a Happy Christmas to each man and woman alive!
Let us join in your feast, we humbly entreat,
And we wish you a new year that is bountiful and sweet!
Bingley stood as his guests applauded the players. “Thank you for that lovely bit of entertainment! And now it is time to feast! Please join us as we celebrate those who tirelessly work to enrich our lives throughout the year. All are welcome here!”
He approached the players. Lydia stepped forward to greet him.
“Well done, Miss Lydia! You were terrific in both roles.”
“Thank you so much, Mr. Bingley! Do you know that Lizzy and I wrote the entire play ourselves?”
“It was brilliant! Was ‘Sir Charles the Merry’ meant to be anyone I know?”
Lydia grinned at Mr. Bingley. “Perhaps.”
“Does the Fair Maiden return Sir Charles’ affections?”
Lydia glanced toward Jane. “Of course she does, Mr. Bingley. That is, unless his heart is already given.”
Bingley looked at Jane, who bashfully turned away as soon as she caught his glance.
“I think it is the Fair Maiden herself who has captured Sir Charles’ heart. And I think it is high time that he told her so.”
***
Meanwhile Darcy walked up to Elizabeth. “‘Fitz the Dragon’? Was that meant to refer to anyone in particular?”
“Possibly,” she said with an arch smile. “If the shoe fits, Mr. Darcy…”
“I did not carry your sister off.”
“That is true, but did you not separate your friend from my sister?”
“No, I did not, Miss Elizabeth. His own sister was responsible for that. I merely told Charles when he asked that I was unaware of any particular regard from her.”
Elizabeth glared at him. “Jane is quiet and keeps her feelings closely guarded. That does not mean that she does not have any!”
Darcy took a breath. “So I told him. I believe my exact words were something like, ‘Asking my opinion on the matter is akin to asking a smith how to address an earl.’” Darcy thought for a moment and added, “Fortunately, Bingley realized at that moment that he should not let anyone come between him and his admiration for your sister. Thus, he returned to Hertfordshire.” Of course, that was not entirely the truth, but neither was it a complete falsehood.
And it would be to Bingley’s benefit for Miss Bennet to believe it.
Though she tried not to react, Elizabeth could not help but smile at Darcy’s reply. “I am relieved that you understand yourself so well, Mr. Darcy, and I am beyond delighted to hear that your friend returns my sister’s affections.”
“I am certain that he does, and I shall encourage him to follow his heart in this matter.”
After a moment, Darcy added, “If I were to call on you while I am here in Hertfordshire, would you slay me as you slew the dragon?”
“I might, Mr. Darcy,” she said with a twinkle in her eye. “Are you brave enough to find out?”
“Challenge accepted, Miss Elizabeth,” he replied, unable to conceal his smile.
“I see that the dragon is showing his teeth. Should I be afraid?”
“Was Saint George afraid of the dragon?”
“Of course, but he did not let that stop him.”
“And is Saint George still afraid of the dragon?” he asked pointedly.
“The answer is the same, Mr. Darcy.”
Darcy smiled again. “Then I shall call upon you tomorrow, Miss Elizabeth.”