Chapter 4 Leo #3
“Today and tomorrow, although only half tomorrow since it’s Saturday. I’m off Sunday for New Year’s Eve.” Miranda’s return flight was on New Year’s Day. I wished I didn’t have to work so much for these few days she’d be with me. “Do you have plans?”
“I have friends from Coleman Creek who live in Seattle now, so I’m going to see them. But I’ll be back by tonight.”
“Wanna grab dinner? Order in?” Hopefully, I didn’t sound too eager. But I wanted to spend time with her and have more of these moments before she flew away.
“Sure. I assume my friends will want to grab lunch, so let’s order in. Two restaurants in a day is a bit much.”
“Thai okay? I have a go-to place.”
“Love it.”
That night, we shared pad Thai, massaman curry, and fresh spring rolls, and watched It’s a Wonderful Life.
I hadn’t bothered with a Christmas tree in my apartment, but Miranda produced a cinnamon-scented candle from her bag that Marley had gifted her.
We lit it so at least my living room smelled somewhat festive.
Miranda moved closer to me on the couch as the night wore on, bending her knees to nestle her leggings and wool socks against my thigh. I slung my arm around her shoulders. She looked up when I did that, studying my face. After a few seconds, she turned back to the movie.
The night was…cozy. Peaceful.
I didn’t take it for granted.
We drank hot chocolate and played Scrabble before heading to bed around eleven.
“Good night, Leo,” she called from the guest room as I put our mugs in the dishwasher.
“Thank you for today. And for letting me crash here.” Happiness warmed my chest as she added, “You know, when my sister fell in love with James, I wasn’t expecting…
this. But it’s been a pleasant surprise. Hanging out this week.”
The fullness in my heart intensified. “You’re welcome here anytime. I mean that.”
She nodded and slipped behind the door.
Sleep proved elusive. My mind churned, knowing that Miranda was in my home. I didn’t hate the feeling. Although I didn’t consider myself a lonely person, I did spend most of my non-working hours alone.
For most of my adulthood, I’d avoided certain situations and attachments because I worried about disappointing people. And up until Miranda nicknamed me ‘Bear’ and sang along to Nick Drake in my truck, holding myself apart hadn’t felt like a sacrifice.
Now I wasn’t so sure.
I closed my eyes. Behind my eyelids, pictures flashed.
Miranda’s grief-tinged smile as she spoke about her mother.
Miranda wrinkling her nose at being “Outdoor Barbie.” Miranda cheating at Scrabble, insisting GOODZY counted.
(“It is a word! Like, this hot chocolate is super goodzy.” Of course I’d given it to her.)
More images rolled through my mind. The heartiness of her laughter. The kindness of her words. The perfect slope of her neck.
For the first time in forever, I recognized something foreign in myself.
Curiosity.
It was a pinch, a flicker, a blink-and-you’d-miss-it specter, but it was there.
With a start, my eyes flew open.
A dart of excitement went through me.
I didn’t want this week to be a fun one-off with my brother’s girlfriend’s little sister. I wanted more days like this. A real friendship with Miranda.
Sunday night, we grabbed drinks with my coworkers, and Miranda charmed them all. I introduced her as my friend, which earned a few puzzled stares from my crew. They’d never seen me with anyone, but the explanation that our siblings were dating seemed to make sense to people.
“You sure there’s nothing there?” Charlie asked me, gesturing to Miranda, who was playing pool with Lisa.
I shook my head. “We get along great. But that’s all.”
We stayed at the bar until eleven, deciding to watch the New Year’s Eve fireworks on TV at my apartment.
I’d offered to drive us into Seattle to see them live at the Space Needle, but Miranda said she’d done it a few times as a kid and that was enough for her.
I wasn’t about to complain about another night on the couch.
Close to midnight, I was still trying to figure out how to ask if she wanted to be intentional about staying in touch.
With James and Marley partnered up, we’d certainly see each other occasionally, but if we were going to be real friends, we’d need to be more deliberate than that, since we lived in different states.
In my thirty-four years, I’d never had this conversation. I’d grown used to falling into shallow friendships with coworkers or guys at the gym, and I didn't know how to broach the subject.
As the fireworks played on TV, the pink and blue lights reflected in her eyes. She was getting on a plane the next day. I needed to do something.
“Miranda?” When the show ended, I turned off the TV.
“Hmm?” She moved her head sleepily from my shoulder to lie against the armrest on the other side of the couch.
“I have a New Year’s resolution.”
One of her eyes opened. “Am I supposed to guess?”
I chuckled. “That wasn’t where I was going, but out of curiosity, what would you say?”
She opened the other eye and raked a calculating gaze over me.
“Let’s see. We’ve already discussed your exercise habits, and you eat pretty healthy.
You don’t smoke. Or drink too much. Or spend too many hours on social media.
And nothing about this apartment or your job situation shows money issues or, like, a gambling problem.
You don’t strike me as a porn addict or secret internet troll.
I also haven’t noticed any hoarding tendencies.
You’re a good son and brother, and your main hobbies are reading and lifting weights at the gym—”
“Was there a guess in there, or were you just going to keep extolling my virtues?”
“Shhh, Bear. I’m thinking. Mesmerizing you with my superior deductive reasoning skills.” She snapped her fingers. “Travel more? Maybe listening to all my dumb stories gave you the bug… Oh, no, wait, speaking of bugs, is your resolution to get a pet?” She tapped her foot against my thigh.
I laughed. “No pets allowed in the building, unfortunately. And the travel thing is a good guess, but you were closer when you talked about me listening to your stories, which are not even the least bit dumb, by the way.”
“Huh?”
“I’d like to hear more of your stories. Actually…” I smiled. “My resolution is that I want to stay friends with you. I mean, if that’s something you’re up for.”
She pffted. “Um… That’s it? Not much of a reveal. Of course we’re going to be friends. I doubt James and Marley are breaking up anytime soon. You haven’t seen the last of me by a long shot.”
“True.” I chose my words carefully. “But what I meant was, I want to make a go at being real friends, not just the kind that get thrown in each other’s path every once in a while.
” I shifted my body to face her on the couch.
“Hopefully, you know me well enough after this week to get that I’m being upfront, and not some kind of crazy stalker—”
“I would never think that.”
“Then I guess what I’m saying is that I’ve loved hanging out with you, and I’m willing to put in some effort to make that happen more often.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that if we try, we can see each other more than just when you’re in town to visit your sisters.
There’s texting and FaceTime, and if I hard-drive it, I can make it to LA in a day.
Plus, flights are quick and fairly cheap.
You’re in school, so you have natural breaks, and my work schedule has some flexibility too. ”
Miranda tilted her head. “You want to come to LA and see me so we can be friends?”
“Not all the time. But…yes?” I scraped a hand through my hair.
“Look, I know it sounds odd. I can hear myself. But I don’t know how else to say it.
We had a lot of fun this week. I felt so relaxed with you…
And not to sound like a total loser, but I don’t make friends easily.
” At her considering expression, I plowed on, “You can say no, of course. Maybe this is all me, and you have loads of friends and don’t need to hang out with a random mid-thirties construction worker…
” I dropped my hands in my lap, lacing my fingers until the knuckles turned white.
“But I didn’t want to let you fly away tomorrow without… putting it out there.”
She pushed her foot against my thigh again. “You’re definitely not a loser.” Her warm blue eyes settled on mine. “I don’t think anyone has ever proposed something like this to me before. Friends have always just sort of come in and out of my life by chance.”
“I realize that’s the usual path, but I guess I didn’t want to risk it. Not with us.” Now that I’d let her in on my thoughts, certainty made me bold. “I know we just met, but it feels like I’ve known you for years. Like we’re meant to be in each other’s lives. Not just on the edges.”
After a few beats, she murmured, “I feel the same way.”
It was hard to tell if the barely audible sentiment was for me or for herself.
I whooshed out a breath.
“You thought I’d say no?” she asked.
I shrugged. “Fifty-fifty likelihood you’d flee my apartment in horror.”
Her jaw ticked. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily, Bear.” She shifted to hug her knees.
The weight dissolved from my chest. “Glad that’s settled.” Standing, I stretched a hand to her. “I guess we should get to bed, then, since we need to wake up at five to go to the airport.”
She nodded, placing her palm in mine. “And Leo?”
“Hmm?”
“I’m glad it’s settled too. As in, I’m happy you asked me.” After rising and giving me an inscrutable look, she turned toward the hallway. “Night.”
“Night, Panda.”
The next day, I dropped her off for her flight. I felt her absence immediately, letting myself sit with the unfamiliar ache. A moment later, my phone buzzed.
MIRANDA: I admire you. That conversation was a risk. But you were right. Not having it would have been a bigger one.
MIRANDA: See you soon, pal.
It couldn’t be soon enough for me.