Chapter 12 Leo
Chapter twelve
Leo
NOW
Tuesday morning, on my hands and knees, putting the finishing touches on the entryway staircase at the jobsite, I peered at the floor in front of me to see a pair of red Converse, the right foot tapping aggressively against the hardwood.
My eyes lifted as I sat back on my haunches. “Hey, Amala.”
My coworker folded her arms and glared at me. With her blue one-piece utility suit and hair pinned under a red scarf, she gave off unmistakable Rosie the Riveter energy. Assuming Rosie was pissed as hell.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
I sighed. “About Miranda?”
She threw up her arms and made a face. “Yes, about Miranda. Obviously. You’ve been telling us for two years that you and she are just friends.
Now we find out—from the fucking internet—that not only are you dating, but she’s also friends with Stone Caseman.
Why didn’t you say something when I was talking shit about him on Thanksgiving?
I can’t believe I didn’t put it together that adventure girl Miranda was your Miranda, but whatever. ”
I rose. Since I was on the stair below her, we stood eye to eye. “I’m sorry. I guess when I heard you and Lisa talking, I panicked.”
“But why bullshit us about being a fan or whatever? Why not just say then that you knew the story wasn’t true because that’s your girlfriend?”
Amala was hurt, and I understood. I’d known her for five years.
I bit my lip, pausing before I explained.
“That morning was the first I’d heard of it, honestly.
And I didn’t know what Miranda wanted me to say.
She’s known Stone for a while, and it’s always been on the DL, you know.
I was sort of…information gathering, I suppose.
Just worried about my g-girlfriend.” I barely stuttered over the word.
“That was my thought process. Once you showed me what was happening online, I felt frantic to check on her.”
That last part was certainly true.
“You could have told me,” Amala grumbled. “Not just about her being friends with Stone, but also about dating her.” She put her hand to her mouth like she’d just realized something terrible. “Or did you believe at the time it was true? That your girlfriend was cheating on you with Stone?”
Damn, this was convoluted. I shook my head decisively. “No. Miranda’s not a cheater. It wasn’t a surprise to me that there are pictures of her and Stone. They’re, um, good friends.”
“I feel like a jackass that I tried to introduce you to my sisters. Or pointed out women when we went out. You could have just told me you were with someone.”
Again, I didn’t want to lie. I struggled to come up with a half-truth that might make her feel better.
“It’s complicated between Miranda and me.
I’m sure you remember that her sister is married to my brother.
We kept it quiet because we didn’t want to cause a big family drama in case it didn’t work out. ”
Amala choked a laugh. Her anger seemed to have faded.
“My man, I’ve seen you with that girl. And I’ve heard the way you talk about her.
Not to mention those pics that got posted.
I was an idiot to believe it when you said it was just a friend thing.
” She chortled again. “Trust me, it’s gonna work out.
” She put her hands on her hips. “Charlie said he thinks you’ve been dating this whole time, since when you first introduced us to her. ”
“Charlie is…incorrect.”
Amala snorted. “Well, I’m still not thrilled you didn’t feel you could tell me right off. But I know one way you can make it up to me.”
“How’s that?”
“The next time Stone’s in town, maybe you can have a party or something, and I can just swing by…”
I grinned in relief. I was sure she’d think of more questions later, but for now, I didn’t have to worry about digging myself out from under a bigger pile of lies.
“Stone’s actually fairly down-to-earth,” I said. Grudgingly. “And he’s more Miranda’s friend than mine. But I know he loves his fans, and I’m sure he’d be happy to meet you.” I planned to make sure of it. Stone could do me a solid after this.
“Cool. And if he ever does break up with Naomi, maybe you can put in a good word for my sisters.”
Amala leaned down to look at the joints on the balustrade, and I reflected on how much Miranda and I were lying to our friends and families.
It was convenient that I’d bought myself some peace from having my coworkers wonder about my love life, but it was coming at a moment when I finally thought I’d be okay telling people about my asexuality.
For years I’d felt like I needed a cover story, that I couldn’t risk being upfront about why I didn’t date.
But that had changed. The shift had come so slowly, I hadn’t registered it, but I didn’t feel the same otherness I always had.
The instinct to protect myself from being seen as “a waste” had dissipated.
Miranda and I had solved the immediate problem with Stone, but we hadn’t talked much about our exit strategy from this deception.
My parents were so happy to hear we were dating.
Would Marley, James, and Maureen feel the same?
Probably. And how long would we keep it up?
Were we going to stage a breakup or eventually reveal the whole truth?
Would it hurt them that we hadn’t been honest in the first place?
There were so many X-factors we hadn’t considered.
Even if Stone kept his word and “broke up” with Naomi around Valentine’s Day, how long would he have to wait before dating Miranda publicly?
Would they ever be able to? No matter how long they waited, wouldn’t it always look suspicious?
I imagined if they waited a year, once me and Miranda and Stone and Naomi were all single again, they could do it.
Sell it as a whole friends-to-lovers situation.
But that was a long time from now. More waiting for Miranda.
I doubted she’d thought that far ahead.
The only person who’d probably thought that far ahead was Shoshanna, and she didn’t care if Miranda had to lie to everyone she knew. Stone also didn’t seem to have imbibed what this was costing his girlfriend.
Evidently, protecting Miranda’s interests would be my job. As much as she’d let me. I could get her through this. Because no one cared about her the way I did.
I recalled that day almost two years ago, when she’d stood in my living room, dripping wet from her shower, and I'd been unmoved. Not a whisper of a sexual thought. She was simply a beautiful woman who intrigued me, someone I wanted to know.
Now that same image had my cock at half-mast. In my mind’s eye, I pictured her—face open, eyes soft and vulnerable. Bolstered by two years of knowing her, the memory hit different.
And thank god for that. Thank god Miranda had shown me what was possible. I could love someone.
I could love her. Even if she didn’t know my feelings had changed.
Amala’s voice broke my reverie. “Hey Leo?”
“Yeah?”
“Sorry I called your girlfriend a ho.”
13 MONTHS AGO - NOVEMBER
Miranda and I spent Thanksgiving at Marley and James’s house in Coleman Creek since my parents had gone on a cruise. Maureen had been laid off at the end of the summer and was living there, using the time to regroup. Miranda bunked with her while I took the third bedroom.
Thanksgiving morning, I stepped out for some fresh air and found Maureen on the front porch. She sat on the top step drinking coffee from a mug that read On the Naughty List.
“Escaping the kitchen madness?” I asked, sitting down next to her.
“I’ll help in a minute. Just needed a breather before Marley goes full drill sergeant about peeling potatoes and trimming green beans.”
My cheeks lifted. “She has been…rather intense.”
“She’s not usually this bad, so I’m guessing it’s the stress of the holidays, plus the engagement party being in ten days.” Maureen gripped her mug with both hands, staring at it. “Also…I think it’s hitting her that she’s getting married without our mom.”
Maureen’s face remained unreadable, as usual. The only whiff of strong emotion I ever saw from her was the aggressive frown she made whenever anyone mentioned James’s friend Will.
I shifted my position, leaning against the stair rail opposite her. “You know,” I said, “I was looking at some of the old holiday pictures Marley put up in the living room—”
“You mean the North Pole?” Maureen snort-laughed. “Barely December and Marley’s already gone hard on the decorations.”
“I kind of like it.” I chuckled. “What I was going to say was that looking at all those family photos drove home what a special lady your mom was. I know Miranda misses her too. Especially this time of year.”
“You certainly are close with my little sister.”
I didn’t bother downplaying it. “She’s one of my favorite people in the world.”
Maureen’s reply was a keen perusal before she said, “On paper, it’s weird, since you live in different states and you’re older than her. But when both of you are in the same room, it’s always obvious.”
“What is?”
“That you guys are perfect together.”
My spine went rigid. “You know we’re just friends, right?”
She quirked an eyebrow. “My best friend Bren and I are perfect together too.”
I relaxed my posture. “You’re right.”
Maureen hummed, taking another sip before placing the mug down beside her.
“So here’s an interesting story,” she began, resting her elbows on her knees.
“I used to have this real woo-woo coworker at one of the retail stores I worked at. Super into spirituality and all that shit. One of her big beliefs was that everyone had a twin soul. She thought the reason for being a good person and treating others well was so the universe would reward you by putting your other half in your path. Otherwise, you’d be condemned to walk the earth always missing a piece of yourself. Always feeling a little…lost.”
I swallowed as my heart beat faster. “And do you believe all that?”
She smirked. “Leo, the only woo-woo shit I believe in is that a good outfit can change your day. As for the rest of it—who knows?”
We sat in silence, her words hanging in the air. Finally, she punched my shoulder before picking up her mug and going back inside the house.
I contemplated our conversation, not entirely sure what she’d been trying to tell me. Did she buy into the idea of twin souls or not? It amazed me that someone like Miranda could have a sister who was a bit of a misanthrope.
When I discovered Stone in Miranda’s apartment, I’d felt something akin to jealousy, knowing he’d had her in a way I never would.
At that moment, I’d seen the inevitable heartbreak ahead.
For both of us. Even if Stone went away, eventually another man would come along who could meet Miranda’s needs.
All her needs.
Could I truly be her other half if I couldn’t give her everything?
For now, it was fine for her to have a casual physical relationship with Stone and an emotionally intimate one with me, but at some point, she’d want the total package.
She deserved that. Not for the first time, I wished I could force myself to be more for Miranda.
It was true I’d felt a twinge here and there, small slivers of awareness I didn’t feel with anyone else. But was that enough to build on?
I knew some ace people had romantic lives and families, but many didn’t. What I didn’t know was exactly what was possible for me.
Once I reached my thirties with no signs of attraction to anyone, I’d resigned myself to a monastic life.
And even if I somehow magically developed sexual feelings toward Miranda, there was no guarantee they’d ever grow to the degree that we’d be compatible that way.
And I could never ask her to wait around while I figured it out.
She was worth so much more than being my… experiment.
No, I knew where this was headed.
Eventually, I’d have to give her up. Or at least take a step back.
I stood, grasping the stair rail with both hands.
It had been a long time since I’d felt the otherness that came from acknowledging my authentic self. By hiding my truth, I’d insulated myself from the discomfort. But I felt it now. The flicker of shame. The modicum of anger. Bare rage that my dick didn’t get hard the way everyone else’s seemed to.
That I was a waste.
I felt the warm press of hands circling me from behind. Miranda pushed her chest against my back, forehead nestling between my shoulder blades.
“What are you doing out here, Bear?” she mumbled into my coat.
I patted her hands on my stomach before turning around to hug her. Resting my chin on her head, I reveled in the way she fit so well against me.
“Just thinking,” I said. “You slept in late.”
“I wasn’t sleeping. I was talking to Stone on the phone.
” My shoulders tensed. She gripped me tighter, burrowing into my chest. “He can be such a goober sometimes about forgetting things. He left his lucky flip-flops at my place, and he has a key but apparently doesn’t know what ‘front closet’ means.
We spent five minutes on the phone while he tried to find them.
I got so confused when he described everything he was seeing until I realized he was in my bedroom closet and not the hall one.
” Against my shirt, I felt her head shaking.
“Should have just started out on video.”
The way Miranda used “goober,” as a term of endearment, accurately described Stone. He was essentially harmless, maybe even a good guy, but he was no match for Miranda. I gnashed my teeth, eager for the day she realized the fun-loving doofus was unworthy of her.
Just like I was unworthy of her.
Because I couldn’t snap my fingers and make myself different.
But I also couldn’t let her go.
I pulled out the sides of my coat to wrap her inside it, embracing her more fully.
With a burst of clarity, I knew the truth. She might belong to someone else someday, but no matter where our lives took us, there was a piece of me she would always carry.
My twin soul.